Saving Edward
by twiXlite
Summary: Edward Cullen is a lost & troubled teenager. Upon their discovery of his self harm and an eating disorder his family relocate to Forks where Edward meets Bella Swan. Can she help him work through his problems or will she push him further into depression?
1. Failed

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**Brief summary: Edward Cullen is a lost and troubled teenager. Still haunted by the memories of his parents death many years ago he has tried many things in his attempt to numb the pain. For many years he was able to hide his suffering from his loving adopted family. His troubles eventually cause him to develop anorexia and bulimia (flame me if you will, I know eating disorders aren't common amongst males (1/10 of sufferers are male) but that's why I went with this angle for Edwards attempts at controlling his pain) and harm himself severly. Unable to cope any longer Edward attempts to take his own life causing him to end up in hospital under the watchful and worried eyes of his adopted father Carlisle. Whilst trying to help Edward the family decide that living in a big city may not be best and decide to move to the small town of Forks, Washington. Upon his arrival at school Edward meets Bella Swan. Will she be able to do what many psychiatrists have not been able to do and decipher the troubled teenagers mind and help him to work through his troubles? Or will she force him deeper into his depression and solitude?**

**EPOV**

Why can't people just leave me alone? Always watching me. It seems that there's always someone in the room with me, that is unless I'm going to the bathroom, and even then they're apprehensive about it.

I know it's my fault. I brought it all on myself.

They don't know why I do this to myself. Hell, I don't even know why. All I know is that without these acts, I am nothing. There's nothing to prove that I really am here.

They've been watching me for a long time. As long as I remember being with the Cullens there has always been an air of unease in the atmosphere. I know they notice it too. So I know I'm not mad. I know I should be grateful for the love and care that Carlisle and Esme have given me over the years since my parents passed away. I love them. I truly do. And yet I know I don't show that love as much as I should. They deserve better than a son like me.

Ten years. Ten years since the death of my parents and I still hadn't come to terms with it. Carlisle and Esme knew from when they adopted me that it would take me a long time to come to terms with the death of my parents, my only family. They were worried that I wouldn't be able to socialise properly with my peers at school, because of what had happened. On some level I think they feared that I would do something to harm myself. If only they knew what I had been putting myself through since that fateful day.

Of course now they did know. They now knew everything.

Ever since my parents died I knew that nothing in the world was ever going to replace them. Replace the pain and the gaping hole they left inside my heart. Carlisle and Esme tried many different things to try to get me to interact with peers, with my adopted brothers and sisters, but nothing they offered filled the emptiness inside of me. Not even remotely. It was pure chance that I discovered a way that could briefly take my mind off of the pain my parents loss had caused. When I was ten I accidentally cut myself whilst making myself some lunch. The physical pain of the wound made me temporarily forget about the emotional pain that festered in my heart. I didn't tell anybody about the wound, as I was amazed at how it felt. To most it would hurt, in a way that would cause them to call for aid. But for me, it hurt in a way that made me yearn for more. It gave me a release.

So I continued to hurt myself. For years I would injure myself in whatever way I could find. Surprisingly my adoptive father, who is a doctor, never noticed, even after I had attacked myself fairly brutally. I felt please with myself for being able to conceal it from them, accomplished in a way.

I still felt hollow, as though there was something else that I could be doing to help numb the pain my parents had left behind. After falling ill with food poisoning I found the way of control I had been looking for.

During that week or so I was unable to eat anything. And to my warped mind, it felt good not to eat. I felt that if I could control this aspect of my life the rest would fall into place. I would be able to come to terms with my parents deaths. So I began to starve myself, throwing away food, and when I wasn't able to get out of eating I would throw it up. My family took no notice. I knew what was happening to me. I knew I was developing an eating disorder, and I also knew that if I was secretive enough about it my family would never guess. After all, an eating disorder was something a girl develops, right? If only my family knew. On some level I wanted them to know, but I knew that it had to be kept a secret. And for five years it was.

Until I couldn't handle it anymore. Life and everything contained within it had no purpose to me any more. I knew I was killing myself, slowly and surely. So I thought, why not speed up the process? I was going to hurt the Cullens eventually anyway, so why not get it over and done with. All I remember is blood. Everywhere, soaking my carpet and bed. I remember my sister, Alice, coming to check on me as I had said that I was tired and, in their minds, gone to bed. I remember the piercing scream that tore through the house upon her discovery. I remember fading into blackness, wishing for the end.

The next thing I remember is an annoying beeping sound coming from somewhere near me. The sound of hushed voices coming from somewhere in the room.

_"He nearly died, Carlisle." _I knew that as the worried voice of Esme, my adopted mother. Even though I still had my eyes closed I could tell she had been crying. _"We almost lost him. If Alice hadn't gone to check that he was alright, right now he would be-"_ She trailed off into sobs.

I could hear Carlisle trying to comfort her. The next thing I heard was hurried footsteps and dying sobs, followed by a door closing. I knew that Esme had left the room, and I heard Carlisle's soft footfalls approaching where I was lying.

So I had failed. The one thing I had wanted more than anything and I had failed. Now I had to face the disappointment of my family. Their worry. This must mean that I was in the hospital. Kind of obvious if I thought about it. I hated hospitals. Even though Carlisle was one of the best doctors around they always made me feel unsafe, insecure, like I was being watched by all knowing eyes. As if the staff there knew that there was something wrong just by looking at me.

Suddenly the door opened again, and I knew it wasn't Esme returning. The footfalls were harsher, more hurried than Esme's would have been if she had composed herself enough to return to the room.

_"Dr. Cullen. May I speak with you?"_ the person said. He spoke with authority. It must have been one of Carlisle's fellow doctors. _"Of course, Richard. What's the matter?"_ I heard Carlisle reply in his soft tones.

_"Maybe it would be best if we spoke away from here."_ I could feel the pointed look at me_. "Your office maybe?"_

_"He is still unconscious. We can talk here." Carlisle replied, softly yet authoritatively (sp?)._

After that the voices were hushed and all I could make out were a few words. The ones I caught were the most alarming ones. The words like "malnourished", "starving", "raised electrolytes". The words that were giving away my best kept secret. They knew what I had been doing to myself all these years. I heard Carlisle suck in his breath when these particular words were mentioned. Proof that he had had no idea of what was going on. I pretended to be unconscious as I heard their footsteps approach where I was lying, as the doctor with Carlisle lifted away the covers and lifted up my top - thanking god that I was wearing pants - and showing Carlisle the evidence of years of self abuse and starving. I heard Carlisle's breath catch, and a soft moan escape his lips. He put one hand on my concave stomach with the gentlest of touches, and the other on my cheek. _"Oh Edward,"_ I heard him whisper. _"How could I have been so blind. How did I not see?"_ I could hear the tears in his voice. I heard the other doctor mumble something and then leave.

After making sure that the other doctor was no longer in the room, I slowly opened my eyes. Making it seem as though I was only just now regaining consciousness. It seemed to work as Carlisle looked at my face with a look of relief. Over the last few years I had become very good at pretending and hiding things from people. It was still paying off now. I pretended to be more disorientated than I already was. I had Carlisle watching me a deep look of concern, disappointment, worry and love on his face.

"Why didn't you tell us?" he asked me. I looked down to see that the covers were still drawn back from my mangled body. I had no reply formed so I merely shook my head and faced away from Carlisle unable to look at him any longer.

And ever since my failed attempt at escape from this world, the watchful eyes of my family became even more over-bearing. I had spent two weeks physically restrained to the hospital bed, so I that I could recover from my wounds and also so that I wouldn't attempt to hurt myself again. The only times the restraints were removed was at mealtimes. During which I didn't eat anything at all. The sight and smell of food disgusted me, and there was no way to describe how the hospital food made me feel. After half an hour each day, the nurse that was assigned to watch me eat would give up trying to persuade me to eat anything and strap my arms back to the bed again.

The doctors around me wanted me to go to an eating disorders unit. But seeing as Carlisle knew how stubborn I was he said that there was no point. Even though he knew that it was the best place for me to go, he knew that if I was to be sent there then I would only retreat within myself even more. He had decided that I would undergo outpatient treatment, with weekly weigh-ins that he himself would perform and trips to (yet another) psychiatrist.

After I was allowed home, it was obvious that Carlisle and Esme had told my brothers and sisters what was wrong with me. They kept giving me awkward glances and stopped talking whenever I entered the room. Under Carlisle's orders I wasn't to be left alone for too long, and although they were really trying to be normal I know that it was hard on my siblings, to try and accept the news that they'd been given.

Carlisle and Esme had decided that we needed a change. To move. They thought that the big city wasn't the best place for me now that they knew. They thought that moving to the city after my parents death had in some way contributed to my problems. They didn't want to think that it may have all just been what was happening inside my head that had caused me to mangle my body in such ways as I had.

So we were moving. To a small town across the other side of the country. To a small town in Washington called Forks. Where I had found out there were more rainy days than clear ones. Where the population was barely above the 3000 mark. Great. I have to start a new school, in a place where the most exciting thing to happen was a sunny day.

This move was going to suck.

**That's basically the beginning of Edward's story. Don't worry there will be Bella X Edward later on. Though I'm not sure how to approach that whole situation. Please review so I know whether or not to carry on with the story or to just abandon it right now**

**x**


	2. Moving and Settling

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

I still hadn't been able to get more than five minutes to myself since I'd come out of hospital. And that was three weeks ago. Seriously, having constant company could really get your down. The worst thing was that it wasn't because they wanted to be with me, it was because they felt they _had_ to be there with me. They don't seem to care what I want. That all I want is to be left alone.

As soon as we'd got home from the hospital, Carlisle had sat me down, along with the rest of the family. He had obviously wanted to speak to me on my own about what had happened but I could see that there was no way Esme and my siblings were going to be left out of the loop. They all wanted to know what was going on with me. And how long it had been going on.

"What's going on Edward?" Carlisle had said calmly, sitting on the coffee table that was in front of the sofa I was sat on. He had looked straight into my eyes, communicating through them that I was going nowhere until he had the answers he wanted. I had looked away from him, playing with a thread that had come loose on the bandage on my left arm. Not daring to look at my family, even though I could feel all of their stares boring into me like daggers. "Edward? We need to know. Why are you doing this to yourself son?" He had asked in that soft voice, saying that he wasn't angry with me, just disappointed.

I shrugged, not knowing what to say. I had spent so many years concealing everything from them, I wasn't going to start spilling every secret I had because they now knew my biggest ones.

"Edward, please?" My sister, Alice had begged. "Tell us what's wrong. Maybe we can help you." She spoke in the same soft tones that Carlisle has used a moment ago. Expressing pain and worry. This annoyed me. The anger of my family I could handle, I could deal with. What I didn't want was pity. I wasn't deserving of pity or sympathy. Some part of me wanted them to be angry at what I had done. That I had deliberately tried to take my own life. That I had tried to end it. But I knew that I wasn't going to get what I wanted any time soon.

In answer to that, I had just whispered. "No one can help me."

I still didn't look at them. Any of them. I knew they wanted to help me, to do whatever they could to at least try. But they seemed to take my words to heart. I heard a sigh of exasperation come from across the room and I looked up to see my older brother Emmett, storming out of the room, quickly followed by Esme.

"We can if you let us in." My sister Rosalie said, coming to sit next to me on the sofa. She had put her arm around my shoulder and squeezed in what was supposed to be a reassuring way. I had shrugged it off violently. I hated being touched, hugged or any form of physical contact. I could feel the hurt coming off of her as she took her arm away. I hated being so cruel to my family, the ones who had taken me in when I had nowhere else to go. They probably felt that they were to blame. But they weren't and I knew by now that no matter what I said they were always going to blame themselves.

Sitting there in silence with them all watching me, we had then heard something smash in the room that Emmett and Esme had gone into. "BUT HE'S KILLING HIMSELF!" I had heard Emmett shout. This whole thing had affected him more than I thought it would. I then heard Esme trying to comfort him, but it seemed he was having none of it, because then he stormed back into the room and stood directly in front of me, blocking Carlisle from looking at me. I still didn't look up and carried on playing with the thread I had been toying with.

"You know that don't you?!" he had practically shouted at me. "You know you're killing yourself, don't you Edward?!" I shrugged again, but this only seemed to aggravate him more. "Don't you care?! Can't you see what you're doing to yourself?! What you're doing to the family?!" I had stopped playing with the thread but continued to stare in that general direction, not wanting to meet the gaze of my furious brother. "GOD DAMN YOU EDWARD?!" he had shouted before storming off. This time it was Rosalie who followed him.

I had then looked at Carlisle, my face blank. "Can I go now?" I had asked and he sighed with exasperation, knowing that he wasn't going to get anywhere today. He had nodded slightly and I'd gone to my room, having to pass Emmett's on the way there. As I passed I heard through the door that he was crying. I had never heard Emmett cry before, and it wasn't something I cared to hear again. I hated that my actions were causing my family this much pain.

I had gone to my room and flopped down on my bed. Only minutes later Esme had come in, standing in the doorway, she asked me if I wanted anything to eat or drink. I'd scoffed and shook my head and she'd left. Not closing my bedroom door completely. _Great!_ I'd thought. _Now I can't even sit in my room on my own._

Now, three weeks later we were all packed and ready to move. We'd be leaving first thing in the morning. Driving from Chicago to Forks. I had no idea how long it would take and I wasn't relishing the drive with whoever it was I had to travel with. Being such a large family we had more than one car. We had six to be exact. Carlisle had his Mercedes, as did Esme, Emmett had his Jeep, Rosalie had her M3, I had a Volvo, Alice had her Porsche and Jasper had his motorcycle. Jasper would be driving my Volvo, as I couldn't be trusted not to run myself off the road. His motorcycle would be transported in the back of Emmett's Jeep.

It felt strange not to have all of my things around me. They were my source of familiarity. Thankfully I had been allowed to pack up my own things and no one had discovered my stash of razors and pills that I'd had under my bed. I'd put them in one of the last boxes to be put on the truck that would meet us in Forks later on the next day.

I sat on the floor of me bedroom, running my hands across the carpet. It would need to be replaced. Even though Esme had tried her hardest the blood stain that was there couldn't be erased. It served as a reminder of my failure. I still had to have the door open when I was in my room, even though there was nothing in there to hurt myself with. Another sign my family didn't trust me. And why should they? I had destroyed their trust, through years of self mutilation and deceit. No, they had no reason to trust me.

I must have been sat there for a while, because before I knew it Emmett was at my door. "Hey," he called. I looked at him blankly. He still hated me for the pain I was causing the family. I couldn't blame him for that. "Dinner's ready." He turned around and left mumbling something that sounded like, "Not that you care." I smirked at that comment. He had no idea how true that statement was. I got up and made my way downstairs. Carlisle and Esme were fussing in the kitchen, and the others were already sat down at the table. I could feel their eyes on me as I sat down.

Carlisle came out with what looked like lasagne. _Great._ I thought. _This is obviously for my benefit. Fat, mixed with dairy and meat. Perfect!_ Ever since I had come out of the hospital they had been making these high calorie meals in disguise. Obviously they thought that I wouldn't realise what they were doing. They really didn't know me at all did they.

Esme served everyone theirs, giving me a smaller portion than the rest as she knew that I probably wouldn't eat much of it, if any at all. The last two nights I had been so disgusted with what they had made that I had just sat there, pushing it around my plate and excusing myself after a short while. I didn't think would be any different. They were all watching me. I didn't care. I had become used to it by now. I just sat there pushing the food around my plate, not paying attention to anyone else. They were all eating theirs slowly, watching obviously waiting for me to cave in and eat mine, as they had every night since I had come home.

That wasn't going to happen. I would make damn sure that it wouldn't happen.

I excused myself without eating anything and went and sat down in the living room. I knew my family were disappointed and worried. I'm sure they thought that with them knowing that I would at least attempt to resolve my problems. But I don't care anymore. I don't want to get better.

After a while I went up to my room and got into bed, for the last time in this house. I rolled over onto my side so I was facing away from the door. After a minute or so, someone, probably Esme or Carlisle opened the door and poked their head in to check on me. I was seriously getting sick of this. It was like I was five again, and my parents were checking on me to make sure I wasn't afraid of the dark or anything. They left the door open, as I knew they would, but I was too tired to get up and close it again. I knew that it would be opened moments afterwards if I did. So I settled for sleep. Hoping that it would be dreamless and deep.

The next morning I was woken up to someone shaking me softly and calling my name.

"Edward." they called. "Hey, Edward. We've gotta go." It was Jasper. The only one of my siblings I could stand at the moment. Or at least the only one who didn't bug me twenty-four hours a day. I mumbled at him and sat up slowly. "You okay, man?" He asked, his voice concerned. I nodded and said that I'd be down in a minute. After a moment, he left, closing the door behind him, making sure I had some privacy when I got dressed. He was the only one to do so. Normally I would have to close the door myself, only to have it opened a few moments later by some worried family member making sure I was okay. I washed myself, not looking in the mirror, knowing that I would hate what I saw there, got dressed and packed up what few possessions I had left in my room. I then went downstairs to meet my family.

They were all fussing about what was going in who's car. Or more likely, who was _I _going to be riding with? I didn't really care. As long as they didn't bug me the whole way there I would ride with anybody. When they'd finally sorted themselves out and everything was cleared out of the house, apart from the furniture which was being picked up in an hour - Esme was staying behind to supervise the removal men - everybody started getting into their cars.

"Edward," Carlisle said, lightly placing a hand on my shoulder, as if I would break under the smallest amount of pressure. "You okay riding with Jasper?" He asked. I nodded absently. At least I was going to be in my own car, even if I wasn't going to be the one driving it. Some small relief came out of that. And at least Jasper would leave me to myself. Neither of us were big talkers, for which I was thankful. I had never been a talkative person and I didn't plan on starting now.

When we set off all I did was stare out the window. After an hour or so, I fished through my CD's and put Clair de Lune on. The one piece that helped me relax. I knew Jasper wouldn't mind. He liked the classics as much as I did, though he didn't generally have much patience for Debussy. I leant against the window, and I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I know, the scenery around us was lush and green, intense forests and large meadows all around.

"Nearly there, now, mate," Jasper said, realising I'd woken up.

"How long was I out?" I asked, wiping my eyes.

"Couple of hours," he replied. "We're just coming up to Forks now." Just moments after he said it, we passed the "Welcome to Forks" sign, which was so battered it looked as though it should have been replaced 100 years ago. I groaned and leaned against the window again.

As we went through the town, the feeling of dread inside of me only grew and grew. It was tiny. Even smaller than I thought it was going to be. This was going to be difficult, especially after having lived in Chicago for the last 10 years. The thought of everybody knowing everybody else's business made me uneasy. And in a town this size that was obviously the case. As we went through the town I could feel people's stares. They'd obviously never seen a parade of cars like ours before. Most of the vehicles on the road were beaten up old Chevy's or cars that were out of date when they were pulled off the production line. Ours must have seemed spectacular to them.

We pulled up to a house that seemed fairly modern. It was white, and from what I could tell the whole front downstairs wall was made of glass. One giant window, it seems. It looked a decent size and had a fairly large garage. Hopefully it would squeeze all of our cars in.

When I got out of the car, Carlisle and Emmett were already walking around downstairs, admiring our new home. As I walked through the door, Emmett raced upstairs, probably to claim his bedroom. "Edward, you want to go and choose a room?" Carlisle said to me quietly, so I went upstairs and found a moderately sized room that was down the opposite end of the hall to the one Emmett had claimed. I didn't want to risk being woken up by Emmett's bear like snoring.

I dropped my bags off in the room I had claimed, and went back downstairs to see what was happening. Carlisle was on the phone looking worried. He hung up as I reached the bottom of the stairs, looking grave. "It seems as though we're on airbeds tonight. There was an accident behind us on the freeway and they're not letting anyone through until its been completely cleared. Esme doesn't know what time she'll get here." The others moaned and groaned about not having proper beds to sleep in tonight, until Carlisle reminded them it was just for one night. He then looked at me, with a small smile that said "thanks for not moaning." I took the airbed that he handed me and went back up to my room, not bothering to stick around for dinner.

After blowing up the bed, I changed and got under the duvet, silently thanking whoever it was that had packed them in one of the cars instead of the removal truck. I took my alarm out of one of my bags and set it so that I would wake up in time to start school in the morning. Moments later, someone - probably Carlisle - opened the door and looked in. Again not closing the door when they left. I guess it was going to be the same routine here as it had been in Chicago. _Oh, well,_ I thought_. Who am I to care?_

With those thoughts I drifted off into what I hoped would be a dreamless sleep.

**I know this chapter is longer than the previous one, but I'm going to be blunt: I hate short chapters.  
I wanted to portray how isolated from the rest of his family Edward feels in this chapter. I hope that came through. Don't worry Bella-lovers, she will be appearing soon.  
But will the help or damn the young, broken Edward?  
Only I know the answer :)  
Please review. Thankees. x**


	3. Being the New Kid

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

_Beep beep beep beep beep._

_What the hell is that? Oh right._ I reached out to shut off my alarm clock and groggily looked at the time. 7:20AM is shined evilly at me. _Why did I set it that early? Duh! Because you know how long it takes the girls to get ready for school. Especially the first day._

I slowly sat up, my whole body hurting. I put it down to the fact that I had slept on an airbed last night. The door to my room was still open. Obviously nobody had thought to close it once I was asleep last night. _Nice,_ I thought as I got up. I went into the bathroom that was connected to my bedroom, and washed myself down, really looking in the mirror at myself for the first time. I wasn't really shocked at what I saw there. To be honest I didn't really care what I saw. But I knew that in a town this size, new kids in school would be watched wherever they went. I wasn't about to let them know that I was the reason we'd moved here, and what the reasons behind the move were.

I got into the shower, letting the hot water soak me to the core. The hot water felt good against my skin, but I knew that no matter how much I scrubbed, I couldn't get rid of the scars that marked my body. Getting out of the shower, I dried myself off and got dressed in the bathroom, knowing that the door to my room was still open.

"Edward," came Carlisle's voice from my room. "Edward?" His voice became stressed when he couldn't see me in my room.

"I'm in here Carlisle," I called, knowing that if I didn't he would probably start to panic. Jeez, it wasn't like I was some two year old being taken out for the first time. I'm seventeen. I am able to wash and dress myself, no matter how much I hate myself.

"Ah, there you are," he said, coming to the door, the relief clear in his voice. "Right, come on, you know what day it is."

_What day it is? Oh right._ I realised what he was talking about. Stupid weigh-in thing he insisted on doing each week. "Come on, Carlisle, do I have to? It's so stupid." I knew I sounded like a whiney child but I really didn't care. This weighing he insisted on doing was so pointless. I never gained anything and I didn't really care what I weighed. For some strange reason Carlisle thought that it would help. "Help me to recovery" as he'd put it. Personally I didn't care for it, but it seemed to appease him and Esme that I was going along with it, even if I wasn't making any progress.

"Yes, you do. It's important and you know that Edward." He said, seemingly knowing what had been coming. Now that I looked I could see that he had a set of scales under his arm. I groaned but went along with it. I stripped down to my underwear, something I hated doing. It seemed to make the whole process even more unbearable, knowing that Carlisle was examining me for new marks or signs of weight-loss each time I did.

He placed the scales on the floor and I stepped on them. He made me stand on them backwards so I wouldn't see my weight. Not that it bothered me. I don't care for my weight. It wasn't like I starved to lose weight per se. I starved in order to turn that ache that I had in my heart and in my mind into a reality, through the ache of emptiness in my stomach.

I could tell that I'd lost weight again by Carlisle expression. I stepped off the scales and got dressed again. He smiled a grim smile at me and left me to it, not closing my door as he left my room. I'm not sure how much longer I can take this kind of treatment. I looked at my watch. 8:10AM. Great. I now had a whole half an hour to spare.

I decided to go downstairs. Make myself busy down there, maybe wander around for a while, while I waited for my sibllings to get themselves ready. As I walked out onto the landing I could hear Carlisle and Esme talking in their room in hushed, hurried tones. She had obviously arrived sometime late last night, after I'd gone to bed.

"_He's lost. Again, Esme. We can't go on like this."_ I could hear Carlisle talking about me_. Great!_ I thought_. Now I'm going to have Esme even more worried about me than before._ I hated it when they talked about me like this_. "I also noticed six more marks this morning. He's still harming himself somehow. I wish I knew how."_

_"We can't send him away Carlisle. You know what would happen if we did."_ At least I had Esme fighting on my side. There was no way I was being sent to any kind of clinic. Carlisle had already set up a weekly psychiatrist appointment for me. That was as far as it was going.

"_And you know what will happen if we don't. He's killing himself Esme. I know it's hard to accept but it's true."_ Carlisle sounded like he was fighting back tears. I couldn't listen to this any more. I hated seeing them in pain, but in my head I knew it wasn't enough to make me stop. To "recover" as Carlisle put it.

I decided to go on a short walk around our house. Seeing as there was nothing else to do at that time. Everyone else was getting ready for school, Carlisle was preparing for his first day at the hospital and Esme would be getting ready to look for a part time job in the small town. She insisted on working part time, because of the fact that she was a mother, even though all her children were practically adults at this point. I wandered around for a while, admiring the forest that grew around our back yard. Even if we did have any close neighbours we wouldn't be bothered by them with all this greenery around. I found it isolating, and yet it made me feel more secure at the same time. Kind of like my disorder.

I checked my watch. 8:33AM. We would be setting off soon, so I figured I might as well get back to the house, some part of me wishing that I could just climb a tree and stay up there all day. But it was not to be. As soon as I turned around I saw and heard Esme, standing on the back porch. "Edward! Edward where are you?" I could tell she was panicking so I jogged back to the house.

"I'm here Esme." I called.

"Don't scare me like that again!" She said, clutching her chest as though she was having a heart attack. "Where were you? What were you doing?" The panic was clear in her voice. I could hear that she was out of breath as well. She had obviously searched the house high and low for me before looking outside.

"I was just taking a look around. I mean, we do live here now." I said, waving a hand at the land around us. "Might as well get to know the place." A look of relief washed over her face. She smiled at me, putting her arm around me and leading me back into the house. Back under the watchful eyes of my family. I shrugged out of her embrace. She knew I didn't like physical contact, so I hoped she wasn't too put out by the gesture.

The others were now ready to go, so we all piled into the car. Even with others around me I was still not allowed to drive my own car. Instead Alice drove my Volvo. I rode shotgun and the other three sat in the back. All the while, Alice kept glancing at me out of the corner of her eye, and I could feel the three in the back staring at me. I guess they hadn't realised how annoying being watched all the time could get.

"If you guys have something to say, say it!" I spat out, injecting as much venom as I could into the words. This obviously caught them all off guard, as normally I let it go and didn't really pay attention to when they were staring at me.

It was Emmett who spoke up. "We just don't know if you're ready for school, Eddie." I grimaced at the nickname he used when trying to lighten the situation. "Sorry. Edward. But don't you think this might be a bit too much?"

"I'm fine." I said, without any emotion. "I'll be fine."

"If you say so man," Emmett said, obviously not convinced, with my answer.

_Would I be fine?_ I thought. I just didn't know. _Won't know until I try I guess._

When we arrived at school, students were already milling and standing around in the car park, their heads turning as we pulled in. Obviously knowing that the new kids had arrived. _Great,_ I thought_. The freak shows have arrived. _As for the next few days or so that was what we were. We were new therefore we were something to be gawked and stared at. As Alice parked, I took a breath and got out of the car.

I made sure to keep my eyes down as we walked to the registration office. I didn't want to be the centre of attention that I knew we were. I just wanted to get through these next few weeks or so unnoticed. We were met at the registration desk my a woman called Ms. Cope. She smiled at us all and handed us our timetables and a slip that she needed each of us to get signed by each teacher of the day. I noticed when she handed me mine, a flicker of sadness went through her eyes. _Is it really that easy to see how screwed up I am?_ I thought. I decided not to dwell on it as I walked to my first class looking at my timetable.

English, History, Music, where I would have had gym was a free - as per the request and medical knowledge of Carlisle, due to a medical condition I was not to participate in gym. _Still keeping an eye on me even in school huh?_ I thought bitterly. I had biology fifth and another English last. Sounds like today is going to be boring.

As I walked into my English class, I knew all eyes were on me. I handed the teacher the slip I needed signed and he pointed to a seat at the back, next to what seemed like an annoyingly bubbly girl.

"Hi," she said as I sat down. "I'm Jessica."

"Edward." I said, not looking at her. I didn't want to risk giving her any ideas.

She obviously got the message because she didn't try talking to me for the rest of the period. English was dull, to say the least. It seems that they're way behind here than they were in my last school back in Chicago. Romeo and Juliet was the topic of this term. _Right_, I thought, _another reason to kill myself_! I hated Romeo and Juliet.

My classes up til lunch were the same. Boring, dull and totally lifeless. The only think I was thankful for was the fact that I was out from under the watchful eyes of my family. That was until I met up with Alice outside of the library at lunch. We walked silently to the cafeteria. I was dreading it. Not because of the food. No that wouldn't bother me at all. I had enough self control to say no, even though all of my family would be watching me, trying to get me to eat something. No, what I was dreading was the stares, the chatter that was focused around the new kids in school. I didn't want that.

And sure enough as soon as we walked through the doors, it started. Some people were staring, which to my mind was just rude, and others were trying not to look but obviously so interested in the new kids in town that they couldn't help it. How I was going to make it through this hour was a mystery to me. I just wanted to disappear. I had biology next. Something that interested me slightly, at least. It was strange. I was interested in how things grow, and how beings live and yet I continously abused my body in the way I did. I was something I had never quite figured out. I sat there and played with the tape on the bandage around my right arm - I had done a lot of damage to myself and it was taking longer than usual to heal. Carlisle would change the bandages at home, meaning I didn't have to go into the hospital.

When the lunch bell rang, I made my way to biology. I was one of the first there, which I was thankful for, so I didn't have the eyes of the whole class on me. I handed my slip to the teacher and he pointed me to a desk. There was already a girl sat there. She was nothing out of the ordinary. A little pale, deep brown hair that curled gently around her oval face to just below her shoulders. From the way she was sat I knew that she wasn't the most confident of people. But the thing that I noticed most about her was the fast that she was the only one not looking at me.

I sat down next to her, placing my books on the table and it was only then that she looked at me. She had beautiful, chocolate brown eyes. I had never been a fan of brown eyes, as they always seemed lifeless and flat, but hers seemed to have real depth to them, as if I looked into them for long enough, I could have seen into her very soul.

"Hi," she said with a small smile. "I'm Bella."

**Three chapters in one night. That's what insomnia does for you.  
Right. I've done most of Edward's first day of school. Bella's POV is coming up next.  
What does she think of the new boy who's been placed next to her in Biology? Does she realise that his troubles go deeper than those of most around her.  
Keep reading and you might find out. x**


	4. Bella

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**BPOV**

Today was going to be a total drag. I knew that from the moment my alarm clock went off. How did I know that. Being the total klutz that I am, I broke it didn't I?

By the time I was up and dressed, Charlie, my dad, had already left for work. Nothing unusual about this. I don't know. Maybe it would be nice sometime to actually sit and have breakfast with Charlie, rather than sitting on my own.

Making my way carefully down the stairs I dumped my stuff on one of the kitchen chairs. I grabbed a couple of pop tarts out of a box and put them into the toaster. Checking my watch I saw that I still had another twenty minutes or so before I had to be in school. Plenty of time. Grabbing my pop tarts, I went through the classes I had today in my head. Everything for my first four classes were in my locker at school so I didn't need to worry about forgetting those. I had Biology fifth, and I knew that my Biology work was in my bag. And my last period was a free. _Sorted_ I thought, congratulating myself on being prepared.

Walking out the door, I was glad to see that it wasn't raining. _For once,_ I thought wryly. It was always raining in Forks. If it wasn't raining then it was overcast. Very rarely was there a sunny day in Forks, Washington, and when there was everyone took full advantage of it. Unfortunately, today was not one of those days.

As I got into my truck and started the engine, I jumped a little. I was never going to get used to that sound. I'd been driving this thing a little more than a year and it still made me jump whenever I started it up. If I wasn't used to it by now I never would be. But, as I began driving to school, there was something nagging in the back of my mind. Something was happening today. I remembered Jessica telling me about it on Friday. _Oh, well._ I thought_. I'll find out when I get to school._

As I pulled into the lot I noticed that Jessica was waiting for me, with a huge smile on her face. Something really good must have happened over the weekend, something that she couldn't wait to tell me about. I had barely gotten out of the truck when she bounded up to me, squealing.

"They're here!" She squealed in a tone that I was sure that only dogs were supposed to be able to hear. "They're here!" She was actually jumping up and down.

"Wait, calm down Jess," I said, putting my hands on her shoulders to at least try to get her to stay still for a few moments. An attempt that failed miserably. "Who's here?"

Her mouth fell open at my question. I stared back dumbly. Obviously out of the loop on this particular bit of knowledge. "The new kids." She said matter of factly. _Well, at least she's not squealing any more._ I thought, even though she was talking to me like a two year old. "There's a whole family of them just started today. They're over there." She pointed to a silver Volvo that had pulled up just before mine.

There were five kids getting out of it. The girl getting out of the drivers seat was small, had short, jet black, spiky hair. She looked kind of impish, and she was obviously up to date on her fashion. Getting out of the back of the car were two boys and a girl. The girl was stunning. Long blonde hair that flowed to her waist, long legs. _She could be a model_ I thought to myself. I didn't dare say it out loud for fear of what Jess might think. One of the boys - if you could call them that - that was getting out of the back was huge. Tall, with short dark hair, he wasn't the kind of guy you'd want to mess with. Though I had the feeling that some people might try, just to see if they could. The second boy getting out of the back was tall and had blonde hair. I couldn't really see what he looked like as he was facing away from me. I was sure I'd get a look at him later on.

But it was the last person to get out of the car that held my attention. He was tall, with bronze, tousled hair, from what I could see of him he was attractive. He was sure to have all the girls after him by lunch, that much I knew. He looked different to the other two. I couldn't put my finger on it, but there was a look of sadness on this boy's face. As though just being here pained him beyond belief. It wasn't just in his face that it showed, it was in the way he held himself. Like all he wanted was to disappear.

During my classes I couldn't stop thinking about that boy. What was it that gave him that look of pain? What had happened to him to make him seem so sad? _Knock it off Bella,_ I thought to myself. _You're just imagining things. He's probably just nervous about being the new kid. Remember: that was you last year._

I saw him again at lunch. Yet again, he looked sad, even when so close to his siblings. I didn't mean to stare, but I just couldn't help it. There was something so entrancing about him, and I just couldn't look away. I noticed that he didn't say a word all throughout lunch. His siblings tried to talk to him, but he didn't seem to hear them, either that or they'd had some form of argument and he was ignoring them. I also noticed that he didn't touch a morsel of food during lunch. His siblings all had their food out and they seemed to be dipping into each others lunches, but not him. There was something about this boy. Something not quite right.

I didn't dwell on it. What chance was there that I was going to be able to talk to him anyway. There was no way that he would be interested in someone like me. I wasn't interesting and as one of the new kids, he clearly was. I remember being the new kid. Everyone wanted to talk to you, wanted to know you, wanted to be your friend. Just because you were something new to look at.

Sitting at my usual desk in Biology, I began doodling. I had a few minutes until the class started, so I figured, why do something constructive when you can doodle? I was glad that I sat on my own in Biology. It meant that I didn't have to explain my random drawings to anyone else.

Or at least, so I thought.

Suddenly there was a new set of books on the table, and someone was sitting on the stool next to me. I looked up from my notebook and saw that it was that same boy that had been on my mind all day. I saw now that he wasn't just attractive, he was breath-taking. I couldn't believe that of all the people who would be placed next to me it would be him. If only I could stop staring at him and say something. Thankfully he hadn't noticed my staring, and was watching the teacher.

"Hi," I managed to choke out, with a small smile. "I'm Bella."

He slowly turned to look at me. "Edward." He said in a small voice. I noticed that his eyes were the most brilliant, beautiful shade of green I had ever seen. And yet, they were sad, somehow. Much more so that I would have expected. He had the same pained expression on his face that he had had this morning in the parking lot and at lunch. Even though I had only just met him, it hurt to see the expression on his face. Someone as beautiful as he was shouldn't be hurting. Not as badly as he seemed to be.

"How're you liking Forks?" The moment the question was out of my mouth I regretted it. It was the same question that I had been asked over and over when I first moved here, so I had first hand experience at what an annoying question it was. He shrugged slightly, obviously not impressed with the little town. "Where did you move from?" I asked, hoping to maybe find out some small piece of information from the beautiful and yet strangely sad boy sat beside me.

"Chicago," He said in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

"Wow, that's a long way." _Nice going Bella. You've probably freaked him out now!_ I turned my head to see a small smile tugging at the side of his lips. He seemed to be battling with himself, whether or not to smile. "What?" I asked, curious.

"Nothing," he said, looking at me. There was a depth to his eyes that I had never seen before. I could have sat there and stared into his eyes forever, trying to work out the source of the anguish behind them. Or at least, if the teacher hadn't started talking that was. He faced the front and I felt the enchantment that was holding me there snap. _Damn, Mr Banner!_ **(A/N: not 100% sure if its Mr Banner who teaches Biology. I think it is so I'm putting him in as the Biology teacher)** I thought, with a venom that shocked me.

As if learning about bacteria couldn't be frustrating enough, I was now sat next to someone who's eyes were like a riddle that I just _had_ to solve.

Before long the bell rang and he disappeared just as suddenly as he had appeared. _Obviously Biology bores him as much as it does you,_ I thought, though I knew that wasn't the real reason for his abrupt departure, so I was curious to figure out why he had left so suddenly.

"Bella," I heard someone call my name. It was Jessica. "Bella, I can't believe you got to sit next to him! Well, spill! What's he like?" She asked. I knew she wasn't going to let it drop until I told her.

"Um, he's quiet. I didn't really get to talk to him before Mr Banner started talking," I said. It was the truth. If I could have found out more about him then I would have tried to.

"You mean, you didn't even find out his name?!" She practically screeched at me, as if it was my fault the teacher had begun the class when he had.

"Oh, it's Edward," I thought I'd give her that much. _Not a common name anymore._ I thought_. It fits though, suits him. _I didn't want to be subjected to Jessica's questioning anymore, so I made a show of checking my watch for the time. "Sorry Jessica, I've got to go. Charlie's home from work early today." It was a blatant lie, which she probably didn't believe, but she let me leave anyway, probably formulating some plan to either get more information out of me, or to get Edward to ask her out.

I had a free now, so all I had to do was sign out at the office and I could go home. But some part of me didn't want to go home. I wanted to see Edward again. I didn't know why, but for some reason I was drawn to him. It was strange to me. I hadn't felt drawn to someone like this before, not in the way I was to him. I went and signed out, but instead of going home I sat in my truck. _Stop being stupid Bella._ I scolded myself. _He's just a boy. You're only curious because he's new. Just like everyone else._ Deep down I knew that wasn't true. Even so, I pulled out and drove the short distance to my house.

Dumping my stuff on my bed, I tried to do my homework, but I couldn't concentrate. Every time I tried all I could think of were those brilliant green eyes, that stared with such sadness. Almost in pain. I gave up trying to concentrate, and opted for lying on my bed listening to music. I put on one of my favourite tracks, Clair de Lune by Debussy. Jessica didn't understand why I liked Debussy, but it calmed me down, reminded me of my mother and her pottering around our house in Pheonix, whilst it played in the background.

After a while, I felt tired, so I rolled over and went to sleep, not bothering to get changed. Even as I drifted off into the depths of sleep, all that was running through my mind were those beautiful eyes. Filled with riddles, knowing that I wanted to be the one to solve them, to get to the bottom of that sadness that swam within them.

**This chapter was actually quite difficult to write. I find it a lot easier to get into Edward's psyche than I do with Bella's. I'm trying to keep her as close to the original character as possible. The initial confusion over Edward that she encounters. I'm hoping it will be easier to describe her thoughts and feelings as I progress into the story.  
There will be more interaction between the two of them later, but I'm keeping it distant for the moment, to try to emphasise Edwards feelings of discomfort with interaction.  
Reviews would be greatly appreciated. Thankees :D**


	5. Arguments and Pain

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**WARNING: THIS PARTICULAR CHAPTER INCLUDES INSTANCES AND DESCRIPTIONS OF SELF HARM. IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED OR UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THESE SORTS OF SCENES THEN I APOLOGISE AND ADVISE YOU TO DISCONTINUE THE READING OF THIS CHAPTER!**

**EPOV**

It was strange. Kind of awkward all throughout Biology. I had a weird feeling about this girl, this Bella.

She seemed different to the others in the school. She wasn't all happy and bouncy like the other girls, who were obviously happy that there were some new boys in town to look at. Well, they might get somewhere with Jasper and Emmett. I, however was not interested. I was already hurting my family through my actions, I didn't want to add another one to that list.

She didn't even seem to notice me until I sat down next to her. She had obviously not expected me to be sitting there, as when she looked up, there was a faint look of surprise on her face. _Oh, great._ I thought. _Here we go, another one to try to get me to go out with her._ There had been more offers than I could count today. Obviously the boys here weren't that interesting because all through the day I had been getting offers to go to the movies, of phone numbers and one girl even asked me to go to the girls' choice dance with her. I declined all the offers. Preferring my solitude, I didn't think I would be accepting any offers any time soon.

But she didn't say anything as I sat down. She just smiled.

"Hi," She said, "I'm Bella." I'd looked at her all I saw there was a small smile. Nothing else in her expression. But her eyes were entrancing. Deep chocolate brown. Brown eyes had never interested me that much, as they seemed flat and lifeless most of the time. But her's were different. They seemed to tell a story, her story to be more precise. A story, that I surprisingly wanted to know. "Edward," I mumbled, not really able to form a proper sentence.

Her expression seemed to change when I spoke, turning into something that looked like hurt, mixed with a tiny amount of sympathy. _Oh, great! Another one._ I thought bitterly, careful not to let it show on my face. For some reason I didn't want to offend this girl. I had no idea why, but it felt wrong to hurt her. All the years of pretending, faking and deceiving my family were still paying off. Though it hurt to do it, it was necessary. "So how're you liking Forks?" She asked me. The typical "what do I ask the new kid" question. I knew she regretted asking it when she said it, through the expression in her face. I looked down at my notebook, shrugging. I didn't know what to say, I hadn't really seen the town, and if it were left up to my family I probably wouldn't for a long time. Knowing them they would want to keep me locked up in the house where they could keep an eye on me. "Where'd you move from?" She asked in a casual tone. I was beginning to like this girl. She seemed different to the others, not talking to me because I was new, but purely she was curious.

"Chicago," I managed to say. For some reason it came out as barely more than a whisper. I hadn't meant for it to come out so quietly, but it just had.

"Wow. That's a long way," That made me smile. Not properly, I hadn't smiled properly in years. Sometimes I wondered what it would feel like to laugh again. "What?" She had obviously seen my smile and was curious as to why I found it funny.

"Nothing," I replied, looking up at her again, wanting to get lost in those brown eyes. While I was thinking of something to say to her, the teacher started talking and, very grudgingly, I turned to face the front. I hadn't wanted to, but I figured the teacher would think it weird if I just kept staring at Bella. Teachers at my school in Chicago had gotten used to me staring off into space during class. By the time I left it hadn't bothered them, they knew to expect it.

I would have to be more careful here. They weren't aware of my history here, and anything I did now would have a lasting impression. I didn't want to stand out as the kid who doesn't pay attention in class. I didn't want to stand out at all.

It was hard not to look at Bella during class, but I managed to restrain myself and kept staring straight ahead.

When the bell to signal the end of class went I couldn't help but get out of there. There was something about this girl. Something compelling. Her eyes made me want to talk, tell her everything. _Jeez Edward._ I scolded myself_. She's just a girl. No different from any of the others in this hellhole of a town._ But something inside of me told me she was. She was very different.

If I were to tell her my problems. She would listen.

Of that much I was certain.

But there was no way I was going to tell her my secrets. I hated my family knowing what I had put myself through, what I was still putting myself through and there was no way I was going to divulge my deepest secrets to a stranger. Even if she did captivate me in some way.

I had English next, but if this class was anything like the one this morning I wasn't going. _Great, Edward. Ditching on your first day. Well done._ As I left the Biology room I heard someone calling to Bella. I knew that it would be to get the gossip on the new boy, seeing as she was the only one I had spoken to all day. I ran out across the parking lot, not caring if anyone saw me or said anything, cursing because Alice had the keys to my Volvo. I figured the walk would do me good. I needed to clear my head.

I remembered the way home from the drive this morning. It had taken about ten minutes or so to get to school in the car, so it shouldn't take that long to get home. I knew I had to walk through the town to get home, which was a good thing because I needed to pick up something small to eat. Even though, the action was disgusting and seemed unnecessary to me, I knew that if I didn't have something soon I would pass out, and that would earn me a one way ticket to the hospital. Possibly even an eating disorders unit. And there was no way that was going to happen. Not if I had anything to say about it.

I walked into a small shop and picked up a cereal bar. Paying for it I saw the shop assisstant give me a strange look. Well, to others it would seem like a strange look, but it was one I had become accustomed to, so I didn't pay attention to it anymore. It was a look that said that she thought I needed to be given a decent meal and a good nights sleep. How right she was. As I walked down the street, I picked at the cereal bar, not really taking full mouthfuls, but making sure I ate it all the same. I had barely finished it by the time I turned up to my driveway 25 minutes later. I hid the wrapper in my bag, ashamed to show Esme that I had wavered in my resolve. Even though it was what she wanted for me: to eat; to thrive; to grow, I always felt a pang of shame when I did. Especially when the evidence was there.

The whole way home I had thought of Bella. Confused as to why I couldn't get her out of my head. No one had ever captured my mind the way she had before. Walking up the driveway I still couldn't get her out of my head. Her eyes, her soft voice. All of it made me want to get to know her better.

Walking through the door I heard Esme on the phone. She was speaking in panicked rushed tones. _"He's not in school! Apparently he just walked out. What if he's hurt himself again?!"_ I could hear the panic in her voice. Of course, that would be the first thing she thought. It was the first thing everyone in this family thought when it came to me.

As I walked through the door I made sure that I slammed it loud enough for Esme to hear. I heard something clang on the floor as she jumped at the sound. "_I'll call you back."_ I heard her say. Moments later she came around the corner, the panic and worry clear in her face. "Edward, where have you been? Alice called me from school when you didn't turn up for your English class!" _Damn it! Great, day to decide to ditch, eh, Edward?!_ I scolded myself. I'd forgotten that Alice would be in my second English class. She would have noticed that I wasn't there and called Esme, after excusing herself from class. "Edward, where have you been?"

"I didn't want to go to English, so I walked home," I said, matter of factly. I knew that there was no point in lying to Esme. She would know that I was lying. Hell, the whole family was looking out for my lies now that they'd found out the truth.

"Edward," She moaned, the exasperation clear in her voice. "It's the first day of school. You can't just walk out. What kind of impression does that send out? Do you want to be seen as _that_ kid?" I knew exactly what kid she was talking about. The kid who ditched class, got in trouble at school and eventually suspended or kicked out. I'd seen it happen in Chicago.

"No," I told her truthfully. "I don't want to be seen at all." I walked past her and went up to my room without giving her any time to come up with a response. I knew it hurt her to see me this way. But then again, I knew that and yet I didn't stop. I didn't look for help, didn't want any help. Sitting on my bed, which had been put up in the time I had been at school, I thumbed through the books that I had been given today. None of them made any sense to me, so I threw them on the floor and curled up in bed, facing away from the door as I usually did, feeling frustrated with myself.

It was hard to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. _Get a grip Edward_, I told myself. There was nothing to cry about. And yet, in my mind I knew there was everything to cry about. I hated life. I hated all that it entailed. And my one shot at escape had been thwarted by my family.

And yet I couldn't help thinking that maybe it wasn't my time. That there was some reason behind my survival. If I hadn't survived, I wouldn't have met Bella. Why did my thoughts always come back to that girl? There was nothing special about her. Not that I had seen anyway. But she looked at me as though she understood my pain, or at least, she was interested in getting to know me because of me, not because I was the new kid.

I was surprised that Esme hadn't come to open my door yet, especially after what I had said downstairs, and then I heard the door slam. "Where is he?!" I heard Emmett shout. Trust him to get worked up over nothing. I was suddenly thankful that I had held back those tears. I didn't want to give my family any more ammunition than they already had.

I could hear him stomping up the stairs. He hadn't taken his shoes off. _He must be mad! _I thought. I knew he would pay for that mistake later when Esme scolded him for it. It might be hardwood floor but we all still had to take our shoes off when we came into the house. Esme's one major rule: no shoes in the house. He flew through my door, with a force that if it had been any harder, I wouldn't have had a door left, which probably would have suited my family just fine. Meant that I had no privacy to do anything.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU PLAYING AT?!" He screamed at me. I didn't acknowledge that he was there, but I could feel the anger burning inside of me. "EDWARD!!! This isn't a game! You need to stop this now!"

I snapped.

Whipping up off my bed, I turned to face him. "Stop what, huh Emmett?! Stop what?!" This had caught him off guard. Normally I was able to let it go, let it wash over me, so this sudden outburst on my part wasn't expected by any of them. He stood there, staring at me, seething. Obviously at a loss for words. "I thought so. You have no idea. None of you do. So I decided to talk a walk. Big fucking deal!!!" This caught them all off guard. I hardly ever swore, so when I did they knew that I was angry. "I'm not some child that needs to be babysat all the time, you know. I can look after myself."

"You sure about that?" Emmett replied. "'Cause you don't seem to be doing a very good job. I mean, look at you Edward!" He guestured at me in a violent way. "You're a mess. You don't eat anything! You slice yourself up like you're a piece of cheese-" He stopped there, not being able to carry on. I could see that his anger had given way to worry. "You need help, man. And I don't think we can give you the kind of help you need."

"Emmett, I don't think-" Esme started, but Rosalie cut her off. Putting a hand on her shoulder, Rosalie gave me a sympathetic look. "Edward needs to hear this." She said, in a tone that didn't quite match her expression.

"You need to go to the hospital, man!" Emmett continued, stressing his point. "But you being you, won't go, will you! You're gonna kill yourself Edward. Slowly and surely you are KILLING YOURSELF!!!" He shouted this last part, as if to emphasise it more than he needed to. I didn't respond, but just stared blankly at the wall. "You don't care though do you? You don't care about how this is affecting the family. Do you care that you're breaking Mom's heart? No! Or at least if you do, you hide it really well. But then again you've got good at lying to us haven't you Edward? You've had enough practise." He started to walk out of the room but stopped at the doorway, just in front of the others. He half turned towards me, not daring to look at me. "You know, maybe it would have been better if you _had_ died. At least we wouldn't have to watch you do this to yourself." With that he stormed off into his room.

The others looked at me. I could feel the sympathy in their stares. I knew that they were thinking the same thing as Emmett. He was the only one who was brave enough to say it out loud, something I was thankful for. I don't think I could have handled having all of them ganging up on me like that.

"Jasper honey, why don't you and the girls go and try to calm Emmett down," Esme whispered. They nodded and went to talk to Emmett. She started to make her way over to me, walking slowly, as you would a predator.

"Don't bother Esme," I said, in a tone harsher than I meant it to have been. I lay back down on my bed, wishing for her to leave me alone, one thing running through my mind. The thought of pain. The stress and the will to hurt myself had been building whilst Emmett had been shouting at me. I lay on my bed, breathing heavily, while I waited for Esme to leave the room. She didn't close the door all the way, but enough to give me some privacy.

I rolled over onto my side, and grabbed my bag off the floor. I stashed my collection of blades in there before we moved, a precaution unless anyone decided to look through my stuff. Getting out the small box, I opened it to see that they were all still there. Picking one up I put the box back into my bag, pushing it to the bottom in case someone were to find it. They knew that all I carried in there was my school stuff - or at least thats what they thought. If they knew what was really in there they'd be in here like a shot. I stood up and walked around my bed to look out of the window. It seemed that Jasper and the girls had calmed Emmett down, because now they were playing catch in the back yard. They hadn't noticed me standing at the window, because if they had they'd probably know that something was up.

All I saw was red. I needed to let out all the pain that was building up inside and the only way I knew how was right in my right palm. After a moment I realised that I was shaking. With anger and stress. Emmett had made me angry, and it lately it took a lot to do that. Bringing the blade to my left wrist, I let out a sigh of relief as I felt the blood trickle down my palm. I moved away from the window and sat back down on my bed, my back facing the door. I watched the blood trickle down my arm, across my hand and onto the floor, not caring what would happen if I was found. I moved the blade. I knew what I was doing was sadistic and stupid, but it was the only outlet I had. Hurting myself was the only way I knew how to deal with my pain. I knew I was hurting my family as well, but I didn't care. Dragging the blade across my skin was the only way I could deal with things.

Emmett was right. I _was_ killing myself. And I didn't care.

I felt the stress and anger that had built up inside of me wash away as I watched the blood run from my arm. I put the blade back into my bag and then I lay back down on my bed, not bothering to wash my arm off. It seemed better this way. To me, if I washed off the blood, then it made it seem like I was hiding it. My family knew now. I didn't have to hide it any more. I didn't have the energy to hide it anymore.

I don't know whether I passed out or fell asleep after that. All I knew was that as I drifted off into the darkness, all I could see was her face. With that pale skin, and dark brown hair. And those eyes. Those eyes were the most mysterious eyes I'd ever seen. I wanted to know what depths and secrets were hidden within those eyes.

What secrets Bella had hidden from the rest of the world.

Drifting off I thought one word. One name.

Bella.

**Sorry if this chapter is a little graphic for some of you, but I wanted to get through what Edward feels when he harms himself. How desperate and alone he feels even when he is surrounded by his family.  
I know Emmett was a little mean in this chapter (sorry Emmett lovers) in lashing out at Edward but its purely because he doesn't understand why Edward does this to himself. Why he can't deal with things the way other people do.  
Let me know what you think. If you think it's too graphic then I'll tone it down a bit in later chapters.  
Please review. :D x**


	6. Partial Truth

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

When I woke up the next morning, there was a bandage around my arm and the blood that had been on the floor had been cleaned up. Obviously Carlisle had come to check on me after he'd heard what had happened between Emmett and myself the previous night. I looked at my arm. He had bound it expertly, but then again it being Carlisle, you couldn't expect anything less.

I looked at my alarm clock and saw that it was 8:15AM, meaning I had twenty minutes to get ready for school. If I was allowed to go that is. I got out of bed and washed myself down in my bathroom. I heard a knock at the door just after I had gotten dressed and turned to see Carlisle standing there. He had a look of sorrow on his face. I hated that look. It was the look that said "we need to talk." He only used it to remind me that he was my father, whether biological or not, he was still in charge of my life. Something I hated.

"Edward," He spoke in soft tones that told me that he was not angry, but disappointed. "This has to stop." He moved cautiously into my bedroom, the same way Esme had the previous night after my argument with Emmett. "You can't keep doing this to yourself. It's not healthy."

"Don't you think I don't know that?!" I said, letting my annoyance come through in my words. "I know it's not healthy and you know what, I don't care." I was beginning to lose my patience with him. With everybody. Why couldn't they get it into their heads that all I wanted was to be alone. I stormed over to my bed and grabbed my coat and bag. "Maybe Emmett's right. Would have been better if I'd died." I didn't give him any time to respond to my outburst, and I stormed down the stairs to where my siblings were waiting for me. None of them looking directly at me. They knew what I'd done last night, and they were all trying desperately not to bring it up. I could tell that by just looking at them.

We got into the car, again I was in the front. No one wanted to sit next to the freak of the family.

Arriving at school, all eyes were on us again. Not that I cared. I just wanted to get away from the worried glances and stares of my family. _They're probably wondering when you're next gonna flip out_ I thought. They let me walk off on my own. Probably thinking that because we were in school I wouldn't do anything stupid. _They really don't know me at all do they? _I thought sadistically.

I had a free first thing, so I didn't have to worry about being late for class. I wandered my way over to my locker and dumped my stuff in there. Turning around I saw her standing there looking at me. The girl who had been on my mind all night.

Bella. Of course she was going to be there. _She goes to this school as well, _I gave myself a mental slap. I gave her a small smile and went back to my locker, pretending to be interested in something in my bag. But when I looked up again she was standing next to me. This took me by surprise somewhat. I didn't like people sneaking up on me. It brought back old memories. It was something my father always used to when I was younger. He would sneak up behind me when he was feeling in a silly mood. I remembered his laugh, the real laugh he used to come out with, when it was only him, my mother and me, not the fake laugh he used for when we were in other company. His laugh used to make me feel safe, like everything was okay. Everything was happy and the way it was supposed to be.

"Hi, Edward," Bella said, snapping me back to reality. "What have you got now?" She asked, blushing slightly as if embarrassed about the fact that she had asked.

"Uh, um, nothing. I have a free." I stammered, still taken aback that she was there. She had appeared so suddenly it was unreal, or maybe it was just me not paying attention, which was probably the truth, as I tended to zone out quite a lot according to Jasper. He face lit up with a gorgeous smile.

"Me too," She said, still smiling. "You wanna spend it together?" She blushed even more at that question. "I mean, i-i-i-if you want to that is, I mean you can always say no." She was nervous and embarrassed about being so forward. She was blushing even more by this point. I found it endearing. No one had ever really gotten embarrassed around me before. I was the Cullen that no one wanted to be associated with. To be fair I wasn't even a "real Cullen". What with my real last name being Masen and all.

"Yeah." I said, surprising myself. Normally I would have spent it on my own, probably in the library, but there was something compelling about this girl that made me want to spend time with her. "Yeah, why not." She looked up and smiled at me, her face still in a deep blush. I gave her a small smile in return.

**BPOV**

_Crap! Crap, crap, crap!!!!_ I scolded myself_. Why did you just do that?! There's no way he's going to want to spend time with you, you moron. You don't even know him!!!!!_

"Yeah, why not." He replied. I couldn't help but smile, realising how stupid I must have looked. I could feel my face getting redder and redder by the second but I managed to look up at him. When I did I saw he had a small smile on his lips as well. It didn't seem to fit. His smile looked out of place, as though it wasn't something he'd normally do.

"Okay," I said after a moment. "Um, we could go to the field. I mean, I know it's not that bright outside, but it's not raining. Might as well make the most of it." I knew I was babbling, but I couldn't stop myself. He nodded and gestured slightly for me to lead the way. He seemed kind of subdued in his movements. Like he was forcefully reigning himself in.

I walked beside him and showed the way to the field. He didn't seem comfortable with being there. Maybe he hadn't wanted to spend his free with me after all, but had agreed just to be polite. What if he had? That would mean that he wasn't interested in talking to you. Looking over at him, I saw that he was looking at the floor, his head bowed, as though he didn't want to be noticed. _Mental note, ask about that at a later date,_ I told myself. I wondered if he had self-confidence issues.

Walking onto the field, I found a secluded spot underneath a tree and sat down. He sat next to me, close enough to talk to comfortably, but not touching me. He wasn't looking at me, but at the grass. He began fiddling with some blades as if they held the answers to all of life's questions.

"So, um, when did you move here?" I asked, hugging my knees to my chest.

"A couple days ago." He replied, still intent on the blades of grass he was fiddling with.

"You seen much of the town?"

"Yeah," He sighed. "I walked home yesterday, there's not really much to it, is there?" He looked out over the lower field, watching the game of soccer that was taking place.

"No there isn't." I couldn't argue there. Forks wasn't that much of a place. It was tiny. Most people went to the nearby town of Port Angeles if they wanted some entertainment. "It's the kind of place where everyone knows everything about everybody else." His head snapped round at that statement. He looked worried about something. If only I were a mind-reader. It would make talking to him so much easier. "So, um, how come you moved here?"

"My parents thought it would be good for us to move." He said, the look of worry still evident on his face. "They thought that living in the city was having a negative effect on me and my siblings."

"How so?" I asked, curious, moving my legs to sit Indian style in front of him. _Thank God I wore pants today._ I couldn't help but think. A pained expression came across his face and he shook his head slightly. "It's okay. You don't have to tell me. I was just curious though." He looked at me, his expression thanking me for not prying any further.

Suddenly his phone vibrated in his pocket. He took it out and let out an exasperated sigh. He replied to the text quickly and placed the phone in his bag instead of his pocket. As he was doing so the sleeve on his left arm rode up slightly, revealing what looked like a bandage. _I wonder how he did that._ I thought_. It couldn't hurt to ask._

"What did you do?" I asked pointing to the bandage on his arm. He looked down and covered it up quickly a look of terror on his face. _Or maybe it could._ I thought.

**EPOV**

Why do they always have to keep track of me? A text from Rosalie: "Where are you? R x" I replied saying that I was on the field talking to someone and instead of putting the phone back into my pocket, I put it in my bag. I didn't want to know if they texted me again. I didn't want them to text me again. Why can't they just leave me alone? It's like I'm a child again.

"What did you do?" Bella asked, pointing to my left arm. I looked down and saw that the sleeve to my sweater had ridden up slightly, revealing the bright white of the bandage that Carlisle had put on it during the night. _Shit! Oh, great, now she's going to know you're a freak. Probably tell the whole school that you're a slicer_ **(sorry if that offends anyone, I don't mean it to, but I want to get as realistic as I can with this and I feel that Edward using such terms to describe himself may help accomplishing that goal. No offence is intended.)**

She was just looking at me, expecting an answer. For some reason I couldn't lie to this girl, but I wasn't about to go spilling the whole truth to her. The impulse to lie was strong, but I had the feeling that lying to her would make me feel even worse than I did when I lied to my family. If that was possible. "I cut myself," I managed to croak out eventually. I expected her to looked shocked, repulsed at the fact that someone could do that to themselves.

"Oh no, how did you manage that?" She didn't have a clue what I meant. I just looked at her for a moment and the message must have come across in my expression because he expression suddenly changed. To that of realisation. "Oh. I'm sorry I didn't mean to pry." I shook my head.

"It's ok," I whispered, looking down at the bandage. "It's not your fault."

"You okay?" She said back softly. I nodded. I knew she was giving me that look of sympathy I hated so much.

"Please, don't feel sorry for me." I said, not looking at her. "Everybody else does, I don't want you to as well."

"How can I not?" She whispered. I looked at her, waiting for the rest of the answer. "I mean, you've hurt yourself in this way. There has to be a reason behind it. Is it the move? You didn't know how else to cope with moving homes?" She was guessing as to why I had cut myself. On this particular time that is, not that she needed to know that.

"No, no its not the move. The move has nothing to do with it. If you must know, I'm the reason we moved." I admitted. Her face grew confused. _Idiot! Why did you have to tell her that? Why couldn't you have kept your mouth shut?!_

I stood up quickly, startling her. I picked up my bag and turned around to face her again. "You won't tell anyone will you?" I asked.

"No, of course not." She said. I believed her. I don't know why. "You don't have to go you know. We can talk about something else."

I couldn't sit there and talk with her anymore. Not when she now knew. Not that she knew much of it. She thought I had only done it the once, not continously for the last seven years. "No, I, um, I have to go." I turned to go.

"I'll see you in Biology," she called after me. _Crap!_ I'd forgotten I had Biology later on today.

Only half an hour or so had passed, which meant I still had twenty minutes or so til I had to be at my next class. I went into the mens' bathroom and splashed water on my face. Looking at myself, I could now see what others around me saw. I was attractive yes, I had been told that enough times, but there was a lifelessness about my face, my eyes in particular. I remember looking upon old pictures of myself. From when my parents were alive up til three years ago, after which I point blank refused to have my picture taken. I remember looking through them, seeing how happy I used to be, full of life, my eyes shining brightly, just like my mothers. Bright green. The only thing I inherited from my mother was her eyes. They used to shine, used to be full of life. And then I looked at pictures of after my parents deaths. Such a sudden change. The life was gone, the vibrancy that I used to possess had all but disappeared. My eyes were no longer full of life, laughter and love as they had once been. Now they were sad, and dead. Empty.

Looking at myself now I knew why people looked at me the way they did. I was nothing. A shadow of the person I should be.

All I could think was how stupid I was. _How could I have told someone? Especially her?!_ Nobody outside of the family knew about my problems. Not even the many psychiatrists that Carlisle and Esme had sent me to over the years - and that was quite a few - had figured out what was wrong with me. And here I am, spilling eveything to this girl that I hardly even knew. How stupid could I get. She probably thought I was a freak now. A psycho that needed to be locked up. And maybe I was. Maybe I did.

_I'll have to deal with it when it comes, I guess._ I thought grimly. Because it was coming.

I knew it was.

**So now Bella knows about one of Edward's secrets. Although she is still unaware of how serious this problem is.  
Will he trust her enough to tell her his remaining dark secrets?  
Only one person knows......ME!!!!!  
Gimme some nice reviews and I might share with you :D x**


	7. Confidante

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**BPOV**

I sat on the field for a long while after Edward walked off, trying to make some sense of the information I had just acquired. He had self-harmed. The idea of it seemed strange to me. Why would someone as breath-taking as he was want to do that to himself?

Suddenly everything seemed to fit: the pained expression he always seemed to wear; the way he held himself - as if all he wanted was to disappear; the look of shock he had given me when i had commented on the fact that everyone in Forks knew each others business; and his eyes. The sadness that eminated from those eyes was almost painful to see. _No,_ I thought. It _was _painful to see. Some part of me couldn't hanndle seeing Edward in such pain.

I had Biology with him last period. I would attempt to communicate with him then. He probably wouldn't want to talk to me after the revelation that had just occured. He seemed embarrassed, almost ashamed at what he had done - more so for telling me, as I could see that it was something he had kept secret for a while.

_Maybe this wasn't the first time he'd done it, _I thought. Realisation suddenly dawned on me. He _had_ done it before. I wanted to find out why. What had caused him to turn on himself in such a way? I wanted to help him.

_Yeah, rght Bella,_ I thought. _What can _I _do? I don't have any experience with this kind of thing._ But I knew I had to try. Even if I couldn't offer any specific help, I could be someone he could talk to if he needed it. Sometimes thats what people need the most. Someone to talk to.

I realised that I had been sat there for a while and only had a few minutes to get to class. Picking up my bag, I made my way back across the field towards the main building where my locker was. I knew that all I was going to think of was Edward. I mean how does someone hear something like that and _not _think about it.

My classes went past in a blur, as I knew they would. I didn't pay attention. I _couldn't_ pay attention. I figured that I would get the notes of Jessica or Angela later on, seeing as I was in most of my classes with at least one of them. No doubt they had seen me walking with Edward onto the field and would be ambushed later on. I had to think of something to say to them. Jessica being the gossiper that she was wouldn't leave me alone until she was satisfied with my answers. That much I knew.

When lunch came around, I made my way into the cafeteria and saw that Edward was sat with his family at the same table they had been at the previous day. Again, he didn't seem to be paying attention to them. He looked up when I walked past him and sat down. I made sure I was facing him, and gave him a smile. He returned it with a small smile of his own, the effort obviously a strain for him. I drifted off into my own thoughts, wondering if there was anything I could do to maybe help him. I doubted there was. But I was going to make sure he knew I was there to talk to if he needed it. It was the least I could offer.

"Bella," I heard someone calling my name, but I didn't respond. "Bella!" The voice said my name harshly and I snapped back to reality. It was Jessica. Everyone at the table was staring at me, not talking. Surely they should be used to me zoning out by now. It was something that happened on a regular occasion. "Are you okay?" She asked me, in a tone that said "I'm curious and you _will_ be telling me everything later." "You seem kind of out of it today."

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. I've just got a lot on my mind." I was telling the truth. I did have a lot on my mind. Anyway, they'd know if I was lying to them in a heartbeat. I was a terrible liar.

Mike Newton, a boy in my year, who had had a crush on me since I first came to Forks and didn't seem to realise I didn't reciprocate those feelings moved seats to sit next to me. "Care to share?" He asked, leaning on the table so I had to look at him. "Maybe we could help you work out the problems going on in there." He tapped his index finger on my forehead.

I wrinkled my forehead to tell him I didn't appreciate that action. "Um, no." I shook my head, looking at my plate of food. "It's kind of, um, not my problem to tell." I purposely didn't look at Edward, while I was saying that, for fear of giving something away. Mike pouted in what I supposed he thought was a cute way.

"We won't tell anyone. Will we guys?" He looked around at the others, and they all shook their heads and mumbled a series of "No"'s and "Of course not"'s. _Yeah, right._ I thought. _How can I believe that? I'm sat at a table with some of the biggest gossips in school._ "Come on, share. Friends don't keep secrets from each other do they?"

I shook my head again. "Look, guys. It's not my secret to tell. I'm not telling you guys." I looked at them all to show them I was serious and the majority of them seemed to give up. Jessica on the other hand gave me a look as if to say, "I'm going to get it out of you, you know that right?" I shook my head in response to that look, and she sighed with exasperation, turning to talk to Angela. She had given up. _For now,_ I thought. I knew Jessica better than to believe she would give up that easily. She would hassle me for a good few days to try to find out what it was I was keeping from her.

Mike, however, did not give up that easily. "Come on, Bells. I swear I won't tell anybody." He drew an invisible cross over his heart to try to emphasise that point. _Yeah, you will._ I thought. _Especially if you found out who it was about. _Mike had been extremely put out by the Cullen boys' presence. All the girls were now infatuated with the new boys rather than with Mike. If he found out what I had about Edward, it would be all over the school by the time the day was out. I wasn't about to do that to Edward.

"You know what Mike," I said, tearing my attention away from my food. "You're unbelieveable. The answer is no."

Thankfully, at that moment, the warning bell for the end of lunch had rung and Mike stormed off, muttering something that sounded like, "I'm gonna find out eventually." I stood there shaking my head.

I was glad that Jessica wasn't in my next class. Angela was, but she knew better than to ask what it was I knew. This was the reason I preferred Angela to Jessica. She knew when to leave well enough alone. I would have to deal with Jessica before Biology though. I was not looking forward to that, especially since Edward was going to be there as well. I sat down at my desk and drifted off into my own world again, trying to figure out what I was going to say to Edward next period. If he showed up that is. If it were me I probably wouldn't.

By the time the bell rang I still hadn't figured out what I was going to say. As I walked into the Biology classroom I saw that Edward hadn't arrived yet, and thankfully neither had Jessica. I sat down at my desk and before I knew it, Jessica was in front of me. "So," she said leaning on the desk. "What's this secret you've got?"

Just as she said that, Edward walked up behind her and upon hearing what she had said a look of pure horror and betrayal masked his face.

I shook my head at her. "Look, Jessica. I told you guys at lunch. It's not my secret to tell. I'm not telling you, so just drop it." She looked put out at this but didn't leave. "If the person who's secret it is wanted people to know, they'd tell, wouldn't they?" I said not looking at Edward, not wanting to give anything away. I had purposefully not used "he" or "she" because I didn't want to risk narrowing anything down. I stared at Jessica, showing her that I wasn't going to budge on this. She huffed and stomped to her desk, hating that she wasn't in on the desk.

Edward sat down just as Mr. Banner started talking. I saw Edward writing something, and then he pushed a piece of paper towards me.

**_Thank you._**

I read the note and saw the small smile that played on his lips. A smile of gratitude for not revealing anything to Jessica. All she knew was that I had a secret, and that was all she was going to know.

_No problem. They guess that something was up at lunch and started questioning me about it._

**_What did they say?_**

_They knew I was hiding something, and they all want to know._

He read this and an anxious look passed over his face. I took the note back.

_Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me._

**_Thank you._**

_If you need to talk, I'm here._

**_Thanks, I may take you up on that._**

Seeing it written there like that made me feel like I might actually be able to do something towards helping him. I was pondering this when he suddenly whipped the note out of view and I saw Mr. Banner walking down the aisle talking about some kind of bacteria. I wasn't paying attention so I hoped he didn't pick on me for any answers.

I noticed that the sleeve on Edward's sweater had ridden up again when he did this, revealing a small portion of the bandage that was there. I gently tapped his arm and he looked at me curiously. I looked down at his arm and he quickly covered it up looking ashamed. The same expression he'd worn when he revealed what he'd done that morning on the field. I saw the pain creep back into his face and I couldn't help but feel a pang of hurt at his expression. I put my hand gently on his arm, as a sign on reassurance. He looked alarmed at first but then his expression gave way to that of gratitude.

I hoped that I could offer at least a little reassurance to him. Maybe having someone outside of the family to talk to would help. A confidante of sorts. That could be what he needed.

**That's it for this chapter.  
I wanted to give a little insight into how Bella deals or tries to deal with Edward's revelation.  
I'm still trying to decide whether or not they should act on their mutual feelings - if they do it won't be til later on in the story, as Edward is still very cautious around people.  
I hope you liked it, and I hope it gave some insight into Bella's feelings about Edward.  
Reviews are much appreciated. x  
**


	8. Projects

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

Walking into Biology I heard something that made my whole world fall apart around me.

The girl I knew as Jessica was leaning on my desk in front of Bella, obviously interrogating her about something. "So what's this secret you've got?" As soon as those words came out of her mouth, I felt a sense of betrayal. Bella had told! I couldn't believe it. The one person I had shared a secret with outside of my family - well I hadn't shared that secret, they'd found that out after my failed attempt at ending my own pain - had told.

I saw Bella shake her head at Jessica, giving her a stern look. "Look, Jessica," I heard her say. "I told you guys at lunch. It's not my secret to tell. I'm not telling you, so drop it." A sense of relief washed over me. I was still tense though, as Bella's friends obviously knew she was keeping something from them, and from what I'd seen of Jessica I knew she wasn't one to let it go. I watched Jessica storm off to her seat at the back of the classroom, put out at the fact she was out of the loop.

I sat down and Mr. Banner walked in, saying something about bacteria. _Great. More about bacteria. _I thought, grimly. I opened my notebook and quietly tore out a page, keeping an eye on Mr. Banner in case he saw what I was doing.

**_Thank you._** I wrote on the page and slid it over to Bella.

I tried to smile at her but it probably came across as more of a grimace than a smile. She smiled back at me and took the paper.

_No problem. They guessed something was up at lunch and started questioning me about it._

This worried me slightly. I took the paper back.

**_What did they say?_**

I passed it back to her.

_They knew I was hiding something, and they all want to know._

I read this and suddenly became anxious. I was right. They weren't the type of people who wanted to be left out of the loop for long. The anxiety must have shown in my expression because she took the note back.

_Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me._

Reading that, I believed her. Something about her made me trust her. I don't know what it was. I just knew that she wouldn't tell anyone what she knew.

**_Thank you._** Was all I wrote back.

She took the note back. _If you ever need to talk, I'm here._

Seeing that, I knew that she would be. She wasn't like my family, who only wanted to know what was up with me to keep an eye on me. She wanted to try to help, I could see that in her expression. And not because she felt she had to. Because she _wanted_ to.

**_Thanks, I may take you up on that._**

I passed the note back to her and a small smile passed over her lips. Whether or not she would be able to help I didn't know, but it felt reassuring to know that there was someone there who would listen to me, without any pre-judgements - or at least I hoped not anyway.

I saw that Mr. Banner was making his way past our table so I quickly whipped the note out of sight, just in time for him to pass. I didn't want to think about what he would say if he saw it. He would probably interrogate us, in the worst case scenario: in front of the class, or after class when no one else around. Having Bella know was one thing. I knew she wouldn't tell - I don't know how I knew, I just did. But having Mr. Banner know meant that it would probably travel around the staff and eventually to the students.

Suddenly I felt a slight tap on my arm. I looked over at Bella and she glanced pointedly at my arm. I looked down and saw that as I had moved the note the sleeve on my left arm had ridden up slightly, revealing some of the bandage underneath. I quickly pulled it down, feeling the shame at the evidence of what I had done the previous night.

Bella must have sensed my discomfort because she put her hand lightly on my arm as an act of reassurance. Normally I would have moved my arm, hating the contact, but there was something about the softness of her touch that made me think otherwise. The touch made me feel safe somehow. Made things more concrete in my head.

I didn't understand what was happening. This girl, whom I had only known for two days was breaking through all the barriers that I had worked so hard at putting up for the last ten years. And she was doing it so easily. I felt the walls around me crumble when she was around. It wasn't something I was used to, and it scared me. I didn't know if I could handle letting someone in, no matter how much I wanted to.

"Right everyone," Mr. Banner said, calling me out of my musings. "I'm going to hand out your next project, you will work on with your partners. I want you to research how bacteria forms and grows. I want it to be a joint effort. No signs that one person has done more than the other." He looked pointedly at some of the desks in the class. "Equal participation from everyone. The project is due on Friday people. No excuses."

Just then the bell rang, signalling the end of class. I began gathering up my things and Bella turned to face me.

"So," she said looking at me. "How do you want to do this? We could meet up after school if you want. You could come over to my place, my dad's out till late so we won't be disturbed."

I thought about this. There was no way after last night were my family going to let me go somewhere without at least one of them present. Even if I was with someone else. I had completely destroyed their trust in me. What little there was left of it.

"Ummmm," I pondered, wondering what my family's reaction would be to Bella coming over. Esme and Carlisle would probably be over the moon that I was at least interacting with someone. My siblings I didn't know about, they would probably be wary of Bella, of how much she knew. "Maybe, you could come to mine. My parents," I didn't like calling them that, because even though they loved me like parents did, and had taken care of me most of my life, to me they weren't my parents, "they're kind of a protective of us at the moment. What with having just moved here and all. I'm sure they wouldn't have any problem with you coming over though." This was true. But just in my case. The others were allowed to come and go as they pleased. It was just me that they wanted to keep under constant surveillance. If it weren't for the law stating that I had to go to school they probably wouldn't even let me out of the house.

"Sure," she nodded. "I just have to drop my stuff off at my house, and leave a note for my dad, saying where I am, in case I'm not home before he is, and then I can come round." She smiled and I gave her directions to my house. "See you later."

"Yeah." I replied, watching her go.

My phone began to vibrate in my pocket. It was Emmett. I mentally groaned as I answered the call.

"_Where the hell are you, man?"_ Emmett sounded annoyed.

"I'm coming." I replied, becoming even more angry at the level of surveillance I was under. School had barely finished and he was checking up on me. "I just had to sort something out for a Biology project."

_"Right, well, we're in the parking lot."_ He said in a tone that said "Get out here now before I come and find you."

"Whatever," I replied, snapping the phone shut.

I walked out of the classroom and to the parking lot. True to his word, they were all standing around the car, _my_ car, that I wasn't even allowed to drive anymore, waiting for me. I heard Emmett grumble something to Jasper as I approached and I saw Jasper give him a warning look. I got in the front and leaned my head against the window. I closed my eyes as we pulled out from the lot and didn't open them until Jasper turned off the engine.

Entering the house, I saw that Carlisle and Esme were in the kitchen having some sort of heated discussion. I didn't want to know what it was about. As we walked into the living room they joined us.

"So," Esme said, with a cheery smile on her face. "Anything happen at school today?" They others mumbled about assignments they had to hand in, and stuff that had happened during class. "Edward?" She said looking at me.

"We got our Biology projects handed out today," I said quietly. "My partner's coming over later on so we can work on it together." Just as I had expected, Carlisle and Esme's faces lit up. They were happy that I was at least interacting with people, as I knew they would be.

"Wait, what?!" I heard Emmett gasp. I looked at him and he had an apprehensive look on his face. "Are you sure about this man? What if they found out something. We don't want anything getting out do we?" He looked at Carlisle for support.

"She knows," I whispered. I could feel the stares and the shock radiating from my family.

"Edward," Carlisle whispered, taking a tentative step towards me. "What does she know?"

"More importantly, _how_ does she know?" Emmett pressed. "You told her. Even when you couldn't tell your own family, you go and tell a complete stranger everything?! God! I don't get you Edward! What if she tells someone? Had you thought of that?!" He was getting stressed. That much I knew.

"It's not like that," I said, getting stressed myself. I had to calm myself down, but in order to do that I knew that I had to calm Emmett down first. "She doesn't know _everything._ She saw the bandage on my arm earlier and asked about it. I-I-I just couldn't lie to her. I don't know why." I looked at Carlisle and he gave me a look that told me he understood. "She doesn't know anything else." I looked at Emmett and saw that he had fire in his eyes, like he was seriously trying to keep himself from lashing out.

"But what if she tells someone, Edward?" It was Jasper who spoke up. He had a look of concern on his face. I knew that he wouldn't get wound up like Emmett did. It took a lot to get a reaction out of Jasper, even more so than it did me. Sometimes it was hard to believe that those two were actually brothers, they were so different. **(A/N: In this story the only one who is adopted is Edward because of the loss of his parents. Emmett is the oldest, Rosalie and Jasper are twins and Alice is the youngest of the Cullen children.)**

"She won't," I replied. "She says she won't and I believe her. Today, before at lunch and the beginning of Biology her friends knew she was keeping something from them. All she said was that it wasn't her secret to tell, so she wasn't saying anything." I looked at Carlisle, who looked less worried than he had a moment ago. "And I believed her." I looked around at the rest of my family. They didn't seem to be swayed by this statement. "She doesn't know anything else."

"What," Emmett snapped. "Like you slowly starving yourself to death. I doubt she'd stick around if she knew that."

"Emmett!" Carlisle was getting angry now. Again, a hard feat to achieve. "Thats enough! From what I've heard we had enough of this last night." He looked between Emmett and myself. "And we all know what that achieved!" Again I felt the pointed stares at me. "Now, enough of this. We have to accept that this girl knows about Edward's self-harm, but she doesn't know about anything else. And that's the way I want it to say." He appeared to have calmed down. "At least, until a time if and when Edward tells her about it." I heard Emmett scoff from across the room. "Emmett! He may or may not decide to share that information with her. _If_ he does, it is completely up to your brother!"

Emmett stormed up the stairs. "Whatever!"

I sat down at the dining table with my head in my hands. None of my family followed me. They knew that I wanted to be alone. I could hear Carlisle in the other room telling the others that when Bella arrived to leave us be, and be friendly to her. That she was just here to work on a Biology project and that was all. The rest of the family weren't as put out as Emmett was. I didn't know what his problem was. Couldn't he just butt out and mind his own business? It was my life, I could do what I wanted with it right? According to Emmett, no I couldn't. _He's just worried about you,_ I told myself. I knew it was true, but it didn't help how I felt.

Bella arrived a short while later. Emmett was still fuming in his room when she pulled up in her old truck, which looked about a hundred years older when compared to our collection of new cars. Esme and Carlisle were pottering about in the kitchen and the other three were watching some sitcom thing on the TV in the main living room. I made my way downstairs when I heard the truck pull up and went to answer the door.

She looked nervous. Probably about meeting my family.

"Hey," I said, letting her in. "You might want to take off your shoes. I'm gonna get it of Esme if you don't." I added with a small smile.

"Hi," She took off her jacket and then removed her shoes. I hung up her jacket and placed her shoes in the shoe rack, which was mostly filled with Alice's designer shoes. We walked into the main house and I heard her gasp in awe. "Your house is huge." She whispered, looking around.

I didn't have time to respond as at that point Carlisle and Esme appeared from in the kitchen, both smiling. I didn't want to know the reasons behind the smiles. Upon hearing the door close Alice, Jasper and Rosalie came in from the living room as well, slightly more apprehensive than Carlisle and Esme were. There was no appearance from Emmett who probably wouldn't make an appearance tonight, for fear that he would do something rash or say something stupid.

"Hello, I'm Carlisle." He introduced himself in those soft tones he always used. They automatically made everyone around him feel comfortable. He held a hand out to Bella and she shook it without hesitation, trusting him completely.

"Hi," she replied with a soft smile.

"Hello, dear. I'm Esme." Instead of holding out her hand, Esme approached Bella with a hug. This was normal for Esme. She believed that a hug was the best way of introducing yourself. "You probably already know the other three. Alice. Jasper and Rosalie." She gestured at the others.

"Yeah, I've seen you guys around school." She smiled at them and the others and they seemed to relax a little. They each mumbled "Hello"'s and "Hey"'s to Bella and then excused themselves.

"Emmett's upstairs sulking about something or other," Carlisle said with a smirk on his face, that he probably meant to say "Kids!". "I'm sure he'll come and introduce himself when he's calmed down." I scoffed slightly and Carlisle looked at me. I stared back.

"Right," I said, feeling uncomfortable with the way the conversation was heading. "We should be getting on." She looked at me and nodded.

"Will you be staying for dinner, Bella?" Esme asked. I stared at her. _What the hell, Esme?!_ I thought. _What is she trying to do here?!_ I couldn't believe what Esme had just asked. She knew that Bella didn't know about any of my issues with food, and here she was blatantly asking about dinner. A moment later, I figured out what she was doing. _She thinks that if Bella's here for dinner, you'll eat something._ I realised this and glared at Esme, which earned me a glare from Carlisle.

"Um, no, I can't stay too late. I have to meet my father at the diner in town later on." Bella replied, with a soft smile on her face. I could see Esme's smile falter slightly as her plan backfired.

"Okay then. Let me know if you'd like anything to eat or drink in the meantime." Esme said, excusing herself and returning to the kitchen, where she began cooking dinner.

I led Bella up the stairs to my room. There were still a couple of unopened boxes but I had piled them up in the corner so we had ample space to work in. We spread out on the floor and I put my laptop in between us. We had to create a poster outlining the stages of a bacteria, the information and diagrams of which was easily accessible thanks to the internet. It didn't take us long to finish our poster, even with the illustrations and colouring we had to do. We barely spoke through our work, and if we did it was all related to the poster. When we had finished, we decided that she would take the poster home with her and bring it back into school on the Friday when we had to hand them in.

I walked her to the door and watched her as she carefully made her way down to the her truck and reversed out of the driveway. I didn't know why but the time that I had spent with Bella that night had seemed comfortable, easy. I hadn't had that feeling with anyone for a long time. Since the time when my parents were alive. Thinking of them hurt, and I pushed the memories of my mother and father away, reburying them in my heart where they would stay.

"Dinner's ready," Esme called from the kitchen and everyone made their way to the dining room. Everyone except me. I made my way upstairs, passing Emmett on the way. I was glad he hadn't come out of his room while Bella was here. He probably would have said something to put his foot in it and shame me even more than I had already done.

"Not even going to grace us with your presence tonight then?" He asked sarcastically as we reached opposite ends of the stairs - me at the top and him at the bottom. I carried on walking and I heard him stomp into the dining room, followed by Carlisle telling him to calm down. I closed my bedroom door, knowing that Carlisle would be preoccupied with Emmett and Esme would be serving dinner, so no one would bother to open my door until later on.

As I sat down on my bed, I heard something - probably a plate - smash and shouting coming from downstairs. This was a regular occurance lately, so I put my headphones in and turned on my iPod. I turned it to Debussy and put Clair de Lune on repeat, closing my eyes, trying to drown out the shouts coming from downstairs. It worked slightly. I couldn't hear them so clearly anymore, and I let the melody wash over me and I tried to relax.

After a while - I wasn't aware of how long it was - my door opened. I assumed it was Carlisle or Esme checking on me, as all the arguments had died down. The thing that alerted me was the fact that the door didn't close again, as it normally did when I was being checked on, being left open slightly so I had some sliver of privacy. This time it was still wide open.

I opened my eyes to see Emmett standing in my doorway. He was holding a bag of some sort and the way he was staring and breathing heavily alarmed me slightly. I sat up slowly, turned off my music and pulled out my headphones as Emmett slowly stepped into my room, shaking his head in a sad and hopeless way.

"Emmett," I said, cautiously sitting up further. "What're you doing?"

He didn't answer. I could see that he was crying. He just kept shaking his head and walking closer towards me, holding the bag in his hand tighter and tighter as he approached me.

Suddenly, I knew what he was doing.

I couldn't believe he would go this far.

He would't, would he?

"Emmett," I said, my voice audibly shaking with the fear that was welling up inside me. "Don't."

**What is Emmett doing that's got Edward so scared?  
I guess you'll have to keep reading to find out.  
Please review. I'll be happy if you do. :D**


	9. Family

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**I know it was mean to end Chapter 8 like that, but the meanie in me couldn't resist. :P Sorry about that. I'll try not to be mean again. I can't make any promises though. :D  
This chapter is going to focus on the POV's of Edward's family from just after Bella left their home. I may reveal what Emmett is planning, but then again I may not *evil grin*. You'll just have to read to find out.**

**EmPOV**

I couldn't believe what Edward had done!

How could he tell someone. Especially someone he hardly knew, when he couldn't even tell us what was going on! His own family!

_I don't know how much more of this I can take_. I thought, pacing my room, trying to calm down. It wasn't working.

All I could think was how news of Edward's self-harm was going to be spread around school. Everyone would know by the end of the week. I just knew it. It wasn't that I was worried about our "reputation" as it were. Hey, we didn't really have one at that point. We were still the new kids as far as everyone else was concerned. I was worried about Edward. I didn't want to think of what he might do to himself if people at school found out. It would be all his fault anyway. Who cares if she saw the bandage. He could have _lied_ for heaven's sake!! He'd been doing it long enough.

All that bull about not being able to lie to her! He was able to lie to _us_ for God knows how long!

Why the fuck couldn't he just accept the fact that he needs help and go to the hospital?!

I hated seeing the way my brother was treating himself. He might not be my biological brother but I still loved him like a brother. _Hell, I do love him! _I thought. Which is why it hurt so much to see him destroy himself this way.

I'd heard the truck pull up and I knew the girl had arrived. I didn't want to go down and introduce myself because I didn't want to put my foot in it with her or Edward. He'd said that she didn't know about his eating problems. I believed him on that one, but I knew that if I went downstairs I'd probably let some snide comment slip that would give everything away. I loved Edward too much to let that happen. So I'd stayed in my room while she was here, keeping out of the way.

Which was best in my book.

I couldn't look at Edward at the moment. I couldn't stand to look at him. It seemed like he was wasting away right in front of my eyes. _Because he is!_ I mentally slapped myself. _He barely eats! No wonder he's disappearing!!_ When I thought about it, I realised that I hadn't seen Edward eat anything - anything proper at least - for a long time. In fact I couldn't remember the last time he did. _Probably part of his act!_ I thought bitterly. Because that was what it was with Edward. It was all an act. To be honest he'd become a bloody good liar.

When he was still in the hospital Carlisle had told us what was going on. He'd said that test results said that Edward was severly underweight and undernourished. That it looked like he hadn't eaten a proper meal in months. Which he probably hadn't. Carlisle had said Edward's test results looked like they should belong to a starving child in Africa, not a seventeen year old boy, who came from a relatively wealthy family in the USA!

I'd heard the truck pull out of the driveway and knew that Edward's Biology partner had left. This was closely followed by Esme announcing that dinner was ready. _I wonder if he'll have anything tonight. He hasn't for the last three nights, so why get my hopes up._ Because that was all I wanted. I wanted Edward to eat. I wanted him to "recover" as Carlisle had put it when he spoke to us.

I wanted my brother back.

I passed Edward on the stairs. He looked so gaunt and fragile, I was wondering how he was still standing. _It must be taking a lot of effort_ I thought. I stopped at the bottom of the stares and turned to face him.

"Not even going to grace us with your presence tonight then?" I asked, with more malic in my voice than I'd wanted. He didn't even turn around, but just kept on walking. I sighed and stormed into the dining room.

"Emmett," Carlisle said giving me a disapproving look. "That was unnecessary. I know that you're worried. Hell, we all are." I looked at him with a mixture of anger and surprise. Carlisle never swore, even mildly. "But we need to think of Edward. We don't want to upset him."

"We have to think of Edward?!" I spat back. I didn't mean to take it out on Carlisle, but the words just came out before I could stop them. "Do you really think he's thinking of us?! HE'S NOT THINKING OF US!!! WHY SHOULD WE THINK OF HIM?! HE'S ONLY THINKING ABOUT HIMSELF! HE DOESN'T CARE HOW HE HURTS US!!!" Before I knew it I was shouting. I hadn't meant to, but I was just so angry about how he was affecting the family I couldn't help it. Before I knew it I'd picked up the plate that Esme had put in the place where Edward usually sat and thrown it against the wall. "YOU REALLY THINK THAT HE'S GOING TO NEED THAT?!"

"Emmett, CALM DOWN!" It was Jasper that responded to my outburst. "You're forgetting that Edward's really fragile at the moment. You remember what he did when you had a go at him yesterday?! Nothing you do while you're in this sort of state is going to help Emmett!"

"Jasper's right Emmett," Carlisle said. "Calm down and then I think we need to have a family meeting, with Edward, to discuss further action." He looked at Esme, who in turn nodded at him in agreement.

"Further action?!" I scoffed. I couldn't stand being in the room with them anymore. My little brother was killing himself and it seemed like they didn't care.

I walked back into the living room and noticed a bag sat on the coffee table.

Knowing exactly what was in the bag, I grabbed it and ran upstairs before any of them could stop me. I went up to Edward's door and opened it without even bothering to knock.

He was lying on his bed, listening to his iPod. If it hadn't been for the slight rise and fall of his chest, I would have thought he was dead. _Hell, a corspe would probably look better._ I thought sadly. At that moment I realised that I had tears running down my cheeks. I didn't bother to wipe them away. I wanted Edward to see how upset I was, then maybe he'd take this whole thing seriously.

After a moment, Edward slowly opened his eyes. He turned to look at me and slowly started to sit up. He turned off his iPod and took out his headphones before sitting up completely. "Emmett," he said cautiously. "What're you doing?"

I didn't answer him. Looking at him, I couldn't speak. I just gripped the bag in my hand even tighter and slowly stepped into his room, shaking my head, tears still streaming down my face. I still didn't bother to wipe them away as Edward looked from my face to the bag in my hand and then back again.

Realisation suddenly dawned in his eyes and in his expression. "Emmett," he croaked. There was fear in his voice as he realised what I was going to do. "Don't."

**CPOV**

I thought that it was good that Edward was finally interacting with people around him. Even if it was only for a school project, I knew it would do him some good.

I wasn't so sure about the fact that Edward had told her about his self-harm. Even so, I was proud of him and believed him when he said that he knew she wouldn't tell. Emmett storming off and refusing to meet the girl didn't help matters. Althought I wasn't about to say so I was very proud of Edward. It was a very brave thing for him to do on his part.

Personally I thought the girl, Bella, I think her name was, was very charming. She seemed sweet and I was glad that Edward was partnered with her for this project.

After she left, Esme called everyone down for dinner. Edward didn't stay. He turned and went up the stairs, obviously wanting no part in the charade we all played in pretending everything was fine. I heard Emmett coming down the stairs. "Not even going to grace us with your presence tonight then?" I heard him say to Edward. This is not what we needed. We did not need a repeat of last night, which was, from what I heard, very heated and ended up with my having to bandage Edward's arm while he slept.

"Emmett," I said, hoping that the expression on my face matched my disapproving tone. "That was unnecessary. I know that you're worried. Hell, we all are." He glared at me, his expression a mixture of anger and surprise. I hated cursing, even mildly, but I knew that the situation with Edward required it. "But we need to think of Edward. We don't want to upset him."

"We have to think of Edward?!" He spat back at me. I knew that it wasn't me he was upset with. It was Edward. It was the whole situation revolving around my adopted son, it was getting to everyone. I knew we had to take action soon, before he was really beyond help. "Do you really think he's thinking of us?! HE'S NOT THINKING OF US!!! WHY SHOULD WE THINK OF HIM?! HE'S ONLY THINKING ABOUT HIMSELF! HE DOESN'T CARE HOW HE HURTS US!!!" Suddenly a loud smash interrupted my worried thoughts. Emmett had picked up the plate that Esme had put in the place where Edward usually sat and thrown it against the wall. "YOU REALLY THINK THAT HE'S GOING TO NEED THAT?!"

"Emmett, CALM DOWN!" It was Jasper that responded to Emmett's sudden outburst. "You're forgetting that Edward's really fragile at the moment. You remember what he did when you had a go at him yesterday?! Nothing you do while you're in this sort of state is going to help Emmett!"

"Jasper's right Emmett," I said, calmly trying to reason with Emmett, though I knew that there was no reasoning with him when he was in this state. "Calm down and then I think we need to have a family meeting, with Edward, to discuss further action." I turned to look at Esme, who's delicate features were a mixture of anguish and fear of what would become of Edward. She nodded at me, tears welling up in her eyes, knowing as well as I did that this situation needed dealing with as soon as possible.

"Further action?!" Emmett scoffed and with that he turned and left the room. None of us were really in the mood to eat anymore. I for one wasn't hungry anymore and I doubted the children wanted any food after Emmett's outburst. Looking around at the rest of my family I saw the looks of anguish and sadness that lay there.

Rosalie had silent tears streaking down her face, ruining the make-up she had spent forever perfecting this morning. "Dad," she said in a voice that was barely above a whisper. "What's going to happen to Edward?"

I looked at my children and wife, who were all looking at me, possibly expecting me to know the answer to that question. I shook my head. "I don't know, Rose." More tears streamed down her face. I looked and saw that Alice was crying too and Jasper had tears welling up in his face, his expression that of extreme worry and fear. "I just don't know."

I wanted to tell them that everything was going to be okay. That Edward was going to get better, but I just didn't believe that to be true. I jsut didn't know.

Jasper left the room, probably going to check and see if Emmett was okay. He walked back in with a look of confusion on his face. "Did any of you move the bag that was on the coffee table?" He asked. We all looked at him, confused. The girls shook their heads. "No," Esme replied. I shook my head. "Well, its gone."

Realisation dawned on me. "EMMETT!!!!" I cried, rushing up the stairs to Edward's room, where, no doubt Emmett would also be. "STOP!!"

_NO!!!!!_ My mind cried. _NO!!!_

**DON'T HATE ME!!!!  
PLEASE!!!!  
I know you all want to know what Emmett is planning. What he's going to do to Edward, but I wanted to focus on the others in his family before revealing what was going on.  
I promise you'll find out what Emmett's going to do in the next chapter! I PROMISE!!!! *crosses heart*  
Please Review. Much love xx**


	10. What are you doing, Emmett?

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**All right, I'll admit, that was mean of me to put another cliffie in like that. I can't promise that it won't happen again, but I can say that you will find out what Emmett's planning in this chapter (if you haven't already - I know one of you already has).**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SCENES THAT SOME MAY FIND DISTURBING.**

**EPOV**

_"Emmett," I said, my voice audibly shaking with the fear that was welling up inside me. "Don't."_

Had he completely lost his mind? I could see the tears rolling down his cheeks as he was shaking his head walking towards me. He was blocking the door so I had no way of getting out.

I was trapped.

"I'm sorry Edward." He said, still moving toward me, moving so slowly it was unnatural for him. Emmett was normally fast and bouncy - or at least he had been - so this slow pace scared me even more as it was so out of character. Even if I hadn't realised what he was planning, I would've guessed something wasn't right with him. "I just don't know what else to do." He was now standing directly in front of me. I really was trapped. I knew what he was planning to do, and I also knew that I couldn't stay here and let him do this to me.

I stood up and attempted to push my way past him. I should have known that he wasn't going to let me pass.

He grabbed my arm so hard that his grip hurt. I knew it was going to bruise, but I wasn't worried about that at the moment. All I knew was that I had to get out of there. And fast. But Emmett's grip told me that he had other ideas. He wasn't going to let me leave, not until he had done what he came to do.

Before I knew what had happened he had spun me around so he was behind me. He was holding me to his chest in a vice like grip.

"Emmett," I gasped. His grip was crushing me, making it so I couldn't move. Even so, I struggled. I kicked him in the leg, causing him to fall to the floor. He let me go and I attempted to get out of there while I had the chance. Again Emmett had other ideas.

He grabbed my ankle and I fell to the ground, whacking my head on the floor so hard it began to throb instantaneously.

The next thing I knew Emmett was on top of me, pinning me to the ground with his knee. Again, he was crushing me. What with him weighing so much more than I did, it was hardly surprising. "Emmett," I gasped. "I can't breathe." But he wasn't listening to me. He was focused on the bag he had in his hand. He opened it and put it on the floor next to me, still sobbing and shaking his head, furiously muttering "I'm sorry, Eddie. I'm so sorry." Even now he had to use the irritating nickname he knew I hated.

_Why is he doing this?_ I thought, panicking. I had to get him off me, or I was going to suffocate. _Has he lost his mind?_

I tried shouting for Carlisle or Esme, but Emmett's weight was so much on my chest that I couldn't breathe in enough to make a sound.

He moved his knee off of my chest and in one quick motion pinned me to his chest again, pinning my arms behind me, between my body and his so I couldn't fight him off. Now I knew why he had been the best wrestler at our last school in Chicago. Even though I knew that I wasn't going to be able to get free I kept on struggling. I wasn't going to give up. Not with Emmett like this. He wouldn't win. Not after all this time. He wouldn't win. He _couldn't_ win!!

Next thing I knew, Emmett was reaching into the bag that he'd put on the floor with his free hand, still sobbing, muttering apologies for what he was about to do.

"Emmett," I begged him. "Don't. Please. Stop it!" I had tears welling up in my eyes. Tears of fear. "Emmett, please stop it. Please!" I knew I was begging, and I didn't care. I would do anything to stop Emmett from doing what he was about to do.

"I can't Edward!" He said. "If you won't feed yourself, then someone's got to do it for you!"

Before I knew it, he'd taken something out of the bag and tried to shove it in my mouth. I'd clamped my mouth shut and I wasn't planning on opening it any time soon. I knew that wasn't enough to get Emmett to give up. He was intent on trying to get whatever it was into my body. I didn't have a clue what it was as I had shut my eyes when I'd seen the maniacal look in Emmett's eyes.

It scared me when he was like this. He was unpredicatable. And he was strong. Much stronger than he was normally.

"Please Edward. Just eat it!" Emmett was now trying to force my mouth open. I forced my lips tighter and tighter together until they started to pulse along with my head. I was amazed at the fact that I hadn't passed out from that blow.

I felt one of his fingernails rip my lip and I cried out in pain. Emmett took this as the opportunity he needed and shoved the food in my mouth. It hurt because it hit the back of my throat causing me to gag.

It was something sickly and sweet. Something with chocolate in it. I tried to spit it out but he had clamped his hand over my mouth so I couldn't. I also couldn't breathe because he had his hand pressed over my nose as well. He was sobbing, rocking backwards and forwards, muttering. "I'm so sorry Eddie. Just swallow it man! You need to swallow it!"

I knew he was right, because if I didn't he wasn't going to move his hand and I was going to pass out.

The food was disgusting in my mouth. I hated the texture, the taste, everything. I also hated the fact that the only way I was going to get free was to swallow it. It went against everything that I had worked for for the last five years. I had attained such perfect control, to the point where I was able to turn down food when it had been sat there right under my nose and now that was being ruined by my maniac of a brother who had decided to take matters into his own hands. Why the couldn't he leave me the hell alone?!

It went against everything I had drilled into myself for the last five years. I mustered all the strength I had and swallowed the sickly lump that was in my mouth. The feeling of it was horrible. It made me feel weak to feel the food travelling into my stomach. I hated it even more than the taste of whatever it had been in my mouth.

"That wasn't so hard was it?" Emmett was congratulating me in swallowing the foul thing. He had taken his hand away from my mouth and I inhaled a large breath. "Here, have some more." He tried forcing some more of it down my throat.

"Emmett, please." I begged. I was crying now. It scared me when Emmett was like this. I had no idea what he was going to do. I felt powerless. "Please, don't. Stop it, please! Don't!" I tried turning my head away from his hand, but he had grabbed my chin and was trying to force my mouth open again.

"EMMETT!!!" I heard Carlisle scream. "Let him go!! NOW!" I felt someone grab Emmett and pull him away from me. I flopped onto the floor, finally able to breathe properly again, coughing as I rolled over onto my stomach trying to get up.

Esme ran to me, turning me over and holding me against her chest. I tried to push her away, but my struggle with Emmett had drained all of my energy. Esme just sat there, holding me as you would a baby, cradling me to her chest, trying to calm me down. I was still in a state of shock after what had just happened.

"Jasper!" I heard Carlisle shout. "Will you and your sisters get Emmett out of here! NOW!" I had never heard Carlisle shout like that before. I had never heard him that angry.

"Yeah Dad," I heard Jasper reply from the door. "Come on, Emmett." I heard him grunt with exertion as he pulled Emmett from the room. Emmett was still sobbing, muttering "I'm so sorry Eddie, I'm so sorry." I heard Jasper take him into his room down the hall.

"Dad?" One of the girls called from the doorway. I didn't know which one it was, nor did I care. My head was still throbbing and I could feel the food that I had been forced to swallow by my brother, settling in my stomach. This was why I didn't eat. I couldn't stand this feeling. It made me feel weak. Pitiful. Ashamed. "Is he ok?"

"Alice. Will you and Rosalie go and help Jasper with your brother please?" Carlisle said breathlessly. "And close the door, please." They did as he asked, obviously worried about what Emmett had done to me.

"Edward?" I heard Carlisle calling to me. "Open your eyes son." I only just realised that I still had my eyes clamped shut. I opened them to see Carlisle staring at me with a worried expression on his face. "I'm so sorry Edward. We had no idea he was planning to do that." I felt his fingers on my throat, and I realised he was checking my pulse. He then laid his hand flat against my throat as if to check that there was nothing blocking my airways and sighed.

I shook my head. I didn't care.

I closed my eyes again and rested my head against Esme's chest, thankful for once that she was there. I had never liked physical contact, even with Esme and I wasn't comfortable with it now. But after what had just happened, her gentle embrace was a blessing compared to Emmett's vice-like grip. At least she wasn't trying to force anything down my throat. Carlisle was checking my pulse again, which had slowed down. I only knew that because the pulsing in my head and lip had slowed down.

"Carlisle he's bleeding." Esme said. She had noticed my damaged lip.

"I know." I heard Carlisle opening something, and then I felt him dabbing something cold and wet onto my lip. It stung like hell and it tasted bitter. I shook my head trying to get him to stop. "It's okay, Edward. I'm just cleaning the cut on your lip. It's okay." He reassured me in calm tones. "He'll be okay. Give him to me."

I felt Carlisle lift me up and place me on my bed. He ran a hand over my forehead and sighed. I could tell he was distressed at what had happened. "I think he's just a bit traumatized. After what Emmett tried to do it's no wonder he's in shock." I felt him kiss my forehead lightly. Something he'd never done before, or at least if he had I wasn't aware of it. "Speaking of Emmett, I'm going to go and find out what the hell he thought he was doing."

Carlisle must have been mad. He never swore, even under the most desperate of circumstances and he reprimanded us if we did in his presence. I heard him leave the room. After a swift kiss on the forehead Esme whispered "I love you, my boy." and left, leaving the door open.

"EMMETT!!!" I heard Carlisle shout from down the hall. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THINK YOU WERE PLAYING AT?! FORCE-FEEDING YOUR BROTHER!! HE'S NOW LYING IN THERE, IN SHOCK-"

I didn't hear what else Carlisle threw at Emmett for what he had done to me.

I had no idea whether I passed out as a delayed reaction from hitting my head on the floor, or whether it was exhaustion that overcame me and I drifted off into sleep.

All I knew was blackness.

**Was it worth the wait and the cliffies?  
This chapter was difficult for me to write, as it is particularly distressing for both Edward and Emmett.  
Sorry Emmett lovers, I don't plan to write this from Emmett's point of view, although his view may been included in flashbacks later on in the story. _MAY BE!!!  
_Reviews on this chapter would be greatly appreciated. Would love to know what you guys think of it. x**


	11. Author's Note and Thanks

**I just wanted to say thank you for all the great reviews I've recieved for this story.**

**I was debating whether or not to write this story for a while as I wasn't sure how it was going to be received,**

**as it can be a very sensitive subject for some.**

**Thank you for the great reviews.**

**They're really inspiring me to keep on writing this story.**

**There will be more Bella and Edward, though I'm still undecided on how their relationship will develop.**

**Keep reading, there is more to come :]**

**Thanks again**

**xxxxx**


	12. Repercussions

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**I just want to say thanks again for all the amazing reviews. That last chapter was incredibly hard for me to write as I had to try to really get inside Edward's head to try to describe his fear and disgust.**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS DESCRIPTIONS OF SELF-HARM SCARS THAT SOME MAY FIND TRIGGERING OR DISTURBING.**

**EPOV**

I never wanted to see Emmett again after what he had tried to do to me.

I still hadn't really recovered from what had happened that night. It was still kind of a blur. All I remember was Emmett coming into my room, being unable to breathe and something sweet, sickly and sticky being forced down my throat. Anything else that occured - not that I figured there was much more to it than that - wasn't in focus.

I awoke the next morning with an extreme headache, a sore lip and the worst feeling in my stomach. It took a moment to register what had happened, but then it came back to me. _Emmett had tried to force feed me,_ I thought bitterly. _And he succeeded to a certain extent._ I hated him for it. Thinking back to the previous night, it scared me to think of Emmett. He had been so strong, so willful, so sure of his actions, he was willing to do anything to get that...that....whatever it was down my throat. Even the memory of it in my mouth made me gag. But it was the expression on Emmett's face that had scared me the most. Gone was the carefree brother that I was used to. He had been replaced by someone I didn't know. Someone who was willing to hold me down, and force-feed me crap like I was an invalid.

I hated him. I really _hated _him.

Carlisle had phoned the school and explained that due to a family emergency none of us would be in for the rest of the week. He wanted us all at home for some reason.

I hadn't really left my room since the night Emmett had attacked me. He had tried to apologize the next day but it ended up in a screaming match between the two of us. "If you had the sense to feed yourself then I wouldn't have had to do it, would I?" He'd screamed at me. I hadn't been able to get anything out until Carlisle came in and practically tore him out of my room.

That was on Wednesday. It was Friday now. And Carlisle wanted us all to sit down and have a "family meeting".

We had all gathered around the dining room table. All of us, aside from Carlisle were sitting down. He had made me sit at the head of the table, seeing as it was because of me that this meeting had been called. He stood beside me, and placed a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged away from his touch, in doing so expressing my disgust with the whole situation. He looked at the family as they all sat down. I glared at Emmett, hating the fact that I was stuck in the same room as the person, whom in my mind, had tried to destroy me. Tried to destroy everything I'd worked for over the last five years.

"Right," Carlisle said, holding an air of authority about him, as though he was at a board meeting with colleagues instead of his wife and children. "I think that we all know why I've decided to call his family meeting. Everyone is free to voice their opinions. But I will say, one at a time, and please, try to control your language." He looked around at all of us. No one met his gaze. "Now, Emmett, what you did on Tuesday was unacceptable. I don't think you realise that you potentially could have done more harm than good."

"I know," Emmett replied, still not looking at Carlisle. "I'm sorry." He looked at me. I didn't meet his gaze. I couldn't stand to look at him.

"Why did you do it Emmett?" Esme stood up and moved to stand behind Emmett. She put a hand on his shoulder as if to comfort him. "You must have had some reason to do what you did."

"I don't know," Emmett leaned on the table and put his head in his hands. "I don't know." He sighed. "I just.....I just couldn't stand it anymore. I mean, look at him." He gestured at me. "There's nothing left of him. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe I wasn't thinking. I just saw the bag on the table and I did the first thing that came to mind, that's all." He had his head in his hands again, and was breathing heavily. I could tell he was trying to restrain himself.

"I know you were trying to help," Carlisle sighed, moving around the table to face Emmett. "But in doing so you could have really hurt Edward. You're a lot bigger than he is, and holding him like you were, you could have done some serious damage." Carlisle looked at me in a reproachful way. "We understand your motives though, don't we?" He was still looking at me. "Edward?" I didn't answer him. In my mind, Emmett didn't deserve an answer.

I heard Carlisle sigh. He looked at the family slowly. "This has gone on for long enough." He was suddenly extremely serious. "And we all know it has." He looked at me, and I was suddenly wary, wanting to know what he was thinking and at the same time willing him not to say it. I still didn't look at him, but focused on the interlacing planks of wood on the dining room floor. "Edward. I think you should know, that your mother and I have started the proceedings to have you checked into an Inpatient Program at a hospital in Seattle."

My head snapped up at this. "NO WAY!" I shouted, springing up from my seat. "Nuh-uh. No way. Not a chance." I said, standind there shaking my head. "Not a chance in Hell."

_How could they do this to me?!_ I thought bitterly. They were the ones who always said about sticking together as a family. They were the ones who always taught us to be there for one another, like brothers and sisters and families should do. And now they were turning their backs on me! They were giving up. They were sending me away for someone else to deal with. I guess I really didn't matter to them.

"Edward, calm down. I know it's come as a shock. Your mother and I have talked about this since before we decided to move out of Chicago. We really think its the best thing for you. If you're ever going to get better Edward, you need professional help. You need a level of help that we can't provide." Carlisle spoke in those soft tones that I was beginning to hate. Everyone else seemed calmed by them, but they only seemed to aggravate me even more. "It's what's best son."

"What's best?!" I scoffed. "For who? Does anybody care what I think? What I want? Has nothing I've done had any impact on any of you?! I don't want to get _better._" I sneered at that word. "I don't want to _recover_, as you so delicately put it. I want out. End of." I sat back down, knowing that they weren't going to let me go, crossed my arms on the table and rested my head on my arms, desperately trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Of course we care what you want baby," Esme said, moving around to where I was sitting. "Please don't talk like that. I can't bear it when you do." She was on the verge of tears.

"Edward, maybe Mom and Dad are right." This time it was Alice who spoke up. Over the last few weeks she had repressed into herself. She was no longer the bouncy, bubbly, shoppaholic sister I had once had, who was always bothering me about "updating my wardrobe" as she'd put it. She had become more grown-up. She'd seemed to have shrunk within herself since the revelation about me that Carlisle had come out with. "You need this Eddie." She used that damned nickname she and the others knew I hated. They thought it was endearing so they used it when they thought I needed to hear it. "You need to go to the hospital. There's nothing left of you. You're not eating, you're barely drinking anything. You look like you're going to pass out at any moment. You're not my brother any more. I just want the old Edward back." She finished in a whisper, choking back tears.

Carlisle walked over and crouched down in front of me. "Edward, look at me." So I did. "I'll make you a deal. We were supposed to be taking you to Seattle at the end of next week but I'll hold back on the Inpatient Program for one month. One month you hear. If you can show me that you're able to handle this on your own, and by handle this I mean, eating properly and no more...." He trailed off but I knew what he meant. "No more of that, then I will rethink the hospital idea. But, and this is a big but, okay, if I don't see any signs of improvement from you then I am sending you off to that hospital straight away, you hear?"

I sighed. It was better than going to that hospital. I had managed to fool them for five years before they found out, I could do it again. I'd just have to be more sneaky about it this time. "Whatever." I said finally. Carlisle knew that this was the only answer he was going to get from me, at this or any other stage.

After this revelation I was allowed to go, so I sat in my room and listened to Debussy for as long as I could keep my eyes open. Eventually I drifted off into nothingness. A secluded place where I wasn't bothered by the outside ramblings of my family.

The weekend passed uneventfully after the meeting on Friday and soon enough it was Monday morning again and I was allowed to return to school. I was grateful too, as another day locked up in the house would have given me enough motivation to try to end it all again.

Even though school was dull and lifeless, I was glad that it got me out of the house. Nothing out of the ordinary happened throughout my first classes. I was dreading lunch though. The only time I had been in that close proximity with Emmett since the whole incident on Tuesday was at the meeting on Friday. I wasn't looking forward to having to sit there for an hour with him and my two sisters.

Who knew that Lady Luck was shining on me today?

I certainly didn't.

That was until I rounded the corner on the way to the cafeteria and almost collided with Bella. She looked surprised to see me, but then again, why wouldn't she? I hadn't been there all week and she was probably worried, considering what she knew about me.

"Edward," She gasped. "I didn't see you there. Are you okay? What happened? Why weren't you in?" She looked at me as though realising that she had asked a multitude of questions in one go.

"Ummm." I didn't really know what to say. At least not with this many people around. "You mind if we go somewhere else and talk?" I asked, quietly. I could see Bella's annoying friend Jessica eyeing the two of us up and I could also see the intentions that there were behind that stare. She was intending to try and seperate us, probably so she could interrogate me about where I had been at the end of last week. Girls like her were leeches for gossip. And I couldn't stand them. "Now?" I looked at her pleadingly, nodding towards Jessica who was now immersed in something Mike Newton was saying.

"Oh, yeah," She said, turning to see what I was looking at. "Of course. Ummm, how about we go to the field maybe. We could sit under that tree like we did last time." I shook my head. "Is there something wrong with there?"

"To many ears," I said. She seemed to understand. "You never know who's listening you know."

"Well, we could go to my place. It's only like a five minute drive, we could go, have some lunch and then be back in time for Biology." She said, smiling.

I nodded, desperate to get out of this place. With so many people around I felt like I was suffocating. Almost as bad as when I had Emmett pinning me to the ground with his knee on Tuesday. That was a night that was going to haunt me forever.

We got in her truck. A great hefty thing. I jumped a little when she started the engine up. I noticed that she did too. She gave me a look that said, "If I'm not used to it by now I never will be." I smiled at her. It seemed that the only time I ever felt like smiling was when I was around Bella. She made me feel like everything was going to be okay. I don't know how but she did.

We pulled up to her house a few minutes later. It was a charming little house. It looked very homely. Watching her walk up to the front steps I noticed that she stumbled a couple of times. She obviously wasn't the most graceful of people. I didn't mind though. I found it an endearing, charming quality. Walking into her kitchen, it seemed as homely as the outside did. It had the lived in family feel, unlike the spacious kitchen we had in our home.

"What do you want to eat?" She asked me, delving into the fridge. "We've got sandwich stuff, pop tarts, I think there's some chips around here somewhere." She turned to look at me.

"I-I-I-I'm fine thank you. I'm not hungry." I said shaking my head. She gave me a look as if to say she didn't believe me. She had every right to. I _was_ lying to her. I was starving. I was always starving. But that was the way I wanted it. The way I liked it. "Honestly, I'm fine."

She turned around and busied herself with making herself some lunch. When she was finished, she put her plate on the table and began eating a sandwich and some chips. It looked as though she had even located a stray chocolate bar in the cupboard. _Typical packed lunch_ I thought to myself, smiling.

"What?" She asked, obviously confused about my musings.

"Nothing," I said, still smiling slightly. It was strange. Smiling around this girl was becoming natural to me. What was it about her that had this effect on me? I didn't know. But I wanted to find out.

"So," She said, getting serious. "You gonna tell me where your family disappeared to last week?"

My smile suddenly disappeared as I remembered the incident with Emmett. "Yeah, um," I said, not quite sure how to explain. "We kind of had a family emergency. Uh, Emmett and I kind of had a little .... um .... set to, if you will."

"What about?" She had stopped eating now, a look of worry on her face.

I pulled up my sleeves on my sweater, showing her the many scars that were embedded in my skin there. Many of them - the oldest ones - were a faint white colour, others that were more recent, were purple, and then the fresh ones which were red. I turned over my arms so that the palms of my hands were facing the ceiling. These were the worst scars of them all. THe main ones, that were still reasonably fresh were the large ones that went in a vertical line down my vein from the thin skin of my wrist to approximately half way to my elbow. The evidence of when I had tried to take my own life a few weeks past.

"Oh, Edward." She gasped. I could hear the pain in her voice. "I had no idea it was this bad." She went to touch the scars on my right arm but I jerked my arms away, covering the scars again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"It's okay," I told her. "It's me. I don't, generally like people touching me. Not just you, anybody."

"At all?" She seemed shocked by this. I shook my head. Truth be told I hated physical contact and only permitted it when I knew I had no other choice. She sighed. "Well, maybe thats something we're going to have to work on isn't it?" She smiled at me as I looked at her. She seemed to be serious in this statement and I couldn't help but give her a small smile in return. "Why do I get the feeling that there's something else you want to tell me?"

I hesitated. She knew I was keeping something from her. I wasn't going to be able to hide it anymore. "Maybe, because there is." I spoke in a voice that was barely above a whisper. "This," I gestured to my arms, "isn't the only way I harm myself." Her expression grew more shocked than it had been already. It was now or never.

There was a voice screaming inside my head to stop, not to tell her, screaming at me to tell her that it was smoking, drinking, drugs, anything but the truth. But I knew that she deserved nothing less that the truth. So I took a deep breath and came out with it.

"I, um, I have an eating disorder."

**So the truth is finally out. Bella now knows Edward's biggest secret.  
Now the real question is can she help him avoid the Inpatient Program, or will he end up going to the hospital anyway?  
At the moment I don't know because I haven't got that far yet :P  
Right that's it from me for tonight, because I think I'm losing the connection between my brain and my fingers.  
Reviews would be nice :D xx**


	13. Secrets

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS DESCRIPTIONS OF SELF-HARM AND SELF-ABUSE. IF YOU ARE IN ANY WAY TRIGGERED OR UNCOMFORTABLE WTIH DESCRIPTIONS OF THIS NATURE IT IS ADVISED THAT YOU DISCONTINUE THE READING OF THIS CHAPTER.**

**BPOV**

_"I, um, I have an eating disorder."_

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I mean, I'd known there was something seriously wrong with him, but I'd never imagined an eating disorder. I'd thought, maybe drugs or something.

Now I could see the reasons behind it all. Why he always wore that pained expression, why he held himself the way he did, the sadness in his eyes. _He hates himself_ I thought sadly. I couldn't help the expression that came over my face. I knew it was one of sympathy and pity, and I didn't want him to think he had made a mistake in telling me. I put my hand gently on his, and was surprised when he didn't pull away, considering what he'd just told me about his aversion to physical contact. He looked at my hand in the same way he had in Biology, a mix of shock and fear. He then seemed to relax slightly. He looked pained and exhausted, as though it had taken him a lot of effort to get those few words out.

_It must have been a huge effort,_ I thought to myself. _He's probably hidden this from everyone around him for a long time. Deciding to tell someone was a huge step. _And I was glad that it was me that he decided to tell. I wanted to help him in any way I could. I just didn't have a clue how.

"Um, your family, do they-" I started.

"Yeah, they know." The pained expression on his face was unbearable for me to look at. It cut me to the core. I had no idea why, but I felt a connection to Edward. One that I wasn't about to let go.

He looked at me with that sadness in his eyes. But there was something else mixed in his expression. Was it.....relief? He seemed to be relieved that he had finally worked up the courage to tell someone. But that disappeared when he saw my face. The pain came back and he turned away, picking up his coat. He stood up to go, muttering. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you. I shouldn't have laid this on you."

"No, wait," I said and he stopped. "Edward. I want to know. Tell me about it."

**EPOV**

Did I just hear her correctly? She still wanted to know me? Even after what I had just told her?

This girl was truly remarkable. Granted, yes, she had given me the same look I had been receiving from my family for the last month or so, since they found out, but there was something different in her expression. It told me she wanted to know. She _really_ wanted to know about it. I got the feeling from her that she wanted to do whatever she could to help. I didn't want to upset her and tell her that there was no helping me. I'd known that when I'd agreed to Carlisle's stupid deal on Friday. They would pack me up and send me to Seattle soon enough. And I would probably never see Bella again.

I turned around and looked at her. She gave me a pleading look. "Please. Talk to me." She really did want to know, didn't she? I walked back over to the table and sat back down in front of her, not meeting her gaze. She put her hand back on mine, and I, again, didn't shy away. I was beginning to trust this girl, which, even I will admit is a big breakthough for me. I was never really big on trust, even when my parents were alive, and even more so after they died. I hadn't really let anyone in since they'd passed away, but for some reason I was compelled to talk to this girl. To let her in.

"What do you want to know?" I asked her in a voice that was barely above a whisper, finally meeting her gaze.

"Well, um, why?" She asked. "Why did it start?"

"I don't know," I told her truthfully. I didn't know. It had just seemed like the thing I needed at that point in time. I'd had no idea it was going to take over my life, until it was too late, that is. "I, um, I guess it was just a way of dealing with things, you know? Just a way of putting everything into perspective."

"What things?" She asked me. I'd forgotten I hadn't told her about my parents. She thought that Carlisle and Esme were my biological parents.

"Um," I didn't really know how to explain. I'd never had to before. "You know Carlisle and Esme?" She nodded, looking slightly confused. "They're not my real parents. My real parents died when I was seven. I guess I never really knew how to deal with it." Her hand slowly had made its way to her mouth and her expression was one of shock. "Don't get me wrong, Carlisle and Esme are the nicest people I've ever met, and I appreciate everything they've done for me, but ... I don't know ... I just ..." I trailed off, unable to carry on. I looked at her and she had a look of extreme grief on her face. Was she grieving for me? I couldn't believe that she was. "Even after Carlisle and Esme adopted me, I had this huge void inside of me. There was this ache that just wouldn't go away. I had no idea how to deal with it. And then a while later, I was making myself some lunch and I cut myself. I'd finally found something that could ease my emotinal pain that was inside of me. I realised I could replace it with physical pain. So I started doing it more and more and not just cutting myself, I'd find whatever way I could to hurt myself physically. Just to distract myself from the pain my losing my parents, I guess."

I was glad that she had let me talk. And she wasn't running away now. So I carried on. Knowing, or at least _hoping_, that she wouldn't judge me.

"And then," I continued. "And then, when I was twelve, I got food poisoning. I couldn't eat for a week, and when I did it just came straight back up. I liked the feeling that not eating gave me. Even though I was ill, I felt like I had the control, you know? Finally there was something real there, a physical void that appeared, as if in a way to take the place of the emotional one that had been eating away at me for the last five years. So I stopped eating. And when I did have to eat, I threw it back up."

"Didn't you'r family notice?" She asked, and I shook my head.

"No, it was surprisingly easy to fool them actually. I just had to be careful around them. Hiding food, making it look like I was eating. It worked for a long time. For five years actually." I sighed. "It was like, I was finally able to get a grip on something that I knew was instinct. I was able to control my hunger. It made me feel strong, to say no. To deny my natural instincts, and to watch everyone else give in to theirs. A lot of the time I was able to get out of breakfast and dinner and such by pretending I was late for school, and telling Carlisle and Esme that I'd either pick something up on the way there, or get something from one of the vending machines at school. Carlisle and Esme being like they were had no reason to doubt me. I never did get anything to eat. I was able to get out of dinner by pretending that I'd fallen asleep, either while doing homework, reading or watching tv or something. It was always Esme who came to check on me, and she never "woke me up" as it were and left me to it." I sighed again. I couldn't believe that I was telling her all my secrets. The pain of my life, how I'd done it. And yet, it felt natural to tell her this. It was easy. "I had perfect control. Even in places where it was so easy to eat, by the time I was seventeen I was able to just turn down food like that." I clicked my fingers. "It was so simple. But even with that, it didn't help the pain of losing my parents. I began to fall deeper and deeper into depression. Carlisle and Esme could see that there was something wrong, and they even tried to talk to me about it sometimes, but I just told them that I was worried about school and such. They had no idea."

"But you said that they knew." She said quietly. "If you didn't tell them, how did they find out?"

"Well," This was the hardest bit. The most shameful bit in my eyes. My failure. "A couple of weeks before we moved, I, um, I decided that I'd had enough and I....." I trailed off. Realisation dawned on her face as she realised what I had done.

"Is that what these are from?" She moved the sleeves of my sweater up my arms, exposing the deep, still healing scars that lay on my wrists. The physical evidence of my failure. I nodded, pulling my sleeves back down. I couldn't bear to look at them, to have _her_ look at them. "Oh, Edward." She put her hand on my cheek. I moved away slightly, but her hand stayed where it was. She moved my head slightly to look at her. She had tears welling up in her eyes. Tears for me.

"Please don't cry." She shook her head, muttering something that sounded like, "I can't help it." "Anyway, Alice found me and I was taken to the hospital. They'd run some tests that told them everything. That's when they found out. After that Carlisle and Esme decided that Chicago probably wasn't the best place for us to live anymore, and we moved here. You're the only person I've ever told any of this to. You're the only person who knows this much. Even my family don't know how long I've been doing this to myself, although the tests that the hospital ran gave them a pretty good idea." I shook my head, still not believing that I was practically laying my soul out in front of this girl.

She looked up at me. There were still tears in her eyes but it seemed like she had gotten herself somewhat under control. "So what happened with you and Emmett?"

"Well, it was after you left, and Esme called everyone for dinner. I decided that I didn't want to play the part in the charade of "happy families" that we played every day, so I went to my room. I don't know what happened downstairs but I heard shouting and something smash. I tried to tune it out and began listening to my music." I shook my head, knowing that that moment was the moment that Emmett had decided to try and force-feed me. "After a minute or two, the door to my room opened. I didn't pay attention, it's become routine for them to check on me. Especially since I-" I trailed off. "Anyway, I looked up when the door didn't close again, and I saw Emmett standing there in the doorway to my room. He looked like he was crying and he was holding a bag of something in his hand. It then dawned on me what he was going to do."

"What?" She asked. I could hear the fear in her voice. She knew how big Emmett was and I was guessing she could only imagine how scary he could look. "What was he going to do, Edward?"

"He tried to force-feed me." I heard the tiniest gasp come from where she was sat. "And he succeeded to a certain extent. He'd pinned me to the ground and managed to shove something sweet and disgusting in my mouth. I tried to spit it back out but he had his hand over my mouth, and over my nose. I couldn't breathe and I knew that the only way he was going to move his hand was if I swallowed it. So I did." I remembered the horrible feeling of whatever it was that Emmett had forced down my throat, inside of me. I also remembered the lack of control that I'd had. I had been utterly powerless. At the complete mercy of my brother.

Just then she reached forward and wiped a tear from each of my cheeks. I hadn't realised I'd been crying. "I'm so sorry that he did that to you Edward."

"I hate to admit it but I was afraid. I was afraid of my own brother. I had no idea how far he would go. What he would do just to get me to eat. I haven't spoken to him since he did it. I know he's sorry for doing what he did, but I just can't forgive him." I shook my head, when I remembered having to sit in the same room with him at the family meeting. "After I'd swallowed whatever it was that he was feeding me, he tried to shove some more in my mouth. It was then that Carlisle and everyone else had come into the room, having figured out what Emmett was doing. I've never seen Carlisle so angry before. I even heard him swear, which means that he must have been mad." A small smirk appeared on my face when I remembered the verbal beating that Emmett had gotten off Carlisle for the next few days.

"What happened then?" This girl never ceased to amaze me. Even after all this she still wanted to know me. She still wanted to be associated with me, and furthermore she wanted to know what had happened. She too, had tears streaming down her cheeks. I imagined someone walking in now and seeing the both of us sat at the kitchen table, crying our eyes out. You'd think that one of us was dying or something. _But one of us _is_ dying,_ I thought bitterly. _Me._ I knew I was, and I didn't care. Or did I? Looking into Bella's eyes gave me some semblance of hope, made me thing that maybe everything _could_ be okay, even after all this time. I didn't know what to make of it.

"Carlisle called for a "family meeting" as he'd put it." I said, looking at the hand she'd placed on top of mine. I was amazed at how natural it seemed. "He wanted to discuss what had happened. And also he and Esme needed to tell us all something. And I don't think he wanted to repeat it over and over again." I took a deep breath. "They're sending me away for an Inpatient Program at a hospital in Seattle." I looked up at her. She had a look of anguish on her face, one that I couldn't stand to look at, so I turned away.

"When?" She whispered.

"They were going to take me there next week," I heard a small gasp escape her lips. "But Carlisle has said that if I can show some signs of improvement within one month he'll call the hospital and cancel the treatment."

"Do you think you can do it?" She asked me. Something in her voice told me that she didn't want me to go.

I ran a hand through my hair. "I don't know, Bella." I said looking at her. "I just don't know."

She sighed and looked at me. "I'm going to help you." She said. I looked at her and her expression told me she was serious. I couldn't tell her that I didn't _want_ to get better. I didn't _want_ to improve. All I wanted to do was disappear. I grimaced internally at the fact that I was going to have to lie to Bella as well. My family was hard enough to get round. They knew what to look for, but even though Bella didn't, I felt ashamed at the fact that I was going to lie to her. I just _knew_ that I was.

"Thank you," I whispered with a small smile on my lips.

We just sat there in silence for a long while, neither of us really caring that we were late back for class. It didn't seem to matter to me anymore. All that mattered was that I was sat there with Bella, and she knew. She knew everything. Even more than my family. With that revealed there was no need for words. She was going to try to help me. And I felt bad that I was only going to be pretending to accept that help. I couldn't truthfully say to myself that I would listen to anyone, because there was a very strong chance that I wouldn't.

Suddenly my phone started to ring. It was Rosalie.

"Hello," I answered.

"Where the hell are you Edward?" She was panicking, I could tell. "You didn't show up for English again! We're waiting for you in the lot at school. Where the hell are you?!" I looked at the clock. I hadn't realised that much time had passed. School had been out for five minutes and they were obviously waiting for me to join them before they went home.

"Um, I'm at Bella Swan's house." I said. I pinched the bridge of my nose as I felt a headache begin to creep up on me.

"What are you doing there?" She asked me, sounding confused. I heard her whisper to the others, "Who's Bella Swan?". I then heard Alice reply, "She's Edward's Biology partner. You know? The girl who came over to our house last week." I heard the "Oh," of rememberance from Rosalie, and then she got back to me. "Well, where does she live? We'll come and pick you up on our way home."

"Here, I'll pass you over to her," I handed Bella the phone. She looked apprhensive, but took the phone anway.

"Hello?" She said tentatively into the phone. She gave them directions from the school to her house, and handed the phone back to me.

"We'll be there in five minutes." Rosalie said before hanging up.

"They coming to get you?" She asked, sitting back down.

I nodded. "You know, you said that as though they were doctors coming to take me away to the loony bin." I smirked. She smiled a small smile. "Bad joke, I know." We just sat there and looked at each other for a few minutes, until we heard a horn beep that signalled that my siblings were here. I grabbed my coat and bag off the chair and walked to the front door, with Bella close behind.

As I was half way down the steps that led up to her porch I stopped and turned around. "Bella?" She had been staring at the car, trying to work out who was who through the windows. They were all staring at us. Upon hearing her name she looked at me again. "Thanks for today. For listening." I smiled at her again. It wasn't a huge smile, but I hoped that it showed her that I was grateful for her being there.

She nodded. "No problem." And she in turn smiled at me.

As I got into the car, I was aware of my siblings all looking at me. It was Jasper who was driving this time. Again they had saved the front seat for me, whether or not they felt they had to because it was my car they were in or the fact that none of them wanted to sit next to me I didn't know. Nor did I care, if I was being honest. I was glad that they saved me this spot. It meant that I didn't have the risk of the physical contact that I would have if I were to sit in the back.

"What was that all about?" Rosalie asked. "Why were you at her house?" They knew that nothing, _that_ way inclined would have happened between Bella and myself as they knew about my issues with touching people. But that meant that they also didn't have a clue about what _did_ happen between us.

"I told her," I whispered, looking out my window.

"Told her what?" Jasper sounded apprehensive now. He kept glancing at me out of the corner of his eye, whislt the other three just stared at me. "Edward! Told her what?" He was getting impatient now.

I just kept staring out the window at the scenery that was whipping past us on the way home.

"Everything."

**So Bella now knows everything. Even more than Edward's family does and she hasn't turned her back on him as he had feared she would. Or was it as he _hoped_ she would?  
But the real question is, will he accept her help and attempt to overcome this demon that has been plaguing his life for the last five years? Or will he ignore all the help that his loved ones offer him and end up in the hospital, against his wishes?  
The only way to find out is to give me some nice reviews and wait for the next update :D xx**


	14. Consequences

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

The argument that ensued after we got home was epic.

I swear, it would have been in the World Record Book had anyone been measuring decibel levels. I was suprised that Emmett was able to contain himself until he got out of the car and into the house.

I knew it was coming.

As soon as we got into the house, Emmett sat on the bottom of the stairs and Rosalie stood in front of the door. Emmett sat there and looked at me with hate in his eyes.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING EDWARD?!" He screamed at me, standing up but not moving away from the stairs. I now realised he had stood there so I couldn't get up them. It made sense that Rosalie was standing in front of the door, so I couldn't leave the way we came in.

With that outburst, Carlisle and Esme appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, standing side by side so there was no room for me to squeeze past.

Again, I was trapped.

"What on earth is going on?" Carlisle asked, looking between Emmett and myself, obviously at a loss for words. I was surprised that none of them had called him to tell him what I had done.

"ASK HIM!" Emmett shouted, gesturing towards me. Carlisle and Esme turned to look at me, but I just stood there, unmoving, glaring at Emmett. When Emmett realised that I wasn't going to divulge the information that they wanted, he did it for me. "He told her! Apparently, he told her EVERYTHING!!!" He was breathing heavily now. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE BY TELLING HER EDWARD!!"

"I knew exactly what I was doing," I replied calmly. "Do any of you realise what it's like for me? Living here? Being watched all the time? No one really stopping and listening to what I want? Because none of you do!! None of you actually stop and listen to anything that I have to say!! You all have these ideas in your head, of what I want! Of what'll "help" me. But what none of you realise is I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP!! I don't want your ideas!! I don't want you to TRY AND FUCKING FORCE-FEED ME!!!!" I added on glaring at Emmett when I said this. "All I want is for someone to listen. Which none of you seem able to do!" I sighed, running my hands through my hair, sitting down on the arm out of the sofa. I knew I was getting worked up, and that was never good. I knew what could happen if I got too worked up. I tried to calm myself down, concentrating on the rhythm of my breahting. "But Bella...she actually listened to me." I looked at all of them. "She sat there, and listened. You know how that felt? It felt nice. It felt natural. That's all I wanted. Was someone, who didn't have any pre-meditated judgements like this family is full of!!"

"That doesn't matter Edward!" Rosalie spoke up. "What if she tells someone?! What if something accidentally slips out and she tells that little gossip girl she calls a friend?"

"She won't."

"You don't know that Edward," Alice said in a soft voice. Great, even she was ganging up on me. "You don't know that she won't tell. You don't even know her that well."

"She won't tell." I repeated.

"Edward," Carlisle spoke softly. "They have a point. You don't know this girl. You don't know whether or not she'll tell. She may have said that she won't but what people say and what they do are two completely different things."

I stood up sharply, taking them all by surprise. I didn't care what happened to me now. They were all just re-enforcing my point.

"See," I said, looking at all of them. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. You're not LISTENING TO ME!! You're all so wrapped up in what you think is best, you're not even taking into consideration what I have to say! And, correct me if I'm wrong, but it is MY FUCKING LIFE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE!!!"

"Edward, calm down." Esme walked over to me and put her hand on my shoulder.

"Don't," I snapped, shrugging her hand away. "Don't touch me." She stepped away from me, obviously hurt.

"Don't you dare talk to my mother like that!" Emmett snarled from the stairs. He was glaring at me in a way that told me that if Carlisle and Esme weren't in the room, he would have no reservations about launching himself at me. "What makes you think we don't care, eh, Edward? You know, Mom and Dad have put up with a lot of crap from you over the years! Maybe they should have just left you at that orphanage! Would have saved us a hell of a lot of trouble."

"Emmett!" Carlisle turned to face him now. "Don't talk to your brother like that! You know he-"

"He!" Emmett said, pointing at me. "Is not my brother!! He's just some whiney little kid, who needs to get a grip and learn to deal with his fucking problems the same way the rest of us do!! Not by starving himself, and cutting himself to ribbons!! You, Edward, need to grow up!!"

After that I zoned out completely. I didn't pay attention to anything after that. All I did was sit back down on the sofa and stare into space. I heard Carlisle and Emmett shouting at each other, Jasper and the girls were arguing amongst themselves for some reason and Esme was desperately trying to calm everyone down.

Emmett was right, I knew he was. I knew that I needed to stop. But I couldn't. This way of life was the only way I remember. I didn't want to stop, even though I knew that I was going to kill myself eventually if I didn't. Maybe that was why I did it. Not for the control, not to try and ease the pain that my parents passing had created. Maybe I did it because I knew that someday it would kill me. "Slow suicide" I'd heard it called. I now knew what they meant. I knew my body couldn't handle this kind of treatment for much longer. I knew that my heart was giving out, that some day - and probably some day soon - it was going to give out completely. But I didn't care. I knew all of this and yet it wasn't enough to make me stop. To make me get help. If that wasn't then I wasn't sure what would.

After a while all the voices seemed to die down and I heard doors slamming in every direction. Sensing that I was alone in the room, I lay down on the sofa, thankful for the solitude. I closed my eyes and after a while I must have drifted off into sleep because when I regained consciousness I was, still fully clothed, in my bed. I looked at my clock at it flashed 6:49AM.

I had fallen asleep, and someone, probably Jasper or Carlisle had moved me to my room, during the night. I got out of bed and showered, relishing the feeling of the hot water on my skin. For some reason I always felt safe when I was in the shower. Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was somehow comforting. Whatever it was, I don't know, I hated it when I had to get out of the shower. I dried off quickly and got dressed. I went downstairs and saw Esme already in the kitchen. She was making breakfast, which I had to have, as per the agreement with Carlisle.

Unbeknownst to them, I never actually ate the breakfast. Since Esme and I were always up earlier than the others it was just us in the kitchen and it was surprisingly easy to hide the fact that I wasn't eating from her. Since she gave me toast every morning - she thought that having the same thing every morning - it made it easy for me to fool her into thinking I was eating it. Ripping a small piece off and hiding it either up my sleeve or in one of my pockets every time her back was turned she believed that I was eating my breakfast.

I hurt to know that I was lying to Esme, but I couldn't stop doing it. It was so drilled into my head, my actions and my routines, that it wasn't going to be simple to break that pattern. That seemed to be something my family couldn't accept.

The next week or so passed without incident. I still wasn't talking to Emmett. I couldn't even stand being in the same room with him, and left whenever he entered. Carlisle was thus far satisfied that I was improving. Little did he know that I wasn't, I was just becoming more sneaky about it than before. I hated lying to them, especially after all they had done for me over the years. I was spending more and more time with Bella. Every morning she'd meet me at my locker, and we'd walk to class. Then, depending on who's class got out first one of us would wait for the other outside their classroom. I enjoyed being with her. She seemed to make everything seem okay.

The amount of time that Bella and I spent together hadn't gone unnoticed by her numerous fans. Mike Newton in particular. It appeared that he still hadn't gotten it into his head that Bella wasn't interested and that she would someday, fall for his charms and go out with him. She told me - and him - over and over again that there was no way that was going to happen. He'd somehow gotten it into his head that it was because of me that she felt this way. Although he never did anything, because there was always the threat of Emmett beating the crap out of him if he did do anything. Despite the fact that Emmett and I weren't on speaking terms at home, didn't mean that he would tolerate anyone else giving me a hard time. It was the same for Jasper and the girls. Anyone messes with them, they have to deal with Emmett. In the back of my head I was thankful for that unspoken threat, although with his behaviour recently I wouldn't say that to him.

As I was walking to meet Bella on Monday morning, I rounded the corner and walked straight into Mike. He didn't seem pleased to see me. But then again he never did, so I wasn't surprised by his expression.

"Sorry," I mumbled and went to walk around him but he moved to stand in front of me. "What?" I asked, impatiently.

"So, you think you can get with Bella?" He asked, glaring at me.

"What is this Mike? We friends, get over it." I stood there and stared him down. "She's not into you." I know it sounded like something that would have probably fit into some chick flick somewhere, but it was true: she wasn't.

"That's what you think, right, Cullen." He still didn't move. I went to walk around him, but he pushed me into the lockers **(A/N: I know Mike isn't generally violent, but it's crucial for the direction of the story if he is, so go with it.)** Moving to stand in front of me. "You think you're so smart don't you, Cullen? Well, I happen to disagree with you on that one."

"Whatever, Mike." I moved to get past him, but he grabbed the front of my sweater and shoved me back onto the lockers. I was hoping that someone had heard that and would come around the corner. I wanted him to get in trouble for this kind of behaviour. Not that I was a goodie-two-shoes or anything, considering I was far from it, but who knows who else he either had or was going to treat this way. And I wanted him to realise that behaving this way was not the way to get Bella.

Suddenly, all thoughts of Mike left my head. I was finding it hard to breathe and there was an extreme pain in my chest, which I knew wasn't from where Mike was holding me against the lockers. The pain was spreading, spreading to the back of my chest and creeping to my shoulder. It was unlike any pain I'd ever felt before, it knocked out all my senses. Suddenly my hearing went fuzzy, and although Mike was only inches away from me, I could hardly hear what he was saying. A look of confusion came over his face as the pain spread and I begun to lose the feeling in the fingers on my left hand. My vision began to blur as well, and I knew that I was going to pass out.

"MIKE!" I heard someone scream. It sounded like Bella, although I couldn't be sure. I turned to look, but my vision was fading fast and I could barely make out the person running towards us. I heard them shout something that sounded like, "What on earth are you doing?!" but the words were lost on me.

Suddenly I felt Mike's grip on my sweater release and I collapsed onto the floor, clutching at my chest with my right hand, as I couldn't feel my left one, still unable to breathe properly.

"Edward!" I heard someone shouting my name. Someone was rubbing my face. I knew that touch to be Bella's. Her touch was all I knew as I gave into the pain that had enveloped my chest and fell into blackness.

**Sorry for the cliffie.  
I hope that I didn't make any huge errors with Edward in the end of this chapter, though if you can spot any that I did make any then PM me and I can make some changes.  
Don't hate me. Please. I know I'm being cruel to Edward at the moment, but it's all part of the story.  
Leave me some reviews and I'll think about updating real soon ;P xx**


	15. Rushed to Hospital

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**BPOV**

What Edward had told me was a lot of information to take in.

He suffered from an eating disorder. And he self-harmed. It pained me to think of how he was suffering, and I wanted to help him in any way I could. I knew that I probably wouldn't be able to do much, seeing as I have no experience in dealing with anything of this magnitude, but hell, I was going to try. I was going to see if I could get him to open up a little more, to tell me how he was feeling, to show him that I was his friend. It seemed that that was all he needed right now. Someone to listen to him.

After his revelation, Edward seemed to be a bit more relaxed around me. He still wore that expression of pain and I knew that it was going to take a lot for him to be able to get rid of it, if he ever could. Now that I knew, everything about him seemed more obvious now. I thought back to when I saw him in the cafeteria on his first day, how he didn't touch a mouthful of food. He'd told me that he had accertained perfect control, how he could just say no. _It must be so hard for him,_ I'd thought sadly, after he left my house.

I didn't want to think about what would happen when he got home. Surely, his family would have guessed that he'd told me, and an argument would have probably followed. I didn't want to think of Edward involved in an argument with Emmett, purely because he was so much bigger than he was and after Edward told me that he had tried to force-feed him, I didn't want to think of what Emmett could do.

Edward and I began to spend more and more time together. We'd meet up at the beginning of the day. Usually I got there before him so I'd wait for him at his locker. His expression always seemed to soften when he saw me, and I knew that he felt some sort of relief seeing me there. I don't know how I knew, but I just did. Maybe it was because I felt the same wave of relief wash over me when I saw him come around the corner. But it was probably for a whole other reason. He was probably relieved that I hadn't scarpered by now, that I was still there, willing to be his friend, whereas with me, I think it was the relief that he was still here. He looked so fragile, so frail. He looked like he was going to collapse at any moment. I couldn't handle it if that happened.

I noticed that he was smiling a bit more now. Could I have really done that? I couldn't have. There was nothing special about me. I'm just Bella Swan. A Plain Jane, if you will. But he always made me feel like more than that. The way he looked at me. It was hard to describe.

Every day at lunch we'd go an sit under the tree where we'd spent that first free period a few weeks previous. It was like our own little spot, where the problems of the outside world couldn't hurt us. But they did, each and every lunch. He'd always try and have a little something to eat, though I saw it caused him great pain to do it, so I didn't press him. I knew Esme made him sit down and have breakfast each morning - becoming friend's with Edward's sister, Alice, as well, she told me what was happening with him at home, as she knew I was concerned and wanted to help - so I figured he was attempting to deal with things. Although the threat of the hospital still loomed over him. I often found myself wondering if maybe the hospital was the best place for him. He'd be able to get the help he needed, surrounded by people in the same situation as him. He could get better. The only downside would be that I wouldn't be able to see him. I think that places like that are for family only, which made me sad. Of course I never voice these musings. I didn't want to upset him. He was fragile and lonely enough as it was, I didn't want to add to that.

The growing friendship between Edward and myself hadn't gone unnoticed by those around us. The Cullens' had obviously noticed, what with him being their brother and they all - with the exception of Emmett, who thought I was going to tell someone what I knew, even though I had stressed several times that I wouldn't - seemed to encourage our friendship. I learned from Jasper one English class that Edward had never really opened up to anyone before, so he was happy that Edward had found someone that he could trust. He also told me that the girls felt the same way. But not everyone was happy about our growing friendship. Jessica for one, I knew was put out because even though Edward sat next to her in English he had hardly said a full sentence to her. I was sure that she had hoped to be at the third date stage with him by now. Another one, I knew was extremely put out by our friendship was Mike Newton. He had had a crush on me since I started at Forks High School last year, and yet, despite many many rejections he hadn't got it into his head that I didn't want to go out with him. He glared at Edward with a hatred I had never seen him give before.

Monday morning, I waited for Edward next to his locker. I looked at my watch_. He's _late, I thought. I'd heard from Alice many times that Emmett was hard to get up on a Monday morning so I wasn't too bothered. I continued to wait for him. I looked out across the parking lot, which I could see from where I was by the lockers', The Volvo that the Cullens' came in everyday was there. So where was Edward?

I was beginning to grow concerned now. I'd taken my phone out of my bag and begun to dial Edward's number when I heard something crash. I decided to go and investigate, whilst still dialling Edward's number and waiting for it to start ringing. I turned the corner and saw what the crash had been. I saw Mike pinning someone to the lockers in front of him.

Edward.

"MIKE!" I screamed, storming up to him. "This has gone on long enough, what on earth are you doing?" I could see what he was doing. It looked like he was trying to get Edward to stop going around with me. It was obvious he didn't like Edward and my friendship, but this was taking it too far.

He let Edward go, and Edward slumped to the floor. He had a look of extreme pain on his face and he clutched at his chest. I saw that he couldn't breathe properly. "Edward!" I screamed. "Edward?!" I rolled him over and put his head in my lap, stroking his face. He seemed out of it. "Mike, get some help!" I turned around but Mike had already disappeared. "HELP!!! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!" I screamed. I was crying now.

"What on earth is going on out here?" I heard Mr. Banner say as he came down the hall. "Oh, my God! What's happened?" He looked at me and at Edward. "Miss Swan?" I shook my head. He was already on the phone to the emergency services. "Five minutes? Is there any way it could get here faster? The boy's in real trouble." I heard Mr. Banner pleading with them down the phone. _Thank God,_ I thought.

"It's okay, Edward, the ambulance is on its way. Hold on, Edward, please hold on." I was sobbing uncontrollably now. Students had begun to come out of their classrooms and were murmuring to each other. "Please, hold on."

"Bella, do you know what's happened?" Mr. Banner was crouched down beside me now. I shook my head, unable to control my sobs. "Everybody! I want you to go back to your classrooms." He told the students that had begun to mass in the corridor around us. "NOW!" They all jumped and hurried back to their rooms.

Ms. Cope, the receptionist was hurrying down the hall, followed by two paramedics. Mr. Banner pulled me away from Edward and the paramedics blocked him from my view. I fell into Mr. Banner, sobbing. "Ms. Cope. Will you find the other Cullen children and tell them to come to the principle's please. Once the paramedics have Edward on the way to the hospital, I'll phone Dr and Mrs Cullen. Miss Swan, will you be alright to go to class, or did you want to go home?"

"No!" I snapped my head up to look at them both, and then at the paramedics who were still working on Edward. "I want to go with Edward. Please. Can I? Please?"

The paramedics lifted Edward up and strapped him to the gurney. "Is it okay if she goes with him to the hospital?" I heard Mr. Banner ask to the one of them. "She and Mr. Cullen have become quite close over the last few weeks or so."

"Yes, of course she can," the paramedic answered. I smiled at him. I thanked Mr. Banner and followed the paramedics and Edward, who was now hooked up to a ventilator and portable heart monitor. From what I could hear his heartbeat was weak and erratic.

They loaded and strapped Edward up into the ambulance extremely quickly. "Miss?" One of them asked me. "Would you like to sit in the back with him or up front in the cab?" I looked into the back of the ambulance. The other paramedic was hooking Edward up to a portable monitor that they had in there.

"Can I sit in the back please?" I asked meekly.

"Of course you can."

I climbed into the back, careful not to disturb Edward or get in the way of the paramedic who was working on him. He was working on inserting a canular (sp?) into his arm. I saw the look of shock when he noticed the scars that laced to and fro on Edwards skin. He looked at me with a sad look in his eyes, and I returned it before looking at Edward's face. He had a mask covering from his nose to his chin so I couldn't really see that much of his face.

"What happened?" I asked quietly. "What happened to him?"

"It looks as though he may have had a heart attack, miss." A heart attack?! But how, he was only seventeen.

"Will he be okay?"

"I don't know. We'll have to wait and see what the doctor's say at the hospital." He gave me a reassuring look, obviously trying to comfort me, but it was unsuccessful.

Suddenly the ambulance stopped, and the paramedic in the front got out. The doors to the back of the ambulance flew open and I saw a team of nurses and doctors rushing towards us. I pushed myself further back into the ambulance as not to get in the way while they unloaded Edward. I followed them as they wheeled him to the ER, shouting a lot of words that I didn't understand.

"I'm afraid you'll have to wait here, dear," A friendly looking nurse told me, and I stopped. "We'll take care of him, hon." She said as she saw my worried expression. She then went into the room that they had taken Edward into, disappearing behind the closed door.

"Bella!" I heard someone shouting my name. I turned and I recognised the man as Edward's adopted father, Carlisle. "Bella! What happened? I know Edward was brought in. I saw him. Bella, what happened? I need to know." He was out of breath and obviously panicking about his son. He gave me a pleading look.

I nodded to the room where Edward had been taken. "It was horrible. The paramedic said it looked like Edward had had a heart attack. But how is that possible? He's only seventeen! How could someone have a heart attack at seventeen?" I started sobbing again. "Can you go and see if he's okay?"

He shook his head. "I can't. Because I'm Edward's father they won't let me treat him." He looked worried. "Come on, come to my office." We walked through the hospital and briefly stopping at the reception desk. He explained what had happened and that he wasn't going to be on call for the rest of the day because of Edward. We walked into his office and he locked the door. His office was comfortable, cosy and it had pictures of Esme and his children everywhere. This was a man who cared about and was proud of his family.

"Tell me," I said, having calmed down slightly, though I still had tears running down my face. "How can someone have a heart attack at seventeen? I mean it's not possible is it?"

He turned to look at me. I could see now that there were tears in his eyes. "For a healthy seventeen year old no, its highly unlikely. But Edward is far from healthy. He's put his body through hell for....I-I-I-I don't even know how long. He's very underweight, undernourished, which means that his heart is very weak. What with everything that happened the other week....." He trailed off and looked at me. He obviously wasn't sure of how much I knew.

"I know what-what happened, um, between Edward and Emmett," I said. "Edward told me."

"Well, there .... there.... have been several family arguments since then, each in turn has caused Edward to become stressed and caused his heart to work more than it would normally." He was trying to explain it to me, without cracking up himself. I could see he was having a hard time keeping himself composed. It hurt me to see him like this. This was his son, even though they weren't related by blood, he was still Edward's father and he loved him dearly. He was trying to remain strong for when the rest of his family arrived, which probably wouldn't take that much longer. "Due to the fact that Edward is undernourished his heart is a lot weaker than it would be normally. Bella, you have to tell me, what happened this morning."

"Umm," I didn't know what to say, because at any moment I was sure that his family would come through the door.

"Don't worry, I've called Esme and told her to take the children home," He said as though he was reading my mind. "Please. I need to know what happened to my son."

"Well, I was waiting for Edward by his locker like I do every morning, but he was late, which isn't normally like him. I-I-I um, I looked out a-a-a-cross the p-p-parking lot," I was sobbing again now, hardly able to form coherent sentences. But I tried nevertheless. "And the V-v-v-volvo was there, s-s-so I started to get a bit worried. Thank you," I said as he handed me a tissue and then took one for himself. I could see now that he was unable to hold back his tears, as he dabbed at his eyes. "I started to ring Edward's mobile, but then I heard a crash from around the corner. When I went to look, I saw .... Mike....Newton, pinning Edward to the lockers behind him. He's been jealous of mine and Edward's friendship but I'd never thought that he'd go so far as to threaten Edward. When he saw me he let him go, and Edward just fell to the floor, grabbing his chest. After that I shouted for help and Mr. Banner came out and called the ambulance."

He seemed to take all this in, and then he cursed. Something Edward said that he never did, unless he was extremely angry or distressed, and I guessed that now qualified as one of those times.

I don't know how long we sat in his office. Carlisle had said that we might as well wait up here because they would phone him in here when anything happened. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand the waiting. I wanted to know what was happening. I _needed_ to know. And from the expression on his face so did Carlisle.

I kept getting texts through from people at school, asking where I was, what had happened and if I was coming back to school. I ignored them all. Suddenly my phone began to ring. It was Jessica, probably wanting to know what was happening, again hating being out of the loop. I cancelled the call and put my phone in my bag, so I wouldn't know if it had gone off again. _It must be lunchtime_ I thought, as thats the only time Jessica would have free to phone me. I couldn't even think about eating, not with Edward down there in the ER like he was. I could tell Carlisle was becoming impatient as well, he kept pacing and drumming his fingernails on the desk. He'd probably told Esme and the children that he would phone them when there was any news, hence the fact they hadn't been calling every ten minutes.

Suddenly the phone rang and I jumped up from my seat. Carlisle did the same, and he picked up the phone.

"Hello?" He said after a second, the fear of the unknown clear in his voice. "Yes? Really? Thank you." He put the phone down and looked at me, his eyes full of unshed tears.

"What?" I asked, in barely more than a whisper.

**Dun-dun-DUN!!!!  
What's happened to our dear Eddie?!  
Does he live or not? Only I know the answer mwahahaha!!  
Will update soon I promise, but that's it from me for tonight as I have to go to bed, in order to be up in time for an exam tomorrow morning.  
I hope you liked the chapter, although I think I'm going to get flamed for yet another cliffie.  
Sorry I can't help myself :]  
Please review! Ciao! xx**


	16. Dreaded Reality

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**CPOV**

Things were quiet at the hospital that night. In all honesty I hated working the night shift, although some nights, like tonight, it was a reprieve.

Recently, it had gotten harder to maintain the calm attitude I was known for at work. I felt guilty because I was able to help all of my patients in some way, all those assigned to me that passed through the ER, I was able to help. And yet my son was suffering, and had been for a long time, and I knew that there was nothing I could do to help him. _Thank God he's found Bella._ I thought. Even though I was not able to help Edward in any noticeable way myself, the girl was a blessing as she had been able to.

Edward had noticeably changed since Bella came on the scene, something for which I was very grateful. She seemed to have an effect on Edward that the rest of us did not. Maybe it was because she wasn't a member of the family, or maybe it was because Edward was able to talk to her without any fear of her having any pre-judgements. _That girl is a blessing,_ I thought. Since Bella had come into Edward's life he had begun to improve. I knew that he had begun to eat breakfast every morning under the watchful eye of Esme. It may only be a couple of slices of toast or so but it was still an improvement from before. At least he was eating something. He may not be eating that much of dinner, only a mouthful or two a night, but again it was progress. _Baby steps, Carlisle,_ I thought to myself. _Remember, baby steps._

I looked at my watch. 9:20AM. I was off at ten, and the ER was quiet so I wanted the minutes to pass faster, just so I could get home to my darling wife, Esme. I needed to talk to her about Edward. About the possibility of not sending Edward to Seattle in the next two weeks. After all, if Bella kept working her magic on him, he may not need the hospital treatment. At least that was what I was hoping for anyway.

Looking through the papers at the reception area, looking to see if any of the patients that were in my care needed checking up on. I saw that Mrs. Morton needed her bloodwork checking, so I decided to take up some time doing that. She was a friendly old lady, whom I enjoyed talking to. It was always easy to talk to her, even if it wasn't about anything important.

As I was walking through the main ER, I heard the emergency calls coming in. There was an ambulance docking, and from what I could hear it was a student from the high school. It appeared they had collapsed and was in rather a bad way. I decided to put off Mrs. Morton and help out. Along with the other doctors in the ER I ran over to the doors where the paramedics would bring the patient in. They had already brought them in. One of my colleagues turned and looked at me with an expression of horror on his face.

"Carlisle," He said walking over to me, blocking the patient from my view. "I don't think you want to see this."

"What?" I was confused. Why wouldn't he want me to help out? Not to blow my own horn or anything, but it was no secret that I was the best doctor in the hospital. "What's wrong? What's the matter?" I began to worry now. Could it be someone I knew? One of my friends?

I pushed past him to see who it was on the gurney in front of me. "Carlisle, don't." He pleaded with me, but it was too late. One of the paramedics that was working on the patient they had brought in, and as I saw who it was my blood ran cold.

Edward.

"No," I breathed, full of dread. "No! Edward!"

One of the paramedics turned to look at me, as I stared at my son as he was being wheeled through the ER. "Dr. Cullen? Carlisle? Do you know this boy?" He asked me. I didn't respond. I couldn't respond. "Dr. Cullen?" I snapped back to reality. "Do you know this boy?"

I nodded numbly. "He's my son." I whispered, barely able to form the words. I heard an intake of breath from him and a muttered "I'm sorry," as he walked off leaving me to my own thoughts. Suddenly I heard my name called over the tannoy. "Will Dr. Cullen please report to the reception desk. That's Dr. Cullen to the reception desk. Thank you." I watched them wheel my son off into one of the emergency rooms. I was about to follow when I was stopped by my colleague.

"Carlisle. You know the rules." He said, sorrow deeply evident in his voice. "I'm afraid you can't go in there. As he's your son, there's too much emotional attachment there." I kenw this but it didn't stop me from wanting to see my son. "I'll take care of him Carlisle. I promise." I nodded absentmindedly, unable to process what was happening. "You'd better go and find out what they want you for. I'll call you as soon as we know what's happening. I promise."

I turned and walked slowly to the reception desk where the receptionist was waiting for me. She quickly handed me the phone. "It's your wife," she said. Esme knew then. The school had obviously called her. "Hello? Esme?" I said meekly into the receiver.

"Oh, Carlisle," She was crying. I could hear the worried comments and sobs of my children in the background. The school had told them that Edward had been taken into hospital. "What's happened? I got a phone call from the school saying that Edward....that he...." She trailed off. "Is he okay, Carlisle? Is my baby boy okay?"

"I don't know Esme," I told her truthfully. If anyone could identify my lies, it was Esme. "I don't know sweetheart. Because he's my son they won't let me see him. Oh, Esme, he looked so..." I couldn't even tell her what he looked like. If I was honest with myself, it didn't look like he would live much longer. I needed to find out myself what was happening with him before I could tell Esme or the children anything. "Um, can you do me a favour, sweetheart?"

"Anything darling?" She said, still sobbing. "What is it?"

"Could, um, you and the children stay at home until I find out what's happening. I don't want any of you seeing Edward in this way. I know it's a lot to ask, darling, but please," I was begging now. I couldn't bear for her to see Edward in this way. "For me darling."

"Okay, sweetheart," I knew she wasn't happy about having to stay at home with Edward in the hospital, but she also knew that it was necessary. "If you think it's right then I will. So will the children."

"I'll call you when I know anything sweetheart." I told her. "I love you."

"As I love you, my dear sweet Carlisle." She whispered back to me, through her tears.

I gave the receiver back to the receptionist. "Um, when any news about my son comes through can you phone me in my office please?" She nodded, an extreme look of sadness and grief on her face. "And, um, can you let the other doctors know that I won't be finishing the rest of my shift." Again she nodded. I began to walk to my office, knowing that I wouldn't be allowed in to see Edward. I knew the waiting would kill me, but there wasn't much else I could do.

I heard sobbing coming from just outside the room where Edward was, and I saw Bella standing there, her eyes red and sore with tears streaming down her face. She looked as though no man alive could remove her from this hospital without her knowing that Edward was okay. _This girl really is a godsend, _I thought, admiring her.

"Bella!" I called to her, walking up to her, realising that if anyone were to know what happened, she would be the one. "Bella! What happened? I know Edward was brought in. I saw him. Bella, what happened? I need to know." And I did. I _had_ to know what had happened to my son.

She looked at the room where they were working on Edward. "It was horrible. The paramedic said it looked like Edward had had a heart attack. But how is that possible? He's only seventeen! How could someone have a heart attack at seventeen?" She started to sob uncontrollably. "Can you go and see if he's okay?"

I shook my head, full of despair. _A heart attack, _I thought. _My seventeen year old son has had a heart attack! How can this be?_ "I can't. Because I'm Edward's father they won't let me treat him. Come on, come to my office." I put my arm around the sobbing girl and began to lead her to my office. Noticing that the receptionist had changed I explained that I wasn't going to be on call for the rest of my shift - what there was left of it anyway - and to call my office should there be any news on Edward. When we reached my office I led her inside and locked the door. I didn't want to be disturbed by the interns that normally came to my door asking questions throughout my shifts.

"Tell me," I heard her say in a small voice from across the room. I knew she was crying even though I had my back turned to her. I couldn't look at her or I knew that the tears that threatened to fall from my own eyes would be released. "How can someone have a heart attack at seventeen? I mean it's not possible, is it?"

I took a deep breath and turned to face her. "For a healthy seventeen year old, no it's highly unlikely. But Edward is far from healthy. He's put his body through hell for....I-I-I-I don't even know how long. He's very underweight, undernourished, which means that his heart is very weak. What with everything that happened the other week....." I stopped there. Even though I knew she knew about Edward's eating disorder and self harm I wasn't sure whether or not she knew about the altercation (sp?) that had occured between Emmett and Edward the previous week.

"I know what-what happened between Edward and Emmett," I heard her whisper. "Edward told me."

I relaxed a little knowing that she knew. It meant that I wouldn't have to guard my words around her. "Well, there .... there.... have been several family arguments since then, each in turn has caused Edward to become stressed and caused his heart to work more than it would normally." I was trying to keep my own emotions in check while I exaplained everything to her. It was harder than I thought it was. My thoughts kept travelling to my unconscious child down in the ER. Who knew what was happening down there? I didn't, and thanks to the rules of the hospital I wouldn't know until my colleagues had either managed to stabilize him, or he had died. I knew it was going to be one or the other, but which one, I truly didn't know. "Due to the fact that Edward is undernourished, his heart is a lot weaker than it would be normally. Bella," I looked at her pleadingly. "You have to tell me, what happened this morning?"

"Um," I could tell that she was worried that she would be interrupted by my family half way through and have to start over again.

"Don't worry, I've called Esme and told her to keep the children at home," I reassured her. She looked at me as though she thought I was a mind reader. "Please." I urged her. "I need to know what happened to my son."

"Well, I was waiting for Edward by his locker like I do every morning, but he was late, which isn't normally like him. I-I-I um, I looked out a-a-a-cross the p-p-parking lot," She had begun to sob. All this had affected her more than I would've thought. But then again, it seemed that she and Edward had become quite close over the last few weeks. "And the V-v-v-volvo was there, s-s-so I started to get a bit worried. Thank you," She stopped as I handed her a tissue. I, myself, was unable to hold back my own tears and I felt them streak down my face. "I started to ring Edward's mobile, but then I heard a crash from around the corner. When I went to look, I saw .... Mike....Newton, pinning Edward to the lockers behind him. He's been jealous of mine and Edward's friendship but I'd never thought that he'd go so far as to threaten Edward. When he saw me he let him go, and Edward just fell to the floor, grabbing his chest. After that I shouted for help and Mr. Banner came out and called the ambulance."

I sat there for a moment, absorbing the information and then I let a curse slip through my lips. I hadn't meant it to escape, but it had and I saw Bella look at me with a shocked expression on her face. It seemed Edward had explained to her about my aversion to cursing, especially in public, but this time I couldn't hold it back. _Mike Newton?_ I thought, as I stook up and walked around my desk. He had always been so pleasant to myself and Esme. And yet he had treated my son in this way. He was the reason that my son had been brought in today. If it hadn't been for Mike Newton, Edward would be sat in school right now, instead of lying on a hospital gurney having just had a heart attack. I knew that what I was thinking wasn't entirely true. But if Mike had left well enough alone Edward wouldn't be in here. I had just begun to get my hopes up, thinking that there was some slight chance that he would be okay. And I knew that that chance had appeared when the girl sat across from me in my office walked into our lives. I would be forever indebted to her for all she had done for Edward, but for now, I couldn't forgive Mike Newton for what he had done.

Of course I couldn't let the children know what had happened. They wouldn't let Mike get away with it. Emmett, even though he and Edward had had various arguments since the force-feeding incident, loved his brother dearly and would not tolderate any violent behaviour towards him. No, I couldn't let the children know.

I heard a buzzing behind me, and realised that Bella's phone was ringing. She ended the call quickly, and put the phone into her bag, not turning it off but obviously not wanting to know when someone else called her.

We stayed in silence for what seemed an eternity. It wasn't an awkward silence either. It was a natural silence, but there was an air of unease about it nevertheless. And we both knew why that was. We both shared a common goal, in this office. Neither of us were leaving until we knew what was happening. I couldn't ask her to leave. Not after everything she had done, and anyway, I wasn't sure if she would unless she knew what had happened with Edward.

Suddenly, the phone on my desk began to ring, causing me to jump slightly. I knew what this meant, and a sudden feeling of dread began forming in the pit of my stomach.

I noticed that Bella had shot up from where she was sitting and had made her way to the phone, looking at me, waiting for me to answer it. I made my way around the desk and picked up the receiver.

"Hello?" I asked apprehensively as I waited for the news on my son.

**What will the other doctors tell Carlisle?  
Sorry to say that Edward's condition won't be revealed until the chapter after next. I wanted to give the POV of either Esme or one of the children before I divulged that particular piece of information. But I'm not sure which POV to do. I've already done Emmett a couple of times, so I don't really want to do his again, at least not for a while (sorry Emmett lovers). PM me some ideas while I try to work out what angle I'm going to use next.  
Oh, and some reviews would be nice too *smiles sweetly* even if I have been mean over the last few chapters. xx**


	17. My Brother!

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**JPOV**

Things have been a little hard to handle recently. Ever since the revelations about Edward's self harm and his eating disorder things have been tense. Especially between Edward and Emmett. I don't think any of us expected all of this to affect Emmett as much as it has. I guess you can never trust his wild and carefree exterior, because inside, that guy is really worried about his brother.

Hell, we all are. It hurts so much to even look at Edward lately. I don't know how we didn't notice before. He's so gaunt and frail, he looks as though he's going to snap at any moment, just from the effort of standing there.

But lately, Edward has seemed different. After he came out of the hospital, before we moved to Forks, he withdrew even more within himself. It was hard to get even a couple of words out of him, which I guess is why he was okay with riding with me when we moved, since I'm not much of a huge talker either. I swear, while we were driving from Chicago to Forks, I looked over at him a couple of times and I could have sworn he was dead. If it hadn't been for the slight rise and fall of his chest while he was sleeping I wouldn't have hesitated in getting him to the nearest hospital as fast as the Volvo could take me. And that was pretty fast.

But since we started at Forks High School - leaving out the incident with Emmett and the food - Edward had begun to change. We all saw it. It seemed as though he was becoming slightly more confident, more like the Edward I remember. And it seemed to be because of one factor.

Bella Swan.

She'd had some effect on my brother. He appeared to trust her, as he'd told her about his self-harm after he'd met her for the second time. He told us that she saw the bandage on his arm, but we all knew that he could have easily come up with a lie, something believable. Heck, he'd been lying to us for God knows how long. But he didn't. He told her the truth. While the rest of the family were a bit apprehensive about her knowing, and Emmett being dead set against her knowing anything else, taking it as far as to hurl abuse at Edward whenever he saw him, not caring whether he heard him or not, I saw it as a real breakthrough for Edward. He'd always had issues with trust, and telling someone one of his biggest secrets was a huge step.

I was proud of him, not that I'd tell him that, because I didn't want him to think that I was patronising him in any way, but I was.

And then he told her about his eating disorder.

This sent Emmett over the edge. I swear I've never seen him that mad before. He was standing there, shouting at Edward, who after losing it at first didn't respond to anything Emmett threw at him, which aggravated him even more. Even when Carlisle had stepped in, Emmett had carried on with his rant, this time aiming it at Carlisle instead of Edward. The girls had started bickering as well. Rosalie was siding with Emmett on this one, whereas Alice, like me, was proud of Edward. They began arguing. Rosalie saying that Edward had been stupid in trusting her and that it would be all over the school by tomorrow, and Alice voicing my own opinions, though I hadn't shared them with anybody, about how being able to trust someone enough to tell them something like this was a big step for Edward, and that she was proud of him.

Personally, the arguments were giving me a headache. I managed to slip past Emmett and up the stairs without anyone noticing and went into my room. Even though I could still hear the arguments from downstairs, they were muffled shouts rather than in your face screams. I'd noticed that Esme had disappeared before I had - she was the one person in the house who hated confrontations more than I did. After I'd heard everyone go into their rooms, I realised that I was hungry and had gone down to get something to eat. I'd seen Edward asleep on the sofa. _Poor guy must have conked out while they were all arguing,_ I thought. I picked him up, for the first time realising how light he really was. He weighed hardly anything, and I couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy for my brother. I wanted to help him figure out his problems, but I knew I was too involved to be of any use.

After I'd set him on his bed and covered him up with his duvet, I went back to getting myself something to eat, rummaging around in the fridge for something that Esme had leftover. I wasn't really paying attention to what I was eating, all I knew was it tasted good, but then again, everything made by my mother tasted good, so I couldn't really complain.

Monday morning, a morning like any other.

I was driving us all to school this morning. I grabbed the keys off the table in the kitchen and waited for everybody to come down the stairs. Edward was already there, having been watched eating breakfast by my mother. A part of the deal that he had made with my father at the family meeting a week or so ago. If Edward showed some sign of improvement within a month then Carlisle would cancel the Inpatient Program treatment that he had lined up for him at a specialist hospital in Seattle. For his own sake I hoped Edward was able to do it. Also, I knew that I would miss him if he went into hospital for any long period of time. But if not, he had agreed that he would go to the hospital without a fight, handing over the control to the doctors and therapists on the unit.

From the look of him, I couldn't see any improvement. I knew that he was being made to eat breakfast every morning by Esme before everyone else got up - she didn't want to make a big deal out of it so she insisted that everyone stay out of the kitchen until Edward was finished - and I knew from talking to Bella (I sit next to her in English class) that he had been trying at lunch, but it was hard for him so she didn't push him. But she told me that he did manage at least a couple of mouthfuls a day. It made me think that he could do it, that he had a chance.

After we arrived at school we all seperated and went to our homerooms. I knew that Edward had gone off to meet Bella, so he was okay there. I had my homeroom with Emmett, whereas the two girls were across the other side of the campus. Sitting down, I realised that the teacher hadn't appeared yet, so I sat there doodling. As Bella had once told me in English when I'd caught her doodling, "why do something constructive when you can doodle?" I smirked at that. How right she was.

Just then, the teacher appeared. She sat down at her desk and looked sternly at the people in the classroom. Everyone shut up at that.

All of a sudden there was a scream from the other end of the corridor and everyone got up to have a look. A couple of people got out into the corridor before our teacher stood in front of the door and me being sat at the back of the classroom, wasn't one of the few who made it. After a minute or two they were made to come back in, and they were complaining that something had happened but they didn't know what. All they knew was that a student had collapsed and there were paramedics in the corridor. But they didn't know when or why.

Even though the bell signalling the end of homeroom had gone we were all instructed by our teacher that we were to stay in our seats until the commotion out in the corridor had been dealt with. _Oh well,_ I thought. _More time for me to doodle._ And I got back to my drawings.

I was disturbed from my musings when Ms. Cope, the school receptionist came into the room. She looked flustered and .... was it .... scared? She whispered something to our teacher whose face contorted into that of grief and sorrow, and then melted back into her normal stern expression. She cleared her throat and looked at us. "Jasper and Emmett Cullen. If you would please go to the Principal's office. There's a matter of urgency that needs to be discussed." Emmett and I looked at each other, confused and gathered up our things. We left the room to a chorus of "oh's" and "you're in trouble's".

"You got any idea what's going on?" Emmett asked me as we walked down the corridor. I shrugged. It seemed like the commotion from a few minutes previous had all but died down. Just then I saw the girls. It seemed like they'd been called out as well. I looked at Emmett and we both ran over to them. They looked as confused as we did.

When we got to the Principal's office we were told to wait outside until our mother arrived. What on earth was going on? Why were all of us being called out of class? Well, except Edward, who either hadn't been called or was late. And why were we waiting for Esme to arrive? Today was beginning to give me a major headache. Esme arrived a few minutes we did, wearing the same expression of confusion as we all did. Her expression changed to that of disappointment at seeing four of her children sat in the Principal's waiting room. If we'd done something wrong, we didn't have a clue what it was.

"Ah, Mrs. Cullen. Would you and your children like to come in please?" The Principal wore a grave expression. An expression I didn't like. We all sat down, apart from Emmett, who opted for standing behind our mother in a protective way. "You're probably wondering why I've asked you all to come here today." We all nodded and murmured in agreement. "Well..." It seemed as though she had something difficult to say, and wasn't quite sure on how to word it. "As I'm sure you four noticed this morning, we had a bit of a commotion with one of our students." She turned to look at Esme. "One of our students was taken ill this morning. They collapsed in one of the corridors, and had to be transported to the hospital."

"Right," Esme said in a guarded tone. "But what does this have to do with my children and myself?"

"I don't know how to say this," She said, looking at Esme directly. "The student was Edward."

I heard Alice audibly gasp. Rosalie sat there with her mouth slightly agape, in a way in which if this situation hadn't been so serious it would have been amusing. Esme's hand had flown to her mouth and she was stuttering, trying to ask questions but failing to do so at the same time. Emmett had tears welling in his eyes, threatening to fall and I was sure that if we hadn't been in the presence of our Principal, he would have let them fall.

And me. I felt like the whole world had stopped. Just frozen in time. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It couldn't be true could it? But then I remembered what Edward had looked like this morning and realised that there was a good chance it was true. And there weren't many chances of there being another Edward in a school this size, seeing as it was a pretty outdated name and wasn't commonly used any more.

"How?" Esme managed to choke out finally. "What happened?"

"I don't know." She admitted. "The only ones who do know are Edward and a Miss Isabella Swan. She was the one who screamed for help this morning." So it was Bella who had screamed in the corridor.

"Where is Bella?" Emmett asked. "I want to find out what happened to my little brother." He was shaking now, whether it was from fear for Edward or anger that something had happened to him, I couldn't tell.

"She went with him in the ambulance." The Principal told us. "She was pretty distressed. I understand that she and your son have become quite close over the last couple of weeks?" She asked Esme this, and Esme just nodded. "Look, I know this has got to be a distressing time. Which is why I want the four of you to go home. There's no point in you being in school right now. Go and visit your brother."

We all looked at her, grateful and left.

As I got in the Volvo, everything seemed to be happening without me realising it. Like I was on autopilot. Esme had said to go home, as she would call Dad from there. She didn't see the point in all of us going to the hospital when Dad was already there. Especially when we may have to wait around for a long time. Even though it pained her to do so, she knew it was the right thing to do. I couldn't believe how selfless my mother was. I was truly blessed to have her as my own.

When we got into the house, the first thing Esme did was call the hospital. Asking for Carlisle she waited patiently as he was called over the tannoy. She'd put the phone on loudspeaker so we could all hear what was happening.

"Hello? Esme?" We heard a small voice say into the receiver at the other end. This wasn't a voice I was used to. Even though I knew it as my father's, it didn't sound like him. It sounded like someone standing upon the brink of an abyss, with no way back, the only way out, is to step into the blackness of the pit below. I hated hearing my father like this.

"Oh, Carlisle," She was crying. Alice and Rosalie were sobbing now, hugging each other. Emmett had sat down on the sofa and was muttering to himself. He wanted to find Bella and find out what happened to Edward. "What's happened? The school said that Edward....that he...." She trailed off. "Is he okay, Carlisle? Is my baby boy okay?"

"I don't know Esme," Came the answer. I knew my father was telling the truth, as did the others because a fresh wave of tears and sobs came from Alice and Rosalie. My father knew that lying to us wouldn't do anyone any good at the moment, least of all Edward. "I don't know sweetheart. Because he's my son they won't let me see him. Oh, Esme, he looked so..." He trailed off and that was more than words could ever say in my book. Without even saying it, Carlisle had told us all what we hadn't wanted to hear. That Edward looked like he wasn't going to make it. "Um, can you do me a favour, sweetheart?"

"Anything darling?" She said, still sobbing. "What is it?"

"Could, um, you and the children stay at home until I find out what's happening. I don't want any of you seeing Edward in this way. I know it's a lot to ask, darling, but please," I could hear the desperation in my father's voice. He didn't want for us to see Edward in the state he was in. He wanted to spare us that. "For me darling."

"Okay, sweetheart," Even though it pained her more than anything to agree with him, she still did. My mother was heaven sent. If I were her I wouldn't be able to stay away, but she had enough self control not to rush over to that hospital and demand to see Edward. If I was half the parent she was when I have children I would be happy. "If you think it's right then I will. So will the children."

"I'll call you when I know anything sweetheart. I love you."

"As I love you, my dear sweet Carlisle." She whispered back, tears flooding her face.

After she hung up the phone there wasn't anything we could do but wait. I went and lay down on the large three-seater sofa that we had in the lounge. Alice and Rosalie both went up to Edward's room and sat there on his bed, listening to his Debussy CD. _He's gonna be pissed if he finds out they did that._ I thought. _If he makes it through this._ Another voice in my head told me. And it was a very big _if!_ Emmett went outside and started throwing one of the numerous basketballs that we owned against the side of the garage. Esme disappeared, probably up to her's and Carlisle's bedroom, not wanting any of us to see her cry. She was such a strong woman, one that I was proud to call my mother.

I don't know how long I lay there for, it felt like an eternity. But after a while I felt my eyelids getting heavy, and I knew that whatever sleep had in store for me it had to be better than this torturous waiting around for the phone to ring to tell us whether our brother was alive or dead.

So I gave into the peace of sleep, hoping that by the time I awoke there would be some news.

**This chapter was difficult for me to write, as Jasper has always seemed like a bit of an enigma to me.  
I just hope that this was within his character frame enough for it to seem as though it was him :S (sense?)  
Don't worry, all of you who are waiting for it to get back to the hospital to find out what Carlisle has been told on the phone, it's coming up next chapter.  
So, be nice and give me some reviews and I'll see what I can do about updating ASAP :) xx**


	18. Fighting!

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**Sorry this one took longer to put up, but my internet's been down for the last day or so. Having just checked my emails to find a load of email reviews saying "update soon." I thought I'd better.**

**Oh, and I passed my exam!!! Go me!! *does little victory dance* :D**

**Anyway, moving on, here's the next chapter of Saving Edward. The one where you finally find out whether Edward is okay or not. Enjoy!**

**BPOV**

_Suddenly the phone rang and I jumped up from my seat. Carlisle did the same, and he picked up the phone._

_"Hello?" He said after a second, the fear of the unknown clear in his voice. "Yes? Really? Thank you." He put the phone down and looked at me, his eyes full of unshed tears._

_"What?" I asked, in barely more than a whisper._

Sitting up in Carlisle's office waiting for the phone call about Edward had been torture. But now that it had come it was even more unbearable.

Carlisle looked at me, tears forming in his eyes. He seemed unable to speak. I dreaded the worst. Edward was dead wasn't he? I couldn't even bring myself to think about it. Even though he had only been a part of my life for a few short weeks, the thought of living without him was too much to bear.

"Carlisle?" I said softly. "What's happened?" He looked at me, and gave me a slight smile, tears now falling from his eyes.

"He's stable," He breathed, relief flooding his voice. "They've managed to stabilize him, although he's still unconscious and needs a ventilator to breath properly."

"Oh, thank god." I whispered, almost to myself. _He's okay!_ I thought to myself. _For now._ I couldn't help that afterthought. If this happened once then who's to say it wouldn't happen again. And next time, it might claim his life. A million different scenarios ran through my head. Of what could happen in the next few days, and of when Edward was released from hospital and the possibility of no one else being around if it happened again. "What happened? Do they know?"

"Yes," He ran a hand through his hair, which was normally perfect, but over the morning it had become more dishevelled as he had constantly been running his hands through it. It was clear now where Edward had picked up that habit. "It seems that Edward, has again been lying to us. All of us." He looked at me. "He hasn't been getting better. He hasn't been improving at all!" At this Carlisle slammed his fist on his desk, his calm demeanor completely shattered. "It seems he's been getting worse, steadily and slowly. The confrontation this morning must have added too much strain on his heart, causing it to go into overdrive and result in a heart attack." He was trying to remain calm now, I could tell. He didn't want to appear to be taking this as hard as he was. He collapsed into his chair and I went round to the back and put my hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me and put one of his hands on top of mine as a form of silent thanks.

"Edward told me that you had planned to send him to Seattle." He nodded, numbly. "Maybe that's still the best idea." He looked up at me. He obviously hadn't been expecting me to come out with something like that. "I mean, it'll be hard. I have no idea how everyone else will react but I know that it'll kill me not being able to see him, but I'd prefer to have him in the hospital where people can look after him and help him get better than to have him...." I couldn't finish the sentence. Carlisle looked at me in a way I couldn't describe.

"Isabella," He said, and even though I hated my full name, he said it in a way that made me not want to correct him. "You have no idea how much respect I have for you right now. I mean, after all you've done, after all that you've discovered about Edward, after everything that's happened today, you're still here when most people would have gotten out as fast as they could. Edward is so lucky to have you as a friend. You truly are one in a million, thank you, Bella. For everything you've done." He stood up and hugged me.

"I haven't done anything," I said, blushing.

He pulled away and looked at me. "Yes," He said simply. "Yes you have. You listened. When Edward was hurting and needed a friend more than anything else in the world, you were there. And you stayed there. Don't ever say you didn't do anything, Bella. You've done so much."

I smiled slightly at him. "Can we see him?" I asked meekly. I wasn't sure whether I would be allowed to as I wasn't family. He nodded, and held up a finger.

"Give me one moment." He turned to the phone and dialled an outside line. "Esme? Yes sweetheart its me. They've managed to get him stabilized. He's in intensive care now. Yes, I know, it's a mircle. No. No he's still unconscious dear. Keep the children there, I'll call you when he wakes up. I know. I love you too darling." He put the phone down and looked at me. He took off his white overcoat that he wore when he was working, as his shift had finished hours ago, and I doubt he would be expected to work with his son in intensive care. He also removed his tie and undid the two top buttons on his shirt. He looked so different, even with those minor changes. He was no longer Dr. Cullen. He was just Carlisle. "Let's go."

He led the way down to the intensive care unit of the hospital. "Will I be able to go in and see him? I mean, I'm not family or anything so...." I didn't know how to finish that sentence as he looked at me.

"Of course you can Bella." He seemed slightly insulted by my question. "After all that you've done, of course you can. There's no way I would allow them to turn you away. In my book, you are family now. Because, even though he would never admit it, you've certainly become that way to Edward." I was taken aback. I had only known him for a few weeks and Carlisle was telling me that Edward seemed to think of me as family. I dared to believe that I had, in some way affected Edward the same way he had affected me.

I hesitated when Carlisle stopped in front of a door. I walked up behind him and he nodded. This was the room Edward was in. Suddenly I didn't want to go inside. I didn't want to see what he looked like, what had happened to him. But some part of me knew I had to. The drive to see him, just to be in the same room as him was unbelievable. It seemed to hold sway over me now, as I walked up behind Carlisle. He looked at me with a solemn expression on his face. One that said "Prepare for the worst." He pushed open the door and we walked into the room.

Whar I saw there made me gasp.

It was Edward, but he looked even more fragile and frail than I had ever seen him before. If that were even possible. He was lying there, hooked up to many different machines, tubes sticking out of him at all angles. It was hard to look at him, it broke my heart to see him like this, but I couldn't turn my eyes away. He was hooked up to a ventilator, which was supplying him with the essential oxygen and it was only the rise and fall of his delicate chest that gave any clue that he was actually alive. Other than the heart monitor which was beeping annoyingly from just above his head. I could feel a fresh wave of tears building up in my eyes, threatening to fall as I made my way over to his bed.

I looked at Carlisle as he approached his broken son, and took his hand in his own. He had tears flowing freely down his cheeks now. I had never seen a man look so vulnerable before. He looked as though, if I hadn't been in the room, he would break down completely. But of course, at the moment, that was the case.

We sat there for a long time, just how long I wasn't sure, but the nurses had changed shifts before I realised that I was hungry. I looked at Carlisle who returned my absent stare and he nodded. It seemed he was in need of food as well, and even though we were loathe to leaving Edward, when he was the way he was, we knew we had to eat. Somehow, miraculously, Carlisle managed to regain his composure by the time we reached the hospital cafeteria.

"Carlisle," I heard someone calling his name and we both turned. "Carlisle, I heard about Edward." It was a nurse. She looked both worried and sympathetic. "How is he?"

Carlisle nodded sadly. "He's still unconscious. It doesn't seem like he'll be coming round any time soon. Oh, Angie, he looks so fragile. I still can't believe that that's my son." The look of sadness on her face deepened. He suddenly seemed to remember that I was standing there. "Oh, Angie, this is Bella. She's the girl I mentioned a couple of days ago." He had mentioned me to his colleagues. She smiled sadly at me.

"Of course. Carlisle has told me how you've helped Edward." She took one of my hands in her own. I smiled at her, unable to form any words.

"Angie was the only one here who knew of Edward's condition. Now, of course, most of the hospital staff will know." Carlisle seemed to be in a state of unease with his colleagues knowing his business, but then again in a town as small as Forks, it was to be expected. Even so, having those you work with everyday knowing your son's condition had be hitting a raw nerve.

"I, um, I didn't do anything," I added, numbly. _At least I don't think I did_, I added inside my head.

"Now, Bella, how many times do we have to go through this?" Carlisle looked at me and I nodded in defeat. I knew through Edward that he could be stubborn, and I didn't want to push him especially with what had happened today. "Sorry Angie. We're just going to get something to take back up to Edward's room. I hate leaving him and I don't think Bella does either." I nodded in agreement.

It was strange. Carlisle was treating me as though I was an old family friend, and had known Edward for years, instead of the seventeen year old girl who stumbled her way into his son's life not a few weeks ago. I felt like Carlisle had accepted me. For whatever reason I was unsure, but I was grateful. I _needed_ Edward. I _needed_ that contact with him. I _needed_ to know that he was okay, even if he was just lying there. I had to know if he was okay.

Carlisle and I just got some sandwiches and went back up to Edward's room, eating them silently on the way, neither of us having to say anything.

We sat on either sides of Edward for what seemed like days when in fact it had only been hours. I didn't want to leave him. I could just sit there and look at his face forever. He was so peaceful, I'd never seen him look like that before. They hadn't taken out the ventilator, which Carlisle had told me, actually had a tube going down his throat as a normal mask wouldn't have been sufficient, and the heart monitor was still annoying, but reassuring in a way. It told me that he was still alive. That he was still there. And I could put up with it if it meant that I could be with Edward.

Finally, visiting hours finished, and I had to go home. Carlisle being Edward's father and a doctor at the hospital didn't have to leave, but unfortunately I did. I didn't want to leave, and I felt like I would break down when Charlie came to pick me up. I cried all the way home, and when we got there I didn't even stop to have any dinner or talk to Charlie, which I will admit I felt guilty over, but I just couldn't handle Charlie seeing me this way. I couldn't handle feeling this way. I knew I wouldn't sleep properly tonight. But I had to try. I was going back to the hospital tomorrow. Nothing could keep me away.

Eventually after an hour of crying or so, I felt myself drifting off into an uneasy sleep. If I dreamt at all I don't remember it. All I remember is being woken the next morning by my phone ringing. It was an anonymous caller.

"Hello?" I asked hesitantly, wondering who would be calling at this time in the morning.

"Hello? Bella?" It was a light and airy voice. "It's Alice. Alice Cullen. Edward's sister." Oh God. Why was she phoning me? Had something happened overnight.

"Alice?" I began to panic. "What's wrong? Is Edward-"

"Calm down. Edward's the same." I heard her voice go sad at his name. "I just wanted to phone and say thank you for everything you did yesterday. Um, are you going into school today?"

"No, I don't think I could face it," I told her, truthfully. Enough people had seen me with Edward on the ground yesterday and I knew I would be bombarded with questions. Also, I don't think I could have handled school with Edward in the hospital. It wouldn't have seemed right: me going about daily school business while Edward's in hospital fighting for his life. I wouldn't be able to face school, not until I knew that Edward was definitely okay. "Um, actually I was thinking of maybe coming by the hospital today. Do you mind?"

"Of course not!" She replied. I could tell that she meant it. "Um, we're going over now, did you want me to pick you up on the way?"

"Are you sure? I can drive if you want." I asked hesitantly.

"Of course. I'll be there in about 10 minutes or so." I heard the dial tone. I quickly got changed and tied my hair up into a loose ponytail. I looked in the mirror that hung about my dressing table. _Presentable,_ I thought to myself. _It'll do._ Anyway it wasn't like I was out to impress anyone.

True to her word, Alice appeared on my doorstep ten minutes later. I felt my jaw drop as I saw her car. It was a bright yellow Porsche. _Now, that's why she rarely drives to school,_ I thought. Somehow, it was just....Alice. A lot of people would have looked a bit oestenatious in a car like this, but somehow Alice pulled it off.

When we got to the hospital, we all sat with Edward, taking it in turns to talk to him, although none of us really knew what to say or whether he could hear us. We just knew that we had to try. Even if our attempts were in vain.

I was in the hospital cafeteria, eating my lunch when someone came up and stood in front of my table. It was the last person I'd expected. Emmett. He motioned towards the table. "Can I sit here?" His voice sounded weary and he looked drained. I nodded and he sat down. He seemed to be preparing himself to speak, rehearsing what he was going to say in his head.

"Are you alright Emmett?" I asked. I knew in general, the answer to that question was a definite no, but I meant in this particular situation. He seemed to understand that and he nodded glumly.

He raised his eyes to look at me. "Bella," He said, softly, in tones that I wouldn't generally associate with him. "I know I've been hard on you these last couple of weeks, I mean with your friendship with Edward. Not really trusting you and all that. But I, uh, I just want to say I'm sorry. I judged you when I shouldn't have and that was wrong. I really am sorry Bella. I hope I didn't offend you."

I shook my head fiercly. "No Emmett." I put one of my hands on his that were laid out the table. "You were looking out for your brother. He's ill and you were worried because he told someone. You may have jumped to a conclusion about me, but I won't lie because I know that if Edward were my brother and he had told someone, I would have jumped to exactly the same conclusion."

"Really?" He looked shocked at my revelation.

"Absolutely. Emmett you have no reason to apologise. You were doing what anyone in your position would have done. Albeit, it wasn't handled in the best way from what I've heard but your intentions were the purest there can be. All you wanted was to help your brother. How can I hold that against you?"

"Thank you Bella." He whispered. "You know, Carlisle praises you all the time," That bit caught me off guard. Carlisle praises me. What on earth for? I haven't done anything! "And now I see why. You really are one in a million Bells, I'm glad Edward met you." He gave me a small smile, which I returned. "But I gotta know," He suddenly grew more serious than I'd ever seen him before. "What happened? What happened yesterday morning?"

I took a deep breath and told him what I had seen of the confrontation between Edward and Mike - well it wasn't so much a confrontation, more Mike attacking Edward. As soon as I said Mike Newton's name, Emmett sucked in a breath. "I'm gonna kill him." He breathed, his voice full of hate.

"No, Emmett," I caught his attention. "Will that help Edward? Do you think it'll help Edward to have his big brother locked up for GBH?"

"No I guess not." He sighed in defeat. I could see that he still wanted to give Mike Newton a piece of his mind. For his own sake and for Edward's I hope that he didn't, but he was such a loose canon at the moment, there was no telling what he was going to do.

After I finished my lunch we went and sat back in Edward's room, continuing to talk to him still not knowing whether or not he could hear us.

The next week or so passed in the same way. I went to the hospital for when I knew visiting hours started and didn't leave until they were over. Carlisle slept in the relatives bed there was in the room, and other than on the few occasions where he had to get food or use the bathroom, he never left Edward's side. I could see that some part of him blamed himself for the state Edward was in, blaming himself for the fact that he didn't see, that he allowed himself to be fooled, yet again.

One day, I think it was Saturday, or was it Sunday? I wasn't too sure, I didn't really pay attention to the days anymore. I hadn't been to school in a week or so, Charlie phoning and explaining to them that I had grown close to Edward over the last few weeks and it was best that I wasn't in school due to emotional upset. The days seemed to blend together. Get up, go to the hospital, come back from the hospital, go to bed. And repeat. That had become my routine now.

I was sat in Edward's room, by myself with him for once - all the Cullens had gone to get some food, and I let them go, not wanting to intrude on their family time - just looking at how peaceful he was. He was so still, aside from the rise and fall of his chest. He looked so innocent. It hurt to see him like this. It hurt to my very core. I would give anything, do _anything_ to make him well again. But I knew that at the moment all I could do was wait.

I leaned forward, and took his hand in mine. It was cold. His whole body was, and if it hadn't been for the heart monitor beeping away just a few feet from me, I would have thought the worst. And then, taking me by complete surprise, I felt a slight pressure on my hand. He was squeezing it back. I stared at his hand in disbelief and as I did the strength of his grip increased, not by much, but it was something.

I looked at his face and I saw what I, and the rest of the Cullens had waited days for.

With a slight fluttering motion, Edward opened his eyes.

**Sorry for the mega long chapter here.  
So, now you know Edward's stable and he's now awake. :D  
Did any of you seriously think that I would kill Edward! If you did hang your heads in shame.  
NOW!!!!  
You doing it?! Good!  
And just to show me that you're sorry, you can leave me some awesome reviews.  
Is it too pun-ny if I say Ciao Bella?! Oh well, I don't care. Ciao Bella XD xx**


	19. Awake

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**For those of you who thought that I was cruel enough to kill of Edward, tut tut *shakes finger in disappointment* I could never do that to Eddie!!  
Nope he is alive!!! But that's all I'm divulging, if you wanna find out the rest then you'll have to read the story :D  
**

**EPOV**

Something wasn't right.

That much I knew.

I didn't have a clue what had happened to me that day in the corridor with Mike Newton, but I knew it was a day I didn't care to repeat. The pain that had ripped through my chest was unbearable. Thankfully, it was gone now though. I don't think I could have put up with another bout of pain like that. Not for anything in the world.

For the longest time all I knew was blackness. All dark, all the time. I could hear things happening around me, people talking in hushed, hurried and worried voices, furniture being moved. **(A/N: I don't know whether those who're unconscious can still hear what's going on around them, but in this story Edward can hear everything that's happening around him in the hospital room.)** Sometimes there were lots of people in the room, all whispering to each other and yet at others there was only one or two. I was never alone. I could always feel the presence of someone sat next to me. Hear the steady rythym of their breathing. And that beeping. What the hell is that? It sounds like....._That must mean I'm in the hospital again._ I thought.

I tried to fight my way out of the blackness that surrounded me for what felt like an eternity. Every time it seemed I was getting closer to the surface, I would be pulled back under again. It was an endless cycle, but one I was determined to win eventually. I had to escape the dark. The never ending sea of black. _One last time,_ I thought. _I will try one last time, and if I don't make it, then I will let the darkness have me._ So I struggled with all my might. I fought and fought against the darkness. _This time,_ _I will reach the surface,_ I promised myself that.

Suddenly I could feel again. I could feel my arms and legs. I could feel the sheets of the hospital bed, rough against my skin. I could feel something foreign on my face, something invading my body and down into my throat. It was uncomfortable, almost painful. I felt the urge to try to pull it out, and then I found that my muscles wouldn't work when I wanted them to. I also felt something warm holding onto my ice cold hand. I knew it to be someone's hand.

I put all my willpower into squeezing that hand. I think I managed it as well, because the person sat next to me tensed slightly, as if not quite believing that it had just happened. So again I put all my willpower into that one movement. To my surprise, and the surprise of the person sat next to me, I was able to use slightly more force and squeezed a little harder this time. The person sat next to me squeezed my hand and I immediately recognised that grasp.

Bella.

She was here? Why was she here? Did she really care about me that much? Enough to sit with me in the hospital? I couldn't believe it. I knew that I had to escape this blackness. And now. I had to see her face. Just to make sure that she was there.

Suddenly it seemed like the veil that was holding me down, had suddenly lifted. I physically felt the weight disappear and I rushed to make my way to the surface.

Slowly, I managed to open my eyes.

Everything was so bright. Bright and white. I looked around at where I was. I had been right. I was in the hospital and judging from all the beeping and whirring noises, I was a little worse for wear. I looked down and saw that something was blocking my vision. There was something running around my nose and underneath my chin. _A mask?_ I thought. _Was I not able to breathe on my own?_ That freaked me out a little. What had happened to me? Some part of me didn't want to know. If I couldn't breathe on my own then it must have been something bad.

I looked to my right and I saw that I hadn't been imagining things. She was here. She was sat right there next to me, her hand clasping mine, with tears in her eyes. But these weren't tears that I was used to. These were different tears. Tears of joy, perhaps?

"Edward?" She whispered. I looked at her. I wanted to talk to her, but found I couldn't. "Don't try to speak. I know it's a lot to take in, but they had to put a tube down your throat so that you could breathe. Oh, Edward, I can't believe that you're awake." She sounded genuinally happy that I was awake. "Your whole family's here. They're down in the cafeteria. They've been so worried about you." A single tear ran down her cheek. I managed to work up the strength to life up the hand that she had clasped in hers and wipe it away, shaking my head slightly. She seemed to know that I meant for her to stop crying because she said. "Okay, I'll try." She smiled. That smile. I would do anything for that smile. "Your family's going to want to know that you're awake. I'll be back in a minute, I'm just going to go and get them."

I turned my head slightly to my left and sure enough there was a machine there, pumping air in the same way that one would pump up an airbed. It felt strange not to be breathing on my own, to have something do it for me. I hoped that they would take it out soon. It wasn't that it was uncomfortable or caused me pain in any way, but it was the reality of the situation. Seeing the ventilator there, breathing for me, showed me just how serious this whole thing was. I wanted the security of knowing that I could breathe on my own again. I just wish that I knew what had happened to me.

She went to get up, but I took hold of her sleeve. I hope she realised that I didn't want her to go. I didn't want to be alone. I wanted her here with me. My family would be up soon enough, and if she went to tell them, they would only rush up here to be told that they could only come in one at a time. I'd seen it enough times when I was with Carlisle at the hospital in Chicago.

She did understand because she sat back down. "Okay, Edward." She took my hand in hers again. "I'll stay here with you. I won't leave you." She picked up my hand and kissed the back of it. She smiled at me and I was so glad to have found her. I was so lucky to have this angel sat next to me. I nodded and closed my eyes again, not letting up on this grasp I had on her hand. "Edward?" She sounded worried. I opened my eyes again and she relaxed. I gave her a look that said "I'm okay. I'm not going anyhwere" and she smiled at me. I closed my eyes again and grasped her hand tighter.

I heard other people come into the room, though I wasn't sure who it was.

"Carlisle? Esme?" I heard Bella call softly. "He's awake." I could hear the smile in her voice, and I opened my eyes again, to see my mother and father staring at me in disbelief. Their faces suddenly broke out into wide smiles. They rushed over to my side.

"Oh, Edward. Oh, honey." Esme said, kissing my forehead gently. I wanted to respond but I knew that with this tube down my throat there was no chance of that happening. I could only nod in response. "We were so worried that you weren't going to wake up." I could hear the tears in Esme's voice. It pained me to hear her in pain. I wanted to know what had happened to me. All I remember is being shoved up against the lockers by Mike Newton and then falling into pain and darkness. I wanted to know. But I had no way of getting that request across.

The three of them sat there talking to me about what had been going on with everybody while I had been unconscious. Emmett and Rosalie had been bickering more than usual, Jasper and Emmett had finally settled their arm-wrestling match: Emmett won, not surprisingly. Alice had changed immensley from the sounds of it. From being the lovely, bouncy pixie-ish sister that I was used to, she had become withdrawn and not really talking to anyone about anything. I hated that Alice had become like that. I wanted to ask that they ask her to come in, but again with the tube down my throat, that was an impossibility.

I leant my head back on my pillow and closed my eyes, trying to get away from the glare of the lights that were just above my head. This startled Carlisle and Esme. "Edward?!" They called, worry thick in their voices. I heard Bella tell them it was okay. "He did that earlier, just after he woke up. I think the lights are a bit too much for his eyes at the moment." She had noticed. She seemed to notice everything about me, in the same way that I did with her. I felt them physically relax. Just then the door opened and my siblings walked in one by one. They saw that I was awake and, just like with Carlisle and Esme, huge grins spread across their faces.

"Hey, bro," Emmett said walking up behind the seat that Bella was sat on. "How're you feeling?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth he knew that they were stupid. I looked pointedly at the mask on my face and he gave me a look as if to say, "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry." "You really scared us there, man. You promise not to do it again?" He pointed a finger at me, in the same way you might at a small child who had done something wrong. I nodded weakly. Believe me it wasn't on the top of my list of things to do again in a hurry.

Alice whacked him on the bicep as she walked up beside him and he feigned being hurt. "You really did scare us though Edward. Bella told us what happened in the corridor with Mike." She looked extremely sad, and worried. "It's going to keep a lot to stop Emmett from killing him when we go back to school." None of them had been to school since I had been admitted into the hospital.

Bella seemed to be able to interpret the expression on my face. "None of us have been in. How could we when you're lying in here? You didn't think we'd just dump you in here and then carry on did you?" I guess on some level I _had_ thought that. I guess I would never think that way of my family again. Bella included. Even though I had only known her a couple of weeks, she was here. She hadn't run off. I knew that it was thanks to her that I was alive. If she hadn't come around the corner when she did, it may have been too late for me. I gave an involuntary shiver at that thought.

"Are you cold, hon?" Esme asked, reaching for the blanket that was on the relative's bed in the room. I shook my head slightly in answer to her question, and I looked at Bella. She was family now.

She looked around at all of us and blushed slightly. "I guess I'll leave you guys to it." She mumbled. She obviously felt uncomfortable with being in here at this moment in time. She moved to get up and again, I grabbed her sleeve. She turned to look at me and I shook my head, silently telling her that I wanted her to stay. She looked at me, and then at Carlisle who nodded and she sat back down again. I relaxed my grip on her sleeve but didn't let go completely.

We all sat there in silence for a while, until I felt the need to lay my head back down and close my eyes again.

Before I knew it I was headed back into darkness.

But this was a familiar darkness. One that I trusted. It was unlike the darkness that had enveloped me previously, threatening never to let go.

When I woke up some time later, the room was dark and everyone was gone. Or at least that's what I thought. I lifted my head slightly and I saw Carlisle asleep on the relative's bed, and then I realised that I was still holding someone's hand. I looked down and there was Bella. She had fallen alseep in her chair, her head resting on my bed. I released my hand from her grip and stroked her hair, hoping that I wasn't going to wake her up.

"She refused to leave." Carlisle whispered, walking over to me. "Now that you're awake she is even more adamant that she stay here. Even when you were unconscious it was difficult to get her to leave. You're very lucky to have found her Edward." I nodded slightly, still having the tube down my throat. The way Carlisle spoke about Bella made it seem as though he had aqcuired another daughter. _Maybe he will someday,_ I thought. _WOAH!! Where did that come from?!_ I'd surprised myself with my own thoughts. I had no idea where that came from. Could it be that I wanted Bella as more than a friend. _No,_ I reasoned. _She's just a friend. That's all she's going to be. She doesn't care about you like that._

If I had been able to sigh through ventilation system then I would have, but the regulated breaths coming from the machine made that impossible to do. I looked at Carlisle and tapped the mask on my face. Carlisle knew what I meant and he smiled. "The nurse came through when you were asleep, and she said that your vitals are strong enough so that they can take the tube out tomorrow." _Why did he need a nurse to tell him that? Couldn't he just look at my charts himself? _I mused. The confusion must have shown in my expression because he answered the very questions that I had asked in my mind. "I needed her to tell me that because I'm not allowed to look at your charts. Because you're my son, I'm too emotionally involved, therefore I am not allowed to become involved in your case." I nodded sleepily and closed my eyes again, thankful that this wretched thing was being removed from throat tomorrow.

I then fell asleep, thinking of the fact that I would be allowed to breathe on my own again, squeezing Bella's hand as I drifted off.

**So, Edward's woken up, but he still doens't know what happened to him.  
How will he react when he's told that he had a heart attack?  
And will he come to decipher what his thoughts about Bella mean?  
Some reviews would be awesome :D**

**Ciao! x  
**


	20. Revealing the Truth

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

I still couldn't believe it. All the time I had been in the hospital Bella had been there. Well, all the time that she was allowed anyway. She was hardly ever away from my side. Carlisle had asked them to put another bed into my room, so she could be moved there if she fell asleep. This girl never really ceased to amaze me.

I would've thought that my siblings would be a bit put out by Bella's constant presence, but they told me that they had really gotten to know her in the spare time they had while waiting for me to wake up. Even, Emmett, who had been dead set against Bella knowing about the situation had warmed to her, and he openly teased her about her clumsiness and even called her Bells. I was glad that my family had accepted Bella, because even though I'd only known her such a short time, she had become a crucial part of my life. A part that I don't think I could live without. She had become my rock. And she was, sadly enough, my only friend outside the family. Truth be told I would rather have her as my only friend than have a hundred friends and not know her.

The day after I woke up I was told that they would be along to remove the ventilator tube. Which I was thankful for. It wasn't painful per se, just extremely uncomfortable. Bella smiled at me when the doctor told me. She was happy that it would be removed. Almost as happy as I was. After it had been removed we would be able to have an actual conversation, instead of her talking and me just nodding or shaking my head.

When the doctor came in he had everyone clear the room. Even though she was loathe to going, Bella obliged, telling me that she would be just outside if I needed her. I was so thankful that I had found her.

Having the tube removed was not the most pleasant experience. That part was in fact painful. They had to remove the mask first, which had actually been stuck to my face, so it wouldn't move or become dislodged when I slept. That part was uncomfortable to say the least. They had to remove the mask that was attached to my face without disturbing the tube that went down my throat. It wasn't as simple as it sounded. They had to cut the mask so they could remove it from where it connected to the tube. After that they had to actually remove the tube from my throat. I would be lying if someone had asked me if I was scared and I'd said no. To be perfectly honest, I was terrified.

"It's okay, sweetheart," One of the nurses cooed as the doctor prepared to remove the tube. "It'll be over in a minute, you're going to be fine." I was thankful for her words of encouragement.

As they removed the tube, I could feel it moving from the bottom of my throat. I kept my eyes tight shut and only just managed to stop myself from crying out in pain and discomfort. I could feel it as the doctor, slowly pulled on the end of the tube. I just wished he'd get it over with, although I knew he had to be careful so as not to tear the inside of my throat. When it was out, my throat felt extremely sore. It hurt to breathe, each breathe burning the back of my throat.

"There we are," The nurse said sweetly to me. "All over now." I opened my eyes to see her holding out a small cup of water with a straw. "Take a sip. It'll help ease your throat." I did as she instructed and felt an immediate sense of relief as the cold liquid soothed my throat. I looked at the doctor, who was placing the tube onto a tray. Looking at it, it was huge. _How the hell did they manage to get that down my throat?!_ I thought. It looked as though it shouldn't have fit but obviously it had. That was probably why my throat was so sore now. "Here, take another sip, dear." I took another small sip and again felt the relief that it brought. "I'll just leave it here for you." She smiled at me as she put the cup of water on the table beside my bed.

"Thank you," I managed to croak out. It hurt to talk, and I knew that I wouldn't be doing that so much for the time being. The nurse smiled at me again as she left. She opened the door and stepped back to let Bella and Carlisle into the room. They looked at me, both of them smiling although neither smile reached their eyes. They were happy that I could now breathe on my own, but there was some sadness to their eyes. As if they shared a secret between them that I wasn't in on. It unnerved me slightly.

"Hey, you," Bella said softly as she walked up beside me. "How're you feeling?" She placed a hand on my forehead in a caring way.

"Ok." I whispered. It didn't hurt so much to whisper. She smiled at me again. And again, it was a sad smile, as if she somehow knew something was about to happen. And again something I wasn't aware of.

I decided to let it drop for now, but later on, when Carlisle or anyone else was in the room, I would ask her about it. She wouldn't say anything while there was anyone else around. Of that much I was sure.

I took her hand in my own and gave it a gentle squeeze. I smiled at her and she sat down in her usual spot next to my bed. She put her other hand on my cheek and I leant into it, thankful, once again that she was there for me. I didn't know what I'd done to deserve a friend like Bella, in fact looking back I've been nothing but horrid for the last few years. Even if other people were unable to see it, I knew it was true. I knew that I hadn't done anything to deserve her, but someone up there had liked me the day I had started at Forks High School, in that Biology lesson.

"Would you like some more water?" She asked, breaking the comfortable silence that there was between the two of us. I nodded and lifted my hand for the cup. She handed it to me and I took a long sip of the water, sighing as it soothed my aching throat. "Better?" She asked taking the cup back and putting it back on the table. I nodded again, not trusting my voice.

Carlisle was having a discussion with the doctor who had just removed the tube, looking rather heated about something or other. I had no idea what they were talking about. It could be about me or it could be something to do with shifts at the hospital. I had no idea and I wasn't really fussed. I looked at Bella and I saw her looking at something on the other side of me. She was looking at the tube that they had yet to remove from the room. Either the doctor or a nurse or someone would take it away in a minute.

"Is that the..." She trailed off, obviously as shocked at the size of it as I was.

"Yeah," I croaked. She looked at me with a look of sympathy in her eyes. She obviously felt sorry for me, for having to have that stuck down my throat for a little over a week. I smile at her and she gave me a small grin back.

It was so easy to be with Bella. We didn't have to say anything at all. It was like we'd known each other for years and not a matter of weeks. The silences between us weren't uncomfortable as they were with regards to most other people. They were exactly the opposite. They were easy and felt natural, with there being no need to fill them with useless rambling or small talk.

"What happened to the others?" I whispered, not trusting myself to raise my voice at all.

"Esme took them home, to shower, change clothes and have a proper meal, rather than just hospital food." She replied.

"You should have gone too." Again I whispered this, as I didn't want to hurt my throat any more than it already did. She shook her head.

"I didn't want to leave you." She smiled at me, this time, the smile reached her eyes and she was the old Bella that I knew. She stroked my cheek gently with her thumb and I could feel myself becoming drowsy.

As I nodded off to sleep I felt her kiss me gently on the forehead. I smiled slightly and she continued to stroke my cheek.

I woke up the next morning with an extreme raw feeling in my throat. I wondered where it had come from and then I remembered that they had removed the tube that had been down my throat for over a week. I looked at the chair beside my bed and was confused as to why Bella wasn't there. Then I looked at the beds that were in the room and I saw Carlisle asleep in one of them, and in the other lay Bella. I decided to close my eyes and doze for a while, while I waited for those two to rise.

"Morning," I heard Carlisle say from beside me. "How're you feeling this morning?"

"Better," I choked. It hurt to speak so I decided I would keep it to a minimum, not that I ever did a lot of talking anyway.

"That's good to hear," said a voice from the door. I looked over and I saw Alice standing in the doorway, flanked by a giant Emmett, making her look even smaller than she already was. She skipped over to me and sat down in the chair that was usually occupied by Bella. "You know, you look awful Edward."

"Thanks," I groaned. From what I had heard, the old Alice was back, although I had my suspicions that it was an act. That she really wasn't that chipper and happy, but felt she needed to be in order to keep me from falling into despair.

With that the rest of my family walked in through the door. Emmett was at the back, whether or not because he thought everyone else should be able see me, or because he was afraid of me because he didn't know how I could react. Suddenly Bella appeared from nowhere at Esme's side. She smiled at me and then nodded her head ever so slightly towards Emmett. She had obviously learned that someone sleeping plus Emmett equals major mayhem.

Esme put her hand on my forehead and kissed where she'd pulled my hair away from my face.

"I was wondering one thing," I choked out. I thought that now would be as good a time as any to ask them, seeing as they were already standing around and watching me. "I was windering what actually happened. The day Mike Newton attacked me at the lockers....what happened?"

They all looked at each other uneasily. And then Carlisle cleared his throat.

"Children, if you could leave for a moment. I'll call you back in in a moment." Carlisle was looking at the others and then obliged, probably knowing was coming.

Bella made a move to leave, but I grabbed her hand in a effort to get her to stay. She smiled at me and conceeded. She looked at Carlisle and he nodded. She sat down in her usual chair next to my bed, and looked at me in a sad way.

"Carlisle?" I looked at him again, unable to bear the pain that was streaming through Bella's eyes. She was obviously remembering that morning, I could tell by the look on her face. I could also tell that it was a memory that she didn't like to replay to herself. "What happened to me?" I still couldn't really speak in more than a whisper so I was surprised when he lifted up his head to look at me, his expression mirroring Bella's.

Jeez, was it that bad?

"Well, um, Edward, I really don't know how to say this but um...." He trailed off and didn't start again until I looked pointedly at him. "You, um, you had a ... a heart attack, son."

I felt my world crash around me.

A heart attack?

**Sorry for the short chappie peeps.  
Edward's reaction is in the next chapter which should be up in the next couple of days - that is if my internet has stopped being tempermental.  
Anyways, that's it from me. I'm off to beddy-byes. I havent slept in 36hours so if there are any spelling mistakes etc then PM me and I'll change them.  
Am not really putting any coherent thoughts together at the moment.  
Ciao xx**


	21. Getting Better

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**After this I'm not sure how much I'll be able to update during the next week, due to a swim meet that I have to train for. I'll try and update as much as I can, but I can't promise it'll be loads. Sorry guys.**

**EPOV**

_"Well, um, Edward, I really don't know how to say this but um...." He trailed off and didn't start again until I looked pointedly at him. "You, um, you had a ... a heart attack, son."_

_I felt my world crash around me._

I'd had a _heart attack!!!!!_ At seventeen. I didn't think that that was possible. How? How could I have possibly had a heart attack?!

I sat there in silence for what seemed like an eternity. I knew they were watching me, waiting for some sort of reaction. Well, probably more of a reaction that the one I was giving them at least. I didn't know what to say, what to do. Nothing seemed to make sense to me anymore. How could I have had a heart attack at seventeen?

"Edward?" I heard a soft voice calling my name. I looked up at Bella. She had tears in her eyes, tears that were threatening to fall. Her beautiful pale skin had been tarnished by a blush. Not the embarrassed blush that made her even more endearing, but the blush that threatened tears. The blush that told of what was to come. I didn't think I could handle her crying, but I knew it was something that couldn't be avoided. "It was so scary. When I saw Mike holding you there like he was and then you just slumped to the ground, I was so scared. I had no idea what was happening. And then the paramedic told me that it looked like you had had a heart attack!" She was crying now, the tears flowing freely down her cheek. Had she really been that scared for me? I was beginning to believe that she might need me as much as I needed her. "I felt like everything had crashed around me. I didn't know what to do. I mean, I know we haven't known each other that long but I need you Edward. I don't know what I would do if I were to lose you."

"They worked on you for a long time, trying to get you stable." Carlisle said, sitting on the edge of my bed, being careful not to disturb any of the tubes or wires that were attached to my body. "Thankfully they said that you don't need surgery as it wasn't as bad as it could have been. They said that if we can get you healthy enough then there's very little chance of anything like this happening again." He looked at me solemnly. "You know what this means Edward?" He was staring at me and I made no move in response. I did know what it meant. I was actually going to have to get better. That thought scared me more than the fact that I had just had a heart attack. Could I handle getting better? I didn't know if I could. "You are going to have to actually get better this time. No avoiding it. If you don't then you _will_ die."

He said it matter-of-factly. I knew he was trying to scare me. There was no need. I was already terrified.

"We're all going to help you Edward," Bella said. "We're all going to help you get through this, aren't we Carlisle?" He nodded in response, never taking his eyes off of me. "You can get better Edward, I know you can."

I still didn't look at her. Could I really handle getting better, as they put it? Would I be able to let go of everything that had kept me going for the last ten years or so. The only coping mechanism I'd had. I didn't know if I could. But I wasn't being given a choice, now was I? It was either that, or have another heart attack and die. Even though a month or two ago I would have relished that thought, something had changed. I didn't have the urge to hurt myself in that way as much any more. I don't know what it was that had changed my mind, as a little while ago, I had been begging for death. I had welcomed death. Most people thought of death as the end, but I'd thought of it as a release, an escape. But no longer. And I didn't know why.

And yet deep inside I did know why. Something had changed in my life. Something had affected me so much that it clouded, if not erased my willingness to die. I had gained something when we moved to Forks. Something I thought that I would never have again after my parents died.

I had gained a friend.

Bella.

She was still looking at me now, tears flowing down her face. She was all I needed, but I didn't know if I could let go of my hurtful ways. I knew I was hurting her with my actions. I knew I was hurting my family, the ones I cared most about but I didn't know if I could do it. It was so ingrained in my head to do all those things, the cutting, the not eating, the lying, that it would be so hard to give up. If I couldn't do it, if I struggled, would she still stick around? Would she leave me just as abruptly as she had arrived? I didn't know, but I didn't want to ask. The thought of her leaving scared me. I didn't know what I'd do if she left. _Wrong,_ I thought. I knew exactly what I'd do. I would take myself back to before we moved, and this time I'd make sure I didn't survive.

While I was lost in thought Carlisle left the room, leaving me and Bella alone. She gripped my hand harder, pulling me from my thoughts. I looked and smiled at her. She still had tears running down her cheeks, but she smiled at me.

"I'm not going anywhere Edward," she whispered, as though she was answering my unasked question. "I'm going to be here as long as you need me. And long after that as well. You know why?" I shook my head, willing her to go on. "Because I need you too."

She did need me in the way I needed her. That thought made me happy. I smiled at her again and she smiled back. She was no longer crying, but the tears she had already shed were still clinging to her cheeks. I wiped them away gently, and she leant into my hand. Her skin was so soft and revelled in the chance to touch her. She closed her eyes and sighed in a content way. I knew that she would try to help me, but I didn't know if I had it within myself to accept that help yet. _Only time will tell, I guess. _I thought as I looked at Bella. The only friend I had.

I was only kept in hospital for a week after that. I was expecting it to be longer, but the doctor's told me that seeing as Carlisle was a doctor himself, they thought it was safe to let me go. Somehow it felt as though I was missing out on something. The way everyone spoke to me made me think that they were keeping something from me. Maybe it was because they thought that it would be best to treat me as delicately as possible, considering the reason I was in the hospital in the first place.

I couldn't get out of eating. As much as I wanted to I couldn't.

Bella stayed with me almost all the time, and I was worried about her missing school and getting behind on her work. When I voiced this concern, she shook it off, saying that the teahers knew why she wasn't there, and that she had people taking notes for her. I made her promise me that as soon as I left the hospital she would go back to school. She reluctantly agreed. I wouldn't be going back to school for a few weeks after I got home. Carlisle wanted to make sure that I was improved enough to handle the stresses of school again before I went back. Even when he told me this there was an edge to his voice. Like there was something unspoken between him and the rest of the people around me. I brushed it off, thinking that he probably wasn't too fond of the idea of me going back to school at all.

Emmett and I had made up. All the stress and worry that he had been through when worrying about me had made him forget about everything that had happened before. I was glad of this. I'd missed having my brother around, and I quickly realised that I wasn't mad at him anymore. What people had said was starting to make sense to me. He had only been trying to help, but in his worry had gone about it in entirely the wrong way. It still made me shudder when I thought of that night, and when I saw him, sometimes I briefly saw the Emmett from that night. The wild and scary Emmett who had no control. I hated that Emmett, and I knew now why a lot of people were intimidated by him.

Seeing as Bella hardly ever left my side, the nurse who brought in the food that I had to eat, didn't stay. She knew that if she stayed to watch me eat as well there would be less chance that I would. Bella didn't let me get off, and every meal I ate a few mouthfuls. She knew not to push me. I think that she could see that it was an extreme struggle for me to even manage to have what small amount of food I did. Every time I had to eat, there was something in my head screaming at me to stop, not to have anything more. And every time it won. I would get to a point, and it became so loud that I had to stop, that I had to give in.

Each time, Bella smiled at me. I could tell that she was proud of me, even though I wasn't having much, she was proud that I had managed something. Every day she gave me that same look, and every day I knew that nothing was changing. I was eating, but it still disgusted me, and if it weren't for the fact that she was sitting there, and that I was hooked up to about a million different machines, I would have made a break for the nearest bathroom there was. It was only her that stopped me.

This next week passed in pretty much the same fashion. Everyone would come in and talk to me. Esme was making them all go back to school, so they all came and saw me after they had finished. Bella was the only one who hadn't. Esme couldn't make her go back to school, as she wasn't her child and Bella said that Charlie was alright with her not going back if she managed to get back on track and catch up with the work she'd missed. I made a mental note to thank Charlie for letting her stay with me. It was only her that made this place slightly more bearable. I hated hospitals, especially having to stay in one for so long.

Carlisle had started back up work again, seeming satisfied that someone was with me. And with him working in the hospitals he was able to come and see me when he had a break and after he finished each shift. He still slept in my room, just to make sure I was okay. It seemed that he never left the hospital anymore. Whether or not it was work, or he was with me, he never left. Esme brought him in clothes when she came in to see me everyday, and I guess that he was thankful that the hospital had showers and such for the staff. Something that Carlisle let Bella take full advantage of as well.

Charlie even came in to see that I was okay. He had been bringing some stuff in for Bella, and he stopped and talked for a while. When Bella excused herself and left the room for a minute I decided to make good on the promise I'd made to myself.

"Thank you Charlie." Thankfully my voice had returned to normal over the course of the week, although my throat still ached slightly.

"What for?" He asked me, perplexed.

"For letting Bella stay here with me. I know it must be hard to do, knowing that she's missing school and everything." I looked at him. "Thank you."

"Of course, kid." He said, he placed a hand on my shoulder in a fatherly way. "She need you, Eddie." I winced slightly at the use of my hated nickname. "What?"

"Nothing," I said looking at him. He had probably thought that I was wincing at the fact that he had said that Bella needed me. "I just hate being called Eddie." He smiled and relaxed a little.

"Sorry," He said with a chuckle in his voice. "Edward."

"Truth is," I sighed. "I need her too. She has no idea of the impact that she's had on my life. I never would've thought it possible until she appeared." He smiled even wider. Charlie was a good man, who cared deeply about his daughter and he obviously needed to know that she was missing so much school for someone who appreciated her. Hopefully, he would know that I did. More than he or she could ever imagine. "I was so low before I found her. No one had ever tried to get close to me before her. All those walls that I'd spent so many years building just seemed to crumble when she arrived in my life. She's the only person I've ever let in before."

"Yeah," He agreed. "Well, you've had a big impact on her life as well, kid." He squeezed my shoulder gently. "She changed when you came on the scene. It took me a while to figure it out but she seemed more focused on something. She never said what, but there was something new on her mind all the time. She'd zone out. More than usual. It was only when I came in for a check-up with your father that I found out that it was you that had affected her so much." He removed his hand and scratched the side of his neck, smiling at me. He wasn't the Chief of Police at the moment. He was just Charlie Swan, a father who was happy that someone cared for his daughter. I smiled back in gratitude.

At that moment Bella came back in. "So, what have you two been talking about while I was gone?" She seemed more reserved than she had been when she had left. Like something had happened in the few minutes in which she left the room. And her eyes seemed sad again. I wanted to ask her what was wrong, but I knew she would't tell me, especially when her father was here.

"Oh, nothing really." Charlie shrugged. "You know, guy stuff."

Bella nodded, and resigned herself to not asking any more questions. "Carlisle spoke to the doctor who's on your case, and he told him that you can leave tomorrow. Isn't that great?" She was grinning so widely that I couldn't help but smile. It was great. I couldn't wait to get out of this place and back into my own house, my own room, surrounded by my things.

Charlie stayed for a while longer and we sat and joked for a bit. He told me some stories about Bella when she was younger, before her parents had split up, and I watched the redness in her face deepen into a colour that I didn't think was possible. She hid her face in her hands and muttered, "I hate you," several times. I couldn't help but laugh at her. SHe was so cute when she was embarrassed, and Charlie and I knew that she didn't really mean it when she said that she hated him. It was just funny to watch her laugh at herself. I would never have been able to do that.

After Charlie left, the nurse came in with another tray of food. _Here we go again,_ I thought. I managed what I could before Bella moved the tray, and put it on the table next to me.

"Had a good day?" She asked, turning back to me. I couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah," I said, sighing. "Even though I'm stuck in here it has been a good day." I smiled even more and she blushed again. "What?"

"Nothing," She said, quietly, lifting her head up to look at me. "It's just, I've never seen you smile like that before." This time I could feel redness approaching in my cheeks.

"Well, I don't know what it is, but something about you makes me want to smile," I said, my voice completely serious. She flushed again, causing me to chuckle. "It's true. No one has ever made me want to smile the way you do. It's one of the things I love about you." Her head snapped up, still flushing. I hadn't meant for that to come out, but it just had and there was no taking it back now. Even if I could I didn't think I'd want to. She smiled at me, not saying anything.

"Close your eyes," She said, leaning in towards me.

"Why?" I asked sceptically, my eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"Just do it," She said, smiling at me. I could never refuse her when she smiled. So I closed my eyes.

Whatever it was I thought she was planning, I hadn't been preparing for this.

I felt her lips softly touching mine. I jumped slightly at the contact, the beeping sound above my head speeding up as I felt my heart rate incease, and I felt slightly self conscious at the fact that the effect she had on was evident because of that blasted machine. It had given me away every time my heart fluttered when she smiled or at something she said. She had acted like she hadn't noticed but I was sure she had. I relaxed when she didn't pull away. She was so gentle and delicate in her kiss that it made me melt. She was the first person I had ever kissed and I was glad of that fact now. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to kiss me before this. She was so tender and loving in her kiss, I mentally slapped myself for not doing it earlier.

She gently broke away and kissed my forehead. "I think I'm falling in love with you Edward Cullen." She whispered. I didn't know how to respond to this. I had never been faced with something like this before. I didn't know what I had been feeling before, but as soon as she said it, I knew that that was what I had been feeling as well. I just hadn't known how to put words to the feeling before.

"I think I am, too." I whispered back and she sat back down with a smile on her face. She picked up my hand and kissed the back of it gently, softly trailing kisses up and down my thumb. I never wanted her to stop doing that.

Before I knew it I had fallen asleep with Bella's face swimming through my mind. I dreamt of Bella for the first time that night, but I knew it wouldn't be the last time. I would dream about her every night if I could.

The next morning, I was told I was allowed to go home after the doctor came and checked on me. When he did he seemed pleased with my progress and arranged for a nurse to come and unhook me from everything. Bella left the room as I got dressed. When she came back in she helped me pack up my stuff and we walked out together. Carlisle was signing the release documents as we walked out into the corridor. He and Esme smiled as we approached, but their smiles didn't reach their eyes. I figured that it was because they thought that I should stay in a bit longer, but I couldn't wait to get out of there.

Bella held my hand as we walked down the corridor. We hadn't told anyone about the previous night, and we didn't have any plans to for now. We knew that Alice would have a field day when she found out and I would never hear the end of it from Emmett. Jasper and Rosalie would be happy and Carlisle and Esme would be over the moon, but we didn't want everyone to know just yet.

Walking out of the hospital I saw my brothers and sisters leaning against my Volvo and Carlisle's Mercedes. They all hugged me when we approached, all muttering that they were happy that I was out of hospital. I was told that I would be in Carlisle's Mercedes rather than in my Volvo, and I climbed into the back with Bella, whilst Carlisle and Esme got into the front. As we pulled out of the carpark I leant my head against the window, closing my eyes, thankful to be out of that damned place. I knew that the trip from the hospital to my house took about twenty minutes, so I knew I could rest my eyes for a few minutes at least.

When I opened my eyes a few minutes later, I saw that we weren't on the route home. I had taken the route a few times, when we'd had to go and visit Carlisle at work, so I knew we were going to wrong way. We weren't even in Forks anymore.

"Where are we going?" I asked, looking at the others. No one would meet my gaze, not even Bella.

I knew something was up as I saw that the Volvo was following us. I just didn't know what it was.

It was Carlisle who replied, with an answer that filled me with dread.

"Seattle."

**So Eddie and Bella have realised that they're actually in love with each other. Isn't that cute? *round of "aaawwwww"'s ensues.  
Which is good for Edward, but does anyone remember what's in Seattle that would scare Edward so much?  
Please leave some reviews and I'll see what I can do about updating soon :D  
Much love.  
Ciao xxx**


	22. Betrayed

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**I decided to get this next chapter up before I start my training as I don't know when I'll have the time to update any time soon. Enjoy!**

**BPOV**

I was so relieved when Edward woke up. I had begun to think he never would. Seeing him there like that, he was so vulnerable and it made me so upset to see him.

I refused to leave him though, I had to make sure I was there when he woke up. I didn't want to miss a single second with him when he did. Carlisle and his family had opened up to me when they saw how much I cared for Edward. Even Emmett, who I'd known wasn't pleased that I knew, had warmed to me. I now knew what Edward meant when he said that Emmett wasn't really as intimidating as his size portrayed. I'd come to think of him as the big brother I'd never had. The Cullen's were like family to me now, and it was all because of Edward. I couldn't imagine life without him, but every time I looked at him, I knew that there was a chance that future could come to be.

I could barely contain myself when he woke up. He seemed particularly distressed at the tube that hooked him to the ventilator. I could see why. I would be too if I'd woken up with a tube down my throat. It made me want to scoop him up in my arms and never let him go.

I wasn't sure of these feelings that I was having towards Edward. I couldn't stop thinking about him, stop worrying about him and I couldn't bear to leave his side. Even when I was down in the cafeteria knowing that he was safe in the room upstairs I couldn't help worrying that something was wrong. All I knew was that without Edward now, my life wouldn't be complete.

Charlie had been somewhat reserved about me staying in the hospital with Edward, but after seeing how much he meant to me he had told me that it was okay, but only if I managed to catch up on my schoolwork when I went back. I told him that I would and he seemed appeased by that. I knew it would take a lot of work for me to catch up, but if I got to spend time with Edward, I knew that it would all be worth it.

When I told Edward that they were going to remove the tube the next day, his eyes lit up. It made my heart flutter when I saw the expression on his face and I smiled. What was going on with me? I didn't know why my heart was beating in the erratic way that it was. I was just glad that it wasn't me that was hooked up to the heart monitor or else it would have overheated by now. I'd noticed that at random points during the day it would jump and speed up slightly before slowly back down to its normal rhythm. When it first started doing it I worried that there could either be something up with the machine or that something was wrong with Edward again, but after a while I noticed that it only happened when he made me blush, or something he did would make me smile. Was it possible that he was feeling the same way I was? I wanted to ask, but didn't for fear that he didn't.

Charlie came round one day, dropping some stuff off for me. I noticed that he had some clothes and some notepads for me. I looked through the notepads and saw that they were filled with Angela's hadnwriting. _Good old Angela._ I thought. I would have to get her something as a thank you, because it was evident that she had made two copies of every class that I was in for her. One copy for her and one for me. I smiled at the thought of her sat there scribbling as fast as she could in class to get two sets of notes down, as she had no doubtedly done. _Yep, will definitely have to get her something._

Charlie came up to Edward's room with me and we passed Carlisle and Esme having a heated discussion on the way back up. They seemed to be getting on quite well. They wanted to talk to me, so I nodded and went into Edward's room, with my Dad following. After a minute or so, I excused myself and went to find Carlisle and Esme, leaving Edward in the capable hands of my father.

"Carlisle, Esme." I said walking up to them. "What's up?" They both looked at me with solemn expressions on their faces.

"We've decided that when Edward leaves here we're going to take him to Seattle." Carlisle said gravely. "We don't think that going home would be the best thing for him. I mean, we thought that he was getting better the last time and yet this happened." I nodded. Some part of me wanted to scream and shout at them because I wouldn't be able to see Edward every day like I had been doing, but a bigger part of me knew that this was best for Edward. He needed to be somewhere that had people that knew how to take care of him. That had experience in helping people with eating disorders. Even though I wanted to help him, I knew that I didn't have the capability to.

"When are you going to take him there?" I asked, my voice shaking. I wanted to cry, but I knew that when I went back into the room, Edward would know something was wrong and ask me about it until I told him. I wasn't really able to keep anything from him when he asked me.

"When he leaves this hospital we're going to drive over to Seattle. We don't think it's a good idea to take a break and let him go home. It would only be worse for him and add more stress if we did." Esme was crying now. I knew she hated having to resort to sending Edward away, but like me she knew it was what he needed.

"Do the others know?" I asked and Carlisle nodded.

"Yes, we told them when they came over to see him earlier." He sounded like he was on the brink of breaking down. It must be so hard for them, as parents, to admit that they couldn't help their son. To have to hand over the responsibility to someone else, when all they wanted to do was hold him tight and never let go. I hugged them both and gave them a smile that said "I know you hurt, but its the right decision. It's what's best for Edward." He sighed.

"Carlisle," I heard someone call his name. I looked up and saw that it was the doctor the doctor who was in charge of taking care of Edward. He walked over to him and they began talking, quickly and quietly. I saw the others walking towards us down the corridor. I smiled at them all, and they all grinned back. Carlisle waited until they reached us before he spoke.

"My colleague tells me that Edward has improved enough, so he's letting him go tomorrow." He looked at us all and gave us a small smile. "I don't want Edward knowing about the clinic until we leave here tomorrow okay?" We all nodded. We all knew that if he knew it would stress him out. "I hate keeping something like this from him, but it's necessary. Now Emmett can you and the other's gather up whatever you think Edward will need while he's in there. Clothes, music whatever you think." Emmett nodded, as did the others. "Bella," He turned to look at me. "I'd like you to come with us. With you there I think it'll make everything so much easier. We've all seen how Edward is when he's around you. We all know that you being there will make it a whole lot easier for him." I nodded. There was no way that I was going to stay away, not when something like this was happening.

Carlisle had to start his shift after that and he told Esme to take the others home so they could start gathering up Edward's things for tomorrow. They wanted to see Edward but Carlisle had said that it would make it easier for him to figure out what was happening if they did, so they went without much of a fuss, the welfare of their brother more important than what they wanted.

Going back into the room, I saw that Charlie and Edward were talking. Charlie seemed to have warmed up to Edward and that was something I was happy about. I don't think I could have handle it if he hadn't. We sat there for a while, my face getting hotter and hotter as Charlie told embarrassing story after embarrassing story. I would have to get him back somehow.

Charlie left after another hour or so, and I could see that Edward had enjoyed his time with him. His face fell slightly when the door opened again. I turned and saw what it was the nurse with some food. He was trying. I had to give him that. He was trying to eat. But I could see that every mouthful was a struggle for him, so I didn't press him when it came to eating. When he put his fork down, I took the tray and put it on the table next to him.

"Had a good day?" I asked, turning back around. I saw him smiling at me which signalled that yes, he had had a good day. If not an embarrassing one on my part.

"Yeah," He said quietly, sighing. "Even though I'm stuck in here it has been a good day." His smile widened and I could feel my cheeks heating up for the millionth time today. "What?" He asked, with laughter in his voice.

"Nothing," I said, looking at him with a smile of my own, lifting my head to look at him. "It's just, I've never seen you smile like that before." I said, and this time it was he who flushed, a beautiful pink colour.

"Well, I don't know what it is, but something about you makes me want to smile," He replied, seriousness in his voice. I flushed again, and he chuckled at me. I looked down, knowing that looking at him would only cause my face to flush even more. "It's true. No one has ever made me want to smile the way you do. It's one of the things I love about you." My head snapped up. I was still flushing but I didn't care. The expression on his face said that he hadn't meant to say that. I was glad that he had though. It gave me some insight into how he was feeling. In the background I heard the heart monitor jump slightly. I knew that he was slightly embarrassed that that had slipped out.

Suddenly I had a surge of courage. I knew now what I felt and I knew that I had to act on it.

"Close your eyes," I said, leaning towards him slightly.

"Why?" He asked, his voice full of suspicion, not really trusting what I was getting at. His eyes narrowed at me, and I smiled.

"Just do it." I said, smiling even wider as the expression on his face didn't change.

He did as I asked and I leaned over him, my lips gently touching his.

He jumped slightly at my kiss, obviously not prepared for it, but I didn't back away. I heard the heart monitor speed up, in time with my own heart, which was, at the moment, in my throat and going absolutely insane. His lips were so soft and unsure. I felt him relax after the initial shock, even though the beeping of the heart monitor didn't let up. After a moment or to, I pulled back and kissed his forehead gently.

"I think I'm falling in love with you, Edward Cullen." I whispered softly into his hair. Suddenly I was filled with fear. What if he didn't feel the same way? What if he only liked me as a friend? Could I handle that? I suppose I'd have to, because there was no way he was getting rid of me easily.

"I think I am, too." He whispered back and my heart soared. He did feel the same way that I did. It felt like I was flying, and I never wanted to land.

I sat back down, with a smile on my face so huge I know I must have looked daft. He smiled back at me, a look of contentment in his eyes. _But he's going to hate me tomorrow._ I thought sourly. I would have to deal with that when it came to it. He might hate me, but it was necessary for his well-being that he went to the clinic in Seattle. There was no way of getting around that. I took his hand in my own and started to kiss it softly. I trailed soft and light kisses up and down his thumb and he sighed. I looked at him and he looked as though he was falling asleep, a small smile playing on his lips.

I watched him after that, and after a while, his breathing and heart rate levelled and I knew he was asleep. Carlisle came into the room and took in the image of his sleeping son, a look of sorrow on his face.

I gently slipped my hand out of Edward's and walked over to Carlisle. "Hey," I whispered, putting a hand on his shoulder and I leaned into him, the way one would a father. "Don't be so hard on yourself. It's what's best for Edward remember? He needs this. Over time he will come to thank you and Esme for doing this, even if he doesn't right now." He nodded, but I could tell that he was still beating himself up inside for having to do this to Edward.

"I, um, only came in to check on him quickly. I have to get back to work in a minute." He looked at me with a small smile. "Thank you Bella. For everything." He gave me a hug and sighed. When he left I could tell that he wasn't looking forward to having to drive Edward to the one place he never wanted to go.

When Edward woke up the next day, he was told that after the doctor gave him the all clear he could go home. He was happy with this, and couldn't wait to get out of there as the doctor told him he could leave. _If only he knew that he wasn't going home._ I thought miserably, as the nurse unhooked him from all the tubes and wires that were connecting him to various different machines.

I left the room while he got changed, and saw his family down the corridor. I walked over to them. They all looked grave and tired, as though none of them had gotten much sleep the previous night.

"Bella," Esme greeted me, pulling me into a hug. "We've decided that Edward will come with Carlisle and myself in Carlisle's Mercedes while the others will follow us to Seattle in the Volvo. Who do you want to drive with?" She asked me. Carlisle had obviously told them he wanted me there when they went, in the hopes of maybe getting through to Edward.

"Um, I want to go with Edward." I said, breaking the hug with Esme. I looked at them and they nodded.

"Right then," Carlisle nodded at me. "Did you bring everything you think he'd need?" He asked facing his children. They nodded, and he sighed. "All his stuff's in the Volvo. Right," He pinched the bridge of his nose in between his index finger and thumb. Another habit that it seemed Edward had picked up from him. "Um, can you four wait outside by the cars, and we'll take it from there. "We'll lead the way in the Mercedes, and you four can follow us in the Volvo. Edward will probably guess pretty quickly that we're not taking him home. God, I can't believe that we're actually doing this." He sighed and Esme hugged him tightly. I put a hand on his arm reassuringly.

"Dad," Jasper said softly. "Don't beat yourself up about this. We're doing the right thing. Edward needs this, Dad. He needs to be around people who can help him, and sadly, that's not us. I wish it was, but it's not. We have to do this." Carlisle nodded agreeing with him.

As the others went outside, I went back into the room and helped Edward pack up the rest of his things. We walked out into the corridor hand in hand. We hadn't told anyone what had passed between us yet, but to those around us it would just look like I was helping him along as a friend although I wanted so much more and, as it so happened, so did he.

The others were waiting outside by the cars, just as Carlisle had asked them to, and they all gave him a hug as we approached them. They all told him how happy they were that he was out of the hospital, giving him smiles, but I could see that the smiles were grave and that they didn't reach their eyes. It was hard on them, having to do this, and to keep it from him as well.

Edward didn't seem to fussed about having to ride in Carlisle's Mercedes, but I was sure that that was because he was glad to get out of the hospital. I watched him as he closed his eyes and leant against the window. He didn't have a clue as we pulled out of the parking lot, turning the opposite way to which we would have had to to get to his house. He didn't even seem to notice. A few minutes later he opened his eyes, obviously curious as to why we were still moving, and a look of confusion came over his face.

"Where are we going?" He asked. I couldn't look at him. I stared out of the window, not wanting to meet his gaze. Not wanting to see his reaction as he was either told, or figured out that we weren't in Forks anymore.

Neither Esme or I could even bring ourselves to look at him let alone tell him the news that he had been hoping against, so Carlisle was the one who answered him. I shifted my eyes so I could see Edward's reaction without having to turn my head to look at him.

"Seattle," Carlisle replied in a dead tone.

I saw Edward stiffen, his face shocked. He took a sharp intake of breath, his eyes disbelieving. He turned his head to look at me, and I looked sharply out of the window, not wanting to meet his gaze. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and I didn't want him to see me cry, yet again.

"Did you know about this?" He breathed, still staring at me. I didn't respond in any way. "Bella, did you know about this?"

I turned to look at him. His expression was one of disbelief and betrayal. He knew exactly where we were going and he also knew why. He had a right to feel betrayed. I would have done if I were him. I wanted to speak. To tell him that I was sorry that I didn't tell him, but I found that my voice wouldn't work.

I nodded slowly and I saw a small tear roll down his cheek.

**Poor Edward :(  
Sorry if this chapter seems a little rushed, but I wanted to get a Bella POV of Edward's time in the hospital up before I have to start training.  
Hope it was alright.  
Reviews are always welcomed :D  
I'm going to try and update once or twice more this weekend because I don't know when I will have time off in the next week.  
Ciao, my lovelies!!**


	23. Being Truly Alone

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

_"Where are we going?" I asked, looking at the others. No one would meet my gaze, not even Bella._

_I knew something was up as I saw that the Volvo was following us. I just didn't know what it was._

_It was Carlisle who replied, with an answer that filled me with dread._

_"Seattle."_

Seattle?! I froze. They were taking me to that goddamn eating disorders unit in Seattle!!

I turned to face Bella. She still wasn't looking at me, but I could tell from her posture that she was trying fiercely to hold back tears. "Did you know about this?" I breathed. She still didn't look at me, or respond in any other way. "Did you know about this?" I asked, in a slightly louder voice, letting her know that she wasn't going to get out of it by ignoring me.

She slowly turned to look at me, taking in my expression before she answered. I could see her struggling to speak, trying to form words that wouldn't come. In the end, she gave up and nodded her head and I felt my heart break.

My whole world shattered around me. I couldn't believe this. They had all made me believe that I was going home, that I would be seeing the back of a hospitals for the foreseeable furture, when in fact I was leaving one hospital only to be transported to another one. _No_, I corrected myself. I could expect this of my family, but from Bella? _How could she do this to me?_ I felt a tear run down my cheek, but I didn't wipe it away. On some level I wanted them to see me cry. I wanted _her_ to see me cry.

She had betrayed me. The one person that I thought I could trust had betrayed me. How could I forgive her for this? I don't know. I knew I would. Of course I would. I was in love with her, how could I not? She had probably been asked not to say anything by Carlisle and Esme, for fear that I wouldn't go. Too right, I wouldn't go. If Carlisle hadn't been speeding down the freeway right now, I probably would have thrown myself from the car in an effort to get out of going to this damned clinic.

"Edward?" I heard a whisper. It was Bella. I looked back over at her and I saw that she had tears streaming down her face. "Edward, I'm sorry." She reached her hand out across the seat in between us, her palm facing up. Slowly I took her hand and sighed. I would forgive her, but it still hurt.

"Why?" I asked Carlisle and Esme, in a harsh voice. "Why this?"

"Because it's what you need, son." Carlisle said in the same tone in which he had used earlier. "You need to be in a place where they can look after you. Where they can help you with your problem. Believe me, this is the last thing I want to do, but it's necessary."

"Necessary?!" I scoffed. "I'm guessing I don't have any say at all." It was a statement rather than a question. I knew what the answer was going to be.

"No, Edward." Esme said in a sad tone. "No, you don't."

I don't know what I felt at that point. They were ripping me away from everything, everyone I knew, that I cared about. More importantly, they were taking me away from Bella. From what I'd heard these places only let family visit, so I wouldn't be able to see Bella until I came out. Could I live without her for however long it took for them to release me? I don't think I can.

The rest of them were silent. Carlisle was gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. I couldn't see what Esme was doing, but I could feel tension radiating off her in waves. Bella was still holding my hand. She was looking at me still, the tears still flowing silently down her cheeks. They seemed to be waiting for something. Some sort of outburst of anger. _No_, I thought. I was going to save that for when we got there. If they thought that I was going to go without a fuss, then they had another thing coming. _There's no way I'm going quietly_.

Suddenly, I thought of the Volvo that was following us closely. "Did the others know?" I asked, grimly. "Did the others know what you were planning?"

"Yes," Carlisle answered. "Yes, they all knew." He didn't seem happy about the fact that he had had to keep something like this from me. But he'd obviously thought that he had no other choice.

"Great!" I scoffed at them, looking back out the window. "So the whole family knew and yet nobody thought to mention it to me!"

"And what if we had Edward?" Carlisle replied, his voice rising. "What if we had told you? Would you have stuck around? Or would you have waited for one of those few moments when you were alone, ripped out the IV's and made a break for it?" He kept glancing at me in the rearview mirror. "Can you honestly say that you would have stuck around if we had told you what we were doing?" He had me there. And he knew he did, too. I didn't answer him. "That's what I thought."

I could feel the tears flowing freely down my face now. I looked at Bella. She was still looking at me, her eyes filled with remorse. She hated that they were doing this to me, that they were taking me to this place, but she also knew that it was the right place for me to be at this time. I knew they were right. But it didn't stop it hurting, and it didn't mean I was going to cooperate. Now or at the clinic. No. I wasn't going to cooperate. I wouldn't let them win as easily as they obviously thought they had.

Bella took her hand away from mine, unstrapped herself and moved over into the middle seat to sit next to me. She strapped herself in quickly and took up my hand again. I alid my head on her shoulder and she kissed the top of my head. I didn't care that Carlisle and Esme were in the front of the car, didn't care that they'd find out what happened between Bella and myself the previous night. The revelations that we'd made. All I cared about was Bella. I breathed in heavily, breathing in her scent. It calmed me down slightly, not completely, but slightly. I was no longer fuming. I was still angry but not as angry as I had been.

"I'm so sorry Edward." Bella whispered so only I could hear. "I hated having to keep it from you, but like Carlisle said, we didn't really have a choice." Everything started to make sense now. The sadness that sometimes flickered in her eyes, the smiles that she was hardly convinced of herself, the fact that everyone seemed guarded and secretive around me, like they were keeping something from me. Well, I knew now that they had been. "Please forgive me." She was still crying. I could hear it in her voice.

"I do." I replied softly, closing my eyes. She placed a finger underneath my chin and lifted up my head. I opened my eyes and looked into those huge brown orbs that were glistening with unshed tears. I smiled slightly at her. "I forgive _you._" I emphasised the "you" as a message to say that I hadn't forgiven everyone for betraying me like they had. Because I felt betrayed, by my family.

She leaned in and kissed me gently, as she had the previous night. Her kiss was as sweet and tender as it had been the previous night. I never wanted it to end. I wanted to be able to kiss her endlessly for the rest of my life, however long it may be. Eventually though, she broke the kiss and leant her forehead against mine. She looked into my eyes with those bottomless orbs of hers and I felt my heart speed up. It ached with the thought of not being able to see her, to kiss her, to have her near me. I kissed her again, not wanting to lose the feeling I had right now. I wanted her to know that I had forgiven her, that I wasn't angry with her any more. She deepened the kiss ever so slightly and I completely forgot that Carlisle and Esme were in the car. I didn't care. I wanted them to know what I felt for Bella. I wanted them to know that I love her. Because I know now that I do. _I love Bella Swan_, I thought. My heart filled with joy as that thought passed through my mind.

"I love you," I whispered as I broke the kiss. She kissed my forehead tenderly.

"As I love you." She whispered back. I rested my head on her shoulder and she rested hers on top of mine.

I saw Carlisle and Esme look at each other and I saw the smiles that played on their mouths. They were happy that I'd found someone . That I'd found Bella. But that wasn't going to make them turn the car around and drive back to Forks. I closed my eyes and sighed. I felt a fresh wave of tears building and this time I didn't try to fight them. I let them flow freely. I didn't have the energy to stop them. I was so drained. I wanted to fight, to shout and scream at Carlisle to turn the car around and take me home, but I didn't have the energy, and I knew that he wouldn't anyway. Carlisle may be an easy person to get on with, but when his mind was set on something, just as it was now, there was no changing it. Not for anything in the world.

I should have known that I wasn't going to be able to get out of going to the clinic that Carlisle had lined up for me. Somehow I knew that when he told me about it a few weeks ago. He had been set on sending me there, and he knew that somehow I was going. It just so happened that I'd ended up in hospital, and that meant that he could get me in the car with the pretense of going home, instead taking me to Seattle. I felt my anger rising as I went through the circumstances in my head. Bella must have sensed my tension because she placed a hand on my cheek and kissed the top of my head tenderly. I relaxed a little, but I was still angry with Carlisle and Esme for what they were doing. They obviously felt that I wouldn't be able to handle this on my own. But then again, I wasn't so sure I was either.

I don't know how long it took us to get there. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts and with feeling Bella next to me, the softness of her touch, the sensation of feeling her next to me, the sweet smell of the strawberry shampoo that she used, that I loved, I didn't realise how close we were until I saw the buildings of the city of Seattle around us.

A fresh wave of dread swelled inside me.

I knew it was only a matter of time until we stopped. Before I knew it we were pulling up to a huge pair of black gates that had a sign in the middle. SEDC - Seattle Eating Disorders Clinic **(A/N: I don't know if there is an eating disorders clinic in Seattle, and if there is then I don't know what its called. This is just what popped into my mind when I thought about it.)** and I felt the urge to jump from the car and run for it. But I saw the Volvo behind us and I knew that if I did that Emmett would be on me before I could get anywhere. I could see through the windows that he was tense, obviously waiting for me to try to make a break for it, ready to spring on me if needs be.

Carlisle was speaking into the small speaker that was at the side of the gate and they began to open. I buried my head into Bella's shoulder, never wanting to let her go. She kissed my head again and ran her hand through my hair in a comforting way.

"It's okay." She whispered, sensing my fear. "It's all going to be okay." She untangled her fingers from mine and put her arm around my shoulders, still running her free hand through my hair. I never wanted her to stop doing that, never wanted to leave her. All I wanted was to go home, to spend whatever time with Bella I could. But I knew it was too late for that now. We had arrived in my own personal hell, and I knew that I wasn't going to be able to leave until everyone around me was satisfied that I was "better" as they all put it.

The car stopped and Carlisle and Esme got out. Esme walked into the clinic, probably to check me in, and Carlisle walked around to my side of the car. He opened the door and held out a hand to help me out. I didn't look at him, but buried my head further into Bella's shoulder, wrapping my arms around her waist. He sighed and dropped his hands.

"Edward, we can do this the easy way or the hard way." He sounded harsh. He very rarely used that tone, and he'd never used it with me before. I looked at him and he had a grave expression on his face. I could see that it was paining him to have to resort to this, but that didn't mean I was going to make it easier for him. I looked behind him and saw Esme standing at the top of some steps, flanked by two men.

They were quite large men, but I could tell, even from this distance that it was all muscle. _Probably there for when they have trouble with new arrivals,_ I thought grimly. _Or for when someone tries to escape._ I could see that they were itching to come down the steps, push Carlisle aside and wrench me from the car. From Bella's arms. If they tried that they'd probably have Emmett on them in a matter of seconds.

Bella gave my shoulders a reassuring squeeze. "Come on." She whispered. "We can't sit in here all day. They're expecting you."

Oh, how I wished they weren't. How I wished it was another Edward Cullen that they were waiting for. How I wished I could sit in the back of the car all day, holding Bella close, breathing in her scent, listening to her heartbeat. But I knew that was not to be, because Carlisle sighed again, becoming impatient.

"Come on Edward." He breathed. "Let's go." I looked at him with a dead expression. The two men that were behind Esme were making their way down the steps towards the car. Carlisle turned to look at them and held up a hand. They stopped, looking at me dubiously, debating whether or not to listen to Carlisle or ignore him and drag me into the clinic. He turned back to me and held out his hand. I unwrapped my arms from around Bella's waist, knowing that I couldn't put it off any longer. If I did I would have two huge guys dragging me into the clinic when I was quite capable of walking. I didn't want that. I wanted to preserve what dignity I had left.

I ignored Carlisle's outstretched hand and got out of the car. I heard Bella doing the same and slamming the opposite door. She walked around towards me and took my hand in her own. "Come on." She whispered again, giving my hand a slight squeeze. I looked down at her and she smiled a small smile at me, but I felt unable to return it. My brothers and sisters had gotten out of the Volvo and were all standing there, looking at me, pity and remorse etched into their expressions. I could tell that they were sorry for not warning me about being brought here, but there was nothing I could do about it now. That didn't mean I wasn't still angry at them for not telling me.

I looked at the outside of the clinic. It looked like some sort of giant Manor House. From the outside you would have thought it was a hotel or something. It didn't have the air of a hospital about it, but then again, I think that was the impression they were trying to give, so that when the patients arrived they didn't freak out. I was trying my best to stay calm, but it was harder than I thought. It wasn't until Bella put a hand on my arm that I realised I was shaking. Whether or not it was anger at my family for bringing me here, or the fear of actually _being_ here I didn't know, but it didn't matter, I couldn't stop shaking.

"It's okay, son." Carlisle said, putting a hand on my shoulder, trying to reassure me. "Come on, in we go." He took hold of my arm and had to physically pull me towards the building before I started to move. The two men, who were now at the bottom of the steps moved towards me once again. Again, Carlisle stopped them with a raised hand and muttered, "It's okay."

I slowly started to climb the steps, with Bella on one side and Carlisle on the other, both of them pulling at my arms gently. When we got in there, we were greeted by a woman who wore a large grin on her face, as though we were checking into a hotel, not a freakin' hospital. She was a short lady, a bit heavier than she should have been with regards to her height. She walked briskly up to me and held out her hand.

"Hello," She said in an enthusiastic voice. "I'm Dr. Martin. Welcome to the clinic. We're so pleased that you're joining us here, Edward." I looked at her hand but didn't take it. She dropped it after a moment, only to hold it out to Carlisle. "You must be Carlisle Cullen."

He nodded, taking her hand. "I'm sorry. He's not really absorbed it all yet. We didn't exactly tell him that we were bringing him here." He looked at me in a sad way. I hated that look. If he had been anyone but my father I probably would have lashed out at him. As it so happened there were three things stopping me from doing just that. One: he _was_ my father. Two: there were two enormous guys standing just metres away from me, who would without a doubt restrain me with as much force required if I did. Three: I didn't have any energy to fight anything that was happening at the moment. I had resigned myself to being here. I knew it was too late.

"Don't worry about it." She said, her smile dropping slightly as she studied me, seemingly taking in every inch of me that she could. "Most are the same when they first come here. It takes a little getting used to I'm afraid. I'm sure that once he gets into the routine here, he'll be just fine." She was talking like I wasn't there, like I couldn't hear her. I decided that I didn't like this woman. "A few of them, we do actually have to restrain when they come here. Just the other day we had to sedate a girl before she would even leave the car, so we're used to all types of reactions when we have new arrivals." Her smile widened again. "Now that you're all checked in, I'll show you to your room." So Esme had been checking me in to this godforsaken place.

We all followed her slowly. Carlisle had dropped behind Bella and myself and was walking beside Esme. We went past several rooms that seemed to be recreational rooms. We didn't really see anyone at all, but I was sure they were here somewhere, obviously being told to stay out of the way for the moment while the new arrival settled.

She stopped in front of a room and unlocked the door. I knew that I would be unable to lock it myself, but it was obviously locked while it was unused. Bella gently led me inside and we looked around. It was a decent sized room, not as big as the one I had at home but bigger than I'd expected. It had cream walls and a light blue carpet with matching curtains. The bed was a double, which surprised me. _What money can buy eh?_ I thought wondering how much this was all costing Carlisle. It wouldn't be cheap. There was a closet and a chest of drawers for my clothes, which I noticed Emmett obviously had in his hands. There were shelves and a bedside table that had a lamp on it. All in all the room wasn't that bad. It also had an adjoining bathroom, which would probably be locked after mealtimes. I also noticed that there was a chair in the corner of the room next to the window.

My family all gathered in my room and Dr. Martin left, giving us some privacy. I sat down on the bed and looked at them all numbly.

It was obvious that none of them knew what to say as they all stood there glancing around nervously. One by one they hugged me, saying their goodbyes and how they'd come and visit me soon. I didn't believe them, but then again I didn't believe that any of this was happening. Emmett placed my bags on the floor by the closet and pulled me into a big brother-bear hug. He was trying to hold back tears now. I couldn't remember the last time Emmett hugged me, and I returned it fiercely. I would miss him. Even though, we hadn't really seen eye to eye recently, he was still my big brother, and I loved him.

After I hugged Carlisle and Esme had given me a kiss on the forehead they all left, Carlisle saying to give Bella and myself some privacy.

I turned to look at her and saw that she had silent tears flowing down her cheeks. She threw her arms around my neck and I buried my head into her shoulder just as I had done in the car. I breathed in the scent of her hair, never wanting to let her go. I began to sob into her hair, unable to hold it back any longer. I realised that she was doing the same.

She pulled back slightly and raised her head. I kissed her, slightly harder than I had before and was surprised when she reciprocated, with the same amount of force. I savoured this moment, never wanting it to end, but knowing that it had to. I wanted to remember everything about her kiss. How soft, how tender and how gentle her lips were against mine. How she tasted and how her lips moved with mine in perfect syncronicity. Like they were made for mine and no one else's.

Eventually she broke the kiss, tears still streaming down her face. She pulled me into a tight hug, kissing me on the forehead. "I have to go now." She whispered and I shook my head, never wanting to let her go. "But I do. Carlisle, Esme and I are staying in a hotel tonight, so if we can we'll come and see you tomorrow. I promise. I promise I will come back and see you. And I'll wait for you. It doesn't matter how long I have to wait, you and you alone have my heart Edward Cullen." She pulled me into another fierce kiss before breaking our embrace and walking slowly to the door. She turned around when she reached it. "Take care of my heart, Edward. I'm leaving it here with you." And then she was gone.

I sat down on my bed and Dr. Martin walked in, stopping in the doorway. "I know this must be very difficult for you Edward. But we're here to help you to get better. We'll do whatever we can to make your stay with us more bearable and enjoyable. Now, you've just missed lunch, but we'll send someone up to come and get you for dinner. Try and get some rest dear." She looked at me in a sympathetic way.

She left and closed the door behind her. I looked around my room again, kicked off my shoes and curled up on the bed in the fetal position. Before I could stop myself, I was crying again, wanting nothing more than to be at home with my family and with Bella. I don't know how long I was there for. All I remember is these great, uncontrollable sobs wracking through my body with each breath.

Eventually I managed to tire myself out enough that I drifted off into my first sleep in my own personal Hell.

**So, Edward is now truly alone.  
He's been left in the clinic where he knows no one, with only the promise from Bella that she will come back and see him the next day. And that she will wait for him back in Forks. Will he believe that she will, but then again the only one who hasn't given up in trying to get with her is Mike and after the incident in the corridor there's even less of a chance that that will happen. But Edward being Edward is hard at trusting people, so will he trust that she will wait? Only I know :D actually scratch that, I don't know yet :S but I will soon enough.  
Would love some reviews on this chap people.  
Will love you all even more if you do.  
Ciao peeps!! Mwah! x**


	24. First Day

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

A while after I'd fallen asleep I heard someone come into my room. "Edward?" They called softly. Seeing that I was asleep, they walked out quickly, not closing the door. I turned over, facing away from the light. They woken me from the shallow sleep I was enjoying, but I wasn't going to let them know that. I heard them come back again, but this time they had another person with them. "Should I wake him for dinner?" They asked the second person in a quiet voice.

_No, no, no! Please don't wake him for dinner, _I thought desperately, willing them to just leave so that I could slip back into my slumber.

"No, he's had a long day. Let's just let him sleep." I heard the second person say. It sounded like that Dr. Martin woman I'd been introduced to earlier. Hm, maybe I could get to like her. _Thank you!!! _I thought jubilantly. "We'll start him off with the routine tomorrow." _Routine? _I wondered. _What routine?_ I was half inclined to roll over and ask, but then they would know that I was awake and would make me go downstairs. I went with the urge to sleep.

I heard them leave and I realised that I was still fully dressed and lying on top of the covers. I didn't care about the being dressed, but it was a bit chilly in my room so I rolled over and climbed underneath the covers. Rolling back over I drifted off into sleep again.

"Edward?" Someone was calling my name again. I moaned and rolled over, willing them to leave me be. "Edward up you get. Come on. It's time for your weigh in." _Weigh-in? What?_ I tried to remember what had happened. _Oh, right. Yesterday really did happen._ I thought miserably. I was in that damned clinic. "Come on. Wake up." It sounded like the same person who had come to check on me last night. "Come on." I felt a hand on my shoulder and rolled over, slowly opening my eyes. I looked at the woman who was disturbing me from my sleep. "There we go." I didn't care for the way she was speaking to me like I was a child. _I'm seventeen, not five._ I thought. She placed something on my bed and stood up. "Change into these and then we can go and get you weighed. I'll wait outside for you, dear."

I was confused as she left the room. I sat up slowly, letting out an involuntary moan. I looked at what she had placed on my bed. It was a pair of black cotton sweats and a black t-shirt which was also cotton. I shook my head, still confused, but I got changed anyway. After I had changed, I flopped back down on my bed, wishing for sleep. I looked at the clock that was on my bedside table. 5:20AM. _What the hell?!_ I thought, annoyed. _Why so early?!_ After a moment the woman came back into my room.

"Come on then dear." She said in soft tones, obviously being patient with me because I was new. I sighed and stood up, following her down the hall. We reached a long corridor and I saw numerous other teenagers sat in seats that lined the walls. They all looked just as disorientated as I felt. She motioned for me to sit down and I complied. She would return every few minutes with yet another dazed looking teenager.

I was sat next to a young girl. She was blonde and pale. She didn't look any older than I was. She looked at me and smiled a sleepy smile. I smiled back, probably looking as dazed and confused as I felt.

"I'm Hannah," She said, extending her hand.

"Edward." I replied taking it and giving it a brief shake.

"You new?" She asked, me her voice full of sleep. I nodded, closing my eyes, longing for the bed that awaited me in my room. "Bet you're wondering what this is all about." It was a statement rather than a question, and again I nodded, but this time I opened my eyes to look at her. "It's weigh-in. Unfortunately they do it every morning." I groaned. "Yup, I know. Same time, every day. And we're not even allowed to go back to bed afterwards."

"What?" I moaned. "That. Is. Torture." I said every word as though it was a separate sentence. "That's just wrong. Why not?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe they want to make sure that we're up in time for breakfast." _Great! Breakfast. Wonderful._ I thought. It was amazing, I could be sarcastic even in my own head. "I hate it." She looked up as the woman who led me here brought in yet another disgruntled teen. "That woman there, the one who probably rudely woke you up this morning, that's Jude. She's lovely really, but she can be a bit patronising to the new people here."

"Yeah, I got that." I said as I remembered the tone she'd used this morning when she woke me up. Looking around I noticed that everyone was dressed the same way I was. "How come everyone's wearing the same?" I asked, puzzled.

"Everyone has to wear the same thing for weigh-in. So your clothes don't really affect your weight. It helps to wear them to bed as well. That way you don't have to worry about getting changed when you get woken up." _Makes sense I guess._

I heard someone yell "Next" from the room at the end of the corridor and then saw a teenage girl running down the hallway crying. I stared after her, perplexed.

"What's up with her?" I asked, confused.

"She obviously gained more than she needed to. That was Claire. She was the newbie here, before you came that is. She's having a real hard time adjusting." I looked down the hallway after her as the next person went in to get weighed and we all moved up a seat. That process happened again and again. Someone would yell "Next" and another distraught teenager would run out of the room, either because they had gained more than they were supposed to, or they hadn't gained enough and had lost out on a privilege of some kind.

Next thing I knew I was sat next to the door. _Great, my turn next. _I thought grimly to myself as Hannah walked out of the room, her face grim. Well, at least she wasn't crying like most of the others had been. I heard the call, "Next" come from inside the room and hauled myself up off the chair. I opened the door to see a stout woman sat in a chair in front of a desk.

"Ah," She said looking me up and down. "Edward....Cullen, yes?" She asked looking at a folder. I nodded. "Right then, seeing as it's your first weigh in, I'd like you to stand on the scales backwards please." I was used to this routine with Carlisle, so it didn't bother me that much. I did as she asked. She looked at my weight and noted it down. "Right now, could you step off them, and step back on please." Again I did as she asked, already hating this routine. Again she noted my weight down. "Thank you, now if you could step off them again." She put the pen she was using down and closed the folder. "Now, has anyone been through the routine with you yet?" I shook my head. "Okay then, well breakfast is at seven o'clock. After this you're to go to your room and get dressed and someone will fetch you for breakfast. After breakfast, your nutritionist will come and speak to you. Okay?" She smiled at me as I nodded, not really taking in what was going on. "Off you go, then." As I turned around and walked out of the door, I heard her shout "Next" and the next sleepy teenager entered the room.

When I got back to my room - somehow I remembered the way there - all I wanted to do was to flop down on my bed and go back to sleep, but I knew I couldn't. Falling down onto my bed, I looked at my alarm clock. 6:12AM. Argh! I moaned into my pillow. I had been down there for nearly an hour. I knew that doing that every morning was seriously going to piss me off. I wondered who put my alarm clock on the table. I didn't remember doing it the previous night, and I knew it was mine because it had a large crack down the side of the screen from where Emmett had knocked it off my bedside table back in Chicago. That was going to bug me until I found out who it was.

I pushed myself up off of my bed and walked around to the bags that Emmett had left on the floor. I opened one of them and found my towels in there. _Ah, thank you Emmett._ I thought. I went into my bathroom and shut the door. I quickly got into the shower and washed myself down. I knew I couldn't spend as long in there as I wanted to because at some point some unknown person was going to barge into my room and drag me down to a breakfast I didn't want to eat.

After my shower, I dried off and dressed quickly, sliding on a pair of my comfy jeans and my favourite t-shirt, that I silently thanked Emmett for packing. He had put all my favourite clothes in there, and noticing that Alice had included a few items I had never seen before. _Someone really has to learn to control that girl when it comes to shopping,_ I thought, missing my little sister. I looked through the bag, wondering what else Emmett had packed for me. I found a box at the bottom of the first bag. It was wide and flat. I opened it and slid out what was inside onto my bed.

It was two photographs. The first one I looked at was a family photo. It had all of us there. Carlisle and Esme were sat on a loveseat, with Emmett standing behind them whilst Jasper, Alice, Rosalie and I sat in front of them. We were all smiling in that photo. I couldn't remember it being taken. It pained me to think of all the things that I had mentally blocked out over the years. I just guess that this was one of them. I placed the photograph on my bedside table and looked at the second one. It was smaller than the first and had only one person in it.

Bella.

It was just her, sat in the grass smiling up at the camera. Her brown eyes were filled with laughter and yet, were somehow sad at the same time, as though she were going through some sort of trauma. I looked at what she was wearing and realised that she was. This photograph had been taken when I was in the hospital. I sat there looking at the photograph, drinking in every tiny detail of Bella. I remembered the way she kissed me the day before. I never wanted to forget that feeling. I knew that I probably wasn't going to be able to have while I was in here.

While I was looking at the picture of Bella, someone knocked on my door and opened it. It was a young man, tall, mousy brown air and fairly lanky. I looked at me and smiled. "Time for breakfast!! Get it while it's hot!" He said in a chirpy tone, as if I should be pleased about the fact that breakfast was being served. He grinned widely at me as I put the picture of Bella on the table next to the one of my family. He looked at me, confused when I turned around to look at him. I just sat there and gave him a look that said "Duh!" and he seemed to remember his chirpy tone from a moment ago. "Alright. Good point, I guess." He waited for me to follow him so I did.

The breakfast hall was filled with hushed conversations. A couple of people looked at me and smiled when I walked in, but most didn't bother. I guess that they were so used to there being new kids coming and going that it wasn't really a big deal to them anymore. That, I was thankful for. I didn't really need a replay of my first day at Forks High School. Being watched wasn't really something I enjoyed.

Mere moments after I sat down there was a plate in front of me. It was the most disgusting array I had ever seen. Scrambled eggs, hash browns, bacon, sausage, beans, mushrooms, and toast. **(I know this breakfast probably sounds yummy to most of you reading this, but you have to remember its from the POV of someone with and eating disorder so it's bound to look gross to them.)** They expected me to eat this? What planet were they on?

"You have to eat it." Someone said to me. It was another boy sat there with the same array on his plate, and with the same look of disgust that I knew was spreading across my face. "I know its gross, but you have to. If you don't then they have this-"

"Michael!" One of the women watching us warned him. "Stop frightening Edward now!"

"He wasn't frightening me." I told her and her eyes narrowed. "Really. He was just saying what I was thinking." I really couldn't bring myself to eat any of it, so I just stared at it while everyone else ate theirs. I could see what the men and women watching us were thinking. "Troublemaker," "Stubborn," and probably many things besides. I didn't care. I just wanted to go back to bed.

Finally I was allowed to go when everyone else was, even though I hadn't eaten anything. According to the boy sat beside me, Michael, I think his name was they expected that when you first arrived. I was beginning to like him. He seemed to be an alright kind of guy.

I was back in my room, dozing off when I had a knock at my door. Jude walked into my room. "Edward?" She asked. I lifted my head up and grunted in response, looking at her but not really seeing her. "You have your first session with your nutritionist in an hour and then you have your first session with your psychiatrist an hour after that. Okay?" I nodded and she left. Great. Today was going to consist of me being poked and prodded by people I didn't know. And someone was going to try and break into my mind. _Joy!_ I thought, rolling over onto my stomach.

There was another knock at my door, but this time it didn't open immediately after. I grunted in response, signalling that they could come in. It was Michael.

"Hey, man." He said walking into my room. "You got the big room!" I turned over and I could see that he was admiring the size of my room. "Your parents must be loaded!" He had a hint of awe in his voice when he said that. "This room is like twice as expensive as the other rooms, what the hell do your parents do?"

"My Dad is a doctor and my Mom is an interior designer." I explained bluntly. He perched himself on the end of my bed. I could see the cogs in his mind working, trying to put something together. Maybe the salary of a doctor plus that of an interior designer or something. I don't know.

"Wait! Is your Mom Esme Cullen?" I sat up. How the hell did he know that?!

"Yeah! How'd you know?" I was extremely confused at how this guy knew Esme.

"She runs an interior design company?" He asked me a wide smile spreading across his face. I nodded, still confused. "Her company redid our house last year. I come from Port Angeles. What about you?" He asked me, still grinning.

I could feel a smile approaching on my lips as well. "Forks." I said.

"Tiniest and wettest place in the continental US. Am I right?" He said, knowing that he was.

"I think you might be." I thought back to my first day at Forks High. "Well lets just say, first day at school there, everybody looked at me and my siblings like we were freaks." He laughed at that, and I couldn't help laughing with him. There was something about Michael, something that was easy to get along with.

"You got your first nutritionist session today?" He asked, his laughter dying down.

"Yeah," I nodded my head slowly.

"Ah, the nutritionist is okay. Jennie her name is. She's real nice. It's the psychiatrists you gotta watch out for. They try playing all these minds games on you." He shivered at the thought.

"Okay," I said chuckling. "Isn't that kind of their job?"

"Yeah, but there's something about them. I don't like them. I mean, I've had psychiatrists in the past, I mean, who in here hasn't?" I couldn't argue with him there. If you were in here you had a good chance of having gone to a psychiatrist before. "And most of them I got on with, but these ones here, they just freak me out."

"'Most of them!'" I quoted Michael. "How many have you had?"

"Well, at last count I had fourteen." My mouth fell open in shock. "Not including the one I have here." He seemed kind of smug about having gone through so many psychiatrists.

I scoffed. "I thought I was doing well at eight!" He shook my head in disbelief. "Fourteen?! Really?" He nodded, a wide grin spreading across his face again. Yup, he was definitely proud of himself. "Woah!" I ran a hand through my hair.

"So, what're you in for?" I looked at him as if to say "you're kidding right!" and he laughed. "Don't look at me like that. Obviously i know _why_ you're here, but you know, everyone here is different. It's like, that girl you were talking to while waiting for the weigh-in, Hannah, she's anorexic, I suffer from major bulimia. Carrie down the other end of the hall has COE. So what about you?"

I was confused. "What's COE?"

"Compulsive Over Eating." I could feel my lips form an "oh" shape as that sunk in. "You're avoiding. What you in for?"

"Oh, um, anorexia, I guess." He nodded.

"How long?" He asked. "I mean if you don't want to tell me then it's okay I was just wondering-"

I held up my hand to stop him. "It's fine. Um, since I was twelve so about five years or so." He nodded his head. "What about you?"

"Since I was thirteen, so probably the same amount of time as you." He looked at me. "How old are you?"

"Seventeen. You?"

"Same. Sucks don't it?" He said, flopping to lie down on my bed, his legs dangling over the side. I nodded in agreement as he turned to look at me. "How did your family find out?"

"Um," I looked down at my hand, and ultimately my wrist as I thought. "I, um, I tried to .... kill myself....a little while ago." His face softened.

"Things get that bad huh?" He propped himself up on his elbows as he said this. He seemed to have experience in this area. I nodded. "How you do it?" I pulled up my sleeves and showed him my arms. It was obvious that they were still in the process of healing properly. "Damn, you did some damage there. How long ago, did you do it?"

I pulled the sleeves of my sweater back down. "Um, about two months ago." I started playing with a loose thread on my jeans. "How about you? How your family find out?"

"I collapsed in gym one day and someone phoned an ambulance when I didn't wake up. I woke up later that day to find I was wired up to a heart monitor, hooked to an IV and had my parents standing worriedly over me." He sighed when he finished. I knew how that felt.

"I know what that's like." I told him. "Just add in the fact that your arms and legs were strapped to the bed so you didn't attempt to a) make a break for it and b) try to kill yourself again, and then you got what I got when I woke up." He looked at me in disbelief.

"No way." He gasped. "Seriously. Strapped to the bed?" I nodded. "What, like actual restraints around your wrists?" I nodded again, with an expression that said "It doesn't matter how many different ways you phrase it the answer is going to stay the same". "Woah. That's screwed up, man."

I smirked. "Tell me about it. The only time they took them off was for...get this...mealtimes." He laughed at that and i couldn't help but smile along with him. "I know. You find out someone's got an eating disorder, so you give them a tray of food and expect them to eat it on their own. Bit screwed up don't you think?" I don't know why, but I relaxed slightly around Michael. I felt myself instantly warming to him. And that I was thankful for. Maybe he would be able to make this place a tiny bit more bearable. I was glad that I had someone that might become a friend in the near future.

**Hey peeps. I was intending this and the next chapter to be one, but I noticed that this one is getting a little long, so I split them.  
Hope no one's too put out about that. :)  
Will update soon, I promise.  
How will Edward deal when he has to face his nutritionist and (latest) psychiatrist?  
Gimme some reviews and I'll spill :D  
Ciao Bella (no pun intended XD)xx**


	25. Advice and Anger

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

Michael and I sat in my room and talked for what felt like both forever and hardly any time at all. In that hour or so, I learnt that Michael had in fact been born in Forks, but his parents had moved to Port Angeles when he was three. I found out that he has a younger brother, who constantly winds him up and younger twin sisters, who were generally so busy annoying each other that they didn't have time to bug him. Which he was pleased about. I also found out that his Dad had died of cancer three years ago and that was when he first became bulimic. He doesn't really remember what caused him to turn down that route, but he did and he knows that he has to get better. That was something I still hadn't come to accept. I told him about my parents and my self harm, he even managed to convince me to show him the scars on my arms. He let out a low whistle when he saw the damage that I had done to myself. I explained that it was because of my failed suicide attempt that we came to move to Forks, and that if I hadn't done that, I wouldn't be where I was now. And that I wouldn't have met Bella.

He seemed interested in Bella. I showed him the picture of him that Emmett had stashed in my bag. She told me that she was pretty and he said that I was really lucky to have someone like her, someone who listened and didn't judge. He told me that he hadn't had anyone like that. He told me that no one had really cared what he did to himself, and it was only because of that one time in Gym class that he was here, talking to me now. I knew how lucky I was to have Bella there fore me. I told him all about her and I could feel my eyes glazing over as I spoke about her.

"Ooooh." He jostled me. "Sounds like somebody's in love!" He grinned and I couldn't help but grin back.

"Yeah," I replied, looking down at the picture of Bella that I still had in my hands. "I guess I am." I smiled again as I remembered her kiss from the day before. I looked up to see him grinning at me and i playfully punched him on the arm. That only made him grin wider.

"You miss her already don't you?" He asked, his face growing sad. I nodded solemnly and smiled at him again. He grinned back, but with not as much enthusiasm as before.

Before I knew it there was a knock on my door and the nurse from this morning, Jude, I think her name was, came in. "Edward," I looked up at her. "You have your session with your nutritionist in five minutes. I'll show you the way down." I put the picture of Bella back on the table next to my bed and put my shoes on. "Come on, out you go Michael." He stood up and left the room, but not without mouthing "Good luck" to me first. I grinned at him again as I stood up.

For someone who was stuck in a place like this he was so happy. I couldn't understand it myself. He _wanted_ to get better. He was ready for it. I wasn't at this point in time. Maybe some day in the future I could be like Michael, but in all honesty I didn't see it happening.

I followed Jude down two sets of stairs and down a long corridor. I made sure I memorised the way back, in case there was no one there to help me find my way around. The other patients were milling around, all of them absorbed in the various activities that they had going on. I noticed that there were children of all ages here. It looked like there were girls and boys around the age of ten or eleven here as well. There were also teenagers of my age here, they were more frequent than the others around, but there were also older people here as well. People between the ages of twenty-five to thirty or something. I hadn't really realised that something like this could affect so many different types of people. I guess I had just been cooped up in my own little bubble too much to notice.

Jude stopped outside a wide door. She gestured for me to go inside. "She'll be along in a minute dear." She said in the same tone that she had used to wake me up this morning. I knew that that tone was going to get on my nerves. Hopefully she would only use it when I was considered "new" to the place. I slowly entered the room, while I waited for the nutritionist to arrive.

I was perplexed by what I saw.

It appeared to be a miniature version of a ballet studio. It had hardwood floors and a bar running across one wall. I wondered why I was meeting a nutritionist in a room like this. Wouldn't have been better to meet in a more office setting rather than in here? I don't know. Maybe they were just trying to psych me out I guess. I noticed that there was a grand piano and I walked over to it, not daring to touch any of the keys. I had learned to play whilst my parents were around. My mother used to play so beautifully. She used to play to calm me down, that's where my love of Clair de Lune came from. It was always her favourite piece to play. She had taught me how to play from the moment I had climbed up onto the stool and whacked my fist down on one of the keys.

"Hello Edward." I heard a gentle voice calling my name and I looked towards the door. There was a slender woman standing there. She had brown hair that reached to her shoulders and she was carrying several notebooks and pens. She also had a look of sympathy on her face. I knew what her name was, but it was eluding me. Michael had told me not an hour ago. Why couldn't I remember what her name was? It was going to bother me until I found it out.

"Don't look at me like that." I said, a little more harshly than I meant to. She looked at me, a look of confusion passing across her face.

"Like what Edward?" She asked in soft tones, much like the ones Carlisle and Esme used.

"I don't want your pity." I looked back at the piano, wishing that my mother were here to play it for me.

"What makes you think I pity you?" She walked swiftly over to the piano and laid her belongings down on it. She turned to study me. "I never said anything, apart from "Hello" that is."

"The look on your face said enough." I still didn't look at her. "I've seen that look too many times in my life to not know what it means."

"Okay," She said, guardedly. She obviously knew that I didn't want to be here, that I didn't like the fact that others around me felt that I needed to be in the hospital. I could also see that she had done this many times before. Still, it didn't mean that I was going to play nice. "Well Edward. I'm here to help you to try to rebuild your relationship with food. I want you to be able to identify when you're hungry, choose what you want to eat and when you want to eat. I want you to learn to eat when you're hungry and to stop when you're full. Mostly I want to be able to help you rebuild your trust of food. To learn that it's not the enemy. To learn that its vital to life."

"And what if I don't care for life?" I replied in a blank voice. She stuttered at that. Obviously she had never encountered that question before. I mentally smiled at myself for stumping her. I met her gaze to show her that I was serious. If I hadn't then she probably would've thought that I was being awkward, but I held her gaze relentlessly. "Well? What then?"

"Then you need to speak to your psychiatrist about rebuilding your self-esteem and self-confidence. Then you may be able to retrieve your value for life." I chuckled at that, shaking my head.

"Right," I said, still chuckling to myself. "You don't know the answer so you pawn it off on someone else! You're not the first person I've met to do that. Take my parents for example. They couldn't handle the situation so they sent me here. It's happened a lot in my life, so why should I expect any different from you?" I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans and leant against the piano and looked at her, my gaze unwavering. I could tell that I was unnerving her. _Good,_ I thought. I was letting her know that she was _not_ the one in control of this situation.

"Because I can help you with your problems, Edward." She tried to sound confident, trying to regain her composure. It wasn't working. I had learned how to unnerve people. It had come in very useful back at school in Chicago. It stopped people from asking me questions and asking questions about me. And I could tell that it was working now. She was losing the cool and calm persona that she had arrived with.

"Can you?" I asked, my voice level. "Can you really?"

"My job is to help you discover the foods that you're comfotable with, the meals that you're comfortable eating. I know its going to seem hard, but that's what I want to try to do. To rebuild that precious relationship with fo-"

"You're repeating yourself." I cut in. She looked flustered yet again. She obviously hadn't had a patient talk back to her like the way I was doing and I could tell that she didn't like it one bit.

"Right, now Edward," She picked up a notepad and flicked it open to a particular page. "What do you feel that your ideal weight should be? What weight would you be most comfortable at?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I don't really care about my weight." She looked surprised at that.

"Then why do you do this?" She asked. I had intrigued her with that comment.

"Isn't that what my psychiatrist is for?" I smiled at her sweetly, playing her at her own game. She didn't really know how to handle me. It seemed like she had never had a patient like me before. Not one that answered back anyway.

"Well, um, yes. I guess so." She looked back at her pad. "Well, I'm going to tell you that you weighed in at 106lbs, which is extremely underweight for your height." She looked at me with a concerned expression. "At this current weight, your BMI is at 13.6 when it should be between 18 and 25. You are severly underweight Edward."

"And?" I gave her a look that said that I didn't care. That I wanted it this way.

She looked at her notes again. "I understand you suffered a heart attack immediately before you were admitted here?" She looked up at me and I stared back, unblinking, unnerving her even more.

"So?" I asked.

"Don't you care about that? The fact that you could have died?" She walked up to me now, the worry evident on her face. "Doesn't that matter to you at all?"

"If it did would I be doing this to myself?" I answered her question with a question of my own. "Would I be here?"

"You know," She was getting upset now. This is generally what happens to people who know that they no longer have control of a situation. First they become slightly flustered, then they become more and more unnerved by the other person which results in stammering and shaking of the limbs, then they become confused, not really understanding what the other person is getting at, and finally, they become upset, aggravated that they are unable to regain the control they once had. "To most people a heart attack would have been a serious wake up call." She was telling me this like I hadn't just been through it. Like I hadn't just suffered one not two weeks ago. Like I hadn't suffered the pain ripping through my chest that signalled that my heart was going into overdrive.

"Well, then," I said solemnly. "I guess I'm still asleep."

She looked back at the pad she was holding. It obviously had all the information that they'd acquired about me on it. "I'm going to help you get back up to your ideal weight, whilst reintroducing you to food."

"And what ideal weight would that be?" I asked, tilting my head, knowing that I was still in control.

"Ideally, for your height, you should be weighing between 140 and 160lbs-"

I chuckled. "Not a chance!" I scoffed looking her as though she was mad. "No fucking way!" I stood there and shook my head at her. "Not a fucking chance!" I didn't raise my voice with her. I used a tone that told her that she couldn't force me to do anything.

"I'm afraid you don't really have a choice Edward." She said, trying to convince me of that fact. "Your parents placed you in our care because they believed that you need our help, so we're going to help you. Whether you want it or not." I gave her a blank stare. "Right, do you want to tell me what you'd normally eat in a day."

I shrugged. "I don't know. Nothing if I can help it."

"Nothing?" She looked at me skeptically and then it seemed she remembered my weight that was written in front of her.

"Yeah. No-thing!" I stretched out each syllable as though she was hard of hearing. I hated when people repeated what I was saying. It was one of the things that really aggravated me about being around other people.

"Right, then." She noted that down. "And what about the days where you do eat something, what will you have?"

"I don't know. A cereal bar and a few bites of whatever dinner I can't get out of." I stared at her blankly. "Why do you need to know this? For some evaluation? I don't need you to ask me all these questions to tell me that I'm unhealthy! That I'm killing myself!" I was beginning to lose my temper now. Who did this woman think she was. Asking me about a few meals that I had every now and then and she thought she had me all figured out. "I know that already!" I took my hands out of my pockets and ran them through my hair.

"Then why are you so against me helping you through this Edward?" She had obviously been forewarned that I hated the nickname "Eddie" that Emmett and Alice used. Though her tone told me that had she not she would have called me that. "Why won't you let me at least try to help you?"

"Because I'm fucked up, that's why?!" With that I stormed out of the room. I couldn't stand to be in there anymore. I just wanted to be by myself. I remembered the way up to my room, let myself in and fell onto my bed, allowing myself to land face first into my pillows. I stayed like that for about a minute or so, drowning everything else out.

There was a soft knock at the door and a moaned in reply, and though my response was muffled by the pillows the person came in upon hearing it. "Didn't go too well with Jennie then?" It was Michael. I muffled a response and shook my head so he got my meaning. My head snapped up.

"Jennie!" I exclaimed. "That was her name!" I dropped my head back onto the pillow, punching the air in accomplishment. I could feel Michael looking at me as though I was a freak. I rolled over onto my side so I could look at him. He had sat Indian style on the end of my bed. "I couldn't remember her name, and then when you said it just now it clicked."

"Oh," I said slowly. "Okay then. I was kinda wondering about the, uh," He punched the air, imitating me. I shrugged, not really knowing what to say. "What happened man?" He asked obviously wanting to know everything that happened in my first session. So I told him what happened. His face by the end of it showed that he didn't really know whether to be in shock or in awe. "No one's ever behaved like that with Jennie before. I mean, you managed to intimidate her?" I nodded. "Really?" I nodded again. "How?" I rolled my eyes and gave him the stare that I had used on Jennie and he shivered. "Okay, man, stop doing that. That's creepy I'm serious, cut it out." I could tell it was unnerving him, just as it had Jennie but he was the closest thing I had to a friend in here, so I stopped it and grinned. "Okay, now I see what you mean." He shivered again. "But you know she's going to go straight to Dr. Martin and tell her what happened, who will go straight to the psychiatrist that they've got lined up for you." I shrugged. Not caring.

I had another half an hour or so to spare before my therapy session started, so I sat and talked with Michael as I had done earlier that day. He was mostly marvelling about the fact that I had managed to intimidate Jennie, who apparently was the one who did most of the intimidation and wouldn't take kindly to the table's being turned.

Before long, there was another knock on the door and Jude came in, wearing a sour expression. She had obviously heard about my little altercation with Jennie earlier on. Michael stood up to go. "Good luck," he muttered. "You're gonna need it."

I followed Jude down another corridor and this time we went up some stairs instead of down. We came to a halt outside a very posh looking pair of doors. Jude knocked and I heard someone come to the door.

"Edward!" At the door was a fairly tall man, medium build which could have been made athletic if he had put the work in. His dark brown hair was starting to turn grey with age. He spoke to me and clapped me on the back as though I had known him for years, rather than just met him but a moment ago. I knew this ploy. The old "introduce them to a comfortable environment" ploy. All but one of my previous psychiatrists had tried it on me. And it hadn't worked any of those times. I had no idea why he thought it would work now. "Thank you, Jude." He said to the woman as he pulled me inside the office. She smiled at him, looked at me sceptically and walked off, back down the corridor the way we had come.

His office was large. It had a large desk situated underneath a window which a large leather sofa situated just to the left of it. He had many bookshelves full of volumes that I knew that Carlisle would love to immerse himself in for days on end. I noticed that he had a lot of diplomas on the wall, and that the lighting was low, as if to create a friendly atmosphere.

"Don't be shy." He said, seating himself behind the large oak desk, which was clearly supposed to be the fixation of the room. He motioned towards the sofa near it. "Have a seat." He had a large grin plastered on his face, and I wasn't entirely sure whether or not it was genuine or part of the ploy to get me to open up. Either way, that was not happening. "My name is Derek." He said and I had to physically stop myself from laughing. Yeah, okay, I know that my name was a bit outdated and rarely used anymore but _Derek_? That sounded like it should be in a children's fairytale, not the name of a psychiatrist.

When I sat down I noticed that he was studying me closely. It made me feel extremely self conscious.

"It's okay," he said in a friendly tone. "Make yourself comfortable." The way he said it implied that I might as well because I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. It was the same tone that Carlisle had used when he sat me down after I had come out of the hospital after my failed suicide attempt. _Well, if he's offering. _I thought. So I slipped my shoes off and curled my legs up underneath me. The sofa was actually quite comfortable. It reminded me of the sofa's at home. My thoughts strayed to my home for a brief moment and I felt a wave of sadness overcome me. I missed home. I missed the people there. I missed my family and Bella. I wanted nothing more than to be there with them right now. This must have shown in my expression because suddenly Derek - _Derek?_ I thought, I was never going to get used to that name - was looking at me with a puzzled expression. "What is it?" He asked, jolting me out of my thoughts. I shook my head, not wanting to talk about it. "Come on, now. That's why you're here. That's what these sessions are for. I'm here for you to talk to. To let your feelings out. I'm here to help you work through your problems."

That was the same thing that Jennie had said earlier. So I responded in the same way. "And how are you going to do that?" I asked. He smiled at my response, even though he looked a little surprised.

"Well," I chuckled. "I'm going to try and find out why you do the things that you do." I pulled my sleeves down over my hands, suddenly feeling more self-conscious than ever. This action didn't go unnoticed by Derek. He looked at my hands with a quizzical expression on his face. "No, tell me Edward." He suddenly became serious. "Why is it that you do the things you do?" I was studying me. I could feel his eyes on me as I looked down at my sleeves.

I shrugged. "Hell, if I know." I muttered and he chuckled again.

"Well," he murmured. "That's not one I've heard before." He was writing something down in his ledger. I didn't care for what he had to say about me. I smirked at that remark. "Now." He said, becoming serious yet again. "I'm going to try to help you get to the root of your problems. To help you try to discover why you do the things you do, or at least to help you admit those reasons, because I think, that you know why you do these acts. You know why you deprive yourself of nourishment. You know why, when you get tense, when things seem out of your control you feel the urge to drag that blade across your skin." I winced and he stopped, obviously seeing my discomfort. "Don't you?"

I didn't respond. And he seemed to take this as confirmation of what he was thinking. He was right. I do know why I do it. To block out the pain, to block out everything around me. But I wasn't about to let him know that, was I? I looked up at him.

"You think you've got it all figured out, don't you?" I asked him in a quiet voice. "You think, that after ten minutes in my company, you know me, don't you?" I didn't drop my gaze for a second or blink once. On the outside he appeared to handle my relentless gaze better than Jennie had. If he was unnerved by it in any way, he didn't show it. "Just, to let you know," I whispered. "Nobody knows me."

He chuckled again. What the hell is it that this guy finds so funny? He was really starting to get on my nerves. "You know, Edward." He said, still chuckling, shaking his head. "You are the first patient I've had who hasn't relaxed immediately after the whole, "get yourself comfortable" routine. You obviously know a couple of tricks that we use to help things go smoother during a session."

"Well, let's just say you're not the first shrink to try to get into my head." I shot back at him, with as much disdain in my voice as I could muster. "Just so you know, none of them were able to so I wouldn't get your hopes up."

All he did was chuckle again, shaking his head. This made me angry. "What the hell is so damned funny? Is this situation funny to you? Because if it is, then can you fill me in on the joke because I'm not sure I get it!" He stopped laughing at this. He seemed surprised at my sudden outburst, as though this was the one thing he had not been expecting.

He eyed me suspiciously. "You know, there's something about you Edward." He said, completely serious now. "You unlike any patient I've ever had. None of the other patients I've had over the years, and trust me, I've been doing this since before you were conceived." He said this with a hint of malice in his voice, and it made me internally wince, though I did not show it on the outside. "And none of them, I mean none, has ever said anything like that to me before. You know," He leant forward onto his desk. "You, Edward Anthony Cullen," I winced at the sound of my full name. He noticed that and smiled. "You are a mystery that I'm going to enjoy solving."

He leant back on his chair, and sighed. He flipped through his ledger and quickly found the pages he was looking for. He let out a low whistle. "You weren't kidding when you said about the psychiatrists were you?" I looked at him defiantly and shook my head in a way that said, "I told you so." "Let's see....eight psychiatrists in seven years. You must have had some problems when you were younger. Care to tell me about them." All I did was look at him, unblinking and unwavering. He looked back down at the ledger on his desk. "Funny thing. It had no mention here of an eating disorder of any kind. Why is that? If you were going to so many psychiatrists then surely one of them would have noticed."

I smirked. "Well, maybe you shrinks aren't all you're cracked up to be."

He smiled. "Oh, yes." He looked at the page again. "I am definitely going to enjoy getting into your mind, young man."

"Who says you can?" I retorted. "I mean, the eight others weren't able to, so, who says that you can?"

"Well," he replied, looking up from the page. "With them, you were only going in for an hour or two a week, correct?" I didn't respond. "But here, you're here all the time. If I decide that you need a therapy session or something like that then it will happen. It doesn't matter where you are, what time of day, anything like that. Because yes we may be here to answer to your needs, for example your need to rid your body of the disease Anorexia Nervosa." I winced as he said the name of the thing that had held its grip on my body for the last five years. I had always known what it was called but I hated the name. It made it sound like I was sick, which, in my mind I wasn't. "You see that's the beauty of these places. We can really get into the patients minds, you see, nothing they do is a secret to us. Which all, in the end, helps you, to recover from this sickness that is plaguing your body and mind, Now we work on your mind, we can heal your body. Because that's what this is, Edward. You're suffering from a mental disease. And its something that I am going to face with you every step of the way."

Was he right? Did he really have the power to drag me into a session whenever he felt like it? Or to invade the personal privacy of my room whenever he felt like trying to dig further into my brain. I would have to ask Michael either later on today, or the next day at the inevitable weigh-in that they performed at an hour, at which it should be illegal to be up at, no matter what the circumstances.

"Now, Edward Cullen," He was pointing at me now, not in a malicious way, but in a way that said that said "Enough about what I do, let's move on to you" and I didn't like it. "I am going to pick your brain."

**So, Edward doesn't get on with his nutritionist and he's really creeped out by his psychiatrist.  
I'm not sure about when I'll be able to update again, as I have intense practise every day this week, but I am going to try to update as frequently as I can.  
Some reviews would be great :D  
Ciao xx**


	26. Remembering

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**Firstly I want to apologise to those who are used to my daily updates on this story but I've not had just time over the last week or so to get anything written. After the weekend I promise that updates will be back to how they once were, but at the moment I'm just going from training to class to back to training and then just flaking out on my bed.**

**Also, I am aware that there are a couple of continuity and factual errors in the story - the biggest one being the amount of time it took the Cullens to get from Chicago to Forks. My excuse is that I'm from the UK and I'm sticking to it :P - but when I have the time these errors will be rectified, but for the moment - probably up until after the weekend - they will be there, so if you could just bear with them for the time being.**

**With this chapter, I had to write it in snippets, which is hard for me because I'm used to writing a chapter all at one time, so if it's a bit jumpy and doesn't make nuch sense then I apologise and along with the other errors in the story, they will be rectified.**

**(the much asked for) APOV**

Leaving Edward in that place was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I could tell that it was not something that my mother and father had relished doing. I had seen the pain and grief in my father's eyes when he had made the decision to have Edward admitted. All we could do now was hope that this is what Edward needed to get better and become the Edward that I remember from when I was little.

Walking out of the hospital, I looked up at it. Even though it looked like a warm and friendly place, I hated the fact that none of us had any real idea of what happened in there on a regular basis. I looked at Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie and I could tell that they were thinking the same things that I was. Namely, _Will Edward be okay?_ None of us knew the answer to that question. Even from when our Mom and Dad first adopted him, Edward had been a bit distant, but we all put that down to the fact that he had just lost his only family and then thrust into a new one. He was alone and scared.

We waited for our Mom and Dad to come out. We knew that they were trying to sort out visiting rights for Bella. Seeing as she wasn't family then normally she wouldn't have been able to visit, but I think that Dad was trying to explain that without her, Edward wouldn't make any progress. It was hard to admit that a girl that Edward had only known for a matter of months was able to help him in ways that we, as his family, couldn't. It was hard for all of us to admit, but it was true. Without Bella, Edward wouldn't get better.

As we looked at the building, Bella and Mom walked out with solemn expressions on their faces. Dad was obviously still inside discussing something or other with the doctor that had admitted Edward.

"We can't see Edward until next week." Mom told us, when she and Bella were within our hearing range. Bella had tears welling up in her eyes. I knew that my parents and her had been planning to spend the night in a hotel and then coming to see Edward tomorrow. I could see that it was hurting Bella, to have to admit that she wouldn't be able to see him for a week. It then hit me how much Edward meant to Bella. It seemed that he had affected her life as much as she'd affected his.

"How come?" Emmett asked, looking worried.

"It's the clinic's rules." Bella said in a soft voice. "They said that to give the patients time to settle in they don't allow visits for up to a week after they're admitted. You know, apparently it helps them get into a routine or something."

"That's stupid." Rosalie hissed.

"I know it's not fair, sweetheart." Mom said, moving over to embrace her daughter. "But its the rules of the clinic. And if it has the potential to help Edward then, well, it's for the best. We can still talk to him over the phone, so it's not like we're completely cut off from him."

"It's not the same though." Rosalie was crying now. She hadn't shown it, but it was affecting her as much as it was affecting us. "Why can't we just take him home?" She began to sob into Mom's shoulder.

"Ssh, sweetheart." Mom whispered, stroking a hand softly down Rosalie's hair. "I know, I know. I want nothing more than to take him home too, but we can't. He needs more help than we can give him. Sssh." She pulled Rosalie into a tighter hug. "It'll be okay. He'll be okay. He'll be home before we know it."

Somehow I doubted my mother's words. Deep inside my heart I knew that Edward wasn't going to accept the help that they had to offer. It was just who he was. He never liked accepting help, even if it was on the most trivial things. I found myself remembering when Edward was eight. He had set himself the task of completing a thousand piece puzzle. He had almost been finished, but there was one section that he was having problems with. Everyone had offered to help him, even Emmett, who was useless at puzzles, but he had refused. It took him three days to complete that one section but he did. He completed it all on his own. He had been so proud that he had managed to do it without any help. Mom and Dad had been proud of him too. So proud that they'd actually had it framed. It now hung on the wall by the stairs. I had never seen Edward smile like he had when he'd seen it hung there. I longed to see that smile again.

"What?" Emmett asked me. I had been so lost in the memory that I hadn't realised that they were all watching me.

"Oh," I said, feeling the colour rise to my cheeks. "I was just remembering when Edward was eight. You know, with the puzzle?" I smiled again, as did everyone but Bella, who looked confused.

"Oh, yeah." Emmett said chuckling. "He wouldn't let anyone help him, would he? He was so stubborn." He chuckled again, obviously remembering the concentration in Edward's face as he battled with the puzzle.

"He was so proud when he finished it." Mom sighed. "Your father and I were proud too. He told himself that he was going to do it by himself and he did. Emmett's right," She said smiling. "He was stubborn."

Just then, our father walked out of the hospital. He looked grave, but accomplished at the same time. He looked at us all smiling and looked puzzled.

"We were just remembering Edward with the puzzle." Jasper said quietly from behind me. I looked over to him. He was leaning on the hood of the Volvo, a smile small playing on his lips as he remembered Edward's frustration and determination. A smile spread across my Dad's lips as he remembered.

"What did they say, darling?" Esme said, moving around to stand side by side with Rosalie, keeping one arm around her daughter's shoulders.

"I explained to them how big a part of Edward's life Bella has been in recent months." He said, looking at Bella in a fatherly way. "I also told them how Edward had changed when Bella came on the scene, how he seemed happier, even if it wasn't a huge improvement it was still something. I also explained that if they were to stop Bella seeing Edward, there was a very good chance that he wouldn't respond to the treatment and care that they can offer him." He sighed. "It took a lot, I had to explain everything to her, but they've agreed to let Bella have the same visiting rights as family."

I saw Bella physically relax. Something told me that her feelings for him ran a little, if not a lot deeper than friendship. She wouldn't be surprised if they did. In fact, she would be over the moon. Edward deserved someone to care about him, someone like Bella, who she knew would care about him no matter what. Especially after all that he's been through. Bella looked up at me and her cheeks flushed. She lowered her head so quickly that I don't think anyone else noticed. _She does like Edward more than a friend,_ I thought triumphantly. And she knew that I'd figured it out. She looked back up at me, flushing a deeper colour than before. I gave her a look as if to say "Tell me everything." She glanced at the others, who were now talking quietly amongst themselves. "Later" she mouthed at me and I nodded, knowing that I would get all the information I wanted.

"All right," Carlisle said, causing all attention to fall on him. "I think it's best that we get going. I know it's hard," He said, seeing all of us looking longingly at the building in front of us, wishing that we could take our brother home. "But we can't sit here all day. We need to get going."

With that we all climbed into our cars. Bella went with Mom and Dad in the Mercedes while the rest of us rode in the Volvo. Jasper and Rosalie sat up front, while Emmett and I were in the back. I couldn't help but look out the back window as we passed through the gates we had come through, at the large building that Edward would call home for the foreseeable future.

"Bye, Edward." I whispered as the gates closed. I turned around and saw Emmett watching me. I gave him a slight smile and he held up him arm inviting a hug. I unbuckled my seatbelt and scooted over into the middle seat, strapped myself back in and snuggled down next to my bear-like big brother.

"You okay?" He whispered in my ear. I nodded slightly and sighed. I wasn't okay and he knew that, but Emmett also knew better than to push something, especially something like this. He just pulled me into a tighter hug.

In saying goodbye to Edward, even if was just temporary, it made me think of when he came to us.

I remembered how Dad had called us all into the living room, which had upset Rosalie because she had been watching her new favourite tv show. I couldn't remember which one it was because, in all honesty, Rosalie's favourite tv show changed on a weekly basis, so no one really knew. I remember the fuss she'd made when Dad had turned off the tv half way threw.

"Now, children." He said, after we'd all sat down. We had been wary of his tone because it was the one he generally used when he was about to tell us off. We had all looked at Emmett in a "what have you done now?" kind of way and he'd chuckled. "You're not in trouble." He'd said as he realised that this was what we'd all thought. "Now, your mother and I have something to tell you." He'd placed an arm around Mom's waist and she'd smiled. "You four are going to have a new brother-"

"You're having a baby?" Rosalie had squealed. Even though she was only seven, she had some weird fixation with babies. If there was going to be one in the house, she would be all over it. She sat there and clapped her hands together. We all looked at our parents in expectation of them confirming Rosalie's squeals.

"No, Rosalie, we're not." Dad had said and she had stopped automatically, her face falling. I was confused. How were we having a new brother if Mom and Dad weren't having a baby? It had been a bit too much for my six-year-old brain to handle. "We've just adopted a young boy in need of a home. You see," He had paused, pondering whether or not he should go on. He had looked up at Mom, silently asking her whether or not he should continue. She'd nodded, a grim smile on her face. I may have only been six but I'd known that whatever circumstances this boy had, they were not good ones. "The young boy that we have adopted, he's just lost his parents. He's in need of a home and your mother and I want to provide that for him. His name is Edward and we're picking him up tomorrow. I want you four to be nice, okay?" He shot a look at Emmett who had, no doubt, been imagining some of the pranks he could play on our new brother. His face fell when Dad had said this, causing Rosalie and myself to giggle. Jasper had looked at us as though we were insane. At seven, he was the most grown up out of the four of us, even Emmett who was eight. Jasper had been the mediator of the fights that tended to escalate between Emmett and Rosalie. Even though they were twins, Jasper and Rosalie had been like polar opposites. Jasper was cool at calm, ready to face anything with an open mind and Rosalie was very set in her ways, and very _very_ hot-tempered and fiery. It was sometimes difficult to imagine that they were even brother and sister, let alone twins.

The rest of the day had been full of preparations for the boy, who tomorrow, would be joining our family. We'd cleared out the spare bedroom, where we kept all the junk that was never used and put it into the attic. Esme had bought a new duvet and pillows as well as new bedcovers and sheets. I'd helped her get the room sorted as the others sorted through the stuff in the attic. When we were finished, the room had looked good. You wouldn't have been able to tell that it hadn't been used since we moved in.

I remembered vividly when I first saw Edward. My Dad had gone to pick him up. I remembered looking at the clock wondering how long Dad would be. I wanted to meet him. I was excited at the thought of having another brother.

"How old is he Mom?" I'd asked. I was sat in the kitchen watching my Mom making cookies. I loved the smell of baking cookies, especially when I knew how they'd taste when they were done.

"He's seven. Same age as Rosalie and Jasper." I thought about that. So I was going to have another older brother. I wouldn't have minded a younger brother, as I was tired of being the youngest, but I'd been too excited about the new arrival to really care about how old he was.

"When's he gonna get here?!" Emmett had come bounding into the kitchen, obviously smelling the cookies, and grabbed onto the back of a chair, jumping up and down. "When's he gonna get here?!"

"Calm down, Emmett." Emmett had pouted. He didn't like being scolded, especially by our mother. "He'll be here soon. Now calm down, or you're going to scare him." Even though Emmett was only eight he was still a big child. He was over twice my size and dwarfed everyone else in his class. People had often thought he was older than he actually was, which I'd found amusing, considering his behaviour.

Just then, we'd heard the key in the door, and our Dad had stepped through with a bag. Looking around the corner from the kitchen, I'd then seen a young boy, about the same size as Jasper follow him in looking extrememly nervous. I could hear my Dad telling him about us. That he shouldn't be too nervous because we were all excited about him coming. From where I'd been I could see him looking around the house in awe of the size. I'd never thought about how big our house was, but it must have been bigger than he was used to. The first thing I'd noticed about the boy was his hair. It was a strange colour. Even at age six, I knew that his hair colour wasn't usually seen. It was an unusual shade of bronze and it stuck up in all different directions. I'd been able to see that it wouldn't matter what you tried to do with it, his hair would always look like that. I'd thought it was cute and smiled to myself.

"Alice," My Dad had called. "I can see you Alice. Come on out." I'd nervously stepped out from where I'd been spying on him. Even though I was excited to have a new brother, I was also nervous, in case he thought that I was, as some people had told me previously "over-exciteable" and "hyper". "Come here." My Dad extended a hand to me and I'd walked over taking it, smiling at the boy. He'd given me a small smile back, as if in some way grateful that I hadn't launched myself on him, as he'd obviously heard that I would. "Alice, this is Edward. Edward, this is Alice, the youngest one here." I waved at him and smiled again.

Now that I was up close I'd been able to see the colour of his eyes. They'd been the most beautiful shade of green I'd ever seen. Even, ten years later, I hadn't met anyone with eyes as beautiful as Edward's. It was yet another thing that made him unique.

"Kids," Carlisle called to them. I'd heard the tv shut off and Rosalie and Jasper had appeared. Emmett came bounding in from the kitchen with a huge smile on his face. I'd noticed Edward shy away at the sheer size of Emmett. Emmett generally had that effect on people, especially kids. His size meant that he kept us safe when people were mean to us, but I'd never really thought about how he actually looked to people on the outside of the family. "This is Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett." My Dad said pointing to each of my siblings. "Kids, this is Edward. Don't jump on him Emmett." He knew what Emmett was like and forewarned him. Emmett had pouted again, but it hadn't lasted. He was too excited about having a new little brother. Edward had looked up at my Dad in shock. "Don't worry. He just gets a little over-excited sometimes." Edward relaxed slightly, but not that much. "Alice, will you show Edward to his room please?"

I'd nodded and Edward picked up the bag that my Dad had carried in. "Come on then." I said smiling and I led him up the stairs. He had been quiet as he followed me, probably overwhelmed with what was happening. Even though I'd wanted to launch a million questions on him, my father's warning of not to rang in my ears. He'd told me that Edward had beem through a lot recently and that he was probably best left alone for the moment. Opening the door to his room I'd motioned for him to go inside. I'd seen him jaw drop at the room. "What? Don't you like it?" I was worried that he didn't.

"Um, yeah, I do." He said, sheepishly, his cheeks flushing slightly. His voice was soft, melodic and velvety. "It's just, I've never had a room this size before." He looked around again. I smiled to myself. He did like it.

"Um, dinner is generally about seven o'clock." I said, smiling. He looked back at me, a look of awe on his face. "I'll come up and get you when its ready, okay? Dad thought that you'd want a little while to get your stuff sorted out."

"O-Okay." He'd smiled at me again, grateful for my help.

I'd left him after that, and closed the door. My Mom told me to go and fetch him for dinner but when I'd gone to get him, I'd found him fast asleep. I'd left him there explaining to my parents that he was asleep and I thought that it would have been better to leave him be. They'd looked at me proudly, each of them silently thanking me for not waking him, as today had obviously been a stressful day for him.

Emmett nudged me, snapping me back to reality. We were still moving.

"You okay, Ali?" He asked me and I nodded. I hadn't realised it, but I'd started crying. He hugged me tighter to him, taking on the full big brother role. Emmett may seem intimidating and scary to everyone else, but to those of us in his family, he was just a big teddy bear. I leant into him more, and closed my eyes. I could feel myself rising and falling as Emmett breathed. It was relaxing, comforting to know that I had my big brother there.

I drifted off into sleep as Emmett's steady movements became hypnotic. I don't know how long I was asleep, as I hadn't been paying attention to the time whilst I was locked in the past, but the sun had moved a great deal across the sky, and was starting to dip below the trees that surrounded our home, when I was being gently shaken by Emmett.

"Ali?" He said softly. "Ali, we're home." I sat up and unclipped myself. He did the same, but didn't get out of the car. "Are you sure you're okay, Alice?" I nodded.

"It's just been..." I didn't know what to say. "It's just been one hell of a day, I guess." I sighed. He pulled me into another hug and we got out of the car.

I noticed that Carlisle and Esme had yet to take Bella home. I knew that Charlie, her Dad, wouldn't be worrying as Carlisle had told him about her spending the night in Seattle with my parents. I walked over to Bella and gave her a hug.

"You going to go home?" I asked and she looked at Carlisle.

"Um," She paused, obviously not knowing how to phrase what she wanted to say. "Would I be able to stay here tonight?" She flushed, embarrassed by her question. "It's just, I don't want to really, be alone tonight. I mean, I know that I won't be _alone_ alone, cos my Dad'll be there, but I will be because nobody but you guys knows whats going on and I just, I really-" Carlisle cut her off, holding up his hand.

"Of course you can, Bella." Carlisle walked over to her and held both of her hands in his. "Now, lets all go inside."

We all followed him in, sitting down in the sitting room, no one really saying anything.

"Thank you," Bella said quietly, breaking the silence. "For letting me stay here."

"Bells." Emmett looked at her stunned. "You've done more than we have. If it weren't for you then Edward probably would have topped himself-"

"Emmett!" Our mother cut in. "Don't say that!"

"What?! It's true. If Bella hadn't come along, Edward probably wouldn't be in the hospital now. He'd probably be in the morgue or in the ground by now. I mean think about it. We all saw how Edward changed when he met Bella. He was somehow, a bit happier. I mean, I know it wasn't much at this point, but if given longer I think that she would have really helped him!" He was staring at Bella now, an unreadable expression on his face. I had never heard Emmett like this before. "And, if she hadn't been there the morning that he...." He trailed off, like the rest of it, unable to say what had happened to Edward. "If she hadn't been there then where would he be now?! In the morgue! Of course we're going to let you stay here, Bells! How could we not?!" She smiled at him gratefully.

After a while, we all went our separate ways, each of us grudgingly going to our separate bedrooms. I heard Bella quietly asking Carlisle if she could sleep in Edward's room rather than the spare we had. I reminded myself to ask her what was happening between her and Edward.

"Bella?" I asked, looking at her expectantly. She looked up at me and I motioned for her to follow me. I walked upstairs and I could tell that she was confused when I didn't stop at my bedroom. I wanted to sit in Edward's room for a while, just to be surrounded by his things. When he was in the hospital, I would sit in his room and it felt like he was still here. Not like there was anything wrong with him. I sat down on the chair that was in his room, while Bella sat on his bed, looking around sadly. "Imagine that he's just popped out for a while. It helps." She smiled at me. "So, what's going on with you and Edward? I mean, I saw your reaction when Carlisle told us about you being able to see him, and I was just wondering if there was anything more to it." I looked at her and smiled. She flushed and looked away. "There is, isn't there?"

She nodded slightly. "Yeah. Yeah, there is." She said in a barely audible voice.

"Oh, Bella!" I had a hard time not squealing and jumping around in excitement. It was only a look from her that stopped me. "So, tell me. What's happened?"

"Nothing really." She smiled shyly. "I mean, it was only in last two weeks or so that I realised how I felt about him. And then, yesterday, I told him and he told me he felt the same way, and I..." She trailed off, her face reddening to the colour of a tomato.

"You?" I asked impatiently. "Come on, Bella, you what?"

"I kissed him." She admitted. I clapped my hands and she shot me a warning look. "Please don't tell anyone else. I don't want them to get worked up over it. I mean, I don't know if he really wants anyone to know, yet. I think it's best to wait til he gets out of hospital, you know?"

I nodded, thinking of what she was saying. Obviously I wouldn't say anything but this was _huge_! I was going to have my work cut out for me keeping it to myself. I smiled at Bella, letting her know that her secret was safe with me.

I left Bella in Edward's room. I knew that I had to get some sleep. Our father insisted that we go back to school tomorrow, Bella included. He didn't want us getting any further behind than we had already. I didn't want to think about school the next day. I knew people would be wondering where we had gone. Knowing a place this size, it would have come up with some of its own theories. We had decided to tell people that Edward was out of hospital, but our father didn't think that it was a good idea for him to come back to school just yet. Not even the teachers knew the truth. All anyone would know was that Edward was out of hospital and now had a private tutor teaching him at home, instead of having to come into school. With the amount of money my family had the idea was believable.

With that thought in my head, I settled into bed, and prepared myself for what was to come the next day, hoping that Edward was okay and wondering what he was feeling.

With thoughts of my brother, I settled off into an uneasy sleep, wishing that tomorrow wouldn't come.

**I've finally done an APOV. I know she's not the happy-go-lucky pixie that people have come to love, but that is purely because she's so worried about her brother. Everything else - including shopping (OME I know right!) has kind of taken a backseat. I don't know though, I might have a Bella-make-over scene in the next chapter. Everyone for that say "Aye" and it has to be "Aye" if its not then I won't count your vote ;P cos I'm mean like that.**

**I don't know when the next update will be, hopefully in the next couple of days but I can't promise anything.  
Reviews make me smile, and will encourage me in my swimming and story writing ;P  
Ciao peeps! xx**


	27. Back to School

**Sorry that this has taken such a long time to get up, but what with my swim meet and ff being down and all that jazz (no pun intended :P) I just haven't been able to get this chapter up.  
So, to make up for it, here's an extra long chappie for you all. It was originally going to be two chapters, but I thought that I've made you wait long enough for this one, that I'll make it into one.  
Enjoy.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**BPOV**

Leaving Edward hurt. So much. But I knew that we had done the right thing. We may all be hurting at the moment, but leaving Edward here is what he needs right now. He needs people to care and look after him, to help him on the "road to recovery" as doctors put it. We had done the right thing.

Right?

The whole way home I kept telling myself that we were doing the right thing, but there was something small, a tiny voice in the back of my head telling me no. That it may not have been the right thing to do. To shout at Carlisle to turn the car around and bring Edward back. In the end the logical side to me won. My head managed to overpower my heart, and I kept my thoughts to myself. As did Carslisle and Esme. They were silent for the whole journey home, but it was a comfortable, understanding silence rather than the horrible, awkward kind.

We all seemed to be having the same kind of thoughts and the two of them must have thought that it was a good idea to keep them to themselves rather than voice them. Which I was thankful for, and if their expressions were anything to go by, as were they.

Carlisle agreed to let me stay for the night, as Charlie thought that I was staying in Seattle with them anyway. I didn't want to worry him by coming home early, as he would know automatically that something was wrong, even if he didn't voice his concerns. I stayed in Edward's room.

Somehow, being in his room, surrounded by his things, his possessions, little trinkets that told me so much about his personality. So much more than I'd be able to get out of him through talking it made me feel as though he was still there. Alice joined me in Edward's room for a little while, probably feeling the need, also, to be surrounded by things that reminded her of Edward. I liked Alice. She had a way of making everything seem as though it was going to be alright. According to Emmett, if she told you something was going to happen, you listen to Alice. Rule one: don't bet against Alice. And I had no plans to.

She interrogated me on my relationship with Edward. I told her what had happened in the hospital room before Edward was discharged and she sat there grinning at me. I relaxed. This was the first time in weeks that I had seen Alice smile and I wasn't about to try to wipe it off her face. She deserved to smile. I asked her not to tell and she promised that she wouldn't, but I could see in her eyes that she was going to have a hard time keeping it to herself.

After Alice left, I changed and curled up in Edward's bed. Even though he hadn't slept in it in weeks the sheet and pillows still carried his scent. It was sweet, like vanilla mixed with cinnamon. I plunged my head into the pillow and inhaled deeply, absorbing as much of his scent as I could. My heart began to ache and I felt the prick of tears forming in the corner of my eyes. I blinked them back though. I had to be strong, for Edward. I knew now that crying would get me nowhere and it wouldn't even make me feel better.

Though I didn't really want to, I had to back to school tomorrow, along with the rest of the Cullens. I wasn't looking forward to it. The whole school would know about what had happened. I knew there would be rumours, none of them even remotely close to the truth, and we would all have to stick together. We had decided on the story that Edward had become ill, but was out of hospital but Carlisle and Esme didn't want him to become too stressed and risk falling ill again, therefore he was being taught at home by a a private tutor. It was believable.

I awoke the next morning to find that Alice had laid out an outfit for me on the other side of the bed. I knew Alice was the type of girl who was all about fashion. I knew this from Rosalie. From the stories that I'd heard from the family, I knew that Alice, when it came to clothes, shopping and make-up was less of a pixie and more of a demon. She obviously knew that today would be stressful enough so she ahd decided not to play "make-up" with me today. I had the feeling that if it were any other day then she would have done.

I looked at the outfit that she had picked out. It consisted of a pair of faded grey skinny jeans, an extremely low cut, v-neck, navy blue sweater and a white camisole. She had also given me a pair of navy blue ballet flats and a white silk scarf. All in all, I thought that it looked alright. Not something I would usually wear but something that was within my style range.

Getting dressed I gathered up my things and went downstairs, to meet up with the rest of the family. Emmett and Jasper weren't up yet, and apparently they never really were until it was time to go. Something that annoyed the girls immensly as they knew that one of these days the boys were going to cause them to be late. We sat in the kitchen, eating breakfast in silence, all of us dreading the questions and interrogations that we knew were coming. The boys came down just as we were finishing, made themselves some toast, mumbling that they would eat it on the way into school. We all piled into Edward's Volvo, it being the only car that could hold all five of us, other than the Jeep and rode in silence to school.

It felt strange to be in the Volvo. In some way it felt almost disrespectful. Using Edward's car when he wasn't here just didn't feel right.

Pulling up to the school, we saw that many people were crowded in the parking lot. Almost everyone turned to look at us as we pulled in and got out of the car. It felt like it was my first day again and everyone was curious about the new kid. I looked at the others and saw through their expressions that they must have been feeling as self-conscious as I was. Everyone knew that there was something up with Edward, and their curiousity was going to get the better of them.

Bidding the Cullen's a farewell until lunch I went to my homeroom, aware of all the stares that I was receiving as I walked in and sat down. No one approached me though, something that I was thankful for, but it didn't stop them from staring. I looked around self-consciously and noticed that when my eyes brushed over someone they would instantly avert their gaze. Even though nothing was voiced, I knew what they were thinking. They wanted to ask me what was happening, and yet they didn't want to upset me in any way. In the end, I took out my notebook and began to doodle.

I had a free first thing, and as soon as the bell signalling the end of homeroom rang, I went to the tree that Edward and I always sat under, wishing that he was here with me. I sat down and pulled my knees up to my chest, staring into space. My mind drifted to the first time I had come here with Edward, and how he had told me about his cutting. I felt tears welling up in my eyes, but I didn't bother to try and stop them. I let them fall, as a visual sign to anyone around of my pain and how much I missed Edward.

"Bella!" I heard my name being called. I looked up and saw Mike Newton running towards me with a grin on his face. He was obviously happy to see me, even more so when he saw that Edward wasn't with me. "Bella!" He stopped in front of me, and I looked up at him. "Where've you been, girl? I've missed you being around." He grinned at me again, seeming to have forgotten what he had done to Edward.

"I've been with Edward." I stated, standing up to face him. "After that little escapade in the corridor, he was in hospital for two weeks." I folded my arms over my chest and noted the fact that Mike's grin didn't waver at all. He didn't feel any shame or remorse for what he had done. If anything, he seemed pleased about it. Probably knowing that Edward was out of the way for the time being. Seeing Mike's reaction only deepened my disgust for him.

"Why'd you stay with him?" He asked me, disgust evident in his tone. Or was it jealousy? I knew that Mike had a crush on me. Had done since I first started at Forks High. He should have known by now that I didn't feel for him in that way. In fact, I didn't feel for him in any way after he did what he had to Edward. It was because of him that Edward had been in hospital. That he was now in Seattle against his will. "I mean, he's not really.....I don't know." He sighed. "He's a bit of a freak if you ask me. I mean, he never eats anything, he always looks as though he's on something. Come on, Bells, you have to have noticed." I looked at me indignantly.

"How dare you, Mike!" I spat at him. "You have no idea what you're talking about! You don't know anything about my _boyfriend!_" I emphasised the last word, and the look I received off Mike was priceless.

"_Boyfriend_!" He shouted, with as much venom in his tone as I had just used. "What the hell, Bella! How the fuck can you go out with a freak like him?!" He was shouting at me now, outraged that I had chosen Edward over him. "He's a complete nutjob! I mean, what kind of normal person would slice themselves up like he does?!" He smiled a knowing grin at me and my eyes flew wide.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I snarled at him. His smile widened as he knew that he was right. "Mike. What is that supposed to mean?"

"It's obvious Bells." He sneered at me, seeming pleased with himself. "I mean, the way he looks, the fact that even when its warm he's always wearing long sleeved sweaters or shirts. Hiding his arms of course. Oh! And don't forget the bandages on his arms." He nodded at me. "I've seen them in class. You know, just before he's realised that they're showing." He moved towards me now, the same sick grin on his face. "He's a freak, Bella! And you know it."

I shook my head at him. "No, Mike." I said, moving towards him slightly. "I don't know that. I know a lot more than you could ever imagine." I smiled in a way that mirrored his own malicious grin. "But you know what I do know? I know, that you...." I prodded his chest lightly, "....are going to have to be _very_ careful." I somehow managed to make my voice soft and velvety, but intimidating and malicious at the same time. Something I've never been able to do before. "Because Emmett knows that it's because of you that Edward was taken into hospital. And if anything about this gets out, there's no one who is going to be able to stop him from ripping you apart. You know that as well as I do. He's already on the warpath when it comes to you. So anything you say or do with regards to Edward, will only further is anger and increase the amount of pain he's going to inflict on you." He gulped loudly. He'd obviously forgotten about Emmett and his sheer size. "So, it's up to you. You keep what you _think_ you know to yourself, and this meeting stays between us. But if I hear a _whisper_ about what you've just said, I won't hesitate to tell the Cullen's. And Emmett won't hesitate in murdering you."

I stepped back and looked at his face for a moment as he digested the threat I had just made. I smiled at him sweetly and walked away.

I stopped and turned around, smiling sweetly. "Oh, and Mike." He looked up at me, a look of fear replacing his evil grin. "Don't call me Bells." I turned back around and walked off again, not giving him any time to respond.

I was aware that the bell signalling the end of class was about to ring so I made my way to my classroom. As it rang I made my way past the students coming out and sat in my regular seat. Avoiding and ignorning the stares of people around me was harder than I would have liked it to be.

"Bella?" Jessica sat down next to me. "Where've you been? You've missed quite a lot lately."

"In the hospital." I replied, opening the textbook I needed for this class, not offering her any other information than that.

"With Edward?" She asked, her tone knowing.

"Yes. With Edward." I mumbled, beginning to get irritated by her prescence.

"Oh, okay then." I felt her glance at me, and I saw her fidgeting in my peripheral vision.

I slammed the book that I was reading closed. "What Jessica?" I turned to look at her and she had a look on her face that told me she knew why he was in there. Or at least that she thought she knew. "I know you _think_ you know something, so come on. What is it?"

"Ummmm," She looked at me apologetically. "I know that he, um....." She slowly slid a finger over her wrist, signalling that she knew about his self harm.

I managed to stop my eyes from widening at her confession. "Where did you hear that?" I asked, surprised at how calm and level my voice was.

"Um, Mike told me." She didn't meet my gaze. "He told me that he'd seen the bandages and cuts on his arms." _The liar!_ I thought. Edward was always so careful about things like that. He had never willingly shown the actual cuts on his arms to anyone apart from me, and they were so far up his arms that unless you pulled his sleeves right up then you wouldn't be able to see them. The bandages, yes, if he wasn't careful you could glimpse them before he pulled his sleeve down, but not the actual cuts. "He's told everyone that Edward's a cutter. That he's a freak." She sounded like she didn't know what to think and she looked at me as if to ask for confirmation.

"Well, Jess, Mike doesn't have a clue what he's talking about." I stated, still amazed at how in control I sounded. I made my statement forceful enough to show that I _did _know what I was talking about, but she didn't really relax. "Who has he told?"

"Everyone." She admitted. "He's telling everyone that will listen. I've told him to stop but...." I felt myself smile at her in gratitude. Even though Jessica may be one of, if not the biggest gossip in the school, it was never about anything malicious. When it came to something like this, she wouldn't have told a soul, that much I know. "He won't listen to me. He's really got it in for Edward for some reason."

"Well," I said, feeling an evil grin forming on my face. "Mike isn't going to be saying anything like this anymore." I got my phone out, texting Emmett, telling him to meet me at my locker after this class. "In fact," I said, shutting my phone. "Mike isn't going to be saying much of anything after Emmett's through with him."

Jessica's eyes widened. "Emmett Cullen?" I could hear the fear in her voice. I nodded. "What's he going to do to him?" I shrugged. I didn't know what Emmett would do. Hell, I didn't know fully what Emmett was capable of. If he put his mind to it I was sure that Emmett could quite easily crush Mike.

Just then, the teacher came in and began the class, meaning that Jessica wasn't able to ask me any more questions. Something for which I was thankful. I didn't pay much attention to the class. I just sat there, thinking of Edward. What was he doing? How was he feeling? What were they subjecting him to there? And then, my thoughts roamed to what Emmett was going to do to Mike. He wasn't going to let him off easily. That much I knew, and after what he had done to and said about Edward, I wasn't going to feel any sympathy for him.

When the bell rang, I made my way to my locker. Emmmett was already there, waiting for me, a dark look on his face. He'd already heard what Mike had been saying.

"You've heard then?" He asked me. I nodded. "Fucking Newton!" He slammed a fist into the locker next to mine. I saw that when he pulled his hand away he had left a small dent in the metal. "First he puts Ed in hospital and now he's telling everyone a load of bull about how he's "seen all the scars on Edward's wrists!"" He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm gonna kill him! I'm gonna fucking kill him!"

"Em, calm down." I said putting a hand on his arm. "I agree he deserves everything he gets but if you don't calm down you're going to get suspended. Would Edward want that to happen?" I asked raising my eyebrows at him.

"No, he wouldn't." I sighed. "But I don't care." His voice lowered to a whisper now. "He's spreading all this stuff about my little brother. The fact that it's true," He glanced around to make sure that we weren't being listened to, "is completely irrelevant. He's got to learn that he can't spread shit about people."

"Okay, Em," I rubbed his bicep in a soothing way and he seemed to relax. He looked at me and I could tell that he was hurting. A lot of people don't realise how emotional Emmett can be. They just see him as a huge guy who would make an excellent quarterback on the football team. No one saw the real Emmett that was being displayed to me now, the one that cared so deeply for his little brother, and would crush anyone who caused him any harm. "It's okay." I pulled him into a hug, silently saying that I understood. "We've gotta get going, we're going to be late for class. See you at lunch?"

He nodded and made his way to his next class. I made my way to my next class and sat down, not looking at anyone as I did so. I heard people whispering and I knew what they were talking about. They were talking about Edward. I wanted to turn around and tell them to shut the hell up as they had no idea what they were talking about but at that moment the teacher decided that she was going to start talking and they stopped. Again I payed no attention to what was going on in the class, and I imagined what Emmett was going to do to Mike when he saw him. That amused me for the rest of the class, and althroughout my next one until I went to meet the Cullen's in the cafeteria.

As I entered the cafeteria, I saw that Emmett and Jasper were already there, talking quietly to themselves.

"Hey, guys." I said sitting myself down and placing my bag on the chair next to me. _Edward's chair_, I thought sadly. I didn't have much time to dwell on that before Alice and Rosalie turned up, their faces matching my mood.

"You guys have heard then?" Rosalie muttered, taking a note of our expressions. We all nodded in response. "Fucking Newton!" She came out with the same thing that Emmett had done when I'd met up with him. "Who the hell does he think he is?!" She looked up and I saw that she had tears welling up in her eyes. I leaned forward and hugged her. When we parted I saw that she was crying now, and I handed her a packet of tissues which she gratefully accepted. "Thanks." She sighed. "How the hell does he think that he's going to be able to get away with this?!"

"He's not!" Jasper growled looking at Emmett. I could see the two of them were formulating a plan to incapacitate Mike in some way. And as I told him before, I wasn't going to stand in their way. "There's no way in Hell that he is."

Suddenly, Emmett looked up, a fire blazing in his eyes. I looked around to see that Mike had walked into the cafeteria. He had a stupid grin on his face that said that he was proud of the fact that he had successfully spread the news about Edward, and that he was ignorant of the danger he was in. Emmett suddenly sprung up from his seat, Jasper following closely.

"NEWTON!" Emmett bellowed and the grin that was on Mike's face a split second ago had disappeared, only to be replaced by a look of sheer terror. I looked at Alice and Rosalie and we all stood up and followed the boys to make sure that they wouldn't be prosecuted for murder.

Emmett grabbed the back of Mike's jacket and pulled him, forcefully outside, not wanting to hurt anyone other that Mike. He dragged him out of the cafeteria backwards, while Jasper walked behind him, facing Mike, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. We followed the boys at a safe distance, knowing that we would step in if things got too out of hand. Getting outside, Emmett threw Mike up against a wall and pinned him there, Mike's feet a couple of inches off of the ground.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Emmett shouted at him. Seeing him like this, it was easy to see why people were afraid of Emmett. "HOW DARE YOU!!! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY _ANYTHING_ ABOUT MY BROTHER!!!! DOES SPREADING SOMEONE ELSE'S PERSONAL SECRETS AROUND FOR EVERYONE TO KNOW MAKE YOU FEEL BIG?! WELL...DOES IT?!"

Mike didn't respond with anything other than a whimper. He looked positively terrified, which was a good thing as it meant he knew that Emmett meant business.

Emmett seemed to have calmed down slightly. "Listen, Newton. You know _nothing_!" He hissed. "It's because of you that my brother spent the last two weeks in hospital. It's because of you that he's not here now. I don't want to hear anything from you about my brother from now on. I don't even want to hear from other people that you've been talking about my brother. I catch the slightest whisper from anyone that you've been discussing my brother, and I won't be held responsible for my actions. Understand?" Mike nodded and Emmett dropped him. He landed in a heap on the floor and slowly stood up.

Suddenly, Emmett drew back a fist and it connected with Mike's nose. I saw blood spurt from Mike's face as he clutched at his nose.

"I hear anything, and I mean _anything_, then it won't be just a broken nose that you'll suffer." Emmett sneered just before he walked away. We followed Emmett, suprised that he hadn't completely destroyed Mike, but I knew that Emmett hadn't because he was thinking of Edward. He was thinking how the distress it would cause Edward to learn that Emmett had beat up Mike on his behalf.

We noticed that Emmett was walking away from the building. He was walking towards the car, obviously not being able to handle being at school anymore. Alice and I ran into the cafeteria to grab all of our bags as there was no way we were going to stay at school after what had happened. We went back outside to find Emmett and Rosalie in an embrace and Jasper standing there with a hand on Emmett's shoulder. I handed Emmett his bag and drew him into an embrace.

I felt wet, hot tears fall onto my shoulder and I knew instantly that what had just happened had affected him more than he was going to let the rest of the student body show. "It's okay." I whispered into his ear. "Ssh, it's okay. It's okay." I broke away from him and sighed.

"Let's get out of here." Jasper sighed, opening the car. We all nodded and climbed in, not caring that we were probably going to get in trouble for leaving school property without a pass, or explanation. In all honesty, none of us cared really.

I went back to the Cullen's house, and stayed there until I knew that it was time to go. Saying goodbye to all of them, I knew that I really didn't want to go. I grabbed my bag and Alice drove me home. We were both quiet on the way to my house, neither one of us wanting to talk about what had happened at lunch, and the problems that it would cause the next day. Mike's nose was broken, that was plain to see, and yet I felt no sympathy for Mike. He deserved everything he got, and he knew that Emmett would make good on his threat to make him suffer if he talks about Edward.

Just thinking about Edward made my heart ache. It may have only been a day, but I missed him sorely. I wanted to make sure that he was okay. I hated that we had to wait a week before we could see him. Something about settling him into a routine of some sorts. I had promised him that I would see him today, and yet I couldn't. I could only hope that he wouldn't feel betrayed by me, yet again.

"He won't hold it against you." Alice said, seemingly knowing my mind and breaking me from my thoughts. I looked at her and she glanced back. "You're thinking about the promise you made Edward before you left yesterday aren't you." I nodded solemnly, looking back out the window. "He'll have realised by now that you weren't allowed to see him and he won't hold it against you." She smiled at me as we pulled up to my driveway.

I leant over and hugged her fiercly, thanking whoever it was who brought the Cullens to Forks, whoever it was that brought me Edward, a loving boyfriend, and Alice, a kind, beautiful, understanding best friend. Thanking them for introducing me to the wonderful family known as the Cullens.

I spent the next hour or so unable to concentrate on anything but Edward. On anything but the despair in his eyes as I had to leave him in the hospital. It made my heart ache to think of him.

Charlie was still at work, as I knew he would be. For once, I was actually thankful that he wasn't here. Even though neither of us were big on conversation, I didn't really feel like being with anyone else at the moment. He would know that something huge had happened. I hadn't told him about Edward's problems. Charlie had always maintained a strict need to know rule. If he didn't need to know, then he didn't want to know. Something I thanked him for. I didn't feel that it was crucial that Charlie knew about Edward, so I kept that to myself. All he knew was that Edward was being transferred to a specialist hospital in Seattle. I hadn't mentioned that it was actually an Eating Disorders Clinic.

I tried to concentrate on the homework that I'd been givent that day. I skimmed through the homework for all of the classes that I'd had today, and yet nothing seemed to distract me. I knew that if this was what I had to deal with before I could see Edward again, I was going to go crazy. I started to pace, purely to keep myself moving, trying to think of something to do.

Just then, the phone rang. _Saved by the bell,_ I thought morosely.

"Hello?" I answered. I heard sobbing coming from the other end. "Hello?"

"Bella....." It was Alice. Something had upset her. Upset the whole family. I could hear sobs and cries of outrage coming from the other end. _Please don't let it be anything to do with Edward. Please, please, please, please._ I begged with some unknown force as I leant back on the wall. Something deep inside of me knew it had to be. Nothing else would be able to get the whole family this worked up.

"Alice. What's happened?" I asked her, not really wanting to know the answer to that question, but knowing I had to find out.

"Bella...." She sobbed again. "It's Edward." _NO!!!_

All it took was those two words for my entire world to collapse around me.

**Well, that's another chapter up. It's another cliffie I know. So sue me :P  
I promise that the next one won't take as long, but I've had a lot of stuff getting in the way recently. Damn real life dramas :P  
Anyways, the next chapter should be up soon.  
Oh and by the way, I love reviews and Edward.  
Leave me some reviews and I'll get back to Edward POV :D it's an incentive.  
Ciao! xx**


	28. Information and Ensure

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

_"Now, Edward Cullen," He was pointing at me now, not in a malicious way, but in a way that said that said "Enough about what I do, let's move on to you" and I didn't like it. "I am going to pick your brain."_

What the Hell is that supposed to mean? "Pick my brain"! What the hell is this guy on?

I stared at him in confusion and he just smiled at me, knowing that he had caught me off guard with that comment.

He began to look through the papers on his desk. Papers about me obviously. His brow furrowed in what seemed to be confusion as he read through some of the notes that he had in front of him.

"Now, Edward." He glanced up at me quickly before looking back down at the papers. He pulled out a notebook and opened it. I noticed that it had _Edward Cullen_ written on the front. Great, I get my own personal notebook, and a thick one at that. He wrote something down on the first page. Probably what he had observed of me so far. "It says in the report from Jennie, your nutritionist, that you're not really interested in your weight. In her report, she's written that you showed significant indifference to what you weighed and yet when she told you that you would be made to gain it all back again, you suddenly showed an interest. You don't care about what you weigh now, and yet you don't want to gain the weight back." He looked at me again. I didn't meet his gaze. "Why is that? Why would you be so adverse to gaining all the weight back, if you're indifferent now? It doesn't make much sense, does it?"

I shrugged, still not meeting his gaze and he sighed loudly, getting up off of his chair and walking around his desk.

"Look, Eddie," I grimaced at the use of the name. He didn't seem to notice, and if he did he ignored it, probably waiting for me to respond to the usage of the name. "If you don't answer me with sentences, then I can't help you." He sat down on the table that was directly in front of the sofa that I was sat on. I looked at him, holding his intense gaze with an unwavering one of my own.

"Maybe I don't want your help," I said icily. "And don't call me Eddie."

"Why not?" He asked, still not averting his gaze, his eyes boring into mine as though he could see into my soul. He couldn't. I knew that much. The only one who could was Bella. "You don't like the name Eddie?"

"You think?" I returned sarcastically.

He finally broke eye contact and chuckled again. He stood up and walked over to the window, looking out over the grounds of the hospital. He sighed and clasped his hands behind his back. "You know," He glanced over his shoulder at me. "You're an interesting one." He made it sound as though I was some sort of entertainment at a circus. Which is ironically what I felt like at this point in time. "You're going to be a tough nut to crack, if you'll pardon my analogy there." He chuckled to himself again, as though he found himself funny. I rolled my eyes at him, wondering why I had to get the shrink who thought himself a comedian. "Now," He turned around again, clasping the back of his chair. "What I aim to achieve in these sessions is for you to open up. I want you to tell me what the catalysts for these acts are, what causes you to fall back on them, why they're important to you. And then I'm going to help you to work through them, to find new coping strategies. So that say, if someone or something upsets you, you don't reach for the blade to hurt yourself, but instead you get your mind off of it and release the tension or stress that it may cause in another way. In a less drastic way."

"Good luck," I mumbled sarcastically. If this guy thought that it was going to be that simple he was so wrong.

"I don't need luck, Mr Cullen. Like I said: I've been doing this since before you were conceived. No, I don't need luck." He sat down again, taking up the notebook again. "What I do need, is for you to trust me."

"And what if I don't?" I asked, looking at him, seriousness written in my face and in my tone. I didn't trust this guy, and I knew that there was no way I was going to trust him. "What happens if I don't, huh?"

"Well, the longer it takes you to open up, work through your problems like your cutting and eating disorder, the longer you'll be here. That's not what you want is it?" He knew full well that what I wanted was to go home, but if he thought that that knowledge was going to get me to comply with what he wanted, he was sadly mistaken.

"Whatever," I whispered.

His expression went blank. He obviously hadn't been expecting me to come out with something like that. He had probably been expecting me to come out with something like "Of course that's what I want," or "All I want is to go home", something stupid and pathetic like that. Something that he had probably heard more than once a day since he began working here. Something that made him feel like he was making a difference to the kids that were here. That he was helping them in some way.

What he didn't seem to grasp is that I'm not like the other kids in this hellhole of a place. Nothing he says to me will ever make a difference. I knew that much. So many people have tried and so many have failed. Why should this guy be any different? Let me tell you, he's not.

He continued to stare at me for a while. And then he began to make some notes. Probably observational things, like how I was sitting, the tone of my voice, my expressions and such. Like I said, I've been seen by so many psychiatrists that I knew all of these things. By the time that he'd finished he had written several pages of tiny writing. How he had come to get that much information out of the little that I'd said or done was strange. I brushed it off. I didn't care what this guy thought or did.

"Right, now Edward," He closed the notebook and put it back on his desk, standing up again. "I think that's enough for today. Up you get and I'll take you down to lunch." I looked at the clock that was on the wall and saw that I had been in this room for just over an hour. It was now a little after twelve. I slipped my shoes back on and stood up. He walked over to me and clapped me on the back just as he had done when I first arrived outside his office.

He led me down to the kitchen, where people were lining up to go in for lunch. I saw Michael and when Derek left he came over and stood by me.

"You got Derek, huh?" I nodded. "You know, the people who have Derek as their shrink on average, get out about a month earlier than those who don't. I don't have him, I got someone else but apparently he's really good. Gets people to open up a lot even in their first session." He looked at me. "But then again," He grinned at me. "You managed to get under Jennie's skin, so who knows what he thinks of you."

"He told me that I'm interesting." I explained. "That I'm going to be a tough nut to crack." I thought back to what he had said to me. Then I remembered something. "Hey, can he really call us to a session whenever he wants to, or come and talk to us in our rooms if he feels the need?"

Michael nodded. "Yeah, they all can. If they discover something, say from one of your previous sessions here, or something that happened in your past that they think is reason for concern then they can drag you out of bed at one o'clock in the morning if they want. Just because they can doesn't mean that they do. They haven't done that to anyone while I've been here. At least, not that I know of." That last bit made me feel marginally better, but only slightly. I didn't want to think about people being able to get me out of bed at some unholy hour. Even worse than the one I was now obligated to get up, just so someone could tell me that I was losing control.

We all trailed in for lunch. I knew that I was going to have to eat something or they were going to start getting arsey with me. I had a few bites but that was it. Michael looked at me, surprised that I wasn't intimidated by all the nurses and doctors that were standing around. I was sat next to Michael who was chatting animatedly to the girls who sat across from us. I half-listened to what he was saying, but my mind kept drifting back to Bella. What was she doing? Was she alright? Was she missing me as much as I was missing her. I prayed for the answers to the last two questions to be yes. I don't know what I'd do if they weren't. As they served us our food I noticed Michael flinch slightly.

"What?" I asked, looking at him as he returned to his original position. Next thing I knew there was a plate in front of me and I looked up at the guy who was serving us today. He had blonde hair, tied up in a ponytail, extremely pale skin and ice blue eyes. Something about him creeped me out. I don't know what it was, but something about him made me uneasy. He looked at me as he walked around the table picking up more plates. He kept his eyes on me as he put the plates down in front of the two girls opposite us and as he stood up again he winked at me. Confused I turned to Michael, who I saw was scowling at this guy. "What the hell was that about?"

"That's James," Michael informed me. "He's pretty creepy and none of us here trust him. But he's got all the other people that work here convinced that he's the best intern they've ever had. And they don't say anything about it." I glanced at James to find that he was staring at me again. "He seems to like you." I heard some trace of fear and anger in Michael's tone. "It could be cos you're new though." I didn't really know what to make of this James, but I didn't really dwell on it. There wasn't much he could do here anyways.

I noticed, in my peripheral vision that Derek was watching me. Obviously not content with what he had seen in our session, but then again I hadn't really given him anything to go on, he had decided to watch me. I wasn't about to give in to what they wanted just to get some creepy shrink off of my back in our sessions. Let him pull me out of whatever I was doing at whatever time he wanted, I really didn't care. I'd given up caring a long time ago.

After lunch was finished we all had to stay in sight for either one or two hours depending on how long we had been there. They had a lot of things to do in that time. Many people played games or watched TV. I was interested in what books that they had. There was no escape like a book. Nothing could compare with a book. I perused the bookshelves for a few minutes before settling on the Lord of the Rings, one of my personal favourites. I had been reading it just before we all moved from Chicago, so I opened it at the place I had left.

Settling on the sofa, drowning everyone else out was easy. When you lived with Emmett and Jasper for as long as I had, you could drown out everything if needs be. I glanced around and noticed that Michael was sat on the sofa opposite me, his nose also buried in a book. I tilted my head and saw that he was reading Abhorsen by Garth Nix, another series that I enjoyed. Yes, Michael and I had a lot of things in common. I could see myself, hopefully, making a friend in here.

I knew that Derek was still watching me, so I looked up and shot him a look that said, "Don't stare while I read,". One thing that annoyed the hell out of me was when people watched me read. It was like, had they never seen a book before? Had they never seen anyone read before? Or maybe they were worried that I was going to club them around the head with it instead of open it and read what was written inside. And I'm telling you, that if he didn't quit staring, that would be exactly what I was going to do. He didn't move or make any sign of moving any time soon, so I resigned myself to using the whole fading out technique. A technique that I had used with Emmett many times at home. It was something that allowed me to completely detach myself from those around me. As if they weren't there.

About twenty minutes later, when I was immersed in the adventures of the Fellowship in the depths of Moria, a nurse came round. She was handing out drinks to some people and not to others. I thought nothing of it and carried on reading. Until she stopped in front of me that is. She handed me a cup, without explaining what it was and told me to drink it. I looked at it and I have to say that it didn't look appetising. It was thick and white and reminded me of PVA glue, you know, the kind you use in grade school. I knew that she wasn't leavning until I'd drunk it all, so I downed the disgusting substance and handed the cup back to her. She smiled at me as if to say "Well done," took the cup and left.

I looked up and saw Michael grinning at me. "It's gross isn't it?" He said with a knowing smile.

I nodded. "What the hell was that stuff?"

"It's called Ensure." He marked the page he was on in his book and closed it, turning to face me. "It's basically liquid calories." He laughed at my expression as I was sure it had just contorted to one of shock.

"Tell me about it." A girl added in. I recognised her as the girl that had run past me, crying, that morning. "I was the same when I found out." She held out her hand. "I'm Claire."

"Edward." I said taking her hand.

"Edward." She mused over my name. "That's not a name you hear nowadays, is it? Most people shorten it to Eddie, or Ed." I grimaced at those names and she noticed, smiling. "Don't you like those names." I shook my head. "Right then, Edward it is." She grinned at me. This girl was sweet, and I was beginning to like her.

"Why do they make you drink that stuff?" I asked the both of them. It was Michael who answered me this time.

"It's basically a calorie replacement. If the doctors and nutritionists feel that you're not getting enough calories then they'll either bump up your caloric intake through the meals you have to eat or they'll give you a cup of that lovely stuff, which is about 2000 calories per 100ml I think." He stopped, working something out. "You had a full cup, right?" I nodded. "Well, that means you've just had about 5000 calories in that one cup." I felt my jaw drop and Michael laughed. "I know what you mean. It sucks don't it?"

I nodded. I looked up to find that Derek had left, obviously either getting bored with my actions, or getting frustrated at the fact that I wasn't interacting or doing anything interesting. Either way, I didn't really care. I was just glad to see that he'd gone. I went back to reading my book quietly. Michael went back to his and Claire went back to watching TV. Honestly, there were worse ways to spend an afternoon. Again I wondered what my family and my Bella were doing. I smiled to myself. She was _my_ Bella. And I hope she knew that I was hers. It wouldn't surprise me if that Mike Newton tried it on with her again. Apparently he had at least once a day since she started at Forks High. That guy just didn't know how to take a message. I hated Mike. It was down to him that I was in here. If he hadn't attacked me then I wouldn't have been sent to hospital, meaning that I wouldn't be in here.

I sighed looking up and I noticed that that creepy intern guy was staring at me again. What was his name? James? I would have to ask Michael what his problem was later on, when he wasn't around. He saw that I had noticed him and smiled at me. I think it was supposed to be in a friendly way, but it came across as creepy. I ignored him and went back to my book, hoping that he would stop watching me, not daring to look up to see if he had, but feeling that he hadn't.

When they told us that we could go, Michael was called for his therapy session. I asked him if he could come to my room when he was finished. I wanted to ask about that guy James. He seemed to understand and nodded, the grin that was on his face wavering slightly. I didn't really know what to make of Michael's reaction to James and I wanted the full story. Michael obviously had some sort of problem with him, and I wanted to find out what it was, and what it was based on. All I knew was that I found him creepy.

Most people, I found, decided to stay down in the communal area after we were told we could leave. I didn't really feel like being around people at the moment, so I asked one of the nurses, not James, as he seemed to have disappeared, if I was able to take the book that I was reading with me up to my room so I could finish it. She told me that it was fine as long as it was returned to where it was supposed to be when I was finished with it, it wasn't a problem.

As I walked back to my room, I felt slightly uneasy. I don't know what it was but something made me feel not entirely safe, even though i knew that was the aim in places like these. I shrugged it off and carried on walking, ascending the stairs that would take me to my floor.

Just as I reached the end of my corridor, someone grabbed me harshly from behind. One hand grabbed my wrist, twisting my arm painfully around my back whilst another slammed over my mouth, causing any sound I made to muffle before I could get it out. I was slammed into a wall and held in place there by something that felt like someone's shoulder, still holding my arm in its painful position, while my other arm had been crushed in front of me, between my body and the wall.

"Now," the person whispered. "I'm going to take my hand away and if you make a single noise, this...." He tugged my arm up even further behind my back, causing a sharp pain to travel down it, "...is going to break. Understood?" I nodded and he took his hand away from my mouth. I was beginning to have an idea of who my assailant was, but they were standing just so that I couldn't see them or what they were doing. Yes, I was freaking out about the fact that someone was attacking me but what I was wondering was _why?_ I was new here, I hadn't done anything to anyone, had I?

The next thing I knew was something that felt like tape was being stuck over my mouth, stopping me from making any noise and suddenly, I was being blindfolded and my world went black.

**o.O Uh-oh!  
Am I in trouble for leaving it there? I hope not!  
I had to have James in the story somewhere. I hope some people aren't mad that he's there, but oh well, my story, my rules *blows raspberry*  
Give me some reviews and I'll update faster. I know its a cheap shot but its worth a try. ^_^  
If I don't get many reviews I might not update at all. Hows that for an incentive :P  
Ciao! xx**


	29. Attacks and Worry

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**Sorry this chapter took me so long to get up, but it was really difficult to write. I've never done anything like this before, so I hope it turns out alright. I hope that it was worth the wait and it doesn't disappoint. *runs and hides in closet in case it does***

**Just so you know, I know in the books James isn't gay but for this to work, he is, so for all of you weirdos (no offence but you are weird) who like James then I'm sorry, but it's my story so :P**

**EPOV**

I had no idea how to process what was happening to me. I couldn't see anything and I couldn't make any discernable noise with this goddamn tape over my mouth.

I knew that whoever it was who had attacked me - I had a pretty good idea of who it was by now - had grabbed my other hand and was taping my hands behind my back, quickly but securely, making sure that I couldn't fight back or escape. Again, as I had been against Emmett when he had forcefed me, and against Mike when he had attacked me in school, I was helpless. It seemed that I was always fucking helpless. And this time, there was no one around to help me.

I guess that this was the payback I deserved for putting my family through all this pain.

The next thing I knew I was being moved, shoved somewhere. Where I couldn't tell. I heard a door being opened and I was shoved through it roughly, falling to the ground as I did so. I collided with something hard and sharp, grunting through the tape and the pain as it dug into my ribs, hearing my shirt ripping and one of my ribs give way with a crack, as I fell down and turned over. I heard the door close and an immediate feeling of intense terror enveloped me. Yes, I had been freaked out, maybe a little scared before, but as I heard the door close and someone moving around near me, that fear grew rapidly.

I felt something trickling down my side and I knew that whatever it was I had landed on had caused me to start bleeding. My chest fucking hurt and it was all I could do to keep from crying out in pain as I waited for this fucker to do whatever it was he was going to do.

"Now, now," I heard that sinister, creepy voice call at me. "Who would've thought that the new arrival would be such a little hottie like you?"

_What the fuck is this guy on?_ I thought panicking as I heard him walking slowly towards me.

I heard him stop in front of me, and I heard the rustling of cloth as he knelt down in front of me. I heard him sigh and stiffened as he ran a finger over my throbbing chest. I felt him wipe a finger through the blood that was still flowing freely down my side, sighing again as he went. I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle the pain that was increasing by the second in my chest, for much longer, especially as the intensty of it grew with the pressure that this guy was applying with his finger. I willed myself to black out, purely so I wouldn't be aware of what he was doing to me, or what he was going to do to me soon.

He removed his finger slowly from my side. "Mmmmm," He moaned. "Tasty." I could hear the sinister smile on his face as my breathing increased. I really wished that it hadn't because with every breath I took, the pain in my chest increased. _This fucker is completely insane, _I thought desperately, willing unconsciousness to enevlope me. I _wanted _it to. "Now, then." The smile was there in his voice.

I tensed as I felt his hands on my thighs, slowly moving their way up my legs. He was chuckling at my reaction, obviously finding my fear and pain amusing. This dude seriously needed help. He was completely insane. I felt him lift up the hem of my shirt and unbuckle my belt. As he undid the button on my jeans I couldn't help the tears of pain, fear and humiliation from spilling from my eyes. I was just glad that the blindfold was there so this guy wouldn't be able to see them. I was going to get fucking raped, in somewhere that was supposed to offer security and safety to its residents, and there was no way that I was going to give this guy the satisfaction of seeing my tears. I knew that at some point they were going to run down from underneath the blindfold and give me away, giving this psycho the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I just prayed to a God that I had never believed in to stop that from happening, and to let someone, _anyone_ notice my disappearance and come looking for me. Sooner rather than later. Though I knew somewhere in my mind that the likelihood of that happening was not high.

He slowly undid the top button and pulled the zip on the front of my jeans down, placing his other hand on my thigh an inch or so away from my crotch as he did so. He managed to pull my jeans down an inch or so, exposing the waistband of my boxers underneath. I heard him sigh again. _Just get on with it,_ I pleaded in my head, as more tears spilled from my eyes, soaking the blindfold over my eyes. _Just get it over and done with._ I wanted him just to get it over and done with, instead of going as this excruicatingly slow pace. I knew he was drawing it out. I figured that the more discomfort it caused me, the more pleasure it gave him. _Sick fucker!_ I thought.

In that moment, my thoughts flickered to my family. What were they doing right now? How were they coping? Would they ever forgive me for putting them through so much over the last few months? _Probably not_, I figured. And Bella. _My Bella._ I missed her. I _needed_ her and she wasn't here. Over the last few months she had always been there. Always there to listen, to comfort and, as I recently realised, to _love._ _I love you Bella._ I thought miserably as though it was my last thought. I needed her and she was nowhere to be found.

She'd left me.

Something she promised that she'd never do.

She told me, no, she _promised_ me that she would be back today. And yet she hadn't come. Could I really trust her? After all this, I thought that I could. It just goes to show that I couldn't, that I shouldn't trust anyone. They all let you down in the end.

I was suddenly jolted from my thoughts with a flood of pain suddenly bringing me back to the situation at hand. I felt his finger on my ribs again, and I whimpered in pain. Yes, I admit it, I _whimpered._ I could almost hear the grin form on his face as he moved his finger back and forth across my chest before placing it on my leg again. I felt his the fingers on his other hand tuck themselves underneath the elastic of my underwear and slowly move themselves down towards me crotch.

_How can I let this happen to me?_ I thought angily. _How can I just be sitting here while this guy does this to me?!_ Even as I was thinking this, I knew why. I knew that I was in no physical shape to stand up to this guy. Even before he had shoved me in here, causing me to hurt my rib, I was seriously weak, years of starving myself taking its toll on my body, leaving me unable to contend with the obvious strength that he possessed. Or maybe it was because I was so weak that he was able to overpower me. Whatever the reason, I knew that if I fought back, it was a fight that I would surely lose.

I tensed even further as his hand inched lower and lower beneath my underwear. I could tell that he was enjoying my discomfort, like the sicko that he was. I could practically hear the laughter eminating from him. The hand that was on my thigh, suddenly moved and grabbed my crotch. I cried out in pain and I heard him chuckle. _Yup, he's enjoying himself here._ That thought terrified me. If something like grabbing me through my jeans was able to make him react that way then what else was he going to do to me. I didn't even want to think about it.

Just then, I felt a rush of cold air and heard a loud crash. The hands that had been on me a second ago disappeared, suddenly, causing me to relax slighty. Thank fuck for that. He had been caught.

"JAMES!" I heard a man's voice shout. _Derek?!_ I thought, wildly, thanking whatever force had led him to come and find me.

**DPOV**

After my session with Edward, I wanted to observe him with the other residents of the clinic. He had seemed pretty hostile with me, which was understandable, seeing as he saw me as someone who was going to at least try to uncover his darkest secrets and unravel his mind. I've met a lot of patients who share that same mentality. Some people want the therapy, they want to understand why they feel the way they do, and therefore they open up a lot easier. But others, like Edward, were not so willing. They, like him, had been forced to deal with problems, very painful problems, by those around them. Problems, that they necessarily aren't capable of dealing with at their current stage in their lives.

Edward was different though. He was stubborn, yes, but stubbornness I could deal with quite easily. No, there was something else working in his mind. I could see it in his eyes. There's more to this boy that he let on, and I was going to make it my personal mission to find out what those secrets were. I couldn't recall having a case like Edward before. Not where someone was able to guess my next move as easily as he was, where they were able to hide things from me.

He had been stiff throughout our entire session. Hardly moving a muscle after he curled himself up on the couch - a defensive position, shielding himself from me in a way - which was uncommon. Normally, even those who were forced to partake in therapy, loosened up ever so slightly in their body language - even if they didn't realise it - by the end of the first or second session. But not Edward. No. He sat statue stiff throughout the whole thing, the only thing about him moving was his eyes, or his mouth as he answered the occassional question. He was going to be a tough case, and I could tell that he wasn't going to open up to me any time soon. I wished that he would though. If he doesn't, then it only lengthens his stay at the clinic. I think he knows that too, but he doesn't seem to care. It's as if he's given up, and that I can honestly say, breaks my heart to see. I can see that if he was healthy, Edward would have a lot to give back to the people around him. All I had to do was gain his trust.

I walked slightly in front of him as I led the way to the lunch hall. The only problem with doing so is I wasn't able to see his body language as he walked. I wasn't able to gauge his probable self-esteem level through the way he walked, and how he carried himself. That was a huge giveaway. If someone had self-esteem problems, then they tended to hunch over, hang their head slightly and not make any considerable eye contact, whereas if someone was confident in themselves then they would be walking up straight, confident and talkative. Very much the extrovert vs introvert debate.

When I left him in the lunch room, and walked over to the other side, I saw Michael approach him and start talking to him. When he did, Edward seemed to relax, as though he had found someone in here that he could feel remotely comfortable with. That encouraged me slightly. If Edward was able to make friends in here then there was a good chance that their progress would help his own. Michael seemed like a good kid. He was troubled. I knew that from talk with my colleagues. But all in all he was a good kid, cheerful and light in his conversations. Edward seemed somewhat at ease with him, which made me hope that he would eventually, hopefully sooner rather than later, make progress for himself.

As I watched them settle down for lunch, I noticed something that began to disturb me. The intern James was watching Edward as intently as I was. Yes, I know that he was studying to become a psychiatrist, and that he was interested in the new arrival, just as everyone else was, but there was something else in his gaze. Something I couldn't quite place. His body language was making Edward uncomfortable. I could see that from here. Unfortunately, I didn't want to disturb him during a meal, even though I knew he knew that I was there. I kept an eye on James as well.

To my dismay, even though I had expected as much, Edward only had a few mouthfuls to eat, and sat there through the rest of the lunch, ignoring the pointed stares and encouragements from the nurses and nutritionists around him. This was a boy who had really given up. He looked so broken sitting there, and I made it my personal mission to fix him, in whatever way I could.

James was still hanging around, as he was required to do during lunch to make sure that food wasn't being hidden or little actions weren't being performed by the patients that would speed up metabolic rates and such, but instead of moving around the room, like he was supposed to do, he stayed concentrated down the opposite end of the table to to me, his eyes fixed on Edward. This began to worry me slightly. He had not taken his eyes off of Edward since he put his plate down in front of him. I would have to get this situation resolved as soon as possible.

After lunch was finished, I followed Edward into the recreational area, where all the patients were required to stay for a number of hours, so they didn't attempt to get rid of their meals in any way. I could see that this caused Edward some discomfort. Not because of the fact that he wouldn't be able to purge himself of those few bites he had, but because he had to be in such close proximity with others. Something I had seen in his notes said that he wasn't partial to company or touches from other people, as is the case with most of the patients that come through the clinic.

I stood in the corner, trying not to impose, watching Edward. What he did now would give me more of an insight into his psyche. He picked up a book. As he sat down I was able to see the cover. _The Lord of the Rings._ It seemed to fit his whole demeanor really. A complicated story, that you had to pay attention to and read more than once to really understand. Just like Edward. I had to pay attention to him, more than I would normally do a patient. He intruiged me. His whole personality intruiged me. He was so young and in some ways he was strong, stubborn, silent and he had a great defense. But in other ways he was extremely fragile. I could tell that he felt alone, betrayed by his family for bringing him here, even though he hadn't put that into words. My sessions with him, I knew now would be extremely sensitive and emotional. Especially the family session that I had scheduled for the upcoming week.

As he read the book, I could see him becoming engrossed in the story. _An escape_ I thought. Edward, like most, probably saw books as an escape from the real world. A chance to slip into another world, where anything could happen and exist. A repreive. He looked extremely disgruntled when the nurse handing out the Ensure came around. I had a supress a grin as he grimaced and drank the liquid. Of course he would hate it. I knew, even though I had only spent a short amount of time with him, that he hated anything forgein and new. I watched as he engaged in light conversation with Michael again, this time, Claire, one of my patients, joined in. I watched Edward's expressions very carefully and was able to ascertain that they had been describing the purpose of Ensure to him. _I wonder if they've told him its caloric measurement yet._ I thought to myself and the shocked expression on Edward's face confirmed that they had just told him. Honestly it was the exact response I had been expecting. I wasn't sure of the exact caloric measurement of Ensure, but I knew it was high.

It hadn't escaped my notice that James had disappeared. I walked off into the kitchen and enquired about where he was. None of the nurses knew. They assumed that he had gone to take his break, as he usually did after the lunch hall had been cleared. I was minutely relieved at the fact that he wasn't around Edward at the moment. The way that he had kept staring at him unnerved me somewhat. Yes, I know he was new and it may have been curiousity that fueled the looks to begin with, but by the end of the kunch period, he was just staring, and I could tell that it was making Edward uncomfortable and that wasn't something I wanted any of the patients here subjected to. I resigned myself to having a word with James, while he was on his break.

I knew he was a smoker, so I figured that if he would be anywhere he would be in the smoking shed out the back. As we had a few smoking patients here, we had the shed built as we discovered that a lack of nicotine caused them to become irritable, and less responsive to treatment. I could see the smoking shed from the doorway, and I immediately saw that James wasn't in there. This unnverved me slightly. Where on earth was he? I asked a few other members of staff and they told me that they hadn't seen him since the lunch had finished and that had been a good fort-five minutes to an hour ago.

I went back into the recreation room that Edward was in and saw that he was no longer there. I began to feel a sense of dread filling my chest. Where had Edward gone?

"Marie," I approached one of the nurses on duty. "Do you know where the new patient, Edward, went?"

She smiled at me. "He went back up to his room. He asked me if he could finish reading his book up there. Such a polite boy." She smiled again. That must have been nice for her, as most new arrivals were bitter towards the staff.

I left the recreation room, suddenly fearing for Edward.

I walked up to his room quickly, using the fastest route possible. I knocked on the door tentatively, not really wanting to disturb him if he was in there, but needing to know that he was safe. I didn't get an answer, so I knocked again, more forcefully this time. Again, no answer.

Opening the door, I saw that Edward wasn't in his room. I entered and walked around to his bathroom and went in. Nothing. I scanned the room for any signs that he had been in there since he came for his session with me. There wasn't any. I registered a couple of photographs on his bedside table. One of him with his family. A recent photo, probably taken in the last year or so. They all appeared happy. Even Edward had a smile on his face. To anyone, who was none the wiser, it would have seemed like there was nothing troubling him, but as a professional I noticed that the smile was forced and that there was a great sadness in his eyes.

The other photo was of a girl. _Edward's girl,_ I thought. I remembered hearing about her. Edward's father had been adamant that she had helped him in the last couple of months and that if she was not granted visiting rights then there was little chance of him making progress. I didn't doubt him on that one. There was a very good chance that this girl could help Edward in some way. She could prove to be the deciding factor in his recovery.

Scanning the room again, I found nothing that was of any use.

I left the room, and closed the door behind me, making my way back down to the recreation area, using a different route this time. I heard muffled sounds coming from the other end of the corridor that I was walking down. Some part of me was intruiged and another part of me was full of fear, for I knew that there was a good chance that whatever those sounds were, Edward was a part of it.

I listened intently as I passed the doors on the corridor, and stopped when I reached the one I thought the sounds were coming from. I heard a muffled cry come from behind it and knew that something was happening behind it.

Shoving the door open, I came upon my worst fear.

Edward was in there, bound and gagged a blindfold covering his eyes, with James crouched in front of him. I couldn't see the extent of what James had done to Edward, as his body was blocking most of Edward's from my view. As I opened the door, James spun round in his crouch to face me, a look of fury in his eyes. I caught the briefest glimpse of blood on Edward's side. _Oh my God,_ was the only thought that went through my mind at the sight.

"JAMES!" I cried, furious beyond belief. How could he do this to someone as fragile as Edward? I saw Edward's body relax ever so slightly at the realisation that someone had discovered what was going on. How far it had gone and what James had done to him, I didn't know, but I knew that it had to stop. James had to be removed from this room, this building and this institution immediately, the safety of the patients at the forefront of my mind.

Looking at James crouching over Edward, I saw red.

He had to pay.

**Phew.  
I wanted to get a Derek POV in there. See, he's not as bad as you thought he was. And for the reviewer that thought he and James were in some kind of cahoots with each other, no, they are not. Derek doesn't trust James, never has really.  
The next question is, will James make it out of there alive, because I know he seemed a bit creepy, but Derek really does care about the patients in the clinic. All he wants for them is to be able to help them rediscover themselves and be able to live properly once they leave.  
Nothing sinister about Derek at all :)  
Review please. They make me smile lots :D  
Ciao! xx**


	30. Reunited!

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

I was vaguely aware of some sort of scuffle going on in front of me. Someone had come. Someone had found me. Someone _cared._

I knew that that someone was Derek. I'd recognised his voice almost immediately after he screamed James' name. And it had stopped there. The torment that James was putting me through. Why he was putting me through it I didn't know. I was just glad it was over.

I heard something that sounded like bone crunching on bone and then a loud thump as one of them hit the floor. Please let Derek have won! Please, please, please, _please!_

"Edward?" I heard my name being called. _Yes,_ I thought triumphantly. It was the voice I wanted to hear. The voice that was calm and collected, and yet it had a twinge of fear and worry running through it. You wouldn't have believed that earlier that day I had wanted him to leave me alone, to stop talking, to stop trying to get into my head. Maybe he did care. I don't know whether he did or not. But it was nice to think that maybe he did. "Edward?"

He removed the blindfold so I could see him. I knew that my eyes were red and puffy from all the tears I'd shed during James' torment and I saw a mixture of different emotions flash across Derek's face. There was anger, hurt, worry, fear, relief and......was that.....guilt? Why would he be feeling guilty? He couldn't have had any idea of what was going on. Suddenly, I couldn't look at his face. I looked at the floor beside me, seeing my own blood staining the floor.

"Edward?" He called my name again, worry thick in his voice. "Edward, look at me. Look at me, son." I slowly brought my eyes to look at him. He gripped the tape that was covering my mouth and slowly peeled it off, being as careful as he could, trying not to hurt me anymore. Something for which I was grateful. As I felt the tape free my lips I took a huge breath, relieved that I could breath properly again, and yet wishing that I hadn't done so. The pain in my chest escalated to new heights as I was able to take in more air, thus expanding my lungs and chest further than before. I winced in pain, determined not to cry out. Derek looked extremely worried as he removed the tape from my cheek and discarded it on the floor along with the blindfold.

"Edward, I'm just going to run and get Dr. Marting and security okay?" He said, in what was supposed to be a comforting tone. I knew that he had to, or else no one else would know what had happened. No one knew where we were. People thought that I was in my room, reading and they probably thought that Derek was in session with somebody and James was doing whatever it was he was supposed to be doing. But I couldn't let him leave. I didn't want him to. What if James woke up when he was gone? What if he tried to finish what he started? I didn't want to be left alone. Not with him there.

_No, no, no!_ My mind screamed as I felt a fresh wave of tears prick at the corners of my eyes. _He can't leave!_

"No," I managed to croak out. He looked at me with a worried and confused expression. "Don't leave me." This last part came out as a whisper. I didn't have the energy to use any real volume, knowing that he could hear me. "Please." Great. I was begging. Yet again, someone else had the power. But this time it was different. If I asked him to stay, he would. I knew that. "Please." I felt the tears start to leak down my cheeks. I wanted to wipe them away but my hands were still bound behind my back.

"Okay." He said, soothingly. "It's okay. If you want me to stay then I will. It's okay." He placed a hand on my shoulder in a fatherly way. "It's alright." A sudden realisation spread across his face. "Wait." He said, reaching into his jacket pocket. He pulled out a shiny, silver cell phone. He could call Dr. Martin and tell her to come here with security instead of having to go and find them. I'll admit, even though he hadn't been my favourite person to begin with, Derek was one smart guy. "I knew there was a reason I didn't hand this in at the front desk this morning." He said with a wry grin. He punched in some numbers and then held the phone up to his ear. "Hello?" Someone had picked up. It was quite frustrating that I could only hear his end of the conversation. "Dr. Martin?" Pause. "It's Derek." Pause. "Yes, I know I'm in the building and should have handed my cell phone in. But as it turns out, it's a bloody good thing I didn't." Pause. "I need you to come up to FML 124." Pause. "Now." Pause. "No, bring security and phone the emergency services. We need an ambulance and the police." Pause. "It's better if you just come up now." Pause. "Yes." Pause. "Okay." He hung up after that.

I saw him looking me over, assessing the damage that James had done to me. His eyes lingered on my chest, probably judging whether or not he should try to help, but then deciding against it. I saw him scannig the rest of my body before I closed my eyes. Just then I felt a tugging on my jeans and I tensed up, my eyes flying open.

"Hey, it's okay." He said calmly. He was doing my jeans and belt up for me. "You're alright now." He put his hand back on my shoulder as he had done a moment ago.

"Thank you." I whispered, my body completely exhausted with what had just happened. "Derek." He looked at me expectantly. "My hands." He pulled me forward gently, seeing my bounds hands. He moved behind me and gently removed the tape, freeing my hands. I slowly brought my hands around in front of me, wincing at the pain this caused me in my chest. I rubbed my wrists and saw that there were red marks appearing where the tape had been.

"Oh my God!" I heard someone cry. I looked up and saw Dr. Martin standing there with two members of the security team flanking her, poised for a fight. "What on earth happened in here?" She walked over to where Derek and I were sat and knelt down in front of us. "Derek?" She looked at him, probably seeing that I wasn't really up for talking at the moment.

"James attacked him." He said, bluntly, not taking his eyes off my face. I closed my eyes slowly. "Edward?" He sounded panicked. He probably thought that I was passing out right in front of him. I opened my eyes again and saw the look of relief on his face. "Keep your eyes open, son. Okay?" I nodded slowly. I was exhausted. I had never wanted to either sleep or pass out so much in my entire life.

"The ambulance and police are on their way." Dr. Martin explained. Who she was talking to I had no idea. I didn't really care. As long as they got me away from James I didn't care what happened anymore.

Just then, Dr. Martin's cell went off. She picked it up quickly. "Yes.....let them in....yes.....we're in FML 124......let them in and show them up, quickly!" She snapped the phone shut and turned to look at me. "The ambulance and police are here now, Edward." She said in a soothing, motherly tone, rubbing my arm gently. "It's going to be okay now."

There were a couple of moments of peace and silence then, as the three of us just sat there, waiting for the paramedics to arrive at the room. The security guards had already dragged James' lifeless form out of the room and down to the police to be dealt with. I sat there, looking at the two of them, wishing that they were Carlisle and Esme. Where were they? They said that they would come today, and they didn't. I couldn't help the silent yet steady flow of tears that started streaming down my faces. "It's okay. It's alright." Dr. Martin whispered. She looked at Derek, who glanced at her before turning his attention back to me.

"Excuse me?" An unfamiliar voice called.

"In here." Derek called back, calmly. "The paramedics are here now, Edward. They're going to take you to the hospital, to get you checked over." I nodded back slowly, showing him that I understood what was happening.

Two unfamiliar men in extremely familiar green suits gingerly walked into the room. They walked over to us, slowly and gently moved Derek and Dr. Martin out of the way. One of them knelt down in front of me, and the other knelt down beside me.

"Edward?" The one in front of me called gently. "Hey, Eddie." He grinned at me, showing me that he meant no harm.

"Edward." Derek corrected him. "He doesn't like his name shortened." I silently thanked him. He _had_ been paying attention in our session earlier today.

"Sorry, Edward." He smiled at me again. "We're just going to slip an oxygen mask on now, so you'll find it easier to breathe. Is that okay?" I nodded slowly, not having the energy to argue. I closed my eyes again and felt the mask being pressed to my face and the elastic that would keep it in place being pulled over my head. I opened my eyes again and saw a stretcher being wheeled into the room. "We're just going to take you to the hospital now, just to get you checked over. Alright?" He didn't really want an answer. "Edward, can you open your eyes for me." I did so, slowly.

Next thing I knew I was being pulled gently, so that I was lying flat on my back. I felt two pairs of strong hands lift me onto the stretcher and cover me with blankets. I winced as they pulled a strap over my chest, ensuring that I wouldn't fall off during the ride to the hospital. They seemed to notice this minor reaction and took more care than they already were.

I barely registered it as I was being wheeled through the clinic. I did notice that the halls and rooms were quiet. Everybody must have been sent back to their rooms when Dr. Martin learned of what was happening. All I knew was that James had attacked me, and Derek had stopped him. Maybe I should quit being an ass to him. Maybe.

They loaded me into the ambulance quickly and got the gurney that I was strapped to secured to the side of the ambulance.

The last things I was aware of were the paramedic telling me that we were on the way to the hospital, and Derek sitting in next to me with a worried expression on his face. After that I gave up the fight and gladly succumbed to the darkness that was overwhelming me.

The next thing I knew, I was hearing that godforsaken beeping again. I swear I heard it far too often for my liking. Opening my eyes, I was blinded by a light that was too bright to be real. Slamming my eyes shut again I groaned softly. I heard a sharp intake of breath and someone moving next to me. I opened my eyes a tiny fraction and allowed them to adjust to the blinding light.

"Edward?" A familiar voice rang through the room. I turned to see who it was and I saw Carlisle sitting there next to me, a look that held a mixture of worry, fear and relief on his face.

"Carlisle?" I whispered, not really trusting my voice to work properly. He released a breath loudly and looked at his hands in his lap. When he looked up a moment later, his eyes were wet with tears and there was a sad smile on his face.

"Oh thank god, Edward." He reached forward and took my hand in both of his own, resting his forehead on my knuckles. "We were so worried. When the clinic phoned us, we didn't know what to think. All we knew was that we had to get here straight away."

"We?" I mumbled, testing out my vocal chords. They appeared to be in working order. "Who's we?"

"The family." He said, lifting his head to look at me. The tears that had been gathering had overflowed and were now silently streaming down his face. I hated seeing Carlisle cry and I was thankful that it didn't happen very often. "They're all here."

I licked my lips slowly. "Bella?" I asked softly. Was she here? Did she care enough to come when she hadn't come to the clinic like she promised she would?

"Yes, she's here." He said, his smile widening ever so slightly. "When I say "the family" I include her in that now. She is family to us now Edward." I released a breath that I hadn't realised I had been holding in. A huge wave of relief flooded over me when I heard this and I leant back on my pillows, closing my eyes. _They think of Bella as family._ I could feel a small smile tugging at my lips as this thought ran through my head. _My Bella. _"I'll go and get them shall I?"

"No," I said, my eyes snapping open. "Not yet. I just.....I just want it to be me and you for a minute or two." An understanding expression softened his worried features. I felt like I needed to just sit with Carlisle for a while. I needed a father/son type of moment. He was the closest thing to a father I had, and I was grateful that I had him here. "How....how long was I out?" I asked him tentatively.

"Two days," He replied calmly.

"James?" I whispered and I felt him stiffen, his hold on my hand tightening.

"He's in custody." Carlisle replied, his voice dripping with venom. I could tell that if Carlisle had his way, he would rip him to pieces with his bare hands. And he would have the rest of the family alongside him while he did it. Even though I had spent so many years pushing them away, they still came back. There was no getting rid of them. They cared for me. I dare say it, they _loved_ me. Something I didn't feel that I was worthy of. "No bail, court date hasn't been set." He sighed heavily and I knew that there was something else that Carlisle wasn't telling me. "The police are here. They need a statement from you." This came out in a whisper and I could instantly tell that he thought it was a bad idea.

I could feel my eyes grow wide as I looked at Carlisle. I shook my head at him furiously. "No, Carlisle.....I....I...I can't." I managed to gasp out, panic, dread and fear welling in my chest.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey." He said softly, one hand leaving mine and brushing the stray tendrils of hair off of my forehead, obviously sensing my panic. "Don't worry. They won't ask anything of you until you're ready. Okay?" I nodded, closing my eyes, just enjoying having Carlisle there, to comfort me. "It's okay. It's okay."

We stayed like that for a few minutes, me lying on the hosptial bed with my eyes closed and Carlise sat next to me, one hand grasping my own and the other on my forehead tenderly trying to wipe away the worry and stress that I was feeling upon hearing this news.

We were broken out of this moment by the door creaking ever so slightly. I opened my eyes to see Bella standing there, a look of fierce worry on her face. I couldn't help but feeling slightly betrayed. She had promised to come and see me, but she hadn't. Why would she do that? Did it mean that what had happened in the hospital in Forks meant nothing to her? Was it just a way to get me to go into the hospital?

I had to know.

With what little energy I had, I picked up the hand that Carlisle didn't have a hold of and held it out to Bella, who crossed the hosptial room more quickly and gracefully that I would have ever imagined.

Carlisle had removed his hand from my forehead now, and had brought it to rest on my shoulder. Bella leaned over and kissed my forehead softly, inhaling deeply as she did so.

"Oh Edward," She whispered into my hair. "I'm so sorry." I felt tears pricking at the corners of my eyes and I willed with everything that I had, for them not to fall.

"I'll give you two a minute," Carlise said, softly, standing up, giving my hand and shoulder a gentle squeeze simultaneously. He left the room without a sound.

Bella moved around the bed, not letting go of my hand, to sit in Calisle's vacated chair. She squeezed my hand tenderly and began playing with the soft hair just behind my ear, a look of devotion and pain in her eyes.

"You didn't come," I whispered, gently, knowing that she could hear me. "You promised me, and yet you didn't come."

"I know," She sighed. "I wanted to. So badly. But the hospital, they....they told us that you weren't allowed visitors for a week." I looked at her stunned. "It broke my heart when they told me that I couldn't see you. I wanted so badly, just to run back up those stairs and take you home again. But," She breathed with a smile. "I've been granted full visiting rights. It means that I can come and see you whenever I can. I wanted so badly to come and see you, but I wasn't allowed."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "I thought that....that...." I couldn't finish the sentence. I had tears streaming down my face now. I looked at her and saw that she was crying also. I wanted to wipe her tears away but I didn't have the energy or the strength to lift up my hand. I was useless.

"You thought that I didn't love you anymore." She finished for me. I nodded, some part of me stunned. She _loves_ me? I looked into her eyes and saw no lie there. Bella had always been a terrible liar, and I knew that something like this, she would not be able to lie about. "Well," She said, inhaling a raspy breath. "You can stop worrying about that now." She smiled at me. "Because I love you, Edward. So much."

I felt my chest swell. _She loves me!_ I thought, feeling like I was floating. Of course that could have been the morphine but still, Bella loves me! I had never been so happy.

I looked her in the eye, meaning every single word. "I love you too, Bella. You mean the world to me."

She smiled softly and stood. She leant over and slowly and gently placed her lips on mine. I had missed this feeling, this kiss. It felt as though there was an electrical current passing between Bella and myself. I never wanted it to stop. I wanted to carry on this gentle kiss that was so soft and yet so passionate at the same time. I never wanted to let her go. I wanted to feel her lips on mine always.

Unfortunately though, she pulled away and placed anothing loving, lingering kiss on my forehead. "You are my life now." She whispered into my hair, running her fingers softly through it and sitting back down, a look of love, devotion and longing in her eyes, a small smile playing on her lips. I felt myself smiling slightly too, unable to stop myself when around Bella.

I knew then that I was wrong to doubt her. She would never break a promise to anyone, no matter how small.

I realised then, that as long as I had my Bella there, I was home.

I was complete.

**Awwww, so they're back together, in the much asked for reunion scene.  
I hope it didn't disappoint those of you who either reviewed or PM'd me asking for it.  
Unfortunately, it's not going to be all sunshine and roses for Edward in future chapters, so prepare yourself for some angst *runs and hides*  
I love seeing reviews fill my inbox btw ;D  
Ciao! xx**


	31. My Life Now

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**BPOV**

_Just then, the phone rang. Saved by the bell, I thought morosely._

_"Hello?" I answered. I heard sobbing coming from the other end. "Hello?"_

_"Bella....." It was Alice. Something had upset her. Upset the whole family. I could hear sobs and cries of outrage coming from the other end. Please don't let it be anything to do with Edward. Please, please, please, please. I begged with some unknown force as I leant back on the wall. Something deep inside of me knew it had to be. Nothing else would be able to get the whole family this worked up._

_"Alice. What's happened?" I asked her, not really wanting to know the answer to that question, but knowing I had to find out._

_"Bella...." She sobbed again. "It's Edward."_ NO!!!

_All it took was those two words for my entire world to collapse around me._

"Alice?" I managed to choke out after a long pause. "What's happened?" There wasn't a coherent answer from the other end. "Alice, tell me!" I heard someone asking for the phone, then the muffled sounds as it exchanged hands.

"Bella?" It was Carlisle on the other end of the phone now. I could hear Alice breaking down into sobs in the background.

"Carlisle, what's happened?" I asked in a timid voice.

"I think you need to come over," Carlisle stated calmly, his voice lacking any sense of emotion at all.

"Okay," I whispered. "I'll be right over."

Before I knew what was really happening I'd hung up the phone, scribbled a note to Charlie telling him that I was at the Cullens and didn't know what time I would be home and was in my truck cursing the fact that it wouldn't go over fifty-five miles an hour. Normally I was thankful of that fact, because it meant that there was very little chance that I would get caught speeding. But right now, when I wanted to get somewhere quickly, I hated this thing.

As I turned off onto the Cullens stupidly long driveway I couldn't help the images that flashed through my mind. All relating to Edward. Had he hurt himself so badly that there was no way back? Had he had another heart attack? Had he run away from the clinic? All sorts of things ran through my mind and none of them comforted me. I tried to push them all away as I shut of the engine to my truck and climbed out, but no matter how much I tried, as soon as I pushed one idea to the back of my head, a new, more painful one would surface.

I knowcked on the door, and it was opened almost immediately by Esme. Her eyes were puffy and red, and I knew that she had just finished pushed back a bout of tears. Her make-up was all blotched and streaked down her face. She pulled me into an enormous hug after closing the door. Before I had the chance to remove my shoes, she had pulled me gently into the living room where the rest of the family was. It was a sight that would break even the hardest of hearts.

Jasper was sat on the sofa with Alice curled up crying into his shoulder, huge sobs wracking her tiny body. Jasper had one arm around her and the other was stroking her arm. He was staring straight ahead of him, seeming lost in thought. I could see silent tears flowing freely down his cheeks. Seeing Jasper cry.....it wasn't right. Seeing any of the Cullens cry wasn't right. They didn't deserve to be in so much pain.

Rosalie was sat on the ground next to Alice, her head on her knees with both of her arms wrapped around her legs. She was also sobbing uncontrollably, her body shuddering with each intake of breath. Every few seconds or so she would let out a moan of despair. It broke my heart a little more each time.

Carlisle and Emmett were sitting on another one of the sofas in the living room. They were sitting with their backs to me, so I couldn't see their faces but I knew that they had been crying. I followed Esme to the only couch that wasn't occupied and sat down slowly. As I had thought, Carlisle's face was red and puffy, like Esme's and I could see tear tracks running down his cheeks. Emmett had a solemn expression on his face with silent tears flowing freely. I had never even envisioned Emmett crying, and seeing it now, I had a hard time not moving over to him and embracing him then and there.

"What's happened?" I asked Carlisle in a whisper, my voice not willing to increase the volume to any more than that. He slowly turned his head to look at me.

"Edward....um....he was.....he was......attacked earlier today." His voice broke at the revelation and fresh tears sprung to his eyes. My hand flew to my mouth and I could feel the tears prick in the corners of my eyes. My vision began to blur with the tears than had begun to well.

"Is he okay?" I managed to croak out after a moment or two, my hand still at my mouth while I fought to keep the tears from falling. "Carlisle?"

He had his head in his hands now as he spoke, his fingers pulling at his hair so hard it looked painful. "He has a broken rib and a bit of bruising and scratches. The doctors say that he'll be fine.......physically." He whispered the last word and I knew exactly what he meant. Edward was pretty fragile mentally before he went to the clinic, and having this happen to him on his first day there would be devastating for him. I nodded slowly and I felt the tears fall. _Oh Edward._ I thought miserably. _My, poor, beautiful love. Who would do this to you?_ "We're going to Seattle in a few minutes. I know Edward would want to see you."

"Of course I'm coming." I choked out, wiping my tears away with the back of my hand. Esme handed me a tissue and I smiled at her in gratitude. Taking the tissue I wiped my eyes with it and sniffed.

"Okay," Carlisle whispered, looking at me with a small smile. He stood up and walked around the sofa. "I'll just give your father a call then. Explain to him where you are." He picked up the phone. "Where is he? Is he at work or at home?"

"Um, he's at work."

Carlisle left the room and I could hear him talking on the phone with Charlie. He was telling Charlie that there was a medical development with Edward and that we were heading over to Seattle to see him. I knew that Charlie didn't want me to miss any more school than I already had, but he also knew that Edward was sick. He just didn't know what kind of sick Edward was. He thought it was something to do with his heart. I didn't correct him on that fact, figuring that the less Charlie knew about it, the better. Along with this, Charlie knew about my feelings for Edward, so there would be very little chance that he would say that I couldn't go. Carlisle walked back into the room and put the phone back on its stand with a quick nod at me. Charlie had agreed to let me go with the Cullens, something that I would be eternally thankful for.

Esme walked over to Carlisle and embraced him. I could tell that they were both crying. Neither of them knew what state we would find their son in, and something told me that they, as well as the rest of us, would have to prepare for the worst.

Looking around at them all, I saw that this family, one that only a few weeks ago had been so joined and bonded, was broken.

We all got up slowly and walked out into the garage towards the cars. Carlisle and Esme would be taking Carlisle's Mercedes and the rest of us would be in Emmett's Jeep, seeing as it was the only one that could accomodate us all without us being cramped. Emmett got into the drivers' seat, whilst Rosalie climbed in the front passengers seat. Jasper, Alice and I climbed into the back and I stared out the window whilst I began preparing myself for what we would find when we got to Seattle.

I wasn't sure how long it took us to get to our destination, but before I knew it we were pulling up outside an enormous, pristine, white hospital and Emmett was parking the Jeep next to Carlisle's Mercedes. We all climbed out and I looked at the building with a sense of dread building up inside of me. I looked at the others and they were all wearing the same expressions. One's that said, "what are we going to find?"

We walked up to the reception of the hospital and Carlisle gave his and Edward's name. The receptionist told us that he was in intensive care and asked one of the interns to show us to ICU. We all walked in, what seemed to me, slow motion. All of our group was crying, dreading what we were going to find when we reached Edward's room. Was he going to make it? Had he died already? How was he going to react when he realised where he was and the reality of what had happened to him sunk in? These were all questions to which I had no answer.

The intern stopped outside a room and I looked and saw the name _Edward Cullen_ posted to the side. He looked at us gravely and walked off leaving us to make up our own minds as to how we were going to approach Edward. None of us were going to be left outside so we all slowly and silently walked in after Carlisle.

I looked at Edward on the bed and had a flashback of a few weeks ago after Edward had had his heart attack. It brought a fresh wave of tears fall down my face as I sobbed. He looked so frail, so fragile. I wanted to hold him in my arms, telling him that it was all going to be okay and never let him go. I could see that Esme was feeling the same way too as she stared at her broken son, tears falling down her face.

Carlise and Esme walked up to one side of Edward and Esme sat down on the chair that was there. She put her hand on his and stroked it gently. I walked up to the opposite side of him and did the same thing. I noticed that his chest was bandaged underneath the hospital shirt he wore. It appeared that Emmett had too.

"Did they tell you, um, how his rib was broken? It had to have taken some force to do it." He stared at his brother with sorrow and what looked like anger. I knew that he wanted to find the person that had done this to his brother. And after seeing what he had done to Mike, this guy had better watch out if he wanted to live.

"Not really, Emmett." Carlisle said softly, still gazing at Edward. "You see, if the body is deprived of nutrition for long enough it will go into starvation mode, and it will, plainly put, start eating itself. It will eat away at the fat the body has stored, the muscle, the organs and even the bone marrow. That's why Edward had that heart attack. His body has become so desperate for nutrition it has begun eating away at his heart, causing it to decrease in size. Unfortunately, that damage cannot be undone." He took a deep breath. "As a result, Edward's bones have become extremely weak, meaning that something that, say, your bones Emmett, could take, Edward's wouldn't." He sighed and placed his hand over Esme's.

We stayed that way for a long time. I didn't know how long exactly as I didn't have a watch and there was no clock in Edward's room. Edward didn't stir. Nothing at all. If it wasn't for the erratic beating of his heart being relayed on the monitor I would have thought that he was dead. I thanked God silently that we had the monitor there, or there would be no visible way of telling that he was alive. His chest was rising slightly with each breath but it was extremely shallow. I stook there wondering how long it would be until we had to say goodbye to Edward for good. I never wanted that moment to come.

Emmett and the others mumbled something about getting something to eat, and they went down to the cafeteria. I didn't, no, I couldn't move. There was no way I was leaving Edward. Not yet anyway.

Shortly afterwards, Esme went to join her children and Carlisle motioned for me to sit on the chair that she had been occupying moments before. As I sat down he placed a fatherly hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him and he smiled painfully at me, his eyes telling me "thank you". I gave him a small smile back and looked back at Edward, giving his hand a small squeeze, willing him to respond to my touch as he had the last time. Nothing. I wasn't really expecting there to be a response, I was just, kind of, hoping.

I continued to sit there as the others came and went. I fell asleep once, for how long I don't know but I know that I was being gently shaken awake with someone calling my name.

"Bella?" It was Esme. "Bella, sweetheart?" I looked at her sleepily. Carlisle was standing behind her smiling at me. "Sweetheart, come on, you need to get something to eat." I shook my head and looked at Edward. "He'll be okay, sweetie. Carlisle is staying here with him. Come on," She gently pulled me out of the chair and led me out of the room. "Let's get you something to eat.

"How long have we been here?" I asked, noting Esme's change of clothes. I hadn't been paying attention to the shifts in light in Edward's room. After a while, it became almost impossible to tell, what with the bright light that was always flooding the room.

"Two days, sweetie." She sighed as we walked down to the cafeteria.

We walked into the cafeteria and saw that the others were sat there, talking quietly, grave expressions on their faces. I sat down next to Emmett who put a large arm around my shoulders and hugged me to him gently. I leaned into him and sighed, closing my eyes slowly. Esme returned with some food for me. Just a simple sandwich, some chips and a drink. Nothing fancy. I opened the sandwich and took a bite, not realising until then how hungry I really was. I devoured the sandwich in a few minutes or so and opened the bag of chips. I didn't talk to anyone as I ate, and they all understood, falling into silence themselves.

Finishing my food, I stood up whispering that I was going to go back upstairs. They all nodded at me in unison.

I walked slowly up to ICU, wanting more than anything to get back to Edward, but not really having any energy to do so. I stopped outside Edward's door and sighed. I opened it slowly to see Carlisle sitting there holding Edward's hand, his other hand on Edward's forehead. Carlisle turned slightly as I walked in and Edward's eye opened slowly, gazing at me with a look of longing and another expression I couldn't place on his face. I stood there for a moment taking it in. Edward was awake! I was so happy seeing this, but I couldn't make myself move.

Slowly, he lifted his hand out to me, like a child would when they wanted their parents to hold it, and looked at me pleadingly. I almost ran over to him, amazingly managing not to fall over, and took his hand, leaning over him to kiss his forehead. I breathed in his magnificent scent as I did so, letting it overwhelm my senses. "Oh, Edward." I breathed into his hair. "I'm so sorry." I looked at him and I saw that his eyes were welling up with unshed tears. I didn't want to see him crying. He shouldn't be crying. He had done nothing wrong.

"I'll give you two a minute." Carlisle said standing up. He gave his sons' shoulder a gentle squeeze and left the room.

I moved around the bed, keeping Edward's grasped in my own, not wanting to lose a second's contact with him and sat down in the chair that Carlisle had occupied moments before.

"You didn't come." He whispered after a moment. "You promised me, but you didn't come."

The clinic hadn't informed him of the rules for the first week. He didn't know that I wasn't allowed to see him. If I could I would be there all day every day, but the clinic had said that he wasn't allowed any visitors for a week. Something that I hated.

"I know." I said in a soft voice, sighing. "I wanted to. So badly." I breathed, hoping that he would hear the genuine tone in my voice. There was nothing that I wanted so badly. "But the hospital, they.....they told us that you weren't allowed visitors for a week." His expression changed then. It transformed into a look of pure shock. They really hadn't told him of the rule. "It broke my heart when they told me that I couldn't see you." I carried on. "I wanted so badly, to run back up those stairs and take you home again. "But, I've been given full visiting rights." I couldn't help but smile at him whilst saying this. "It means that I can come and see you whenever I can. I wanted so badly to come and see you, but I wasn't allowed."

He sighed deeply then. I could hear the relief pouring out of the sigh. "I thought that....that....." I could hear that he was struggling to form his feelings into words. It hurt to think that he thought that I wouldn't see him, but I could see where he would come to that assumption. I had told him that I would come and see him the next day, but I hadn't. This was before I knew about the rule, and I saw how Edward would see it. He would probably see it as an act of betrayal. This caused a fresh wave of tears to run down my cheeks. I could see that my crying was hurting him, but I couldn't help it. It was a natural reaction.

"You thought that I didn't love you anymore." I had just laid my cards on the table. He now knew that I loved him. I just hoped that he felt the same way about me. He nodded slowly and looked deep into my eyes, allowing me to get lost in the bright green orbs that he called eyes. "Well, you can stop worrying about that now." I smiled at him again. "Because I love you Edward. So much."

I saw a look of relief wash over his face, quickly replaced by a look of love and adoration and I knew without him having to say it, that he loved me too.

"I love you too, Bella. You mean the world to me." He told me softly, still looking me in the eye.

I couldn't help but smile at his words. They made my chest hurt with love for him. I didn't know how but I knew that soon I would show him how much I loved him. I stook slightly and leant over him, placing my lips onto his. Even though it had been only a few days and we had only shared that one kiss, I had missed the feeling of his lips pressed to mine. It was like they fit perfectly. like his lips were made for mine. It felt right.

I didn't want this kiss to stop. I wanted to be able to kiss him like this forever. His lips were so soft and yet so loving and passionate at the same time. I knew that I had to be careful, as he was in a weak state so I pulled back, regretting it instantly, and placed another lingering kiss on his forehead, inhaling even more of his heavenly scent and bringing my free hand up to fuss with his hair as I did so. "You are my life now." I whispered before sitting back down on the chair. The look on his face was one of pure unadulterated love and my heart missed a beat. I knew that I was right in what I had said to him.

I would do anything for Edward Cullen.

He was my life now.

**Aww another fluff filled chapter.  
I hope people liked it :D**

**Now I'm not normally one for plugging stories but there are two that I have absolutely fallen in love with on here and I urge people to read them because they are truly amazing.**

**The first one is "The Red Line" by Winndsinger ****http://www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/s/4819806/1/The_Red_Line**** - Edward is an exotic male dancer. Bella is a college student studying psychology and needs a subject to do her thesis on. Bella pays Edward to belong to her for 2 weeks so she can study him. Things soon get very interesting between them.**

**And the second one is "Wide Awake" by AngstGoddess003 ****http://www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/s/4627414/1/Wide_Awake**** - Edward and Bella have dark pasts that leave them severely emotionally scarred, with nightmares that force them to stay awake. They meet and begin to form a bond during the night hours. AH, Highly OOC, Rated M for dark themes. No rape, no cutting. BxE**

**Both amazing stories. Go read!!**

**Please review. If you do I'll love you forever :D  
Plus, there could be cookies involved :)  
Ciao!! xx**


	32. Giving Up

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

Having Bella there with me made everything seem perfect. It didn't matter that I was lying in hospital with a broken rib. Nothing mattered when she was around.

I could tell that Carlisle was worried about me. The whole family were. I could also tell that they were discussing what would happen to me once I was well enough to be discharged from hospital. Would I go back to the clinic in Seattle? Would I go home and go into an outpatient programme instead? Or would I be shipped away to another clinic hundreds of miles away? I didn't want the first and last option to be the one that they chose. I just wanted to go home.

My family were staying in a nearby hotel, but as with before, Bella refused to leave my side unless she had to. She refused to sleep anywhere else other than in the same bed as me, leaning on my good side, being very careful not to hurt me as I healed, or in a bed directly next to mine, my hand encased in hers as we drifted off into sleep. I wouldn't have it any other way.

The police came in to talk to me the day after I woke up. They wanted Bella to leave, but I told them that either she stayed or I wouldn't give my statement, which, as the victim, was needed to bring James to justice. I knew this, but I wanted Bella there. They finally allowed it after I made that comment, but said that if she made a sound then she would be outside straight away. I nodded, understanding what they meant. If Bella were to make any kind of noise at all, then it could be seen as her trying to manipulate me and my statement. I couldn't do this alone. I needed her there.

I started when I went down to lunch and saw James staring at me. I carried on describing Michael's reaction to him and what he told me. I spoke of how I had been making my way to my room when he attacked me, binding my hands, blindfolding and gagging me. As I went through all the details I felt hot, wet tears beginning to trickle down my face. The officers were kind. They told me to go at my own pace, and stop if it was getting too much for me. I appreciated this gesture, but carried on with my statement anyway. I knew that I had to get it out, or there would be very little to keep James in custody and eventually locked up. As the victim, my statement was the most important one. Eventually, I managed to choke it all out, and when I turned my head to look at Bella, she had silent tears running down her face, as she processed what had happened to me.

The police thanked me and left quietly, leaving me alone with Bella.

"Oh, Edward." She sobbed, burying her head in the mattress next to me. I stroked the soft locks of hair that were cascading all over the bed. "Edward, I'm so sorry."

"No," I said firmly, and she looked up at me confused. "No." I turned my head to look at her and gazed into her deep brown eyes. "_You _have nothing to apologize. I don't want to hear you apologize for _anything_, Bella. If it wasn't for you I would have ended it myself a long time ago. You helped me, Bella."

I saw a fresh wave of tears well up in her eyes and they fell down her cheeks silently as she blinked. "Does this mean....." She trailed off. "Does this mean you're going to get help?" She whispered this and I closed my eyes.

I sighed in exasperation. "I don't know." I stated plainly. It was true. I didn't know. Did I want to get better? Did I want the help that they were offering? I didn't know. Some part of me wanted to get better, for Bella, for my family, for everyone who had ever worked to help me. But there was another part of me, the stronger part at the moment, that was screaming at me to stop, to reject the help that they were offering, telling me that if I lost this then I would be nothing. That without my eating disorder, or my cutting, that there was no point in my being here anymore, that I might as well disappear because starving and cutting were the only things that I was good at.

I heard Bella sigh quietly next to me, and I opened my eyes to look at her. She had a pleading look in her eyes and I could tell that she was begging me to get better. I shook my head, telling her again that I didn't know what to do.

"It's okay." She whispered, rubbing small circles on the back of my hand with her thumb. "It's okay. We'll help you. All of us. We'll all be there, to help you with your recovery." She made it sound so easy. I had a hard time supressing a laugh. If only it were that easy. If only I could go into that clinic and say _"_bye anorexia, bye cutting, it was nice, but I've realised we're not good together." No. It was not that simple. It would never be that simple.

This is why I had tried to end it just before Carlisle and Esme decided to move to Forks. Because nothing was simple. If I ended it then I wouldn't have to deal with everything that was happening around me. The coward's way out, I know. Oh, well, I guess that makes me a coward. I had come to one conclusion in the days before I tried to take my own life. A conclusion that proves itself right with every twist and turn that my life takes.

Death is peaceful.....easy. Life is harder.

Everything I did only reinforced my conclusion. I wouldn't kill myself. No. I couldn't do that to Bella. I couldn't hurt her in that way. I couldn't do it to my family either. They had already gone through enough pain because of me, and it wasn't fair to subject them to any more.

After I had been awake for about a week, Carlisle told me that the doctors were releasing me, but I would have to go back to the clinic. I could tell that it pained him to send me back there, but I also saw that he knew that it was the only way I could get help. The only place where I could work through what had happened to me, and what had happened in my past to lead me to this point.

Yeah. Right. Like I was going to go along with it now. There was no way I was going to play their games. Not a chance. Nothing would be able to change my mind on that one, not even Bella. I knew that she wanted me to get better, but how could I get better when they were sending me back to the place where I had been attacked. It wasn't fair. But then again, when was life fair.

You know the saying: _Life's a bitch and then you die?!_ Well, thats the way my life has always been. And there was no sense in trying to change it now. I knew I had no choice but to go back to the clinic. That much was evident when Dr. Martin appeared with two large men in lab coats following her. In case I tried to make a break for it I guessed. Most probably.

I had to say goodbye to Bella and my family again. This time it hurt more than the first time. I don't know why. Probably because I was actually being escorted into one of the clinics vans like I was insane. I wanted to yell and scream that I could handle this on my own, that I would be alright without having to go back to the fucking clinic, but knowing the people around me, they wouldn't listen to anything that I had to say.

Nobody ever did.

Nobody except Bella that is.

Everybody else was too engrossed in what they _thought_ was best for me that they never actually sat down and asked me what I wanted. Or listened to me. That day, when Bella and I skipped and were sat in her kitchen. That was the first time anyone actually listened to me, to my story, in ten years. She wanted to know what was _actually_ going through my mind rather than what they _thought_ was going through my mind. She made me feel safe for once. Like I wasn't being watched or analysed. Looking back, I realised that it was then that I began falling in love with Isabella Marie Swan. I just hadn't realised it yet.

They refused to let me walk out of the hospital and I felt like an invalid being put into a wheelchair when I knew that I could walk. What made it worse was the fact that they strapped me in. They actually _fucking strapped me into the chair!!!_ They put a strap around each wrist, around my ankles and across my chest. It was humiliating, being wheeled out of the hospital, thankfully by a side exit and not the main entrance, and into the van they had waiting. They put the brakes on on the chair and strapped it in place as an extra precaution so it wouldn't move when the van did. I wanted to burst into tears just then and there. What hurt the most was seeing Bella's face as they strapped me into the chair. It was a mixture of fear, worry, pity and love. I didn't want the first three. All I wanted from her was her love and that was all I could give her in return.

But life doesn't work in such ways.

"Now, Edward," One of the men said to me just before we started moving. I glared at him with all the hatred I could muster. "I'm just going to give you something to make you relax. Okay?" I made no motion of any kind of answer. Adjusting the strap slightly, he pulled my arm straight and fastened it down securely again and I felt something wet and cold wiping at the crook of my elbow and I knew that he was sterilising my skin. He turned around and began fussing with something I couldn't see. I knew it was some sort of sedative. Obviously didn't want me to cause a scene when I got back to the clinic. "Okay, Edward." He said turning back around again. "You're going to feel a sharp prick." As he said this I felt the needle break trhough my skin. I hissed throught pain and clenched my fist. I could feel whatever it was he was injecting me with travelling up my arm. It was cold and I didn't like it. "There we go. That wasn't so bad was it." I felt him doing something else to my arm and saw that he had taped a cotton bud over my arm, to stop my blood.

I immediately started to feel lightheaded. My eyes started to droop and I could feel the tug of induced sleep pulling at me. I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to know what was going on, but yet again, no one cared what I wanted did they? Nope. Eventually I didn't have a choice and I let myself fall into the darkness brought on by the sedative.

The next thing I knew I was waking up in my room at the clinic. I was in those black cotton pants and t-shirt that we had to wear for that weigh-in thing, and I was under the covers.

"Well, well, wakey wakey Edward." I heard a masculine voice comment as I groaned and rolled over. "Finally in the land of the living I see." I turned my head to see Derek sitting in a chair next to my bed. He looked at me with a solemn yet pleased expression.

"I guess so." I mumbled back, wanting nothing more than to hide my head under the covers, away from everything around me.

In fact, that is exactly what I did do. I groaned, ducked my head down, so it was on the mattress and pulled my duvet over my head, not caring about what anybody thought. I was going back to sleep and there was nothing anybody could do about it. I heard Derek chuckling at me as I did this. Honestly, I really didn't give a fuck. He can laugh all he wants, he is _not_ getting me to come out until I want to. Which will probably be never.

"Now, now, Edward." I felt a slight tug at the duvet around my head, like he was trying to pull it away so he could see me. I just grunted at him and gripped the duvet harder, not wanting to see anyone. "Okay." He sighed. "It looks like you're not going to come out are you?" I didn't respond and he took that as a "no, I'm not" because he continued. "Okay, Edward. I know that there's a lot to take in recently, what with what's happened." He didn't mention names, something I was thankful for. "Which means that I'm going to up our session quota to three times a week." I groaned in protest and he chuckled again. "I thought that would be the answer that I got. Listen Edward, I'm doing it for you. You need to talk through these problems and emotions that you're holding onto. You need to let them go so you can move on and recover." He stopped there, obviously waiting for a response from me. I didn't give him one. I just lay there under my duvet, hating what he was saying and yet not having the strength to stop him. To tell him to shut up and leave him alone. Some part of me knew that I needed to hear it, but most of me didn't want to. "Now, this is classed as a session. I want to have our sessions in here from now on, unless you don't want to. I want you to feel comfortable wherever you are for these sessions. Wherever you say, we'll go. If you want them in here then we'll have them in here, if you want them in my office then we'll have them in my office, if you want to take a walk around the grounds while we have our sessions or sit out in the sun, then that's what we'll do. The ball is completely in your court on that one Edward."

He fell silent after that, waiting for me to respond in some way. I laid perfectly still. I didn't know what to say or do. What did he want me to do? Stick my head out from underneath the duvet and start spilling everything? Well, if that's what he wanted then he's going to be in for a long wait. I don't plan on moving any time soon.

"Okay, Edward." Derek was still calm. If it had been anyone else I think they would have started to get annoyed by now, but seeing as he was there through what had just happened to me, he figured that I would need time. Maybe this guy wasn't as bad as I thought he was. Didn't mean I was going to talk to him though. "I understand you need time, but you can't hide under there forever." _Wanna bet?_ I thought to myself. "And I think you should know, I'm planning a family session soon." I stiffened. "I thought that might get your attention." He chuckled. "Now, come out of there and we can talk about it. I won't finalize anything until you're ready for it. Come on, come on out." He sounded like he was talking to a child that's just been caught somewhere they shouldn't have been.

I was contemplating whether or not to move the duvet and look at him, when it was suddenly yanked down from my head. The sudden light blinded me and I buried my face into the pillow, groaning, as my eyes adjusted to the sudden light.

"Oh there you are." Derek laughed again. "I thought that Edward Cullen had somehow run off and replaced himself with pillows, with you being so still. But nope, he's still here." He laughed again.

I pulled the duvet up again but stopping when it just covered my nose, so I could look at Derek. I wasn't really in the mood to sit up, so I figured lying in bed staring at him would have to do. He didn't seem to mind as he looked at me.

"You know," Derek started, seeming in thought. "You surprise me Edward. I don't know what it is about you. But something keeps drawing me back to helping you. I don't know, maybe its reading through your file and seeing how many therapists have given up on you. Or reading about your past. I don't know, but something keeps nagging at me to help you. And, I'm going to. You may not want heklp right now, but you know what, I don't care, cos you're going to get it." He pointed a singled finger at me now. I know he was trying to be threatening in a funny way, but I didn't smile or laugh.

What he said was true. I didn't want help. I still don't. Not at the moment at least. Many therapists had given up on me, not knowing what to do with the non responsive teenager, they had all written me off as a lost cause. Why I wasn't in a mental institution right now was baffling to me. And then it hit me, I was in a mental institution of sorts. People tended to think that people with eating disorders were mentally unstable. Maybe we were. Personally, I didn't really care what other people thought of me, but I knew that there were a lot of people in here, whose eating disorders had arisen through the taunting and teasing of others, taking notches out of their self-esteem, causing them to start hurting themselves. People who made people feel that way made me sick. What was the saying? "If you could see how much you hurt me you'd never look me in the eye again." Something like that anyway.

"Edward." Derek called, snapping me out of my train of thought. My eyes flew to meet his and he looked slightly worried for me. I knew why. I hadn't eaten in days, since the incident. I had point blank refused the hospital food, and had only just woken up so I hadn't had anything whilst being back at the clinic.

Just then Derek picked up a tray. On it was a freshly made sandwich, a pot of fruit salad and a drink. He placed it on my bed, far enough away so I wouldn't knock it off if I moved, but close enough so that I could reach it if I wanted to. I eyed the food suspiciously and buried my head back into my pillow. I didn't want anything. I would not be that person. I would _not_ be that _weak_.

Derek sighed, but he left the food there, as if expecting me to suddenly have a change of mind and devour it. He didn't give me enough credit. I was stronger than that. He would learn that soon enough.

"You know," He said, wiping a hand across his forehead in exasperation. "If you don't start to eat soon, then the clinic is going to have to take matters into their own hands." turned my head so I could look at him, completely ignoring the food that was sat in between us. I pretended that it wasn't there. If it wasn't there, then I couldn't see it and it couldn't tempt me. I had used this technique for many years now and only once had it failed. I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously. What did he mean "their own hands"? "If you don't start to eat soon, and with permission from either one of your parents they can fit you with a feeding tube, you know." I felt my eyes widen in shock. They couldn't really do that, could they? "They only do that in extreme circumstances, but I'm afraid that if you don't start to eat soon, then you will become one of those circumstances."

I didn't know whether or not to believe him. Part of me knew that he was serious. That they would hook me up to a feeding tube if I didn't eat soon. But another part of me thought that he was just using scare tactics to try to get me to eat. I mulled over this for a second and the second idea won. He was using scare tactics. I was certain of it. Mostly. I settled for just staring him down, not blinking or breaking eye contact in any way, not saying anything. Not giving anything away.

He sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. "You know, Edward, I knew that you were going to be a tough nut to crack. I told you that in our first session didn't I?" He looked at me again. Again, I didn't respond. It was true, he had said that. "Okay, I can see that we're not going to get anywhere today. I'll leave that here for you," he gestured towards the tray. "To see if you really are as strong as you make out you are." He smiled at me, in an evil way.

He stood up and walked out of my room, leaving me there with the tray of food in front of me. Taunting me. He was testing me. And you know what, there was no way I was going to give in. I threw the duvet off of my body, picked up the tray of food and threw it all in the waste basket I had in my room, placing the tray on top of my dresser and climbed back into bed, covering myself with the duvet again, settling back into sleep.

////////////

The next week or so passed in the same fashion. Derek came in twice more that week. Sat with me and talked. I said nothing, just looked at him. He would leave a tray of food on my bed, which I would throw into the waste basket unopened. When Derek didn't come in a nurse would leave it there, obviously having been told to leave me to it by Derek. He was still testing me. Seeing how long I could last without caving in and eating one of the meals he left. He had doubted my resolve and strength. I could see that he was beginning to see that now.

My family visited twice that week, the previous rule of no visitors for a week forgotten after what had happened.

When they came, it was they who brought the food in and waited for me to eat it. As with Derek, I never did, even with all of them watching me like hawks. I never made a move for it. Not even Bella's big bottomless brown eyes, pleading with me could convince me to eat.

I could feel myself getting weaker and weaker with each passing day that I rejected the food. By the end of the week, I didn't even have the strength to get out of bed and put the food in the bin. I just pushed it off of the bed and let it clatter to the floor. I didn't care. I wasn't going to eat it anyway.

I could see my family becoming more and more worried, thinking that the clinic wasn't helping and maybe that taking me home would be best. _Yes,_ I thought, jubilantly. _Take me home, please. Let me do things my way._ I should have known that that wouldn't happen. It was too good to be true, thinking that it would be that simple escaping this place. When Esme and Carlisle signed the papers to check me in, they handed over all care of me to the clinic. They had no say in whether or not I could go home, and the clinic wasn't about to let me go when I was too weak to even stand up.

I knew that I was killing myself. My body had reverted to ketosis, or starvation mode and was eating itself. I knew that the possibility of having another heart attack was high at this point, but it didn't convince me to eat anything. Yet, they never failed to disappoint. Always there with the food. Always silently willing me to eat with their eyes and expressions. I continued to lie there, not caring about the world.

At one point in the week, it was just Bella and I in my room alone. Esme and Carlisle were talking to Derek and the others had gone to take a proper look around the clinic, visiting all the recreation rooms and such. Places I never visited anymore, seeing as I was growing weaker with each passing day.

"Baby," Bella breathed, running a hand through my hair. "Please." She had tears running down her face. "Please, eat something. You're wasting away. There's nothing left of you. I hate seeing you like this Edward. You're killing yourself." She kissed my forehead, still running her fingers through my hair. "Please Edward."

I shook my head in despair. "I can't." I whispered. "I can't."

"Why not, love?" She asked, leaning her head on one of the pillows on my bed, so that her head was level with mine. "Why not? Tell me."

I shook my head again, burying my head into my pillow. I couldn't tell her why I wasn't even trying to eat something. Because honestly, I didn't know. The voice that told me to go against everything they had to say was winning. It was killing me, and I was letting it. I felt Bella's hand stroke the back of my neck in a comforting way, and yet I still couldn't look at her, knowing that I would find an expression of loss and sorrow. I couldn't see the physical evidence of the pain that I was enflicting on Bella and the rest of my family by not eating anything.

Just then Carlisle, Esme and Derek came back into the room. Esme was crying and Derek and Carlisle looked grave. Derek had some papers in his hand, but then again that was nothing new so I didn't think anything of it.

"Edward," Carlisle breathed crouching down in front of me next to where Bella was sitting. "Please eat something, son." He was pleading with me son. I didn't let my gaze falter as I stared him down. "Please." He too, like Bella and Esme had tears wellng in his eyes. He sighed in exasperation. "Okay, Derek. Give them here." He held his hand out to Derek who gave him the papers that he had been holding. Had I been able to, I would have sat up to see what was going on, but as it so happens I didn't have the energy or the strength to do that. Carlisle took the papers over to one of my cabinets and signed them. _What the hell is he doing?_ I thought.

And then realisation dawned on me. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it.

They were authorising the damned feeding tube.

Derek had been telling the truth.

I was in deep shit.

**So Edward's taken a step backwards, refusing food and comfort all together. Even from Bella.  
How will he react when they come to force the tube on him?  
Leave me some reviews and I'll let you know sooner rather than later ;P  
Not kidding. I do love reviews, and the last chapter got so few :( am hoping this chapter will do better.  
If it does then I'll update, but if not then I guess I'll have to end the story here and you'll never find out what happens to Edward. *tut tut* what a shame. *shakes head in disappointment*.  
Ciao! xx**


	33. Forced

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**Because I got such an abundance of reviews for the last chapter (not being sarcastic here, I actually did get a lot of reviews :P which makes me happy) I decided to post this chapter tonight rather than tomorrow, as per the plan. Enjoy!**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SCENES THAT SOME MAY FIND DISTURBING.**

**EPOV**

As realisation hit me it was like everything was moving in slow motion around me. I saw Carlisle taking the papers from Derek and walking towards the dresser that stood by my bed. I saw his pen moving across the paper, fluently and effortlessly signing his name. Signing away my freedom for the second time. I watched as he handed the paper back to Derek with a solemn look on his face. He turned to look at me, an apologetic look on his face and all I could do was stare in horror as he left the room. Derek gave me the same look as Carlisle had and he slowly walked out of the room, leaving me alone with Bella again.

She turned to look at me and noticed the look of horror on my face. She pressed her lips to my forehead, whispering softly. "It's okay. It's going to be okay. They're going to make you better. I'm sorry baby. It's all going to be okay." She kept repeating this over and over again, to no avail. She was trying to calm me down, but in actual fact I was getting more and more agitated with every second that passed. It wasn't that she was whispering that it was going to be okay, it was the fact that I knew who Derek had gone to get.

I was weak and I knew it. I also had no way to escape. Even if I had had the strength to leave the room, I wouldn't have been able to get anywhere. This place was on total lockdown all the time, just in case they had people who in actual fact _did_ try to escape.

I had had my freedom taken away from me when I had been brought to this place and now I was having what little freedom and dignity I had left stripped away as well. All I could think was _Why?_ _Why couldn't they just let me go?_ I didn't understand why they kept fighting to keep me here, in this world. Nothing made sense to me anymore.

Bella was still by my side, one hand on my cheek and one hand running through my hair. _What did I do to deserve her?_ I thought miserably. _She doesn't belong here, in this place, with me. She belongs at school, with someone fun and happy. Not in an eating disorders clinic with her majorly fucked up boyfriend._ I didn't voice these thoughts to her for two reasons. One: I seriously didn't think that my voice would work at the moment, I was in such shock. Two: Bella was stubborn. I knew that no matter what I said she wouldn't leave. She had stuck by me through the heart attack and the attack by James. There was no way she would leave me now. Could she truly love me? I didn't want to believe it at first, but maybe she actually did.

The door opened again and a team of doctors walked in with some intricate looking machinery. I felt my breathing pick up pace and my already erratic heartbeat quicken. These people scared me. No, scratch that, they _terrified_ me. I had no idea what they were going to do, but I knew that it wouldn't be good for me.

"Excuse me Miss?" One of them, approached Bella and touched her lightly on the shoulder. She jumped at the slight contact. She obviously hadn't noticed them come into the room. She turned to look at them slowly. "I'm sorry Miss, but we need you to leave the room for a few moments." She looked back to me, and I saw she had tear tracks running down her cheeks. And they were fresh. She leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on my lips, then pressed a passionate kiss on my forehead.

"I'll be right outside, okay, baby?" She whispered against my hair. I grabbed onto her and held myself to her. What the fuck did I care about dignity? I'd had it all stripped away by those who said they loved me before now. I didn't want her to leave. I didn't want to be left alone with these people, but somewhere deep inside of me knew that she would be ushered out of the room quickly. "It's okay, love. I'll be right outside. I love you." This was the last thing she said to me before she got up and walked out of the room, one of the doctors closing it swiftly behind her.

"Hi, Edward." One of the doctors said softly, coming up to the right side of me. "Now, we're going to need you to stay nice and relaxed for us okay?"

There was no way I was going to stay relaxed for them. I made a move to get up, but faster than I could react there were set of hands on each of my arms. I struggled against them but they held me down, though not without some effort. Obviously I wasn't as weak as I thought I was.

"Now Edward." It was the doctor who had first spoken to me. "This will go a lot easier if you relax. It's going to be uncomfortable and unpleasant but the more you struggle the worse its going to be."

This didn't stop me from struggling though. I heard the doctor to the left of me curse because of my struggles. He motioned to one of the others in the room who took a long piece of material from underneath one of the machines that they had brought it. They were going to strap me down to stop me fighting back. This only spurred me on further as they secured one end to the bed and brought it across to lie across my chest and arms. I felt it tighten, pinning me in place. I fought against it but I couldn't move. They had done the same thing with legs. I was completely pinned down, and there was nothing that I could do about it. I was a prisoner now.

"We hate to do this, Edward. But you gave us no other choice. It's for your safety as well as ours. We don't want you getting hurt during the procedure." This came from the one who had cursed at me.

The doctor on my right went over to the machine that was over by the dresser and rolled it toward where I was laying, completely helpless. I could feel the tears running down my face at that point. I didn't care that I was crying in front of these total strangers. They had me pinned down like an animal. They had taken what little shred of dignity I had once had and ripped it away from me. I had nothing left.

"Now," The doctor said, in what was supposed to be a soothing voice. "This is, I'm afraid, going to be extremely unpleasant, but we'll try to make it as bearable for you as possible." He walked up to the side of the bed he had previously occupied and I saw that he had put on a pair of gloves and was holding a thin plastic tube in his right hand. I felt the panic rising in my chest again and I resumed my futile struggle, this time trying to keep me face as far away from him as possible.

Just then, someone grabbed the sides of my head and pointed my face upwards, tilting my head back slightly. I tried moving my head, but it was useless against the hands that kept it in place. More tears fell now, but these weren't tears of frustration as the previous ones had been. These were tears of fear. I was scared. I was out of control, and being out of control always scared me. But this was a new level of fear. A level that I had never felt before, and one I didn't really want to revisit or experience now. I felt like my chest was going to explode with the panic that was rising within it.

My head was tilted back a bit more and I closed my eyes. I felt a hand on my cheek, the fingers splaying across my face, from the thumb which was underneath my chin to the other fingers which were splayed across my cheek and bridge of my nose and forehead, securing my head in place even more. I couldn't do anything against these men that were holding me down, except whimper in protest.

*I felt something being pushed up my nose and I tried to squirm to get rid of it, but I was being held down so forcefully that there was no escape. I realised that it was the tube that I had seen in the doctor's hand only moments ago. I whimpered again but none of them took any notice of my protests. They all held me down with as much force as they could. I couldn't move a millimetre. I felt the tube follow the line of my nostril and eventually emerge slightly at the back of my mouth. At this point my mouth was forced open by one of the other doctors, while the one that had shoved the tube up my nose turned around and brandished something that looked like a pair of tongs. They wedged my mouth open with something - I don't know what it was, I was too focused on the fact that there was a tube up my nose and some fucked up doctor was shoving a pair of tongs into my mouth. I felt him snag the tube at the back of my throat and gently pull with the tongs whilst feeding it through my nose with his other hand. I whimpered again at the feeling. It wasn't something I ever wanted to feel again. I still had tears streaming down my face, but the person holding my head paid them no notice. I felt the tube enter my throat and even though it wasn't as big as the ventilator tube had been, it was still extremely uncomfortable. I could feel it moving down my throat and the sensation was beginning to burn my nose. I managed to let out another whimper as the tube finally stopped moving.

One of the others in the room then took up the other end of the tube and the doctor who had been on my left side lifted up my shirt. He took a stethoscope from inside a bag and after placing the earpieces in his ears he placed the disk above where my stomach would be.

"Now, Edward, this is going to feel a little strange okay. All they're doing is injecting a tiny amount of air into the tube to make sure that we're in the right place." He looked at me with stern eyes. All I could do was whimper in return. The next thing I felt was my stomach expand ever so slightly. It reminded me of one of the things I hated about eating. The feeling of fullness after a meal. I hated it. It always made me feel like a gluttonnous pig when I felt full. The doctor listening to my stomach looked up at the others and nodded. He removed the stethoscope from my stomach and his ears and placed it back in his bag, before rolling my shirt down again.

The doctor that had been manipulating the tube, stopped and pulled the tongs out of my mouth. Another hand slipped into my mouth and removed whatever it was that had been wedging it open. I still didn't get a look at it, as I was focusing on the guy who had ahold of a tube that was currently running up my nose and into my body. He turned around and wiped away the tears on the right side of my face, dabbing my eyes dry as he did so. He discarded the tissue and gently manipulated the tube against the right side of my face. Someone in the room handed him some pieces of tape which he used to fix the tube to my cheek and then he wrapped some of the tape around the end of my nose so that the tube wouldn't move and damage the inside of my nose in any way.

After he had finished checking that the whole thing was secure, he attached the other end of the tube to something else. A faint humming sound filled the room and my eyes widened in fear of what could be coming next.

"Don't worry Edward." One of the doctors surrounding me said calmly. "It's just the pump. It'll make sure that you're fed the right amounts at the right time of day." He hooked a bag full of something I couldn't see onto the pump and I noticed that the contents were moving at a rapid pace down the tube that was connected to my stomach.

"Okay, lets unbuckle him." One of the men in the room said. I didn't take any notice of which one it was. All I knew was that my control was gone. I had nothing left. All I had was a tube up my nose, but then again it proved how much of a weak, sick fuck I really am.

They unbuckled my legs first and then took the restraint off of my chest and arms. I felt like I could breathe again, properly. The guy who had been holding my head let go and wandered over to his colleagues.

"Edward," One of them called my name. I wasn't paying attention to any of them, so I didn't have a clue which one it was. "You may find it difficult talking for a few days, while you get used to the tube, but it will become easier. Short conversations with short answers are the best way to get used to it." I didn't want to get used to it. I wanted them to come back and take it out, telling me they made a mistake and that they were incredibly sorry, but they got the wrong person and I wasn't in need of a feeding tube after all.

Of course I knew that this wasn't going to happen. I mean, look at me. I'm a mess. Anyone walking down the road can tell that I'm not normal. That I'm too skinny. I knew that there would be no retraction of the tube until the doctors in this place were happy with my progress. Until I had gained enough weight and improved psychologically enough be able to eat by myself. I struggled to suppress a snort. _If they're waiting for me to eat, they're going to be waiting a long time._ I thought grimly. I knew that the best plan of action would be to eat somewhat like a normal person, tell Derek what he wanted to hear and get out of here. I could regain the lost control when I left. The only problem with that plan is that I have no energy to do something like that. Physically or mentally.

"We're very sorry that we had to resort to this Edward, but you really left us with no other choice." They all had solemn sympathetic looks on their faces as they walked out of the room one by one, the last one gesturing for someone to come inside.

It was Carlisle and Bella. She really had waitied like she said she would. I just wished that I had had my eyes closed when she walked into the room, because her expression conveyed one of pity and sympathy. Carlisle's expression wasn't too different from Bella's. A mixture of sympathy and pity. It made me want to scream at them both, shouting that I didn't want their sympathy or their pity. I curled up into a ball and turned over onto my left side, feeling the slight tug of the tube on my face. I had fresh tears pouring down my cheeks now. I was also acutely aware of the liquid that was at this moment running through the tube and filling my stomach, hating the feeling of it.

Carlisle was at my side in an instant. He laid a hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me. It wasn't helping.

"I'm so sorry, Edward." He whispered in my ear softly and I felt something hot and wet hit my cheek. I realised that he was crying. "I hated having to do it. Signing those forms for them to do this was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my entire life. I didn't want to, but you......you......you were wasting away. You were disappearing right in front of my eyes and I knew that it was the only option I had left. I couldn't lose my son. I couldn't......I couldn't watch you......die, Edward! I've come too close to that before remember? I couldn't watch you waste away when I knew that there was something that I could do about it."

I could tell that he really regretted having to do it, that he couldn't see any other way out. But didn't he stop to consider what I wanted? Maybe I wanted out. Maybe.

I knew that there was some argument to what I was thinking right now. And I also knew what that argument was. She was sitting behind me, rubbing comforting circles into the bottom of my back. It helped a little, knowing that she was still here. Sitting with me.

I didn't really know what to do at that moment in time. I had Carlisle and Bella comforting me. I also had a fucking tube up my nose. I knew that the others were around here somewhere, but I didn't know where and I didn't know whether or not they knew about the tube. I wanted to ask where the others were but the tube that ran down the back of my throat made it almost impossible to do so.

The both seemed to understand what I wanted to know.

"Esme took them back to the hotel we've been staying at." Bella explained in soft tones, still rubbing my back in a comforting way.

"They wanted to come in and see you, but I thought you'd be a bit overwhelmed, with what happened and all." I was glad that Carlisle and Esme had sent them away. I didn't want them to see me like this. Broken and frail. Most people would probably ask why I let Bella stay then. Well, there's a simple answer to that.

_I love Bella Swan_. I knew that now. I just hated the fact that I'm in a hospital and she was on the outside. I didn't know whether or not she'd wait for me to get out of here. Actually, fought with myself not to think of any possible scenarios that lead to Bella and I not being together.

All I could do at the moment was lay there, as I had no energy for anything else. I doubted that I could push even Bella away with the amount of strength I have at the moment. She was so good to me. I didn't deserve her. I had all this baggage and still she stayed with me, even after it was all laid out in the open. The only part she doesn't know is the full story about my parents. And there was no way in Hell that I was going to tell her that story. Not a chance. Not even Carlisle and Esme know the full extent of what happened. That was a secret that I was going to carry to the grave.....however soon that may be.

I curled up even more, and I felt both of them give my shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

I don't know how I managed it, maybe it was the fighting with the doctors, the resistance that I'd put up while they held me down, it had probably drained me, but I finally managed to get to sleep.

Being here with Carlisle and Bella on their side of me, it seemed like everything would be okay. That there was nothing left to fear. All three of us know though. We all know that that isn't the case. We were always watched over by Dr. Martin.

She seemed somewhat opposed to Bella coming here on her own, althought she was left alone for great amounts of time with me when Esme and Carlisle had gone out.

Maybe someday I could get out of here and find her a beautiful little meadow, one that was so perfect that it took her breath away.

That future was so far out of reach I didn't think I would ever have the chance to grab at it.

And I didn't think I ever would.

**Here's the next chappie as promised.  
Sorry if it doesn't make much sense at the end, but its 2:23am here and I havent slept since sunday night, so my brain is getting a litte frazzled.  
Reviews please. Love 'em :D  
Ciao!! xx**


	34. Comfort

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**BPOV**

I watched as the doctors walked out of Edward's room, all of them wearing grave expressions. I saw that they hadn't enjoyed doing what they did, that it was hard for them, and that it was necessary, but it didn't stop me from hating them.

"They hate to have to resort to a feeding tube." Derek told me walking up behind me, sighing softly. I looked at him and he looked awful. Derek may be one of the people responsible for this happening to Edward, but I couldn't hold anything against him. He was the one who had saved Edward from that maniac, and he had refused to leave the hospital until he was given some decent and reliable news about Edward's condition. He cared about his patients here. I could see that. To him they weren't statistics, or a way of increasing his bank balance. He really wanted to help people and I had to admire him for that. "We all do. We try to encourage the patients here to explore for themselves, to rediscover food on their own. But, in some cases, like with Edward, we have some patients that just give up." He sighed heavily. "We only resort to the feeding tube if we feel that there is absolutely no other choice." I nodded numbly. I knew that he was right, but I couldn't help my heart breaking for Edward. He'd just had his last scrap of control taken away from him. I didn't know what to expect when I went in to see him.

The last doctor approached the door and motioned at Carlisle and myself, signalling that we could go in to see him. We slowly walked through the door and he passed us without saying anything. I scanned the room before looking on the bed and I saw that there was a machine in there that hadn't been there before we left. Finally, I looked at Edward, and what I saw broke my heart.

He was lying there, his face streaked with tears that were still falling. He was broken. He had been beaten. And it broke my heart to see him this way. I wanted to scoop him up and hug him tight, never letting him go. I knew that I couldn't because he was fragile at the moment.

There was a tube running from some sort of machine across the side of Edward's bed. It was taped to the side of his face, and eventually ran up his nose. It was a sight that tore my heart in two. He looked so fragile, and the fact that he had to have a feeding tube meant that he was as frail as he looked.

As he looked at us, more tears began to fall and he rolled over onto his left side, the oppostie side of the tube and curled up into a ball. Carlisle was next to him in an instant. He flew to Edward's side, a hand on his shoulder lovingly. Carlisle looked every bit as broken as his son, hating himself for having to resort to this kind of treatment. I walked up to bed, and crawled onto it, and sat behind Edward, being careful of the tube attached to his body, which I could see was actually beginning to feed him at this moment in time. Something inside of me knew that it was a good thing for Edward to be getting the nutrition he needed, but I also wished that he could be able to make the decisions for himself. Seeing liquidised food entering his body like that, it made me feel like that would never happen.

Carlisle was sobbing quietly, mumbling apologies to Edward. I could tell that he was hating himself right now. I wanted to tell him not to, that there was no other choice, but for some reason I couldn't. I guess I was naive in thinking that we could help Edward on our own. I had often thought that maybe I could have some sort of positive influence on him, but then I thought these are people who know what they're doing, and they know what's best for Edward.

I sat there on the bed, behind Edward, my hand rubbing small comforting circles into the bottom of his back, something that I had found would relax him in the past. I just hoped that it would have the same effect this time. His face began to relax slightly and he had stopped crying. This made me feel a little better. It meant that he was calming down slightly, but I had the suspicion that it wouldn't last very long. I looked at the bag that was being fed to him. It was already half empty and I knew that by now Edward would know that he was being fed. He had told me that one of the things he hated about eating was the feeling of fullness afterwards. He said he always felt greedy after eating, like he wasn't worthy of eating and that it should be given to someone else who needed it. I didn't want to think about how he was feeling now, as I was sure that he would be able to feel the substance in his stomach.

He looked up slightly then, scanning the room, as if searching for something. Or someone. I understood. He was looking for the rest of his family, obviously confused that they weren't here.

"Esme took them back to the hotel we've been staying at." I explained to him in what I hoped were comforting tones. I increased the pressure at which I was rubbing his back slightly, in case he started to get worked up again.

"They wanted to come in and see you, but I thought you'd be a bit overwhelmed, with what happened and all." Carlisle explained I saw his face visually relax, and a small smile tugged at my lips. He didn't want to see his family. He would probably feel overcrowded and judged if they saw him this way. They would see him tomorrow, but for now he just needed to feel safe.

I was glad that Carlisle had asked me to stay. He knew how important Edward was to me. I probably would have point blank refused if he had asked me to leave, and he knew that I would have done as well. All for one reason: _I love Edward Cullen._ I thought that and a small spread across my lips, but quickly faded when my eyes flicked back to him, lying on the bed.

He began to curl up even more, trying to shield himself from us. Carlisle gave his shoulder a squeeze in a fatherly way, and I took the hand that wasn't rubbing his back and ran it up and down his arm, also giving his shoulder a small squeeze as I did so.

We sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. I looked down at Edward and saw that he was sleeping. My angel. Apart from now, he was a fallen angel. One that had fallen down from heaven and couldn't find his way back there. I wanted to believe that with my help, he could indeed find his way home. I kissed his temple gently, being careful of the tube that was taped to the side of his face. It marred his face, distorted it. It shielded my view of his beautfully sculpted cheekbones and sharp jawline. It hid his beauty.

Just then, the door opened slowly, and Dr. Martin walked quietly into the room.

"How is he coping?" She asked, in a voice that wasn't entirely professional. It sounded like she really cared for him and her professional exterior when talking to guests wasn't who she was at all. I knew instantly that this was a woman who cared for each and every patient in this clinic and I admired her for it. It must have been hard for her, to deal with all the grief, pain and despression that happens in this place every day and yet have to appear cheery and chirpy to the guests and visitors.

"He fell asleep a little while ago." Carlisle explained not taking his eyes off of Edward's face.

"Well, maybe you two should think about getting off." She said quietly, looking between Carlisle and myself. I looked at Carlisle in horror, pleading with him to convince her to let me stay. I couldn't be apart from Edward, not now. Not after everything that's happened.

"I'll go," Carlisle said, looking at Dr. Martin. "But I would like Bella to stay here please." Her brow creased in confusion and worry, disagreeing with Carlisle's request. He cut her off before she could even open her mouth. "I know that's a strange request, but he needs her. He's been distraught today, and has had an extremely trying month or so, and she is something that he gains comfort from. She's been the one positive thing in his life so far and I believe that, given the chance, Bella may be what Edward needs to recover. She may be the one who can give him the drive and the will to.....to....to live again." He'd stood up by now, and we both watched Dr. Martin mull this over.

"Okay," She said hesitantly. "I don't really like the idea, but if you say that she could be beneficial to Edward's recovery, then I have to trust you." She sighed. "After all he is your son, and your reputation preceeds you." She smiled at him. Of course Carlisle would be known around here. He was one of the best doctors in the country. She looked at me and I looked her in the eyes. Her expression seemed to soften when she saw the expression on my face. "You really love him don't you?" I nodded slowly, looking at Edward's sleeping form again and single tear breaking free and inching it's way down my face. "All right, I'll have a nurse find you something to sleep in tonight." I looked up at her again and she smiled softly at me. I had really misjudged this woman. When I first met her, I thought that she was cold and unfeeling. But now, I saw that she really did care deeply for every single patient that passed through this clinic.

She left after that and I turned my attention back to Edward.

"I meant it you know," Carlisle whispered softly to me. I looked at him and he was looking at me intently. "I do really believe that you may be the one thing that could encourage Edward to recover. If you can make him see how much his life is worth I think that he might listen and start responding to the help that people around him are offering." I smiled at him. Could I really have that much of an impact? I couldn't see how.

Shortly afterwards a nurse came back and handed me a pair of cotton pants and a cotton tshirt much like the ones Edward was wearing. Something told me that this might be the standard sleepwear for the clinic. I got up and gave Carlisle a hug, telling him that it was going to be okay. I watched as he leant over his sleeping son and kissed him tenderly on the forehead. Moments like these are precious. Watching Carlisle, I saw how much he loved his son and the regret that he felt for having authorised the tube. I also knew that it was something that couldn't be avoided. I smiled at him and hugged him again before he left.

I went into Edward's small bathroom and changed quickly. As I walked out into the main room, I saw that Edward hadn't moved at all. The rise and fall of his chest as the breath went in and out of his lungs was the only this that showed he was still alive. I gently pulled the duvet out from underneath him, being careful not to disturb him and lay it over him. I then crawled underneath it and moved myself to press against him, wrapping my arms around his middle. He really had lost a lot of weight since the last time I held him. I could feel every single one of his ribs and his spine. Fresh tears sprung to my eyes. I hated that he was this way. I wanted him to get better. I wanted him to get well and come home to Forks, so that we could be together.

I felt Edward's arms wrap around me and I sighed, leaning my head into his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It was slightly erratic but Carlisle had told us all that that would be an after effect of the heart attack he had suffered, as his heart was still trying to repair itself and keep functioning, so it didn't worry me too much.

I felt him sigh against my hair and I breathed in his soft sweet scent. A mixture of cinnamon and something that reminded me of flowers in a meadow. He was the most precious thing I had. He was my Edward. _My_ Edward. He was mine and I was his. It amazed me how natural this postition felt. It was as though our bodies were made for each other, just so we could curl up in this very position and be together. I lifted my head to watch him sleep.

He was so peaceful. Not trace of the pain and hurt that he had been feeling only a little while ago was evident in his face. It was as if he was a regular teenager, sleeping at home. But he wasn't a normal teenager. He was broken and hurt, and I wanted to be the one to put him back together. To rebuild what he had lost, to help him in any way I could.

Being careful of the tube that was attached to his face, I lifted my hand up and ran my fingers gently through his hair. As I did so, a small smile appeared at the corner of his mouth, and I knew that he was subconsciously telling me not to stop. So I didn't. I lifted my head up ever so slightly and placed a soft, gentle kiss on his lips. The smile on his face widened slightly and I smiled to myself. Maybe Carlisle was right. Maybe I was the one who could help him. But in what way I didn't know.

"Bella...." I heard him whisper and I froze, not taking my eyes off of his face. His eyes were still closed and his breathing was still level and even, showing that he was still asleep. "Bella...." He whispered again and I realised that he was dreamingl. About me. I couldn't help the enormous grin that spread across my face. Many times I had dreamt about Edward, but I hadn't actually thought that he dreamt about me. Now, evidently he did.

It was in that moment that I made one of the biggest decisions of my life.

I decided that I was going to get Edward well. In whatever way I could.

**I felt like I needed to do BPOV on the whole feeding tube experience as she is in almost as much pain as Edward here, seeing him like that and knowing how he is feeling through memories.  
I hope it turned out okay, this chapter was a little difficult to write.  
Gimme some reviews and let me know. :D  
Ciao! xx**


	35. For Me?

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

I woke up the next day confused to say the least.

I could feel something on my cheek and momentarily forgot what it was. Reaching up I felt the tube, taped to the side of my face. I sighed and closed my eyes again, remembering the events of the previous day. It was a moment or two before I realised that there was someone else in the bed with me, their head pressed against my chest, their arms wrapped around my waist and their legs entangled with mine, which I thought was strange. Also, I wondered how I didn't notice this person as soon as I woke up, or better yet, why hadn't they woken me up? Normally I was a light sleeper.

Whoever it was was covered by the duvet so I pulled it back and felt my heart swell when I saw Bella lying there next to me, her head nuzzled into my chest and her arms wrapped around my waist. After the initial revelation that she was there, I remembered that she would have been able to feel how thin I had actually gotten. That was something I never wanted her to find out and it crushed me to think of what she would think of me now. She was still asleep and I could hear her even breathing as she slept, lost in the world of her subconscious.

I wrapped my arms around her again, thanking whoever it was who allowed her to stay the previous night, taking in her scent. Strawberries and freesias. I loved her scent, it always made me feel safe. Her scent made me feel at home and I loved it. She stirred and lifted her head slightly, looking at me through sleep filled eyes.

"Morning," She said, smiling at me, her voice thick with sleep.

"Morning," I could only manage a whisper due to the tube. It may not have been large, but it still affected my speech. I remembered one of the doctors telling me that I would have to practise speaking with it. That it would take time before I could talk properly. That obviously meant that I was going to have this in for a while. That was a thought I did not relish. I wondered briefly, how long it would be before it was removed. I contemplated asking Derek but I knew what his answer would be even before I asked it. He would tell met that it was up to me. That I was they only one who could determine when the tube came out and when I was able to leave my room again.

"I guess you're wondering what I'm doing here, huh?" She asked me, pulling herself up to rest her head on the pillow in front of me, placing a hand between her cheek and her pillow, gazing at me. I nodded slowly, not enjoying the feeling as the tube moved slightly with the movement. _Note to self: don't move too much._ I thought. "Carlisle managed to convince Dr. Martin to let me stay here. He told her that it would be better for you if I did. And I think she's right. It's certainly better for me anyway." I smiled at her and she leant in and gave me a soft kiss.

We broke apart and settled back on the pillows, gazing at each other, just enjoying each others company. It felt like weeks since I had seen her, not hours.

"Does it hurt?" She asked me in a whisper. "The tube. Does it hurt?"

I shook my head. "It's...um....uncomfortable. To say the least." I managed to choke out. It was the truth. It didn't hurt but I was constantly aware of it.

She smiled slightly at me and leant over to kiss me again. "Well that's good then." She placed a gentle kiss on my lips, her soft lips gently brushing mine. God, how I'd missed her.

Just then someone knocked on the door and Bella settled back down looking at me. "Come in," She called. The door opened and a nurse walked in holding a tray of food for Bella and probably something to force into me at the same time. She smiled at Bella as she looked at her.

"I thought you might like some breakfast." She said, placing the tray on the table next to Bella and then moving around to where the machine hooked to the tube was. I didn't move, not wanting to see what she was doing, but I noticed that Bella was watching her intently, intrigiued by what she was doing. "Breakfast for him as well." The nurse said quietly. When she moved around to the back of the bed, I saw her look at me with a look of sympathy, so I closed my eyes, not wanting her expression. I'd noticed that Bella no longer looked at me. All that was portrayed in her expression was love. That's all I needed from her. Not sympathy or pity. Just love.

When she left Bella looked at the tray and looked at me.

"You don't mind do you?" She asked and I shook my head, gesturing for her to eat. She leant over and kissed me again before sitting up and pulling the tray on her lap. I could see that she was uneasy about eating in front of me, but I closed my eyes and pressed my head into her side, happy for her just being there. The clinic had been right about one thing: I _did_ need her. I needed her there with me, always. She was my rock. She understood me in a way that no one else did. But I knew that this would be shortlived. There was no way that they would let Bella stay here with me. The all figured that this was a road I needed to travel on my own. Maybe on some level they were right but I wanted, no I _needed_ Bella there. I didn't think that I could handle this on my own. I knew that my family would try to help as much as they could, but I also knew that that wouldn't go very far.

I could feel my stomach beginning to fill up again as the liquidized food was pumped into it. It was like Bella could sense my discomfort because she began to run a hand through my hair, eating with her other hand. I could tell that she didn't like to eat in front of me, she never had really, knowing about my animosity with food, but she needed to eat. These last few days had to have taken their toll on her as well, and she needed to eat.

I felt Bella move next to me and I heard her place the tray on the table. I opened my eyes and I saw her looking at the pictures that were on the table. She smiled when she saw the picture of her there. I couldn't help but smile at her. She was so important to me, and yet, I don't think she knew just _how_ important she was.

She slid down to rest her head on the pillow, facing me again and I saw a grin spread across her face.

"You talk in your sleep you know." She said grinning at me. I could feel the blood rush to my face and I closed my eyes and hid my head under the duvet, not wanting to hear what embarrassing or terrible things that I had mumbled about in my sleep. I knew that I talked in my sleep. I had done ever since I was little. My mom always thought that it was cute and my dad always found it amusing. Carlisle, Esme and the others didn't know about my sleep talking as they generally left me to myself after I excused myself for the night. If memory serves me correctly, Bella was the first person to hear me sleep talk since my parents were taken from me. She giggled at me and pulled the duvet up so that it was covering her head as well and she looked at me. "You said my name." Her grin widened even more, if that was possible as she told me this.

"Did I say anything else?" I asked her, and she shook her head. At least I hadn't said anything embarrassing. She was a terrible liar so I knew that she was telling me the truth. I breathed a sigh of relief. At least I hadn't said anything incriminating, or something that could be a cause for her to push away and leave me.

We heard someone knock on the door again, and Bella pulled the duvet down to uncover both of our heads. "Come in," She called and the door opened slowly. A head popped around the door uncertainly, as if wondering if they had the right room. It was Michael.

I waved him in and he relaxed as soon as he saw me, a huge grin spreading across his face.

"Hey, man," He sat indian style on the end of my bed. "You alright? They told us that you were ill and that it'd be better if you didn't see anyone. Feeling better now, yeah?" He hadn't noticed the machine next to my bed or the tube that disappeared underneath the duvet. He couldn't see the lower half of my face so he couldn't see the tube. Or at least if he could, then he was an exceptionally good actor.

I shook my head and his expression became confused. I sat up slowly and his face fell, his expression morphing into one of shock.

"Oh man!" He gasped. "When did that happen?" I could see the shock on his face as he looked from my face and followed the tube to the machine it was hooked up to. I looked over and saw that the bag attached to it was empty. I grimaced and turned back to Bella not wanting to think about it.

"Yesterday," Bella answered him, knowing how uncomfortable it was for me to talk. Michael jumped slightly and his gaze shot to her immediately. "Sorry," she giggled, seeing that she had frightened Michael a little.

"I'm sorry. I should introduce myself. I'm Michael. Lemme guess you're Bella?" He asked sticking his hand out for her to shake. She nodded smiling, and took his hand. Instead of shaking it he kissed he back of her hand winking at me, and she giggled while I shook my head, wincing when the tube resisted. Yeah, these two were going to get on just fine.

"How'd you know?" She asked sitting back against the pillows.

"Are you kidding?" Michael looked at her as though she had just sprouted another head. "I think I know more about you than you do about yourself." They both laughed and Bella leant round and kissed me on the forehead, smiling, yet a bit embarrassed of the fact that I'd told him about her.

I could feel myself drifting off again as the two of them talked. I wrapped my arms around Bella's waist again and let the gentle folds of sleep wash over me as she ran her hand lovingly through my hair. I didn't have to worry about leaving her alone with Michael. He was so easy to get along with and Bella was just amazing, so I knew they wouldn't have trouble finding things to discuss. Especially since he was from Port Angeles and she was from Forks.

I was woken up a little while later by Bella shaking me gently, calling my name.

"Edward," She called softly. "Edward, wake up, love." I slowly opened my eyes and saw her looking at me with a smile on her face. Derek was there as well, and I realised that he was probably here for a therapy session. "Hey, hon." She kissed me on the forehead.

"Hey Edward." Derek said cheerfully from the chair he was sitting on. He was too happy. So happy I wanted to hit him. "How you feeling today?" I hid my head back underneath the duvet, not wanting to talk to him yet and Bella giggled at me. "That good, huh?"

Just then Bella's head appeared in front of me underneath the duvet. She moved her head close enough for me to be able to feel her breath on my face. She, ever so gently, laid her head on my cheek, the one with the tube taped to it, and was careful not to disrupt it in any way.

"You have to talk to him," She whispered, just loud enough for me to hear. "He can help you. That's what he's here for, to help you. Talk to him, work with him and when he thinks you're ready you can come home. If you don't talk to him, then you'll be in here forever. I don't think I could handle that. I need you, Edward. I need you at home, with me. I love you Edward Anthony Masen Cullen." She pulled back from me, so her face was in front of mine again. I could see that she had tears glistening in her eyes. "Do this. Please." She inhaled a deep breath. "For me."

I closed my eyes. She had used the one argument that I knew that I wouldn't be able to refuse. The "for me" argument. If it was my family using that then I probably would have beem able to refuse, but there was something about Bella and her huge brown eyes pleading with me to do this, that made it impossible to refuse her. I scrunched my eyes together and inhaled deeply. Exhaling in a sigh I nodded slowly. I opened my eyes to see her smiling sadly at me. She knew how hard this was going to be for me, and I could see the pride shining through her eyes. She wasn't proud of the fact that she had gotten me to do it, she was proud that I had found the strength to say yes.

She kissed me softly and pulled herself up from underneath the duvet, me following closely behind her.

"I have to go, love," She wasn't allowed to stay when I was having a session, that much was clear. "But I'll be back in a little while, okay?" She said, climbing out of the bed, putting on her shoes and a hoodie. I saw that she was wearing the same back ensemble that everyone had to wear for weigh-ins. I was hoping that they didn't mistake her for a patient, seeing as she was a bit skinny. Ironic much, me saying that Bella's a bit skinny. She kissed my forehead intensely and then left a soft kiss on my lips.

I watched her go, whislt preparing myself for what came next with Derek. I could tell he was upset at the fact that I'd had to have the feeding tube put in, but I wasn't sure who he was more upset with. Me for refusing to eat anything or himself for not pushing me further.

As Bella closed the door, I looked at Derek and could think only one thing that I knew would get me through.

_For her._

**So Edward's finally accepting the help that Derek has to offer.  
For Bella.  
Maybe with her there he'll be able to start getting better.  
Reviews make me smile :D  
Ciao! xx**


	36. Opening Up

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

Watching Bella leave the room I wondered what I had gotten myself into. Was I ready to open up yet? To try to work through my problems? I wanted to for Bella but I really didn't know if I was ready. I had the feeling that Derek was going to let things go at my pace. Something that I was thankful for, because I didn't know how much I was ready to share.

I looked at Derek to find him watching me intently. It started to unnerve me, until he spoke.

"You really love her don't you?" He asked me and I blinked at him. This wasn't something that I was expecting him to say. I looked at my hands and nodded slowly. "Anyone can tell. The look on your face when you look at her. It's complete and utter devotion there, nothing else." I looked at him to see him smiling at me. It wasn't the smile that he had used in our first session. It was a smile that knew, that understood how I felt. I looked down and saw that he had a wedding ring on, so there was a very good chance that he did indeed know how I felt about Bella. For some reason, that thought comforted me slightly.

"She's my everything." I whispered and he nodded, still looking at me, smiling.

"I can tell." He replied. "She feels the same way about you, you know?" I looked up at him. "You should have seen her at the hospital after.....well....anyway, she was there all the time. She refused to leave your side unless she was phsyically removed. She loves you." I smiled slightly and he grinned at me. "Why don't you tell me about her."

"What do you want to know?" Talking with this tube was getting easier to do, even if all I could manage was a volume barely above a whisper.

"Well, how did you two meet?"

"In Biology, at school."

"What happened?" He seemed genuinely curious. Whether or not that was part of his job, or whether he was really interested in what happened I don't know.

I shrugged. "Introductions. You know, the whole "what's your name?" "where you from?" deal."

"Did you notice anything different about Bella? I mean, you were the new kids in town right? There had to have been something about her that drew you to her over everybody else. I mean, good looking guy like you-" I grimaced at that comment. "No. Edward, you are. Don't take this the wrong way, because I am married, but you are. You are a very good looking young man." I looked at him and saw only honesty in his expression. "I'm sure you had girls all over you that first day."

I shrugged again. In all honesty, I didn't really remember the first day of school, other than meeting Bella and seeing her huge brown eyes for the first time.

"Am I right?" He asked, knowing what the answer was. "You had girls throwing themselves at you didn't you?" I smiled slightly and nodded. "So. What drew you to Bella? There must be something special about her. Something you saw when you met her."

"I don't know." I said honestly. "Maybe, it was......because.....she actually spoke to me. The first thing she asked me wasn't "will you go out with me?" or "are you busy Friday?" I don't know. Maybe it was because she wanted to know about _me_ you know? I mean, yeah she started out with the typical "what do I ask the new kid" stuff but it was better than anything else I had gotten all day." I looked down at my hands again, not really focusing on anything. "She made me smile." I whispered that last part but he heard me and his expression changed. How I don't know, it just did. It was like his eyes became full of concern.

"And you never really smiled before she came along did you?" I shook my head glumly. It was true. Since I'd lost my parents I hadn't really been able to smile. It was something that pained me. But there was something about Bella, something that made it impossible not to smile or at least feel like smiling when I was around her. "What happened then?"

"Teacher started talking." I said matter-of-factly. It was true. The teacher had started talking by that time.

"What about the next time you saw her? When was that?"

"The next day. I was at my locker and she just appeared. She asked me if I wanted to spend our free's together, so I said yeah."

"That's not something you would usually do, is it?" He asked and I shook my head. This guy has obviously done his homework. "Why do you think you accepted?"

"I don't know." I honestly couldn't remember why I'd said yes. All I remembered was the desire to just be with her. I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the fact that she was the only girl I'd met who hadn't tried it on with me. Who had just sat there and talked to me.

"What happened? Where did you go?" He asked softly.

"We went out to the field. And we just sat under a tree. It was nice." I knew that he wasn't going to accept that as a full explanation so I thought that I might as well elaborate. Talking about Bella was one of the only things I didn't mind. It felt kind of nice to be talking about her. "She asked me what I thought of the town, and it kind of went from there really. It was nice, being able to talk about simple things. Things that didn't really matter. Until....." I trailed off.

"Until?" He questioned me, a look of concern on his face.

"She, um, she saw one of the, um, bandages on my arms." I whispered. This is where it got hard. It was hard enough to tell him that much. Talking to Bella was certainly a lot easier than talking to Derek. Why, I didn't know, because I doubted that he would judge me either, but for some reason it just was. "She asked me what happened. So I told her."

"I bet that was hard." I nodded, not looking at him.

"She asked me why. She thought that it might have been the move. Until I told her that it was _because _of me that we had moved." I sighed. "I could see the look of concern on her face, but it was different to everybody else around me."

"How so?"

"I don't know. It just was. It was like, she really felt for me, as a person, not just because she felt that she had to." I shrugged again, not knowing how to explain it. "I don't know. It was just different with Bella." I looked out the window that was parallel to my bed. "She promised not to tell anyone, and I believed her. I wouldn't usually have but there was just something about her that made me trust her. Maybe it was because she didn't immediately judge me. That I know of anyway."

"Bella doesn't seem like the person to judge without getting to know a person inside." He sighed. "You want to know what I think?" I looked at him and nodded slightly. "I think that you never told anyone because you knew how they would react. There's always been this kind of stigma surrounding self-harm, and that's why you didn't tell anyone. You knew that if you did, it would be them avoiding you rather than _you_ pushing _them_ away." I blinked. He was actually right. "And when you met Bella and she asked about it, she didn't react in the way that you thought she would and that gave you a little hope. That there were people who wouldn't judge out there. That one small act on Bella's part, gave you a tiny slice of hope in believing that not everyone is as judgemental as you think they are. Am I on the right track?" I didn't know what to say. Michael was right. This guy _was_ good. I nodded and he smiled. "What happened after that?"

"When I went to Biology I heard her friend interrogating her about a secret that she had. I knew what she was talking about and I felt.....I don't know.....betrayed. I mean, she had promised not to tell and at that point I thought she had." I took him a deep breath. "It turns out that she hadn't told, and I heard her basically telling her friend where to go." I smiled at the memory, still not quite believing that I was telling him this. But then again we weren't really getting down to anything deep and I enjoyed talking about Bella so I wasn't too uncomfortable, which is probably what Derek was looking for and I silently thanked him.

"How did that make you feel?" Derek asked crossing his hands in his lap, still staring at me intently.

"Better." I sighed. The quizzical look on his face suggested that he wanted me to elaborate. "I don't know. I guess it felt good to know that even though she'd been asked about it, she didn't tell. I made me feel like I might have had......a......friend." I whispered the word friend and I immediately saw Derek's face soften. I shook my head gently and he smiled at me.

"You got a lot more than a friend." He sad in soft tones. I knew that he was right. I _did _gain more than a friend in Bella. I would even go so far to say that I'd found someone that I could love. "When did you tell her about your disorder?"

"Um, about a week later." I admitted. It was about that. I remember being kept off school, but I couldn't remember how long it was in between. "We were at her house and I told her. I don't know why, but I just felt like she needed to know the truth, you know? I felt bad. Lying to her." I shrugged again. "I couldn't keep it from her anymore." I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, threatening to fall. "I couldn't lie to her anymore. It hurt to lie to her."

"Okay, I think we'll leave it there for today." He said in soft, reassuring tones. "You did really well today, Edward. It must have taken a lot for you to open up to me like you just did. I'm proud of you." He stood up and gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze before leaving the room.

Bella walked through the door a moment after he left. She sat down next to me and put her arms around my shoulders, pulling me into a loving hug, being careful of the tube.

"I am so proud of you." She whispered, gently in my ear. She placed a finger underneath my chin and gently lifted my face up to look her in the eye. She had tears welling up in her eyes and a look of pride on her face. "That must have been so hard for you, and I am _so_ proud of you, sweetheart." She placed a gentle kiss on my lips. "How do you feel?"

"Um," I hesitated. "Okay, I guess." I gave her a small smile.

She lay down next to me and put her arms around my waist, snuggling into my side. I pushed myself down so I was no longer sitting up but lying down next to her. I buried my head in her soft brown curls and breathed in the scent of strawberries that I loved so much. She giggled at my actions and I couldn't help but smile. I don't know what it was but this girl had some sort of power over me. A power that made it so I couldn't help but smile around her. When she was around, nothing else mattered. It was just me and her. Edward and Bella. Bella and Edward. Nothing more, nothing less. And that was fine by me.

I must have drifted off, because the next thing I knew there was a knocking at the door. I opened my eyes groggily and saw that Bella was also asleep next to me, her arms still clinging around my waist as though they were her lifeline. The knocking came again.

"Come in," I called as loud as my voice would go and the door opened slowly. It was a nurse with a tray of food for Bella.

"Oh, I'm sorry dear." She said, placing the tray on the table next to my bed. "I didn't mean to wake you. Just brought some lunch up for the young lady." I put my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes as she moved around the bed and came up beside me. I felt her fingers on my cheek and I jumped slightly, trying to move away from her touch. "It's okay. Just checking that it was still in place, that's all. No need to worry." She turned away from me and I could hear her doing something with the machine that was next to my bed. She was changing the bag over, making sure it wasn't just Bella that had some food. I couldn't help the scowl that spread across my face. I still hadn't forgiven this place for hooking me up to this thing. "There we are. All sorted now." She smiled at me and left the room.

_Patronising cow,_ was the only thought that went through my mind before Bella began to stir. I looked down at her as she opened her eyes, adjusting herself to her surroundings. She looked up at me and grinned and I couldn't help the small smile that tugged at my lips.

"The nurse brought you some food." I said, nodding my head in the direction of the tray. Giving me a swift kiss, she sat up slowly and pulled the tray onto her lap. She gave me a look as if to ask "are you sure its okay?" and I nodded at her, signalling that it was. She slowly began to eat, as I closed my eyes, merely enjoying her presence.

When she was finished, she set the tray back onto the table and squirmed her way down the bed, pulling the duvet up to her chin and smiling at me. She reached out and pulled the duvet up so it came up to my ear lobe and then put her arm back underneath, wrapping both of her arms around my waist again. I mock scowled at her, but didn't move the duvet.

"I really am proud of you, you know." She mumbled against my chest as she pressed her ear to the spot just above my heart. "It was very brave of you to talk to Derek earlier."

I responded by kissing the top of her head and wrapping my arms around her, pulling her in as close to me as I could without aggravating my ribs. I sighed and buried my head into her hair again, earning myself another giggle.

"What?" I asked, looking down at her.

"Nothing," She replied, smiling up at me. "It's just so cute when you do that." She giggled again, and I smiled at her. She was so honest, and I knew that it was going to get her into trouble some day. She looked at me again, after she was done with her giggles. She pressed a hand to my cheek, being wary of the tube. "Go back to sleep love." She whispered, kissing my chin. Before she could move her head, I ducked mine down and gave her a deep, passionate kiss.

Breaking the kiss, I settled my head on the pillow and sighed. I heard her do the same, only instead of a pillow, it was my chest. I didn't want this moment to end. Me and Bella. Yes we may be in a clinic of sorts, but for now, it was just the two of us, in our own little bubble, that no one could burst.

And it felt right.

**So Edward has opened up a little to Derek. It may only be about Bella, nothing _too_ substantial, but it's a start.  
It's putting him on the road to accepting help. And Bella may even use the "for me" card again. Maybe.  
Anyway, I love reviews, so a few of those will help me update faster.  
Ciao!! xx**


	37. Family Time

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**BPOV**

Over the few weeks after his initial session with Derek, Edward began to steadily improve. He was slowly gaining weight and even though he was still on the tube it was a good sign. He was opening up little by little to Derek, but unfortunately he had yet to divulge any real information about his past and the reasons behind his destructive behaviour. It didn't worry me too much though, because after all, Edward had spent years concealing everything from everybody, so him talking about anything was progress, even if it was slow. I was hopeful that he would be able to open up about something important soon. All we could do was wait, and hope that Derek could gain his trust enough to do so.

Dr. Martin had told me that I would be able to stay at the clinic until Edward had made sufficient enough progress to be able to handle recovery without me there. She was insistent on this because she felt that he needed to become independent. Even though, the prospect of being seperated from Edward hurt me, I knew that she was right, and when the time came I would leave the clinic and give Edward the chance to recover on his own. This was something that Edward needed, even though I knew that he would hate the idea to begin with. We hadn't told him of this development yet, because he was still in quite a fragile state and we didn't know how he would receive the news.

After three weeks on the tube, Edward had gained enough weight and regained enough strength to be taken off it. I was optimistic about this as it meant that Edward could start rebuilding his relationship with food. It meant that he could start to look at the physical side to his problems.

Unfortunately, this hope was shortlived. Edward still refused to eat anything, as he still held a deep rooted fear of food. He refused to have anything to do with anything when it came to food. Much to my dismay he was put back on the tube. It hurt for me to see him make this kind of progress and then to, as it seemed, take several steps backwards. The tube was different this time. Instead of constantly being hooked up to a machine, and being confined to his room, the doctors or nurses were able to connect and disconnect the tube when he needed it. This meant that he was able to move around and regain some semblance of independence. Something that I could see he was happy about as he hated being confined to his bed. I couldn't help but wonder how long he was going to be on it this time. Sometimes, Edward was too stubborn for his own good.

We both continued our studies. Because I was staying there with Edward, I was allowed to join him in the classes that the clinic provided. It was sort of like how I guessed a boarding school would be. I was glad of this because if this weren't here then I would have no choice but to go back to Forks to finish high school, but then again with so many teenagers coming and going all the time, it was to be expected.

I spent pretty much all my time with Edward, apart from when he spent that hour or two in therapy with Derek, depending on how he felt. Derek had been eager to get Edward's recovery process underway so he felt that a daily session was necessary for the first week or so, just so that Edward would get used to talking to him. From where I was standing, it seemed to help.

His family came to visit him as often as possible. Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie were only able to come up on the weekends due to school, and Carlisle and Esme were only able to visit as long as their work permitted it. Esme had had a downpour of clients that wanted her to redo their homes and that left her with very little time left over. Carlisle found it even harder to get time off of work. There had been an increase in road accidents lately, which meant that he was constantly being called into work. Something that was frustrating him. Even though he loved his work, he wanted to be able to get away to see Edward more often than he could.

We all held onto the hope that Edward would respond well to the treatment and be out soon. For a short while I thought that that might actually be possible, but unfortunately, Edward's reluctance to trust food again thwarted that hope. I kept telling myself that he was going to be okay. He needed to take baby steps thats all. I could wait for him to make the progress on his own. When it came to Edward I would do anything asked of me.

I got to know a couple of the patients in there really well. I quickly became friends with Michael. He was a sweet guy who was clearly energetic and fun-loving, but his eyes always seemed to hold a certain sadness which conveyed more than he was letting on. He told me why he was in there and about his past and he thought that it was great that I was allowed to stay. He also told me that I was the first relative or friend who had been able to stay overnight. He was glad of that because he realised that Edward needed me. He soon realised that I needed Edward too. He was incredibly perceptive.

I also met a girl called Claire in there as well. She told me that she had only met Edward once, but she immediately took a shine to him. I was wary of her initially, wondering if I should keep an eye on her, but she soon began talking about her boyfriend, Quil. I could immediately tell that she was in love with him, and that she saw Edward as a friend so the initial hostility that I felt to her melted away pretty quickly. She thought that what I was doing for Edward was amazing, putting my life on hold so that I was able to see him through. She asked me how I was able to do it. And I told her the truth.

"Edward is my life now." I told her truthfully. He was and nothing was going to change that or take that away from me. Her face broke out into a huge smile that reminded me of Alice when someone mentioned shopping. Thankfully, she was not as hyper as Alice was. Even though she seemed happy enough I could tell that, as with Michael, there was a lot of stuff that she needed to work through. Her boyfriend came to see her as often as he could. He lived in Seattle, so it wasn't hard for him to get to the clinic and I could see the devotion that he had for her when he was with her.

He was here now. They were sat in a corner of the recreation room, talking and occassionally exchanging chaste kisses. Edward was in session with Derek so I had accompanied Michael down to the largest of the recreation rooms.

"That's what you and Edward are like, you know?" Michael said, a cheeky grin spreading across his face, nodding to Claire and Quil, who were now talking, their foreheads touching. It was a sweet thing to see. Young love, as many grown-ups called it. Those two would be together forever, you could see it. I turned back to Michael to see that he had a slightly sad look on his face.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, placing a hand on his.

"It's just that, I see you and Edward together, and Claire and Quil, and I just wonder whether or not I'll ever have anything like that." He sounded so sad and lost.

"Of course you will, Michael." I lifted his chin up. "The one for you is out there somewhere, and you will find her. You _will_ find her, Michael. Don't ever doubt that." He smiled at me, seeming to take comfort in my words.

"Thanks Bells." He whispered. I leant over and gave him a hug, rubbing his back in a friendly gesture.

Breaking away from him, I saw Edward walking through the door and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. Michael turned to look at him and rolled his eyes as he turned back to me. I gave him a friendly punch on the arm as I got up and embraced Edward.

"How was your session?" I asked him, gazing into those beautiful green orbs that always made my breath hitch and my heart speed up.

"It was good." He said, sitting down on the same sofa as I had been on a moment ago, pulling me into his lap in the process. I sat on the cushion that was wedged between his leg and the arm of the sofa, not wanting to hurt him. He was still too thin, so too much pressure or weight on him could hurt him and do a lot of unwanted damage. "Derek is scheduling a family session." He breathed, looking at my hand, on which he was rubbing small circles with his thumb.

"Are you okay with that?" I asked, pushing his hair out of his eyes and leaving my hand resting on the back of his head, gently.

"I think so." He whispered, unsure. "I think it could be good. Maybe."

"Derek wouldn't have suggested it, if he didn't think you were ready." I told him and he nodded in agreement. At that moment, his eyes glazed over slightly and I knew that he has zoned out. I quickly brought him out of it by placing a kiss on his lips. He snapped back to attention and smiled at me. "Don't worry about it love. When is he thinking of doing it?"

"Tomorrow." He sighed. "Apparently he already called my parents and they agreed. They think that it's best to get it over and done with. They say the first one is always the most important." We looked at Michael who nodded silently.

We made our way back to Edward's room and just lay there on Edward's bed, enjoying each other's company.

I don't know how long we stayed there like that, but after a while there was a knock on the door. Looking at the time we knew that it was the nurse bringing a tray of food for me, and a bag of liquidised food for Edward. I knew that he hated it, but there wasn't really anything he could do about it, unless he went on to eat solid food. I began to eat my lunch as the nurse hooked Edward up to the machine that pumped the liquid into his system. I know he hated it, but it was necessary until he rebuilt his trust in food.

We stayed in Edward's room for the rest of the day, just talking about nothing in particular. It was one of those meaningless conversations that stays in your memory forever. I didn't want to forget a single moment with Edward. We were only interrupted by the nurse who brought me some food and changed the bag on the machine and hooked Edward up to it again, returning about half an hour later to disconnect him again. We must have fallen asleep soon after that because I don't really remember talking to him when I'd finished my food.

The next morning I woke up to find Edward gone. This was normal now, because since he had been disconnected from the pump he would have to get up every morning for weigh-in. I knew this was necessary but every morning I woke up aggravated that Edward wasn't there. I missed waking up to his warmth and beautiful scent. It was just something else that I was going to have to put up with if it meant that Edward was going to get better.

Knowing that there was no way I was going to get back to sleep I rolled out of bed and climbed into the shower. Having the hot water pelting down on my skin felt good. I couldn't help wondering how today was going to go. Edward had told me that Derek had organised a family session, and seeing as I was such a large part of Edward's life, I would be there too. Trying not to dwell on it too much, I stepped out of the shower, dried myself off and got dressed. I walked out of the bathroom to find Edward lying on his bed with his eyes closed. I sat on the bed and his eyes shot open, glinting at me in the morning light.

"Well?" I asked him as he sat up.

"Up .7lbs." He said looking at me apprehensively. I smiled slightly.

"That's good, love." I put my arms around him. "Every day you gain a little bit more, the closer you are to leaving here."

"Yeah, I know. It's just....." He trailed off and ran a hand through his hair a worried expression on his face.

"What?" I asked, turning his head to face me.

"I don't know." He dropped his hand back into his lap and stared at his hands. "I don't know."

I turned his head back to look at me. I gave him a quick kiss on the lips and stared at him again. "It's a good thing." I told him sternly and he smiled slightly. "Say it."

"It's a good thing." He whispered. I kissed him on the cheek.

"Now, go on. Get in the shower." He chuckled and made his way into the bathroom. He had been doubting himself a lot over the last few days, and it made me uneasy. I wanted him to see how strong he really could be. I just had to find a way to get him to see it. I would have to talk to Derek about it later on.

By the time Edward got out of the shower the nurse had brought up my tray of food and was waiting for Edward, so that she could hook him up to the machine. He grumbled a bit at this but sat on the bed nevertheless. He really did hate that machine. I was surprised that it was still in one piece to be honest. I was sure that if he broke it, Edward would be able to make it look like an accident. I smiled at that thought.

Before we knew it, Jude came up telling us that Derek was ready for us to go to his office. I had never been in his office before. Ever since I had been here, Derek had taken to conducting Edward's sessions in his room, to give him a sense of security, he told me. But seeing as it was a family session, apparently the space in Derek's office was larger than the space in Edward's room.

We followed Jude down the hallway and she left us outside Derek's office. She smiled at the both of us in encouragement as she walked away. Edward paused before going in, a look of worry on his face. He was doubting himself again. I could see it in his eyes. This one probably going to be one of the only times he was able to tell his family how he really felt and there was no way I was letting him back out now.

"Edward." I took his face in my hands and forced him to look at me. "You can do this." I told him, but I could see that from the look in his eyes, he didn't believe me. "You _can_ do this, okay? You have nothing to be afraid of. They will still love you no matter what. Alright?" He tried to nod but my hands had his face so securely that he couldn't. I stood on my tip toes and gave him a kiss.

I looked up at him, smiled and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. He smiled back at me and we walked through the door.

His family was already in there waiting for us and they all turned around as we walked through the door. I let go of Edward's hand as they all moved to embrace him, including Emmett. After they embraced Edward, Esme and Carlisle came over to me and each gave me a hug, whispering thanks and gratitude in my ear. I smiled at them.

"Okay then," Derek stood up from where he had been sitting on his desk. "If you could all take a seat." I looked around and saw that there were eight armchairs in the room, arranged in a semi-circle.

"Does it matter where we sit?" Emmett asked looking at Derek.

Derek looked straight back at him. "Probably." He said, unsmiling.

We all moved to sit down. Edward sat down in an armchair on the end of the semi-circle closest to the window. I sat down next to him and watched the others take a seat. Derek was watching us all, trying to gain answers from our body language.

"Who starts?" Emmett asked when we were all sat down, looking around at us all.

"Why don't you start, Emmett?" Derek asked him, sitting back down on the edge of his desk, where he had been a moment ago, looking intently at Emmett.

"Um, okay." Emmett seemed slightly flustered. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"How about the first thing that comes to mind." Derek looked over at Edward. "How do you think Edward seems from the last time you saw him?"

"Well, um, he seems better." Emmett said, unsure of Derek's meaning. "I mean, he _looks_ better than he did." He looked Edward up and down. "But that's probably because he has to eat now. He doesn't have a choice now."

This comment seemed to pique Derek's interest. "Now what makes you say that?"

"Well, here he doesn't have a choice whether or not he eats. He _has_ to. But at home.....at home he doesn't. It just makes me think, what's he going to be like when he leaves here?" Emmett's voice seemed to drop when he said the last part. I saw Edward roll his eyes at his brother.

"Do you think that when Edward leaves he'll revert back to his old ways?" Derek asked him.

"Well, there's a possibility he could." Emmett glanced at Edward again. "I mean, with nobody watching him all the time, there's no telling what he'll do. Who knows what he's going to be like when he leaves here."

"Emmett!" Rosalie hissed at her brother.

"No, Rose!" Emmett shot back. "He told us to be honest, and I am. We don't know what's going to happen when Edward gets out of here. So let's stop pretending that we do."

"Emmett, calm down!" Carlisle warned him. "This is no time to let your anger get the better of you."

"Emmett's got a point, Dad." It was Jasper who spoke up this time. "We don't know what's going to happen when Edward gets out of here. It's not like we can prepare. I mean he managed to fool us for God knows how long before we discovered what was going on. Who's to say he won't try it again?"

"Thank you!" Emmett said slouching back in his chair.

"You two need to have a little faith in Edward!" Alice spoke up now. "I mean, you've heard how well he's doing. How do you know what he's going to be like-"

"Exactly Alice!" Emmett snapped, leaning forward in his chair again. "We _don't_ know what's going to happen." He looked at Edward again, who was now staring at the floor his jaw clenched. "I mean, it's not like he's embracing the treatment with open arms is it? I mean, look, he's still got that fucking tube stuck to his face!"

"Emmett," Carlisle warned, obviously reprimanding him for his language.

"No Dad!" Emmett was getting angry now. "He's still having to be force-fed! It's not like he's getting on well with the treatment is it?!"

"Emmett, calm down!" Rosalie hissed. "You getting pissy is not going to help things."

"It seems that nothing's helping though is it?" Emmett glared at Rosalie. "You wanna know what I honestly think? I think that Edward's going to be here for a long long time. Who knows when he'll get out. Maybe he won't!"

"Emmett!" Alice screeched. "How can you say such a thing?!"

"How can I not?" Emmett almost yelled back.

I didn't really pay any attention to what else was being said. All I noticed was Edward turning his chair around and going to stand by the window. He stood there, his jaw clenched and his hands clenched into fists. He hated seeing his family fight and I could tell that he was trying to hold back tears.

"Hang on, hang on." Derek called to the family. "While you're all fighting here, take a look at where Edward is." We all turned to face him as he stared out of the window.

**EPOV**

"Hang on, hang on." I heard Derek call to my arguing family. I couldn't stand it when they fought. When the arguments usually started I generally got out of there as fast as I could. "While you're all fighting here, take a look at where Edward is." _Great! Now they're all going to be looking at me._ "You see where he is? Edward?" I turned my head to face him slowly. "Do you often do that? Try to disappear when the fighting starts?" I looked out the window and nodded slowly.

"Course he does!" Emmett piped up. "He's always been the _good_ one."

"What do you mean by that Emmett?" Derek turned back to my hostile brother now.

"What I mean is that, Edward can never do anything wrong." Emmett huffed.

"Well, Emmett, that's not entirely true is it?" Jasper put in and I turned to look at them. "If he never did anything wrong we wouldn't be sat here now would we?" Emmett didn't answer him. "I mean, just because he was always quiet as a kid, that didn't mean that he never did anything wrong."

"Now," Derek said, slowly. "How much time and attention did Edward actually get before you found out about his self-harm and eating disorder?"

"I don't know." Carlisle muttered. "I mean, he was always a quiet child."

"Yeah," Rosalie agreed. "A lot of the time you never really noticed that he was there."

"Ah," Derek said, pointing a finger at Rosalie. "There it is." Rosalie looked confused. "'A lot of the time you never really noticed he was there.' That says it all. But let me guess, after everybody found out, he was watched all the time, right?" Rosalie nodded. "Now, you see, what remains to be seen here is, whether or not Edward would have developed these disorders if he _had_ been noticed more when he was younger. You know, had someone to talk to. It might have helped prevent this."

"Are you saying, we're to blame?" Emmett spoke up again and I rolled my eyes at him. He scoffed and I turned to see him looking at me.

"No, what I'm saying is, maybe we can start to rectify that mistake now." Derek explained. "What I'm trying to do is to attempt to get Edward to try and depend on you emotionally, as a family, or else he is going to remain as helpless and as isolated as he is right now." Derek looked at me and then back at my family. "And then.....in our up and coming sessions I want to help Edward and yourselves to understand the feelings and emotions that he starved behind and hid with nehind with his self-harm."

I turned around to look at them. None of them had any idea of what to do.

Emmett had his head in his hands. It sounded like he was trying to hold back tears as Derek's words sank in. "It's my fault." He moaned quietly, clutching at his hair in what looked like a painful way.

"Emmett," Alice put a hand on his shoulder. "No one's blaming you."

"I can't help it. I'm sorry. He's my baby brother. I can't stand to see him like this." Emmett looked up at me, a look of anguish on his face. "I'm sorry Edward. I love you Eddie, I do."

Derek looked at me now. "How does this make you feel Edward?"

"I don't know." I turned away from my sobbing family. "I'm not sure I really want to know."

"How come?" He asked me.

"Because.....because.....I hate it."

"What do you hate?" He sounded concerned.

"Expecting anything." I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. "I hate expecting something or wanting anything. Because wanting something means that....that....you'll never get it or...or that when you do get it, it's taken away from you. And you're left with nothing." The tears that were threatening to fall spilled down my cheeks now, as I remembered the pain that I felt when my parents were ripped away from me. "So if you don't expect anything, then you can never be disappointed."

"Expecting what?" I shrugged. "Love, perhaps? Comfort? People to rely on and get close to?" I shrugged again, shaking my head slightly. I couldn't handle this anymore. I didn't know what to say. "Maybe this isn't about the Cullens' at all is it?"

"What do you mean?" I asked him quickly. Too quickly.

"I mean, that this could be about something else," he said slowly, as if he were cautiously approaching unchartered territory. "Like your parents' maybe?" I shook my head, fiercely, telling him that I didn't feel up to talking about that at the moment. "Okay, then. It's alright, we don't have to go there today." I looked at him, thanking him silently. He nodded in my direction once.

"Now, we're running out of time in this session, but during these sessions what I'm planning on doing is exploring how you all interact as a family. As a unit." He explained as I resumed watching what was happening outside the window. Not that much was happening outside. There were some birds on the green, but that was it really. "I'll be trying to investigate your relationship, one as a family, and as individuals within the family." He looked at me again. "Okay, I think we'll wrap it up there for this week."

Everyone looked around at each other, not really wanting to get up. Eventually, Carlisle got up and walked over to me. I turned to look at him and he hugged me tightly. I stiffened at the sudden contact, and tried to relax as he held onto me. I put my arms around him and buried my head into his shoulder, feeling my tears spilling over again.

"It's okay. It's okay." I heard him whisper to me as I sobbed into his shoulder. I felt him crying against me but I didn't care. This was the first time Carlisle and I had embraced like this. It must have been a pathetic sight. A man holding onto his teenage son as they both sobbed into each others shoulders.

After a minute or two we'd both calmed down enough to let go, and the others in my family hugged me goodbye.

Bella walked up to me and put her arms around my waist. She leaned up and kissed the bottom of my jaw and I looked at her and she smiled at me sadly.

I watched sadly as my family walked out of the door.

"I'm very proud of you, Edward." Derek said, closing the door behind them, and walking up to me. He put his hands on my shoulders in a fatherly way. "It took a lot of guts to stand up to them today. I'm so proud of you. Now, off you go, get some rest." He squeezed my shoulders and Bella and I walked up towards my room.

If I'd done such a good job, then why didn't I feel do great?

**Edward's finally opened up a little to his family.  
How do you think this will affect his recovery?  
Any of you notice something that happened that was really hard for Edward to do (apart from the whole confrontation thing)?  
A sneak peek of the next chapter for anyone who gets it right :D  
Ciao!! xx**


	38. New Girl

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

I thought that after the session with my family I would feel slightly better. But I didn't. If anything, I felt worse.

Because of things that I had said and done in the past, they thought that it was their fault. I knew that no matter how much I tried to convince them otherwise, they wouldn't listen to me. They haven't listened to me up til now, why the hell should they start now?

Seeing them, sitting there in front of me, sobbing, because of me, it was almost too much to handle. I didn't think I would be able to but something inside of me was willing me to stand up to them for once. To tell them how I felt. And in that moment, I felt a sliver of strength and I grasped onto it, hoping that my actions wouldn't cause too much pain.

Derek had said that it took a lot of guts to stand up to them and say what I did, and I could tell that Bella was proud of me for voicing, even if it was a tiny portion of the emotions I was feeling at the moment, and sharing them with my family. If it was such a good thing that I'd done, and I'd felt like it was a good thing at the time, that it may have some positive outcome, why did I feel like complete and utter shit now?

Maybe it was because my family were so used to me rolling over and letting things wash over me, that they didn't know how to react to me when I told them the truth. They had obviously been expecting lies. Some giant lie to escape through my lips. But everything I'd told them had been the complete truth.

Oh, well. You know what they say: Truth hurts.

I was in my room with Bella now. Sitting on my bed she was watching me from the small chair that occupied the small space under the window. She liked it over there. It had quickly become her litttle spot. We would often just sit there, me on my bed and her on my chair and we'd just gaze at each other, drinking in all we could from afar. Sounds corny I know but it was true.

I thought back to the end of the session, when Carlisle hugged me. My first instinct was to wrench myself out of his grasp, away from him, but somehow I managed to control myself and actually hug him back. Even I knew that this was huge for me. The only one I had been able to maintain any type of physical contact with since my parents had died was Bella. Being able to hug Carlisle was huge for me, let alone being able to cry at the same time.

That family meeting was one of the hardest things of my life. Never before had I let the Cullens' know that I was suffering. Well, until they found out that is, and even then I tried to keep how I was suffering down to a minimum. So, today, even though it wasn't something huge, or as huge as it could have been, letting them in was a really hard thing to do. And I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it.

I felt a thumb brushing across my cheek lightly and I realised that Bella was now kneeling next to me on the bed. I also realised that I was crying, again. I seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

"Hey, baby." She whispered softly in my ear. "It's okay, love." She had begun using the nickname that I always used for her. This made me smile slightly. "It's alright." She wrapped her arms around me and I pulled her towards me. She twisted around and sat next to me, placing her head on my chest right above my heart, seeming to listen to it as she lay there.

"What are you thinking?" I asked softly, playing with the slight ringlets in her mahogany hair.

"I'm thinking," She pondered this for a moment. "That I'm proud of you." I scoffed and she tapped my arm lightly in scolding. "No. I _am_ proud of you. Derek is too. You finally worked up the courage to tell your family the truth about something. Something you've needed to do for a long time, Edward. Maybe now.....now that you've done it once, you'll be able to do it more often. And not just about the little things. The things that really affect you. Things that upset you about them. You know, stuff like that."

"I don't know, love." I whispered, thinking over what she had just said. Would I be able to open up more to my family? I just didn't know. Today had been hard enough but would I be able to do it over and over again. No. I didn't think I could. Maybe it was just because of the fact that it was the first session today. That was the reason things had been so emotional and tense.

"I know you will." She looked up at me, a small smile on her face. "Shall we go downstairs?" I looked at her and nodded.

We walked down to the recreation room hand in hand. We walked in and saw that there were a couple of people in the smaller rooms that led off from it, but most were in the main room, in small groups, huddled together and whispering. I saw Michael and Claire sitting either side of a small table playing cards and walked over to them, curious as to why everyone was acting the way they were.

"Hey Michael." I said, sitting down on the sofa behind Claire, so I could face him. Bella sat down next to me. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" He said, looking up momentarily from his game with Claire. I gestured around at the groups of whispering patients. "Oh," He looked around at them all. "There's a new person coming today." He looked at me again.

"Oh," I was confused at why this would be such a big deal, surely there were new people coming and going all the time. Why was one person such a big deal? "How come everyone's making a big deal out of it?"

"I don't know." He said, getting back to his game. "They were the same before you got here actually so, I guess it's just something that happens. You know, new meat kind of thing." I grimaced at the term he used and looked at Bella who shrugged.

"When are they coming?" I asked looking around. He shrugged and challenged Claire, who had just one that game, to another one.

"Can I play?" Bella asked, a grin on her face. Whether or not they'd let her was another question. She always beat them both. They both looked at each other cautiously and in the end nodded and she gave me a quick kiss and sat down on one side of the square table.

"You playing Eddie?" Michael asked, looking up.

I shook my head and threw a pillow at him, managing to hit him straight in the face. "No, and how many times have I told you not to call me Eddie?"

He grinned and threw the pillow, which I caught, back at me. "Not enough." He chuckled as I rolled my eyes and tucked the pillow behind me again.

I sighed and went over to the bookshelf, looking for yet another book that I hadn't read. The list of choices was becoming quite slim. I saw on the shelf a book that Bella was always raving about. _Wuthering Heights. _She'd read it about a hundred times, and kept going on about it, but I'd never read it. I plucked it off of the shelf and went to sit back down. Opening it I got a quizzical look from Bella, and I shrugged my shoulders. Curling up on the sofa I opened it and started to read.

I found that it wasn't that bad of a book, even though I did have a problem with the main characters and their so called "love", but other than that it was written well and I hadn't thrown it down after the first chapter so it couldn't be that bad. The others had gotten bored of whatever game it was they were playing and moved onto another one.

I had stopped reading and was intently watching Bella. Her reactions and her expressions when she won or lost a particular hand. They way her eyes would light up if she'd won or the way she'd pout, mocking anger when she was beaten. I couldn't help but smile at her reactions. Everything she did captivated me. To me she was perfect, even if she didn't see it herself. I found myself continuously asking how I'd found this angel.

I was watching Bella and she'd caught my eye, flushing that beautiful pink as I smiled at her when I first heard the screaming. It scared the life out of me, and all the others turned to look as well. I looked at Michael, who sighed and stood up.

"New girl's here." He said looking at me. We all got up, along with everyone else in the room and went to see what was happening. All I could see was the same two guys that had been hanging around when I'd gotten here, carrying a girl, actually _carrying_ her, while she thrashed around, up to, what I'd imagined was her room. Her parents looked extremely distressed and Dr. Martin was doing her best to try to calm her and the girl down. How those two could stand to be around those screams was something I found I would have to ask. They had to be wearing ear plugs of some kind because it was loud even from where I was. All I could discern was the occasional "don't leave me here!" or swearing.

"I'm glad you weren't like that when you got here." Bella whispered, looking at me and smiling.

"I still had a little dignity then," I replied dryly. Truth be told, I just didn't have enough energy to fight like that when I first got here. I wasn't strong enough, so there was no point. I was too drained, both physically and mentally to put up a fight.

Jude walked into the room where we were all watching the scene with the girl play out before us. "Okay, everybody." She called. "Lunch."

I sighed and looked at Bella. I took her hand in mine and we made our way back to my room. Because I had this tube still in I had to go up to my room when it was mealtimes, to be hooked up to that damned machine. When we got back up there, we heard screaming and cursing coming from the end of the corridor. Turns out the new girl was on the same corridor as I was. I looked at Bella and she gave me a bewildered expression back. We went into my room and I sat down on the bed, pulling Bella down with me. I just wanted to sit there for a few moments, inhaling her scents of strawberries and freesias, a scent that I loved so much. We could still hear the screams that were coming from down the hallway and the distressed cries and sobs that accompanied them.

"I'm so glad you weren't like that when we brought you hear." Bella whispered. "I don't think I could have handled it if you were. I barely kept myself together when you were like you were, let alone like that." She buried her head into the crook of my neck and I smiled, drawing in a deep breath, inhaling more of her scent.

After a few more minutes the screaming had died down and was being replaced by sobs and whimpers. She was really putting up a fight. Something that I had not managed to do, but what's done is done, and there's nothing I could do about it now.

Just then, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," I called quietly. It was Jude, smiling slightly. She was holding a tray of food for Bella, which also carried a bag of liquidized food for me. _Great,_ I thought sarcastically. _Best time of the day._

"That new girls a bit of a hellion, isn't she?" Jude said, placing the tray down on the bedside table and walking around the bed to hook me up to the machine. I nodded. "We haven't had one who put up that much of a fight in a while." Jude wasn't being mean or condescending. It was just the way she was. She said things as she saw them, no sugar-coating as people put it. "Normally the ones who put up a fight are the quicker ones to respond to treatment. It's those who don't fight back that you have to worry about." She gave me a look of mock anger and I gave her a small smile.

"Thank you, Jude." I said, sarcastically.

"That's alright, sweetie," She said, flashing me another smile. Jude may have annoyed me a bit to begin with, but there was something about her that you couldn't help. Like Esme, she was one of these people who constantly put others before themselves and always made sure that everyone else was okay. Out of the nurses she worked the most hours at the clinic. She always made sure that everything was alright with all of the patients before she left, and sometimes she was here until the early hours of the morning. I personally thought that she may as well live here, but I wasn't sure whether she had a family, so I never said anything to her about it.

She gave Bella and myself one last smile and left the room. As Bella sat up to eat her lunch I slid down slightly and rested my head in her lap. She had learned to put the tray next to her rather than on her lap, so I could do this. It was comforting in a way. I closed my eyes and felt the slightly tug of sleep pulling at me. I gave in, knowing that it would only be twenty minutes, half an hour at the most before I got woken up by Jude unhooking the tube and taking away the empty plastic bag.

True to form, I was woken up a little while later, to the slight movement of the tube in my nose. I grimaced, hating the feeling. The discomfort that it brought.

"Sorry, Edward, dear." Jude apologised as she finished unhooking the tube.

"It's okay." I mumbled back.

Bella had started running her hands through my hair so I didn't bother to get up. I enjoyed that feeling too much. It just felt natural, somehow. I wrapped my arms around her tightly and sighed and Jude stood at the end of the bed, smiling while looking at us. I could get the feeling that she was suppressing a huge "awww" that was threatening to come out. Instead she just moved up to the bedside table and picked up the tray, still smiling and left the room.

"There's something wrong with that woman," Bella said after she was sure that Jude had gone. I couldn't help but smile.

"Well, she's got to be," I said, not lifting up my head. "She's working in pretty much a loony bin."

"Hey," Bella exclaimed, tapping me slightly on the back.

"Ow," I mocked hurt, lifitng up head and pouting at her.

"Shut up, you weirdo," She shook her head smiling. "That didn't hurt." She kissed me and I smiled at her again. "And, this place is not a loony bin."

"Might as well be," I muttered. She sighed at me again.

"Come on," She said, shuffling a bit, making me roll off of her and onto my back. She leant over me slightly, placing one hand either side of my shoulders and smiling at me. She leant down and brushed her lips against mine lightly. She pulled away and I pouted at her. She crushed her lips to mine, full of passion and I greatfully reciprocated. I felt her tongue flick against my bottom lip and I allowed her access, which she took advantage of instantly. We stayed that way for a few minutes, tongues battling against each other furiously, only breaking to breathe when she pulled away from me. "Come on, let's go downstairs."

"Do we have to?" I moaned, not letting her go. She nodded. "Why?"

"To be sociable." She stated simply and I groaned. She stood up quickly and pulled my up gently, not wanting to cause further damage to my side. "Stop moaning, come on."

We walked back down to the recreation room to find most people in there, having broken from lunch. Michael and Claire were sat on the sofa talking, so Bella and I went and sat on the only unoccupied sofa, curling up and snuggling into each other.

We watched everyone around us for a little while, before Bella sat up, claiming she needed the bathroom. She gave me a quick kiss on the forehead, and tried to get up. She protested a little when I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back, but quickly stopped when I gave her a kiss on the lips. She pulled back with a silly grin on her face. I knew that I was probably wearing one of my own, but I didn't care. I loved Bella, and I wanted the world to know it. Thankfully it was Jude on duty at this point, because otherwise we probably would have gotten in trouble for that small PDA. All Jude did was give me a small knowing smile. I managed to give her a small grin back.

Just then, a small figure entered the room, cautiously. It was the new girl. She wasn't that tall, possible a few inches taller than Bella, making her about 5'6" to 5'7" next to Bella's 5'4". She had long blonde hair that fell to just above her waist. I couldn't see her eyes at this point because she was looking at everyone in the room, surveying her surroundings with a glum expression.

Suddenly she looked at me and her glum expression disappeared, being replaced by a wide grin. There was something else in the grin that she gave me. Something I didn't quite recognise.

She walked over to me, slowly and sat down next to me, seeming to evaluate every inch of me.

"Hi," She said. She voice was high, sugary and nothing like the beautiful tones of my Bella. "I'm Tanya."

**Sorry to leave it there, but it felt right to leaving it :D  
I wanted there to be a little intense moment between Bella and Edward, but know this, there will be no lemony stuff in this story. Edward's mental state is too fragile for that and Bella knows this, so kissing is as far as they will go.  
Tell me what you thought :D  
Review review please. You know how I love them.  
Ciao!! xx**


	39. Meeting Tanya

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

_Suddenly she looked at me and her glum expression disappeared, being replaced by a wide grin. There was something else in the grin that she gave me. Something I didn't quite recognise._

_She walked over to me, slowly and sat down next to me, seeming to evaluate every inch of me._

_"Hi," She said. She voice was high, sugary and nothing like the beautiful tones of my Bella. "I'm Tanya."_

She held out her hand for me to shake. I took it, gingerly and smiled, not wanting to appear rude in any way.

"Edward," I said, and became slightly unnerved and panicked when she didn't let go of my hand. I didn't like the contact and I gave her a pointed look.

"Sorry," She said, reluctantly letting go of my hand. "So..." She looked around her. "What is there to do for fun around here?"

I shrugged. "This is pretty much it."

"Are you serious? That sucks!" Her jaw dropped. She sounded like one of those girls you see in the movies that had just been told that the mall's closed. The kind of girls that annoy the hell out of me. I could tell that she was going to be one of those girls straight away, and I wasn't looking forward to it. "Well," She looked at me in what I supposed was meant to be a seductive way, and personally, it began to scare me slightly. "We can always make our own fun." She winked at me. She seriously just fucking _winked_ at me! What the hell was that all about?! Suddenly, I really wanted Bella back in here. And I mean NOW! As in if she didn't get back soon, I would be going to find her.

"So, um," I looked down at my hands. "You make quite an entrance earlier." I decided I had to change the subject pretty quickly. "The screaming and such, I mean."

"Oh, yeah......that." She didn't look embarrassed or ashamed in the slightest as I would have expected her to look. I would've if I'd made an entrance like that, knowing that everybody could hear and see me. That wouldn't be the way I wanted to make a first impression. "Oh, well. It's over and done with. Can't change it, now can I?" She leant back on the sofa, laying one arm over the back and curling her feet up underneath her.

"Well, I guess not." I looked up at her. "But why would you react like that? I mean, don't you care about what people think?"

"No, not really." She said, tilting her head slightly, still not taking her eyes off of me. _Hurry up, Bella._ I thought, panicking. She was looking me up and down again and biting her lip. I found it an endearing quality when Bella bit her lip, but when Tanya did it, it unnerved me, like there was something else behind it. Of course, with someone like Tanya there probably was. Yes, I know that it's wrong to judge someone before you know them properly, but I had met many girls like Tanya before, and they had only been after one thing. Something that I wasn't ready to give up yet.

"I mean, if you knew that you were coming here in the first place, then why put up a fight?" I seriously didn't understand this girl. "You had to have known that you weren't getting out of it. Why waste all that energy fighting the inevitable?"

She shrugged. "I guess I wanted to show my parents how angry and upset I was. I mean, I was only told I was coming here two days ago. You can understand how upset I was right?" She used a tone that should have made me feel sorry for her. Hell, if it wasn't for my own circumstances then I probably would have.

I huffed. "I wasn't told I was coming until I was in the car on the way here." I told her and her jaw dropped slightly. Yeah, take that. I felt bad for throwing that one at her, but I wanted to let her know that just because she hadn't been told til a few days before, doesn't excuse her behaviour.

"Oh my god. That's so mean. I'm so sorry that happened to you." She reached forward and touched my leg. I jerked my knee away from her touch. She looked hurt, and I had trouble discerning whether it was a real hurt face or a mock hurt face. "Are you okay Eddie?" I grimaced. I hated it when Emmett or Alice or any of my family called me by that name, and I definitely didn't want her to call me it.

"Don't call me Eddie." I told her sternly. The look on her face told me that she wasn't actually listening to me. She reached out to touch me again but I moved away from her.

"What's the matter?" She asked, trying to look seductive through her eyelashes.

"I don't like people touching me." I stated matter-of-factly.

"Well," She purred, making me grimace interally. "Maybe that's something we're going to have to work on, isn't it?" She said, trying to get that seductive edge back into her voice. I had heard that before. Bella had said that to me, when we were sat in her kitchen that morning we ditched school. The day I had told her everything.

Just then, Bella came back into the room and I could feel a smile spread across my face as I watched her. My guess is Tanya thought that it was directed at her, as she beamed back at me, fluttering her eyelashes. I noticed that when Bella reached the sofa her eyes grew dark and as Bella sat down next to me and leant on my shoulder, her eyes turned into slits and if looks could kill, Bella would be very very dead by now.

"Who's this?" Bella asked looking at me.

"Oh, this is Tanya." I said gesturing towards her. "She's the new girl. Tanya this is Bella."

"Nice to meet you." Bella smiled at her warmly. She was always so warm to new people and it made me fall for her a little more each time she displayed one of her loving qualities. It made me think, what was she doing with me. I quickly squashed those thoughts and remembered that I was extremely lucky to have her here, with me, now.

"Nice to meet you too." I could hear the gentle lace of venom in Tanya's voice. What was with this girl? Was she jealous of Bella? I couldn't think why she would be. I shook my head slightly, but not so much that either of the girls would notice. "I thought you said you didn't like people touching you." She asked me, a look of questioning on her face. She obviously thought that I had just said that so she wouldn't touch my knee or was playing hard to get.

"He doesn't." Bella answered for me. "I'm the only one that he will let touch him." I smiled when I thought I heard a faint air of smugness in Bella's voice.

Tanya's face fell even more at that statement and I had to stop myself from smiling any more in seeing her reaction. Bella rested her head on my shoulder and turned her face to face mine, nudging her nose into the little nook at the base of my neck. I could feel her breath on my neck and I kissed the top of her head as she fiddled with the sleeve of my shirt.

"So, what are you in for Bella?" Tanya asked, obviously trying to break us out of our little moment. Needless to say, it didn't work. We just turned to gaze at each other as well, both knowing full well why she was here.

"Oh, I'm just here to help Edward through his recovery." Bella said, smiling up at me. I smiled back at her and I pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead.

"You mean, you don't have an eating disorder?" Bella shook her head. "That's stupid. Why on earth would you want to be in here if you don't have to be?" She looked at Bella as though she had just told her that she had the plague.

"I'm here because Edward needs me." Bella's voice was laced with malice now. I had never heard her use that tone with anyone before. Not even Mike Newton. "And I'll be here for as long as he continues to need me."

Tanya scoffed. "It's still stupid if you ask me."

"Why is that?" Bella asked, lifting her head off of my shoulder and crossing her arms, staring intently at Tanya. I didn't like where this was going.

"Calm down, love." I said calmly into her ear, rubbing her forearms gently. Tanya's eyes seemed to widen a little at my calling Bella 'love'.

"No, Edward." Bella said, not forcefully but in a tone that said "I'm not playing around". "I want to know why she thinks its stupid that I'm here to support the man I love through his recovery process." She took one of my hands in her own and began rubbing small circles into the back of it with her thumb.

Tanya shrugged. "It just is. I mean, why would you want to be stuck in a hospital when you could be out there?" She gestured toward the window. "Out with your friends, being a teenager, living life." She gave Bella a look that dared her to come back with an answer. And Bella being Bella, she did.

"Edward _is_ my life now." Her saying this made me smile. "I am nothing without him."

I could see that this was not going to end well, so I tugged on Bella's arm and pushed her up lightly. "Come on, love." I whispered. "Let's go." She got up, glaring at Tanya as if to dare her to try and stop us and I got up after her, taking hold of her hand and leading her away gently.

"See you later, _Eddie_," Tanya smirked.

"Don't call him Eddie." Bella stated matter of factly. "He hates it." Tanya said nothing but shot daggers at Bella, before smiling and wiggling her fingers, in what was supposed to be a sexy wave at me. To be honest it kind of creeped me out.

We left the recreation room and I stopped Bella in the hallway. I took her face in mine and kissed her softly.

"Ignore her." I whispered, pulling her into a hug.

"She wants you though, Edward." Bella whispered back. I could tell that she was on the brink of tears. "I could tell that instantly. It's so obvious."

"I don't care." I pulled back and cupped her face in my hands. "Because you are the only one that I want." I kissed the end of her nose and then pressed my lips to hers again. She seemed to relax at my kiss and I was grateful for that. "Okay?" She nodded and smiled at me. "Please don't do anything that'll mean we're separated. I don't think I could handle being in here without you." Her expression turned blank and her eyes darkened slightly. "What?"

"Nothing." She replied quickly. A little _too_ quickly. I narrowed my eyes at her. "Honestly. Nothing." I wasn't going to let her get off that easily. I continued to stare at her until she gave in. "It's just, thinking of you here on your own, with _her_ here. It just makes me.....nervous I guess." She was speaking quickly so I knew that that wasn't all she was worried about. Bella's never been a good liar, but I decided to let it go. For now.

We walked back up to my room, hand in hand. When we got up there, we flopped down on the bed, in each others arms, just enjoying each other really. There was nothing strange about it. I loved being near her, touching her, holding her, kissing her. We both knew that we couldn't take our relationship to the next level. I didn't know whether she was ready for that. I knew that I wasn't.

I fell asleep as we lay there and was woken up by a knocking on the door.

"Come in," I called softly, as not to wake Bella.

The door opened slowly and I saw that it was Jude with a tray off food for Bella. She smiled at me and gestured for me not to wake her yet. Looking at Bella, she looked like an angel. I knew that even if I had wanted to I probably couldn't have woken her. She just looked so peaceful. I grunted slightly as I felt the familiar movement of the tube as Jude hooked it up to the pump and hooked up the bag.

"Sorry, sweetheart." She whispered, trying not to wake Bella up. I smiled at her, showing her that it was okay. She smiled at me again and left the room, closing the door.

I just lay there for a few minutes, gazing at Bella as she slept. I found out then that she talked in her sleep. She kept on mumbling, mostly incoherent things, but I could discern my name a couple of times. That made me smile. She was dreaming about me. There was no feeling in the world that could compare to how that made me feel. I kissed her lightly on the top of her forehead.

"Stupid..." I heard her mumble. "Crazy anorexic....." That made me frown slightly. Who was she talking about? Not me was it? "Psychotic lunatic stalker.......with the clap......and herpes...and........foot fungus." That made me laugh out loud, startling her in awake.

She looked around disorientated. I was too busy laughing to comprehend anything. I hadn't laughed like this in a long time. It had been so long since I had laughed like that, I couldn't rememeber when I did.

"What's so funny?" She asked, sleepily. When I didn't stop laughing she tapped me lightly on my chest. "What?!"

"What were you just dreaming about?" I asked her, rolling over to face her.

"Um," She thought for a moment. "You and, um, that new girl." She flushed slightly. "She was trying to take you away from me, so I started yelling at her....and.....I woke up, to find you laughing."

A grin spread across my face. "Do you know that you talk in your sleep?"

"Oh shit." She gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. "Yes, I did know that. What did I say?" A look of fear spread across her face.

"Well, you kept saying my name." Her face relaxed at this. "And then....." She tensed. "You called someone, I'm now assuming it was Tanya a 'crazy anorexic. a psychotic stalker with the clap, herpes and foot fungus'." I tried to stop a grin spreading across my face while saying this. But the look on Bella's face made that impossible.

I tried to think back to when I had last laughed like this. Then I remembered. I was seven. It was before my parents had died. The three of us were at a fair and my dad had been picked to sit on the dunk 'em seat. My mom had thrown a sponge at the target, hit it and he had gone falling into the water. That had been one of the funniest things I'd ever seen. My dad stood up in the water and huffed, feigning anger. Then he had proceeded in chasing my mother and I around the fairground until he had dried off before scooping me into a hug and kissing my mother. From what I recalled, I hadn't enjoyed _that_ particular moment. But then again, I was a seven year old boy. Anything to do with girls grossed me out. I hadn't really laughed properly after that, seeing as that was just days before they had been taken from me.

I made a decision then, in my head. I looked at Bella and she was tucking into the food that Jude had left her, the blush still evident on her face.

"Bella," I whispered, not really trusting my voice.

"What, love?" She asked looking at me, stopping when she saw my face.

"I want to tell you." I said, shakily. "About my parents."

**Ooooo cliffie.  
Sorry, hate to do it to you guys, actually scratch that. No I don't :P**

**I have ar080185 to thank for the sleep talking insult towards Tanya. She sent it to me through a review and I just couldn't not use it. It was too perfect haha!**

**Hope you liked this chappie :D  
Reviews make me smile. They also encourage me to write more chapters :D  
Ciao!! xx**


	40. The Truth

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**I just want to say a _huge_ thank you to everybody for their _amazing_ reviews. You seriously have no idea how good they make me feel and how much it makes me smile reading through them. I'm still waiting to get a review that says 'omg your story sucks!' but i havent got any of those yet so I'm all :D Thank you all so much for your reviews, and keep 'em coming. It's you guys that inspire me to write.**

**Unfortunately, this story will be coming to and end soon, but I'm not sure when. I don't want to go through Edward's whole recovery process, because it will end up getting a bit repetitive and boring, but I do have a few good chapters left so :D**

**I'm kind of toying with the idea of doing a sequel to this story. Let me know if you'd like it or if you think it sounds like a crap idea.**

**Right I'm going to shut up and get on with the story now :D**

**B****POV**

_"Bella," I whispered, not really trusting my voice._

_"What, love?" She asked looking at me, stopping when she saw my face._

_"I want to tell you." I said, shakily. "About my parents."_

It took a moment for me to process what Edward had just said. _He wants to tell me about his parents_. I thought. _This is_ huge!

I didn't think that Edward had ever told anyone about his parents. Not even Esme and Carlisle. When I'd asked about them, the two of them had said that they weren't entirely sure of what had happened to them. All they knew was that they had died, but they weren't entirely sure of the whole story. They had tried to ask Edward when he had gotten a bit older but he had always closed in on himself when they did. After a while they had stopped asking, realising that they weren't going to get any answers out of him, figuring that he would open up when he was ready. And it appeared that he was ready to open up.

To me.

I stopped eating and looked at him. He had a look of pain and sincerity on his face. I could tell that this was going to be hard for him.

"Are you sure?" I asked him slowly and he nodded, his unblinking eyes never leaving mine. "You don't have to, you know?"

"I know." He said, his voice slightly pained. "I know I don't have to...but....I _want_ to."

"Okay," I started to put the tray of food on the bedside table, but he stopped me.

"Finish your food first." He whispered, resting his head back on the pillow, smiling slightly. I smiled at him and returned to my lunch, with an uneasy feeling in my stomach. He was going to tell me his biggest secret. Somehow I felt like it should be Derek hearing this story for the first time, not me. But Edward had always been a closed person, and I was grateful that he had chosen me to open up to.

I looked at him to see him watching me eat. He had never done that before, normally he would lie there with his eyes closed as I ate, and as he was being fed through the tube. I smiled at him and he smiled awkwardly back.

_What could this mean?_ I asked myself. I mean, him deciding to open up to me about his parents, him watching me eat, when he normally didn't. They were tied in together somehow, I knew they were. Either that or I was being irrational again. Maybe he was just curious about watching me eat, seeing as he never really had before. The only time I had eaten in front of him, when he wasn't curled up beside me with his eyes closed, was when we were sat in my kitchen, and he was telling me....everything.

I finished just as someone knocked on the door. Edward called for them to come in and we saw that it was Jude. She beamed at the two of us as she came in and unhooked Edward, allowing him to roll over and curl up next to me. She then took the tray and left the room.

I slid down the bed so that I was eye to eye with Edward. He looked sad, slightly pained as if he was remembering something painful.

"Are you okay, love?" I asked him, brushing a few bronze strands out of his beautiful green eyes. He nodded slowly. "You don't have to tell me anything, you know that right?"

"I know." He nodded slowly. "But I want to tell you. I feel like you deserve to know. I mean, you've been there for me, every step. I keep expecting you to disappear every time I go to sleep but every time I wake up, you're here." He smiled sadly at me and I kissed his cheek, showing him that there was no way I would leave him, although I knew that at some point I would have to. I woud still be able to come and see him during the day, kind of extended visiting hours, but I would no longer be allowed to sleep here. I didn't know when they were going to put this into practise but I knew that it was going to hurt so much when they did. I had become used to spending every day with Edward, and during those days my love for him only grew. My love for him only grew and grew as he became stronger both mentally and physically and as he became braver. I mean, during that family session, I was so proud of him. It must have taken a lot to say that to his family, and receiving the hug from Carlisle. I could tell that that had made him uncomfortable, but he didn't shy away. Something else that increased my love for him. He was _finally_ trying to fight his demons, and I wanted to be there to help him, every step of the way.

"Okay," I whispered. "Just go at your own pace. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, okay?"

He nodded. "Um....well....when people hear that I'm adopted, and that I was when I was seven, it's like they always assume that I came from a bad home. You know, abusive parents and the state finally decided to intervene, you know....that kind of thing." I nodded. He shook his head sadly. "That wasn't the case with my parents. I had the best parents, a child could ever want. They were kind, caring, amazing people." I smiled at the way his voice filled with love and adoration when he spoke of his parents. "My Dad....he was great. We'd always go, you know, camping and fishing and stuff. We used to take drives out of the city to somewhere that was a little quieter, you know, for a bit of quiet time and all that. He was the kind of Dad that every kid wanted. And I had him." A small smiled flickered across his face when he spoke of his father. I could see that he loved his father.

"What did he do?" I asked quietly.

"He was a doctor." He said, admiringly. I smiled at him. "He was one of the most best doctors in Chicago. He knew Carlisle actually. They....um....they worked at the same hospital together, but they didn't really socialise. Different departments, you know." I nodded.

"What about your mom?" I asked him and his eyes filled with love and......longing, I think.

"My mother was......beautiful." He whispered. "I loved her so much. She was the most caring, kind, loving, beautiful person I have ever known. Her heart was huge. She wanted more children besides me, but after, um, complications when having me, she couldn't have any more children. My parents were actually looking into adopting when they....." He trailed off and I ran a hand gently through his hair, attempting to comfort him. His eyes had begun to well up at the thought of his mother. _He really misses her_, I though sadly. I didn't know how that felt, I mean, my mom was only in Florida. He had lost both of his parents permenantly.

"She sounds wonderful." I whispered and he looked at me sadly.

"She was." He whispered back. "She was my whole world. I loved her _so much_. I kind of felt that it was my fault that she couldn't have any more children. Seeing as if she hadn't had me, then she could have had another child...."

"No," I whispered, taking his face in mine. "Don't ever think like that. I am sure that they loved you with all of their hearts. They were your parents, and they wouldn't have blamed yu for anything. Especially since it wasn't your fault."

"I know," he replied, kissing my palm. "I think I know that now. But all my life, I have thought 'what if I wasn't here?' They would have had a long and happy life together, and probably have had a lot more children if it wasn't for me. All of the children that my mom wanted."

"Stop," I made him look at me. I shook my head at him. "That is not your fault. The fact that your mother couldn't have any more children after you is not your fault. It couldn't have been helped, okay?"

"It's not just that." He had tears running down his face now, and I was trying to hold them back but I could feel them welling up in my eyes. I hated seeing him in such pain, but I knew that it would be good for him in the long run, so I forced myself to listen, knowing that it was what he needed. "It's my fault." He whispered, meeting my gaze. "It's my fault they're dead."

"What do you mean?" I asked, rubbing his cheek softly with my thumb.

"Um, the day it happened." He sighed and sniffed. I rolled over and found a box of Kleenex in the bedside cabinet. I opened the box and pulled out a few, wiping the tears off of his face gently. "I had been messing around with some other kids at school. Um, we were messing around on the field and I kind of got into a fight with another kid. Nothing serious, it was more play fighting really, I mean, we weren't really hurting each other, but um....one of the teachers saw and thought that we were actually fighting." He sniffed again, wiping his eyes as more tears began to spill down his cheeks. "We were sent to the prinicpal's office. We had to wait for our parents, both of them to arrive. I knew that my dad was going to be annoyed because he was just finishing up a double shift at the hospital. And I was right. He was majorly pissed and my mom wasn't much better, although I think that she was more worried than annoyed." He took a deep breath. "I didn't get in that much trouble with the school after I explained what had actually happened. I mean, I got detention for the rest of the week and was sent home but other than that I wasn't really punished. It could have been a lot worse lets put it that way." He closed his eyes momentarily. "On the way home, my dad's mood hadn't improved. He was um, he was yelling at me for being irresponsible, and telling me to stop acting like a child. I had never seen him so angry before. It scared me. I didn't know that my dad could actually get that angry. I guess he'd had a bad day at the hospital before then, so....." He trailed off as more tears started to fall down his cheeks.

"It's okay, love, it's okay." I tried soothing him. "You don't have to tell me." I ran a hand through his hair again and he closed his eyes and sighed.

"No, it's okay." He said, wiping his eyes again. I gave him another tissue and he smiled glumly. "Of course, being seven I thought that I was the big man, you know. So I answered him back, letting him know that I was still a child and that I hadn't really done anything wrong. You know, in that sarcastic voice that little kids always use when their parents have pointed out the abvious. I had never spoken to him like that before. We never really had arguments in my house. It was nice. And different from other kids, they say said their parents fought all the time. I felt good knowing that my parents didn't. My mom told me to stop talking to my father like that, and he just blew up. He was so angry with me. I didn't understand why. But he was so angry with me.....so angry, that he...he....he didn't see the other car that swerved....into our lane." His voice broke and I took his head into my arms. He leant into my head as he continued. "I tried to shout at him that there was another car coming towards us, but he was so angry with me that he didn't see it, and it ran straight into his side. I was sat behind my mom, so we didn't get him by the car, but the impact....it....it forced us into a lamppost which.....collided with my mom's door." He sighed deeply and started to sob. "The next thing I know, I'm on the pavement.....people are surrounding me. I was in so much pain, I don't know what happened, I must have blacked out or something....but....I turned my head, and I saw the car....my_ dad's_ car. It was on fire."

"Oh baby." I rubbed circles on the bottom of his back. "Ssshh. It's okay."

"I still don't know....why.....I survived....and they didn't." He sounded broken, so alone and scared. All I wanted to do was hold him forever and let him feel safe again. I wanted to be able to do something that made it all okay again.

"It's okay." I whispered, kissing the top of his head gently. "It's alright."

"How can it be alright Bella?" His voice was filled with desperation, grief and pain. "It's my fault. I killed my parents."

"No, baby, no." I lifted his head up so I could look in his eyes. I had tears streaming down my face now, as did he. It was hard for me to think of anything else other than holding him until his pain went away. But I knew that that was not going to happen. "It's not your fault. Nothing was your fault."

"But if I hadn't answered him back, he would have had his full attention on the road, and he would have been able to avoid the car." He closed his eyes as more tears fell.

"You don't know that." I whispered. "There was nothing you could have done. It wasn't your fault, love. Okay?" He looked at me, but I could tell that he didn't believe me. It was going to take a lot of work for him to finally accept that what had happened to his parents wasn't his fault. This was something that I was going to be beside him for for as long as possible.

"All I could think after that, was that my last words to my parents, had been ones full of sarcasm, and anger." He sighed. "They'll never know....how much I loved them."

"Yes," I said, cupping his face in my hands again. "They did know. They always knew."

I kissed him on the forehead as he sobbed into my side. I was the first person he had told about his parents deaths, so it was inevitably going to be hard for him. I knew that all he needed was for me to be there. So I just held him and cried myself. What had happened to him was so sad, so hard. No one deserved to lose their parents, especially in such a brutal way, and at such a young age.

We lay there for hours it seemed, before he had sobbed himself to sleep. I heard a knock at the door and I called them in. It was Jude making sure that we were okay. She took one look at my tear steaked face and her expression turned to that of worry. I waved her, telling her it was okay. She looked at me apprehensively and I smiled at her, mouthing that it was okay. She looked Edward over one last time and left the room.

He was sleeping next to me. My angel. Who was slowly but surely, working through his demons.

**I hope that that was okay.  
I put a lot of thought into this chapter, and was almost crying myself when Edward was telling his story. Call me sad, but I don't care. Things like these just really get to me.  
Reviews make me smile, as I put in the AN at the top so leave me some and I'll be grinning for a long time :D  
Ciao!! xx**


	41. The Morning After

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**I'm so happy about the responses to Edward's revelation. I was afraid that people wouldn't like it. And you guys are just reinforcing my idea for a sequel to this story. I've already got a plotline formed in my head - and well, some of its jotted down so :D.**

**EPOV**

I'd thought that telling Bella what I had done would make her want to leave me forever. I mean, it was _my _fault that my parents were dead. If I hadn't gotten my dad so damned angry they would still be here. I wouldn't be stuck in this hospital. I would be an ordinary teenager, at home in Chicago, parents, friends, the lot. Not a shadow of the person that I should be right now. Not haunted by the nightmares that my past had imprinted in my mind and on my body.

_And you would have never met Bella._ A voice from deep inside of me reminded me. I sighed. It was true. If I hadn't made my dad so mad, hadn't disrupted his concentration in such a way, then I wouldn't have met Bella. But something told me that we belonged together, and that we would have met anyway. I didn't want to believe that. Let's just say I'm not a huge believer in fate. I like thinking that I have control over my own actions. The idea of there being some other force out there that was somehow in control of me and my actions scared me. Of course Alice and Bella loved that kind of stuff. Forever reading horoscopes and things like that. Why, I have no idea. I had stopped trying to figure that out a long time ago.

I'd fallen asleep not long after I had finished my story. I remember tears. There were a lot of tears and Bella was gently brushing her hand through my hair, trying to calm me down. Then I remember sleep taking me over, overpowering my weakened sense and I gratefully accepted its warm embrace. Thankfully it was a dreamless sleep. For I fear that had it not been, I would have been plagued by memories impersonating nightmares of that life-changing day. The same nightmare that had plagued me for three years after it had happened and I had been adopted by the Cullens'.

I was woken to a gentle voice calling my name. I opened my eyes grudgingly and saw Jude standing there, a small smile on her face. She didn't like waking us up at such an ungodly hour, but she knew it was required, so she made it as pleasant an unheaval each morning as possible. Still, didn't mean I had to like it.

"Come on, dear." She cooed. "Up you get. Weigh-in time." I, slowly and carefully unwrapped Bella's arms from my waist and sat up slowly as she handed me my cotton black tshirt and pants. I had been so wrapped up and and upset from telling Bella about my parents that I hadn't realised that I'd fallen asleep in my clothes last night. I took them from her giving her a small smile and she walked around the bed. "I'll just wait outside." I nodded and stood up.

I walked into the bathroom and got changed quickly, grabbing my blanket from my chair and wrapping it around myself. It was cold in the mornings and people around here quickly learnt to bring a cardigan, jacket or a blanket to weigh-ins. I'd asked Jude about this and she'd told me that they couldn't leave the heating on during the night because it got too hot and it didn't matter what time they turned it back on in the morning, the place never really started to warm up until there were people bustling about. Nobody really minded that much. Most people were still half asleep when it came to weigh-ins.

I followed Jude to the end of the corridor and she smiled at me, waiting for me to pass. I knew where I was going by now so I walked past her as she went to disrupt another teenager's peaceful sleep. There were those here that I knew weren't as easy to get out of bed as I was. Some of them were downright difficult, and one of them could even lash out, depending on whether she had had a good dream or a bad dream. Thankful that I didn't have Jude's job when it came to her. I wouldn't want to catch her after a nightmare.

I sat down on one of the chairs outside of the weigh-in room. I was sat next to a boy called Shane. I had spoken to him a few times while I was here. He had gotten here a couple of months ago and if he was on track with his weight then he would be out in a couple of weeks. He was excited to be leaving. I only hoped that I would get to that stage at some point.

At the moment he was sat in a chair, his head lolled to one side. He had obviously fallen back to sleep, as per usual. I nudged him in the side and he woke with a start and a bit of a snort, which made me laugh. He looked around groggily, searching for the culprit, looking for the one who had woken him up and when his eyes finally rested on my smirk he scowled.

"That was not funny dude." He grumbled at me, settling back down in the uncomfortable plastic chair.

"Oh, I beg to differ." I replied, still smirking.

"Eddie!" I heard a sugary sweet voice call me by the nickname I hated. I grimaced upon hearing and Shane chuckled at my obvious disgust.

"Getting in there with the new girl are we?" He mumbled and I punched him lightly on the arm. "I'm kidding man. We all know Bella's the only one you got eyes for." He looked past me and I looked around to see Tanya walking quickly towards us.

"Except for her I guess." I mumbled and Shane chuckled, shaking his head.

"Hi Eddie." I heard Tanya sit down next to me and she put her hand on my leg. I jerked it away, hating the contact, and grimaced at the use of that name.

"Hi, Tanya." I managed to croak out. "Please don't call me Eddie."

"What do I call you then?" She battered her eyelashes at me.

_Is this girl for real?_ I asked myself and when I looked at Shane I saw that he wore the same expression on his face. I couldn't help but smirk and he flashed a grin back. "Edward."

"Oh," She moaned. "But _Edward's_ so boring. I like Eddie better." She leaned in close to me, and I leaned away from her.

"Well, I don't." I stated simply. "So please. Don't use it." I hoped that she would get the message. _Please get the message_, I pleaded in my head.

"So, _Eddie_," I audibly groaned. "I was thinking that maybe we could go for a walk in the grounds later. After breakfast maybe." _She didn't get the message._

"Um, no." I told her flatly. "I have Bella for that. And besides, I don't eat with everyone else."

"Why not?" She asked. How stupid could this girl get? I knew there was a reason for preferring brunettes to blondes. I pointed to the obvious tube on the side of my face. The side that happened to be facing her.

"Next!" I heard someone cry from inside the room. Shane got up with a grin on his face. I gave him a look that said 'don't you dare!' but he only winked at me in response before going into the room.

"So, now that he's gone." Tanya tried to press herself up against me and I could feel myself starting to get extremely uncomfortable, and I could feel my breathing start to involuntarily increase. Normally people would sense my unease and back off, but not this girl. It was like there was something in her head that told her to do everything that annoyed me. She probably thought that she was being cute, or sexy, when in reality she was being down right rude and annoying. "How about that walk in the grounds after breakfast? I know you were only saying that about that _Bella_," She sneered her name which made me angry. "Just so he wouldn't say anything. Don't worry, I won't tell."

"I don't care." I said flatly. "And Bella," I put as much love and adoration into her name as I could muster, which didn't take that much work because that was all I felt when it came to Bella. "Is my girlfriend. I care about her deeply. And she cares about me, that's why she's here. I am not going to be going _anywhere_ with you or anyone else. Now if you could please move away from me, you're making me uncomfortable and if you could remember that my name is _Edward_, that would be great."

I didn't have a clue where all that came from, but it felt good. She moved away from me, but only slightly, obviously not completely understanding me, but thankfully at that point Shane came out of the room with a triumphant look on his face.

"Up?" I asked. He nodded, a grin spreading across his face.

"I'm on track." He said, as he held out his fist. I touched my fist to his and he grinned. That was the only contact Shane ever expected or requested from me. At first I had been wary of it, but it had become a regular thing between us so I had grown used to it pretty quickly. "She said that if I keep up like this, I can go home by the end of next week."

"Ah man, that's great." I said, a genuine smile spreading across my face. I _was_ happy for Shane. It had taken a lot for him to admit to his demons and face up to them. And now that he had he was doing great. He deserved to go home.

"Next!" The woman from the room yelled. _Thank god!_ I thought. It gave me a chance to get away from Tanya, although I could feel her watching me as I walked in and closed the door, still wrapped in my blanket.

"Ah, Edward!" The stout woman, Sharron said smiling. "How are you this morning?" I grunted in response. This was how it was every morning. I would come in, wrapped up in my blanket and she'd ask me how I was. I would always grunt in response and yet she'd still smile as though I had given her a complete rundown of my morning so far. "Step on the scales please." I dropped the blanket and stood on the scales backwards, as were the rules. I waited until she had written down my weight and nodded. She nodded again and I stood back on the scales so she could double check my weight. She wrote it down and smiled at me, gesturing for me to sit down on the chair next to her desk. I was confused. Nornally it was weigh-in and then up to your room to change for breakfast. She never asked you to sit down, it took up too much time. "Now, Edward. You weight is up enough again for you to be taken off of the feeding tube." I felt my eyes widen in shock. "But....considering what happened last time, we're going to let you make the initial decision. If you feel that you're ready to actually eat this time, then we'll take you off it. But if you're not then we'll leave it another few days, maybe a week and reevaluate, okay?" I nodded numbly.

I wasn't sure how to process this new information. I mean, I hated this tube. It was intrusive and annoyed the hell out of me, but if I had it taken out that would mean that I actually had to _eat_! I wasn't sure which one scared me more at this point. I stood up and gave her a small smile, before I picked up my blanket and wrapping it around myself again, stepped out into the corridor. When I walked out, I saw Tanya's face light up in a smile. I ignored her, hoping that she would get the message sooner rather than later. If Bella saw her acting that way towards me then she would probably do something to get herself kicked out of the clinic. I didn't want that to happen sooner than it had to. I'm not stupid. I know that Bella will have to leave at some point, I just didn't want to talk about it. It hurt to much to think that I was going to have to be away from Bella for an indefinite amount of time.

I walked back up to my room slowly, weighing up my options. I could either keep the tube in, and continue being fed liquids probably until next week or so or I could have it taken out and have to eat proper food again. I didn't really know which one to go for. I hated the tube, with a passion, but was I really ready to eat properly yet? I honestly didn't have an answer to that.

I heard someone coming down the hallway and I heard the annoying voice of Tanya talking to one of the nurses about what was on the menu for breakfast. She obviously didn't understand the fact that she had no say in what she ate and that was the reason that she was here. I walked quickly back to my room and closed the door quietly, sighing and leaning against it. Honestly, if it was a choice of either putting up with Tanya or having another heart attack, I'd take the heart attack hands down, and I had only known her for less than a day.

I looked over to see my Bella still asleep. Which was strange because she was normally up, washed and waiting for me when I got back from weigh-in. I guess my revelation last night gave her more to think about that I'd initially thought. I walked over to the bed, dropped my blanket on the chair and sat next to her, gently smoothing her hair and moving it away from her face. I smiled at her, watching her sleep and she sighed, still lost in her dreams.

I decided to let her sleep and I grabbed a towel and jumped in the shower, letting the hot water cascade down my back and wash everything away. I stayed under the hot shower for about ten minutes or so, letting the hot water ease out all the tension that had built up over my unfortunate morning run in.

I got out of the shower, dried myself off and got dressed in the bathroom. Opening the door, I saw Bella propping herself up on one arm and smiling at me. I smiled back at her, walked over to her and lightly pressed my lips to hers. She wasn't so willing to let me go though and she interlaced her fingers at the back of my neck, holding my head in place. She pulled me closer to her and pulled me down onto the bed, making it so that I landed the opposite side of her, all the while her mouth still connected to mine, unrelenting.

Finally, when we both needed some air we broke apart, both of us panting slightly and I smiled.

"Well," I breathed. "I'll take that wake up call over morning weigh-ins any day." Bella nodded smiling and pressed her lips to mine again, with the same fervor as before. I had no objections to this activity. Kissing Bella was something that I could do all day, every day. I felt her tongue brush along my bottom lip, asking for access to my mouth. I parted my lips slightly and I felt her tongue in my mouth instantly. She tasted amazing.

Just then, by some cruel twist of fate, there was a knock at the door. We broke apart and, simultaneously, sighed in annoyance. I looked at her and laughed, she realised what had happened and giggled at me.

"Come in," I called, relieved to hear that my voice was somewhat level.

It was Jude again. I turned to gaze at Bella while Jude fussed about with the tray and machine. It had become so routine now that I didn't think anything of it anymore. If Jude had any idea what we had just been doing she was hiding it very well. There was no doubt in my mind that she did know. I smirked to myself thinking of how that conversation could go. It was something I didn't really want to think about.

Bella kissed me on the forehead and sat up as Jude left the room. I didn't sit up with her, but stayed lying down, thinking about what I had been told this morning. Was I ready to handle food again? I didn't know. Or at least I wouldn't know until I tried. But I was scared. That was no excuse. I know it wasn't. Bella was always saying to me that I had to face my fears, but was _now_ the time to face them?

"Bella?" I called softly and she looked at me, a piece of toast in her mouth. I couldn't help but smile as she chewed and swallowed.

"Yes?" She sounded apprehensive, as the last time that I had called her name like that, I had told her about my parents. "What is it, love?"

"They, um, they told me today, that I had put on enough weight to have the tube taken out." I told her and she looked at me with a look that was a mixture of concern and happiness. "But they said that it was my choice. After last time....." I trailed off not really sure of what to say.

"What are you going to do?" She asked me, placing her tray of food on the bedside table.

"I don't know."

**What will Edward do?  
Will he have the tube taken out or will he have it left in?  
To be honest, IDK. I havent got that far yet :P  
Review review review review pleasseeee!!!!  
They make me smile very muchly :D  
Ciao!! xx**


	42. Surprise!

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**I just want to apologise to anyone who found the comment about the brunettes and blondes in the last chapter offensive. It wasn't meant to be so. Only towards Tanya, and seeing as so many of you seem to hate her, I hope that no offense was to anyone. Forgiven?? *does puppy dog eyes***

**I realise that the last few chapters have been a bit short, but, unfortunately, real life got in the way, making it hard for me to update with as long chapters, so here's a long one for you :D enjoy!!**

**EPOV**

I didn't know what to do. On the one hand I could get this tube removed, which was a good thing, because it was annoying and really limited the use of the right side of my face. But on the other hand, I would have to actually eat. I didn't know whether I was ready for that yet. It was all a bit overwhelming.

Bella sat there and silently watched me as I thought through my options.

"I think that you should talk to Derek before you make a decision," She said softly after a few minutes. I looked at her and thought that over. It was a good idea to talk to Derek. He would be able to help me decide whether or not I was ready. Although, I hadn't liked him to begin with, he _was_ good at his job, and he really had helped me. I had seriously misjudged him. "And maybe...." She trailed off rubbing small circles on the back of my hand softly. "Maybe you should tell him....what you told me.....about your parents." She looked at me, with those huge brown eyes that I lost myself in regularly.

I looked away from her, turning my head to face the wall in front of me. "I don't know." I breathed quietly. "I don't know if I can."

"You can Edward," She brought her hand up and turned my head to look at her. "You can do this. You're strong enough to. I know that you don't think you are, but you are. You had the strength to tell me, that was the hard part right? Telling someone for the first time?" I nodded silently. "You can do this. I know you can."

I looked into her deep brown eyes and saw only trust and encouragement there. I nodded slowly and she brought her lips to meet mine in a soft kiss.

We parted and just sat there, gazing at each other for what felt like the longest time. Jude knocked again, we told her to come in without breaking eye contact and didn't stop gazing at each other all the while she was in there. I could tell that she was watching us while she worked and to be honest I didn't care. All I knew was Bella. I could lie there like that for the rest of my life. And from the expression on her face, so could she.

I knew that this was love, don't ask me how I knew, I just did. It was the best sensation I had ever felt. I never wanted it to stop. My heart seemed to skip whenever I saw her, and I knew that that wasn't an after effect of the heart attack that I'd suffered, because it only seemed to happen when she entered a room, even if she'd only been gone a minute or so. Butterflies appeared in my stomach and I had a hard time thinking coherent thoughts, let alone getting them out of my mouth. It was like I was completed. Somehow, she was the other half to me, and we together, created a cohesive whole. I had given up thinking that I would ever find someone who made me feel like this. Not that I had been looking, but there would be some days where I couldn't help wondering if there was someone out there for me. It turns out that there is. And now that I had found her, I wasn't about to let her go anytime soon.

I pulled her close to me and buried my head in the crook of her neck as she giggled softly, wrapping one arm around my waist and running the other one lightly through my hair. She sighed and kissed the top of my head lightly.

"Okay," I whispered, not moving my head. "I'll do it. I'll tell him." I lifted my head and looked at her and I saw a smile on her face. Her brown eyes were lit up with pride and love and I couldn't help but smile back at her. What had I done all these years without her? I had no idea.

I buried my head back down into her neck as she resumed playing with my hair. It felt so natural for her to do that. As if my hair was there for that very purpose. I smiled slightly into her neck and inhaled deeply, taking in as much of her scent as possible.

I heard a knock at the door and I groaned audibly, earning a small giggle from Bella.

"Come in," she called, still playing with my hair. I peeked through a gap in her hair and saw Derek standing there smiling at the two of us. I buried my head back down and sighed.

"Well, I'm not interrupting anything am I?" He asked and I could hear the smile in his voice. I looked up him, a disgruntled look on my face and he laughed. "Come on you two."

I looked down at Bella and she giggled again. I gave her a soft kiss before she got up, grabbed my favourite black hoodie and winked at me before putting it on. I opened my mouth in protest, but she closed it again gave me a quick kiss and whispered "be brave" in my ear before leaving the room. I watched her, trying to process what had just happened. The most important thing being that she had just stolen my favourite hoodie. She was so going to get it when she got back.

"Well then," Derek said, calling my attention back to him. He sat down on the chair that was usually occupied by Bella. He flicked on the miniature tape recorder that he had begun using in our sessions, rather than writing everything down. It was easier that way, he said. It meant that he didn't have to rush to write things down, or ask me to stop or repeat myself. "How've you been since our last session?"

"Um," I said not looking at him. "Okay, I guess."

"You guess?"

I inhaled a large breath. "I told Bella last night." I whispered, still not looking at him. "About my parents."

"Oh." I looked at him, expecting more of a reaction than that. He had a look of pride on his face, obviously proud that I had worked up the courage to tell someone. "That must have been difficult for you." I nodded. "Would you......tell me?" I looked at him and nodded my head slowly. A small smile passed over his lips. He knew that after this we would be able to work through my problems and I hoped that he was right. I couldn't live with the pain and guilt anymore.

I proceeded in retelling the story that I had told Bella, of that fateful day. He didn't interrupt me once, allowing me to go at my own pace until I had finished. All he did throughout was hand me a box of tissues that had been on the side next to him when I wasn't able to hold back the tears any longer. Bella had been wrong for once. Even though I had told her before this, it was not easier telling someone else what had happened, even if it was someone who could help me.

When I was finished, I still couldn't stop the tears from falling. Derek moved over and sat next to me, gingerly putting a hand on my shoulder. I felt my breath hitch and I flinched but fought the urge to move away from him. I managed to get my breathing and heart rate under control, all the while with Derek's hand still on my shoulder. it felt strange to be able to do that.

"Well done, Edward." He said softly, a smile evident in his voice, even as the tears continued to fall. "It's okay. Let them out. Let them out."

I just continued to sit there and sob for a few minutes. Derek didn't say anything while I sorted myself out. He knew that I needed these few minutes to compose myself. All the while he kept his hand on my shoulder, in a comforting way. It was strange but I was thankful that it was there. I didn't think that that would ever be possible. So far the only other person that I had let touch me for this amount of time was Bella. And that was in an affectionate and loving way, but there was something that was reassuring about Derek's touch. Maybe it was because he was aware of how much contact I would be likely to be able to handle before freaking out completely. Whatever it was, I didn't know, but I knew that I was grateful for him being there, even if I didn't show it too often.

"Thank you," I whispered so low that I hardly heard it myself. I was surprised when he acknowledged it.

"What for?" He asked confused.

"Just.....being here." I looked down at the tissue in my hands as I fiddled with it, intertwining it between my fingers.

"Of course Edward. Of course." I looked at him and he smiled back at me. I managed a small smile. "I think that we'll leave the subject of your parents there for now. You've done incredibly well you know?" I nodded solemnly, looking back at the tissue in my hands. "Now, I've been told that your weight is up high enough for you to have the tube removed again. How do you feel about that?" I shrugged, not really knowing how to answer. "I was also told that it was your decision, seeing as what happened last time. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know." I replied softly. "I don't know if I'm ready yet. I mean.....I _want_ this thing gone. I hate it. But I just.....I just don't know......if I'm ready yet." I looked glanced around my room and my gaze fell on my clock. It was 10:22AM. We had been in here for over two hours when normally our sessions were limited to an hour, an hour and a half tops. "Hey," I turned to Derek. "Shouldn't our session have ended, like, an hour and a half ago?"

He shook his head. "Not today no. I had a feeling that there was something you wanted to talk to me about. Something big. And don't you remember me saying in our first session....you interest me Edward. Don't take this the wrong way but, I feel the need to help you more than the others at this point in time." I quickly saw something flash through his eyes. What looked like pain and grief. It was gone as quickly as it came and I heard him mutter something that obviously I wasn't supposed to hear. Something that sounded like "to make up for the past." I was curious as to what that meant, but I had the feeling that I wasn't supposed to hear it, so asking outright was out of the question. I decided to try a different tactic.

"Can _I_ ask _you_ a question?" I asked hesitantly and he looked up at me, all traces of the pain gone. It seemed like he was as good at putting up a front as I was. He nodded and waved his hand as a gesture for me to continue. "And do you _promise _to answer it honestly." He nodded slowly, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Why do you feel such a strong need to help me? I mean, is there something special about me or something?"

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Okay Edward," I looked up at me and I gave him a pointed look, reminding him that he promised to tell the truth. He smiled slightly and sighed again. "You want the truth?" I nodded, not breaking eye contact. "The truth is....you remind me of my son." My mouth opened slightly in shock. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, showing me a picture of a teenage boy. He must have been sixteen, seventeen at the most. He had the same shaped jaw as me, and I hated to say it but I think that my hair is just as messy as the boy's in this photo, only his was his was a deep brown like Derek's hair. He also had bright green eyes, something that I saw we shared. Bella often commented on how much she loved my eyes. I looked at Derek and handed the wallet back to him. His face was full of pain.

"What happened to him?" I asked in a whisper, not really wanting to know the answer but asking out of curiousity.

"His name was Jason. He died eight years ago." I tried to suppress a gasp in shock, and didn't really succeed. I was about to ask how when he answered for me. "Anorexia." I felt my jaw drop. "It's because of him that I'm here, with you, now. I felt so helpless when I discovered his illness. I mean, I was psychiatrist, you would've thought that I'd be able to spot the signs right, but no. He only learned how to hide them even better when he thought that I was getting suspicious. It was only when he tried to kill himself that we discovered the extent of his problems." Even though I hated to admit it I could see similarities between his son and myself. He had been under the watchful eyes of a doctor as well, even though they were different types of doctors, they were both doctors nonetheless. He, like myself had tried to kill himself and failed, resulting in all his secrets being revealed. Who else knew what else we had in common. "He at first, like you, refused treatment. He was almost as stubborn as you are." He smirked sadly at the memories of his son. "He started responding to treatment after a while. Or at least so we thought. Because anorexia, and eating disorders in boys and men weren't really widely known about then. They were just kind of swept under the rug as it were. If you had an eating disorder, you had to be a girl and all that stuff. He was only in an outpatient therapy programme, dealing with his depression. They didn't deal with his eating disorder, hardly at all. One day, his mother went upstairs to wake him up for a therapy session and panicked when he didn't wake up." I could see pain in his eyes now. I felt bad for asking about it now. "He was dead." He whispered. "He had starved to death."

My hand involuntarily flew to my mouth in horror. I thought back to a few weeks ago, before I had had the tube put in. How close I had been to death then, and before I had come to the clinic. He had lived through this pain before and then someone comes in, looking so much like his son, refusing all treatment that he's offered. That had to be hurting Derek on a whole new level.

"That's why I've never given up on you Edward." He pointed a finger at me sadly. "Because you see, I see so much of Jason in you. It's unnerving how alike the two of you are. Every time you fight back, I see him there, fighting back as he used to. I don't want to lose you like I did him. I'm sorry, but that's just not an option for me. I don't care how long it takes we are going to work through those demons that are flying around your head and get rid of them. Then maybe, I will have made Jason proud. I know it may seem like a selfish reason to you, but seeing you here, it brought back all the pain I felt when Jason was suffering, knowing that I couldn't help him. But this time it's different. Because I _can_ help you Edward. And I'm going to in any way I can. You understand?"

I nodded, slowly, trying to process what he had just told me. "I'm sure he's proud of you already. You don't need to prove anything more to him." I said with a small smile and he smiled back at me.

"Okay, then, let's leave it there for today." He stood up and squeezed my shoulder again before walking towards the door. He stopped and turned around again. "And Edward," I looked up at him. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anybody about Jason. Not even Bella."

"Of course." I reassured him, giving him another small smile. His face softened and he smiled back at me before walking out the door.

I settled back on my pillows and went through the session in my head. Derek really had a reason for wanting to help me. If I reminded him of his son as much as he said I did then I couldn't imagine the pain that it must have caused him, watching me refuse any kind of help at all, after I was attacked and left in the hospital, having to watch me to shrink again before his very eyes. I immediately felt a huge wave of guilt pass over me at the thought.

I was suddenly jolted out of my reveree by a weight appearing next to me on the bed. I looked up to see Bella sat there with a concerned look on her face. I gave her a small smile which she didn't return.

"Is everything okay, baby?" She asked, her voice thick with worry.

I nodded. "Yeah, just thinking through some stuff."

"Did everything go okay?" I nodded and her expression softened, but the concern was still apparent in her eyes. "What happened?"

"Um," I inhaled deeply. "I told him about my parents....and then we just.....talked about stuff." I told her. It wasn't a complete lie. I _had_ told him about my parents and we _talked_, but I had promised Derek that I wouldn't tell anybody, not even Bella, what he had told me about his son. Even though I didn't have the best track record when it came to keeping promises, hell, I'd broken enough of them, I wasn't going to break this one. He had trusted me enough to tell me the truth about why he was so intent on helping me. I couldn't cause him that much pain again. He thought that it was selfish of him to want to help me for those reasons. I on the other hand didn't think so.

"What did you talk about?" She asked quietly, taking my hand in hers.

"You know. Just...stuff." I smiled at her and she understood that it was something that I was either not ready to talk about or something that I couldn't talk about.

She smiled at me and stood up, not letting go of my hand. "Come on," She tugged gently on my hand. "Up you get. Get dressed."

"Why?" I asked her, suddenly suspicious.

"We're being antisocial again." She tugged on my hand again. "Come on, let's go see people downstairs." She succeeded in pulling me off the bed. She handed me some clothes and almost pushed me into the bathroom. By the time I was dressed, she had already gotten herself dressed and her hair all brushed out so it fell in its natural waves down her back. She saw me, smiled, grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door. "Don't worry. I'll protect you from Tanya." I shuddered at the memories her name brought up. She had been here a day and she had already succeeded in seriously creeping me out. "Shane told me what happened earlier. He also said that she seems a bit dense." She laughed at this and I couldn't help but chuckle as we walked down the corridor that led to the stairs.

"A bit?" I grinned at her as she turned around. "That's a bit of an understatement."

"What happened this morning at weigh-in?"

"Well, I went down there. Shane was falling asleep again in his chair, as usual, so I woke him up....as usual." She laughed at this. She knew full well the technique I used to wake Shane up each morning as he fell asleep outside the weigh-in room. "And then she just appeared." I shuddered again. "I swear she has no idea of the concept of the personal bubble. She also didn't seem to understand that I don't like being called Eddie, that I don't really want to be around her at all, and that I have you here." I stopped her before she started to descend the stairs and pulled her into a kiss. She smiled at me as she pulled away.

"Come on." She began pulling me down the stairs.

"A bit eager today, aren't we?" I commented, again a bit suspicious as to why she was so eager to get downstairs. She never normally was. I knew there was something up.

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

"You, Isabella Marie Swan are a terrible liar." I stopped in the middle of the stairs. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." She turned to look at me, with those big brown eyes she knew I couldn't resist.

"Uh-huh." I grunted and began to descend the stairs again, as she grinned at me.

We walked hand in hand into the recreation area. I immediately saw Tanya sitting there watching the door and her face immediately lit up when she saw me, only to fall again when she saw my hands intertwined with Bella's. We walked over to a sofa as far away from Tanya as was possible and I sat down, pulling Bella down next to me. She nestled herself into me, still wearing a slight smile that I knew had nothing to do with Tanya sitting there glaring at us. I ran my fingers through Bella's beautiful mahogany locks as she rested her head on my shoulder, sighing contently.

All of a sudden Tanya was standing next to me, leaning over onto the arm of the sofa.

"Hey Eddie." She crooned, running her hand down my arm and I flinched, feeling my breath hitch, jerking my arm away from her touch, alerting Bella to her presence. Bella sat up immediately, sending Tanya death glares whist rubbing soothing circles on the back of my hand while I attempted to get my breathing and heart rate under control. Bella put her hand on my arm soothingly, whilst still shooting glares at Tanya. "What's wrong Eddie?" She crooned moving to touch me again, causing me to jerk away again.

"God! Can't you take a hint?!" Bella said pointedly at Tanya, her hand moving to rest on my cheek in a comforting way. "He doesn't like being touched."

"Then how come you're touching him?" Tanya asked, folding her arms over her chest, a smug look on her face.

"Because I'm his girlfriend and her trusts me." She placed a lingering, loving kiss on my forehead. I leant into her kiss gratefully and closed my eyes, leaning my head on her shoulder. "Oh, and _don't_ call him Eddie! He hates it. And so do I." Where did I find her? What did I do to deserve her? "Are you okay, love?" She asked, looking at me lovingly. I closed my eyes and opened them slowly, getting my breathing under control again. I nodded and she smiled. "Okay then." She softly pressed her lips to mine and I could practically feel the rage pouring out of Tanya.

"I am still here you know?" She almost shrieked.

"And?" I asked looking at her in a way that most people would have considered to mean "fuck off" but obviously this girl was permenantly playing the opposite game.

"And....I wanted to talk to you, _Eddie._" I grimaced at the name she insisted on using. She leant in further, causing me to move even further away from her. Bella put her arm around my waist and kissed my neck softly, reassuring me that she wasn't going anywhere. I knew that sooner or later either Bella or I was going to smack her one. Either way one of us would get in trouble if we hit her. Knowing me, I probably wouldn't hit her, but also, knowing Bella, _she_ probably would. Meaning that she would be kicked out of the clinic before she had to leave anyway. I knew that she had to leave at some point but I didn't want her shortening her stay for any reason whatsoever. "Alone." She glared at Bella.

"Sorry Tanya." I said looking at her and smiling sweetly. "Anything you have to say, you can say in front of Bella as well."

Her face fell and I could see that she was going to come out with something but she was cut off by a loud bellowing followed by shrieking.

"EDWARD!"

I jumped about three feet in the air at the sound of my name. I jumped off of the seat, whipped around quickly to face the door and saw my family standing there, with wicked grins on their faces. I turned to face Bella and saw that she had a grin of the same nature on her face. I looked around and saw that everyone else, apart from the two of us and Tanya had fled the room. _Smart people_ I thought. I flashed Bella a look that said "you're going to get it" and she winked at me.

Before I could turn back around I was being crushed in a giant bear hug by Emmett, with Alice and Rosalie hugging me from either side. I started to panic slightly. I began to feel trapped and was growing increasingly uncomfortable with their touch. I managed to wriggle free and collapsed on the sofa again.

"Sorry dude," Emmett said smiling, sitting in front of me indian style on the floor, grinning like a child on Christmas morning. "I forgot about all that with the....um.....yeah. Anyways-"

"We were just so happy to hear that you were up and about, because it's just so long since we've seen you. It's been too long. I don't know how I managed to go so long without you, or Bella. Hi Bella! I missed you!" Alice was bouncing up and down on the spot, when she noticed Bella and leant down and gave her a hug. I didn't realise until she stood up again that she hadn't stopped bouncing or talking. "Anyways, Dad got the weekend off from the hospital so we thought that we'd come and see you here. We told Bella but we didn't tell you, because you know we wanted it to be a surprise and stuff and YAY! we're here, so HI!" The amazing this is, she managed to say all of this, without visibly taking a breath.

Jasper walked up to her and placed a hand on each of her shoulders and it seemed to calm her. She gave him the "evil big brother" glare as she called it when he or Emmett ruined her fun.

"Has she always been this hyper or is it just me?" I asked raising an eyebrow at my sister, who was still bouncing up and down slightly, a huge grin spread across her face.

"Nope," Rosalie perked up from behind me. "She's always been like that." She smiled at me and gingerly placed a hand on my forearm. I took a deep breath from the contact but managed to control myself enough not to jerk away. After a moment or two, I turned to her and smiled. I knew that she was testing the waters, trying to help me by building up the contact. I smiled a thank you and she smiled back, understanding my meaning.

"Well done, bro." Emmett perked up from the floor, where he was still sat on the floor.

I looked around to see Esme and Carlisle standing in the doorway beaming at us all. I guess they were happy that I hadn't disappeared by now, I would have had we been at home. The walked up to the sofa and Esme gave one of my hands a gentle squeeze. She took was testing the waters, testing out what I was comfortable with. I smiled at her and she beamed at me back, releasing my hand. Carlisle grinned at me from where he was sat on the other sofa.

"Ahem!" I heard someone clear their throat from near me. I looked up and saw Tanya standing there with an indignant look on her face.

"What?" I asked increduluously.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?" She asked gesturing around to my family.

I shook my head, frowning. "No." I turned back to Carlisle and Esme who had disappointed looks on their faces. I looked at them, rolled my eyes and mouthed "later" at them. They looked at Tanya who was standing there huffing and seemed to understand. I looked at Bella who was locked eyes with Emmett, biting her lip trying to stop herself from bursting out into laughter. Rosalie, Jasper and Alice seemed to have gotten the hint and ignored Tanya. They were all sat on the floor in front of the two sofas now.

We heard a loud huff come from the other side of the room and Tanya stormed out. We all burst out into laughter, including Carlisle and Esme, which surprised me.

"Now, Edward." Carlisle said, composing himself first. Emmett was rolling on the floor laughing and Bella was about to fall off of the sofa through the giggles that kept exploding out of her mouth. "Do we want to know what that was about?"

"Oh, she's the new girl here." I explained, watching Bella trying to compose herself as Emmett had seemingly run out of energy and collapsed on the floor. "She keeps following me around and won't get the hint about the fact that a) I'm not interested, b) I'm taken," Bella grinned at me. "And c) even if I wasn't taken, I wouldn't be interested. Just now when you guys came in she was trying to convince me to go with her. I just told her no and then you guys attacked me." This earned a huge grin from Bella and Emmett. I tapped Bella on the nose. "Don't think you're off the hook, missy." She smiled at me sweetly and I shook my head at her, raising my eyebrows. She frowned at me and pretended to sulk, which caused everyone to laugh. "So, what's been happening back in Forks?"

"Oh, not much, you know." Alice chirped. "Small town. Everyone's heard that you two aren't in school at the moment-"

"You should hear some of the rumours man!" Emmett shot up into a sitting position. "Some of them are great! I mean, you got all the boring ones about how Bells and you are being tutored at our house and all that, and then you've got the ones that get a bit out there." He grinned. "Some are saying that you two were in an accident and are on some special ward in some hospital somewhere," I smiled at that. People are so stupid. "Some people think that you're both dead." My mouth fell open. He grinned even wider. "That's not the best one. "One is that you were separated and both went so completely insane that you had to be institutionalised." I had to laugh at that one. Bella was grinning from ear to ear. Something tells me that she had heard these before. "Oh, and the best one, is that the two of you have eloped, got married in Vegas and are now living in some small town in the middle of nowhere until you're eighteen and can resurface."

These were too good to be true. My god, people in Forks, Washington had too much time on their hands. Thankfully they hadn't guessed the truth though. That would have been bad.

"So which one are you endorsing then?" I asked and Emmett flashed me a grin, but it was Jasper who answered.

"Well, Em here wants to go for the insane asylum one, but we won't let him." I glared at Emmett and he grinned wider. "So we're not agreeing or disagreeing with any of them at the moment. Apart from the "you're dead" one. That one we are disagreeing with."

"Why?" Bella spoke up. "That would be good wouldn't it. Them thinking we're dead and then both of us appearing on the first day of senior year, alive and well." I glanced at Bella and she shot me a look that said "you _will_ be out of here by then". I didn't feel like arguing so I just looked away.

"Hey," Esme spoke up. "Since it's such a lovely day outside, why don't we go for a walk in the grounds." I looked at Bella and she nodded. We stood up along with everyone else and moved towards the exit.

Esme was right. It was a beautiful day outside and I closed my eyes and raised my face up into the sun. There were a couple of people outside, but not enough for us to feel intruded upon, or for us to intrude upon them.

Jasper had been able to bring a Frisbee with him so he, Alice, Bella and Rosalie were playing Ultimate Frisbee. I wondered why Emmett wasn't playing with them when I saw him walking over to me slowly.

"Edward," He said in a quiet voice. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure," I looked at him and saw that the had a sheepish look on his face, as though he didn't really know where to start.

"Um, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry." He said in a small voice. "For everything. I mean.....how I treated you before.....before......you know." He looked at me and then glanced down at my chest. I understood now, he was referring to my heart attack. "I mean, when I heard about what had happened, I thought that I was going to lose you man! And that hurt me more than I thought anything ever would. When we heard that you were in the hospital, the worst case scenarios kept flashing through my head. I am so thankful everyday that you're alright, and that you're getting help man. You are taking the help that they're offering right?" He looked at me expectantly as we walked slowly behind the others. I nodded slowly, looking him in the eye. "Good, man!" He sighed. "I know that I might not have shown it in the best ways..." He chuckled to himself. "Actually I think I've shown it in the worst ways imaginable, but I do care about you Edward. Blood relative or not, you _are_ my little brother. And I know this is going to sound gay or whatever but....I love you Edward. I do!" He stopped and turned to look at me.

"I know Emmett." I sighed. "I....I love you too."

"Just as a brother though!" Emmett raised a finger at me in a mock threatening way.

"Just as a brother." I chuckled. "Trust me, Bella's the only one I'll feel _that_ way about." We laughed and sat down on the grass watching Jasper, Rosalie, Alice and Bella playing Ultimate Frisbee with Esme and Carlisle watching them, smiling.

"You really love her don't you?" I looked him in the eye and nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah I do." I smiled as I watched her play with the others.

"You're lucky man," He said and I could swear that I heard the faintest hint of jealousy in his tone.

"I know." I looked at him and smiled. "I know."

Looking at the others as they played I realised now that I hadn't really been alone all these years. I had always had people that cared about me, but due to the wall that I had put up around me to shield me from others when my parents had died, I didn't let them in. Until one girl came along and in a matter of days, managed to bring that wall crashing down again. It was because of her that I was here. It was because of her that my family still wanted to know me. I realised in that moment, in watching them all there, smiling and laughing in the sunshine that it didn't matter where I was or how I behaved, there were people in this world that would do anything for me.

I had a family.

I was loved.

**Okay, that chapter was longer than I had originally planned it to be, but I promised you guys a longer chapter right? I hope I didn't disappoint :P  
And, oh yeah, if you didn't get it from the hints in this chapter, Bella has already spoken to Emmett about Tanya on the phone, that's why he laughed as hard as Bella did when she stalked off. To the others it was just mildly amusing.  
I hope that you all enjoyed the family fluff related ending. I wanted Edward to have a moment of self-realisation when with his family. I hope that came through here. I hope you enjoyed it :D  
Please please please please please please please please review!!! :D Good or bad reviews, I don't care Cheers!  
Ciao!! xx**


	43. If Not By Name Then By Nature

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**I have to say, I do love all the responses that I got to the family surprise scene in the last chapter, especially their reaction to Tanya. I had a lot of fun writing that scene. I've also been amused by all of the reviews that have come through with "murder Tanya" or something along those lines in it. They've been making me smile all night :D I want to thank everyone for all their reviews. They truly are what inspire me to write. I never expected this story to be so widely appreciated and I _never_ expected to get this many reviews. I love them all :D Thank you to everyone who's left a review or is taking time out of their day to read my story. It means a lot.**

**I also wanted to say that there _will_ be a sequel to this story. I have a million and one ideas running through my head at the moment, so it may be a continuation story thingy. :P**

**BPOV**

I stopped playing with Jasper, Rosalie and Alice for a moment and scanned the grounds for Edward. Eventually I spotted him. He was sat on the grass talking with Emmett. I smiled to myself, glad that those two were talking. They had been at such odds lately that it had become almost unbearable. I knew Emmett was behaving the way he was because he cared deeply for Edward, and I think Edward knew that too, but wasn't willing to accept the love or help of his family just yet. He seemed to be opening up more though. I mean, only last night he told me about his parents, and today he told Derek and it seemed to have been a pretty intense session between those two. Therapy sessions usually run for an hour, hour and a half tops so their two and a half hour session this morning must have had some sort of breakthrough. Seeing Edward and Emmett smiling and talking like they were, it made me feel all warm inside. Something inside told me that they'd be alright. That they'd work it out.

I just hoped that Emmett didn't let it slip that it was me that suggested they come here this weekend.

If he did then I think that I would be in trouble later on. Having his family come and see him was one thing. But having them not tell him they're coming and then jump on him without any warning was something entirely different.

Watching the two of them sat there, just talking, catching up was completely entrancing. So entrancing that I didn't see the Frisbee that was headed towards my head. Until it collided with it that is.

I felt the object collide with my head and I fell to the ground. I heard gasps and cries around me, followed by Jasper repeating "I'm sorry, Bells. I'm so sorry" over and over again. I waved him off while still on the ground, clutching my head trying to dull the throbbing that the Frisbee had caused.

"Bella!" I heard a velvety voice cry. It was Edward. He had seen me get hit. _Great, now he's going to worry about me,_ I thought. I didn't like the idea of Edward worrying about me. If he had to worry about me then that meant that he wasn't concentrating on himself. And he was more important than I was at the moment. "Bella! Are you okay?" He was in front of me now. I looked up into his eyes and saw that they were full of concern.

"I'm fine, Edward." I smiled at him, still clutching at my head, wishing that the throbbing would subside.

I felt another pair of hands on the back of my head. I looked up at Edward to scold him for worrying about me when I saw that both of his hands were in front of me, one of them on the ground, supporting himself and the other was on my thigh. From the softness of the touch, I narrowed it down to Carlisle as the one who was inspecting my head. He was the doctor here after all.

"It'll leave a bump, but nothing more than that." He said, leaning back on his heels, looking at me.

"See." I said in a childish "I told you so" voice to Edward and he grinned knowing for himself now that I was fine. "I'm fine." He stood up and I put my hands out in front of me, silently asking for help in getting up. He took hold of my hands and pulled me up gracefully. Somehow I managed not to trip or fall flat on my ass which was a good thing.

"Bella, I'm so sorry." Jasper repeated coming up next to me. "I thought that you were paying attention and would catch it. If I'd realised you weren't then I wouldn't have thrown it to-"

"Jazz." I stopped him, shoving my hand over his mouth. "It's fine. It was an accident. I'm okay, Carlisle said so himself. So stop apologising or I'll shove that Frisbee where the sun don't shine." I saw him visibly gulp as the others around us chuckled and giggled. He knew that I was likely to make good on my threat so when I took my hand away he didn't say anything. I picked up the Frisbee and handed it to him. "Here. Go play. And be careful of where you throw it. Unless that Tanya's out here, then you can aim straight for her." This made Edward laugh. I loved to hear him laugh. It wasn't something he did a lot so whenever he did, it was like music to my ears. Jasper grinned and semi-jogged off to resume the game with Rose and Alice. Carlisle, Esme and Emmett decided that they were going to play now, leaving Edward and I some peace and quiet.

We sat down on the grass and watched his family playing Frisbee our hands intertwined on the small sliver of grass in between our legs, our shoulders and upper arms touching.

"So," Edward said a small smile playing on his lips. "If you weren't paying attention to the game then.....what were you paying attention to?"

I looked at him and felt the familiar heat rising to my cheeks. Why I was blushing I had no idea. I loved Edward and I didn't care if he knew that I was looking at him. "You."

"Oh really?" He had a look of mock surprise on his face that was just too adorable to ignore. I pressed my lips softly against his and he reciprocated, our lips moving in perfect syncronicity, just like always, like they were made for each other.

"Hey, get a room!" We heard Emmett shout from where he was on the grounds. This was followed quickly by a slap and him shouting "Ow! Rose! What was that for?" We broke apart smiling. I giggled and Edward just sat there with a grin on his face.

"What do you think, you insensitive jerk?!" Rosalie shouted back and Emmett stood there rubbing the back of his head. I saw now that Rosalie had the Frisbee in her hand, so I figured that she must have hit him over the head with it. This thought made me smile.

I looked up at Edward and found him gazing at me, love in his eyes. I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder and wrapping my arms around his waist. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and leaned his head on mine, kissing the top of my head softly and sighing. Moments like these, just the two of us, in a world of our own, whilst watching his family, _our_ family, as they called themselves playing games, were perfect. Over the weeks in the hospital with Edward, the Cullens had started referring to me as family. Something that I was extremely honoured by.

I looked down at Edward's wrist and started playing with the wristband that was there. It was a simple black wristband with a crest on it. _The Cullen Crest._ The each had one. Emmett, Jasper and Edward had wristbands, Carlisle had a ring and Alice, Esme and Rosalie had necklaces. It was something that they all shared. I thought back to the day when I first noticed the crests.

_-Flashback-_

_I was sat in the hospital. It was the day after Edward's heart attack and I had refused to move from the uncomfortable plastice chair that was sat by his bed. I hadn't even slept for worry. I always kept an eye on his breathing and an ear out for the heart monitor, poised to hit the emergency call button if needs be._

_School must have finished because Alice, Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett walked slowly through the door. Esme had forced them all to go into school because she didn't want their grades to suffer. She had assured them that she would call or text them if and when there were any new developments. And her being their mother, they couldn't argue. Charlie on the other hand, knew how stubborn I was so he made me promise that I would catch up on the work that I'd missed and if I did so then I could visit Edward._

_"Bella?" Rosalie whispered. "Have you moved at all since yesterday?" I shook my head slowly._

_Emmett moved around to the other side of Edward's head, placing a hand on the railing that ran around it, in case he stirred and risked falling out of the bed. I noticed the wristband that Emmett wore on his right wrist. It was leather, black with an unusual crest on it. The crest was made up of a lion with a hand at its head and three shamrocks running underneath it. It also had the name "Cullen" inscribed on what was meant to be a ribbon underneath the shamrocks **(A/N: link in AN at bottom of the page)**. It was expertly made, but then again when it came to the Cullens if it wasn't of the finest quality then it wasn't worth buying._

_I looked at Jasper who was pacing quietly over the other side of the room and running his hands through his hair. I noticed that he wore one as well, only on the opposite wrist to Emmett. I looked at Alice, and she was wearing a short of choker that crossed at the front, the crest appearing to be the fastening. I glanced behind me at Rosalie, and I saw that she wasn't wearing one. Then she flicked her hair behind her shoulders, as if reading my mind and I saw a large pendant with the same symbol on it. It seemed to be a Cullen thing. I wondered if Edward had one. He hadn't worn one that I had seen, but then again he always wore long sleeves so that his scars were hidden._

_The door opened and Carlisle walked in. He wasn't wearing his doctor's coat so I imagined that he'd finished his shift for the day. Emmett silently moved out of the way so that Carlisle could get to Edward. He gazed down at his unconscious son and placed a hand either side of his torso. Looking down at his right hand I saw that he wore a large ring. It had the same crest on it. _Definitely a family thing_, I thought. That meant that Esme must have one as well. Again I wondered if Edward had one. Carlisle sighed and looked around at me and his anxious children. He mumbled something to himself, something that I didn't quite catch and walked out of the room. This was effecting him more than he let us believe, though the pain was easy to see on his face._

_"Emmett," I said cautiously. He looked over at me from where he had moved back up to Edward's side. "What's this?" I asked touching the wristband lightly with my index finger._

_He looked down at his wrist and smiled slightly. "It's the Cullen Crest." He told me. "It's our family's crest. Has been for centuries. Every member of the family has one."_

_I looked at Edward again. "Does Edward have one?"_

_"Of course." Emmett said, quietly as he pulled something out of his pocket. It was another wristband. It too had the crest on it. Emmett gently lifted up Edward's arm and fastened it around his wrist, facing the crest upwards, the silver gleaming proudly in the glaring light of the hospital room._

_I smiled as I ran my finger over to cool, smooth metal on the band that now encased Edward's wrist._

_"He just hasn't been able to wear it recently because of......um....." Rosalie mumbled from where she was leaning on the wall. "You know." I nodded. I _did_ know. Now I understood why I had never seen Edward wearing it before. He couldn't because of the bandages on his arms. I must have been incredibly unobservant as I hadn't noticed the others all wearing them. I vowed to take more notice of Edward's siblings from then on._

_-End Flashback-_

It was like their own private club. No one but the Cullens were allowed to join. I know that any normal person would probably be jealous that they weren't apart of it, but then again, I couldn't necessarily be called normal could I?

"What are you thinking?" Edward asked, breaking me out of my train of thought.

"Oh, nothing important." I smiled up at him. He smiled back at me and watched me trace the outline of each shamrock on his wristband.

I didn't need a wristband to know that I was part of the family. I was as much a part of their family as they were mine. I had always longed for a brother or sister, and now I had two of each, and not to mention the sweetest, kindest people for "second parents" as Emmett called them. I also had Edward. The most beautiful, fragile, loving, caring man I had ever met. The one I loved with all of my heart.

I was completely content as I was.

**EPOV**

As I sat there watching my family with Bella, she began to trace her finger over the crest on my wristband.

"The Cullen Crest". The crest that showed that you were a member of the Cullen Clan. I smiled at how it symbolised that I was a member of the family. After my revelation only a few minutes ago I was able to see that the crest symbolised a lot more than a surname. It symbolised the family as a cohesive whole. In it's own way, it bound us together as a unit. An exclusive club.

I had another revelation. The second one in only a few minutes. _I wanted Bella to have one._ She was practically family. She knew everything about us. She was apart of the Cullen Clan. The only thing that seperated her from us was her surname, but that was only a name. In spirit she was the same as us. From the moment she met the family, she seemed to fit. Looking back, I could see that she did. Only I didn't see it then, because I was working on holding the walls that I had put up around myself. But she had crumbled those walls. They were now piles of rubble waiting to be cleared away. I knew that and I also knew that there was nothing that I could have done to stop it.

Yes, I wanted Bella to have a crest, even if she wasn't a Cullen by name, she certainly was by nature.

I would have to bring it up with Carlisle before they left today.

I looked up and saw that they appeared to be getting bored with their game and were winding up and ganging up on Emmett instead. Bella looked up at them at the same moment I did. She smiled and giggled whislt watching the girls double-teaming Emmett, Jasper on his knees, buckled over with laughter.

"You can go and join them if you want." I said, looking down at Bella.

"Are you sure, love?" She asked, probably worried about leaving me on my own.

I stood up and pulled her up after me. "Of course. I can't let you pass up a chance to humiliate Emmett." She grinned at me. "I need to talk to Carlisle anyway."

Her expression grew worried. "Is everything okay?" She asked, the concern clear in her face. I just grinned at her.

"Everything is perfect." And it was. I had her here with me. I had my family here right now with me as well. Even though they were acting like they belonged in a zoo, they were my family and I knew now that I had been extremely lucky in having them there. I could have easily been adopted or fostered by cruel people. But fate had decided to shine on me and give me Carlisle and Esme as parents, and their four insane children as siblings. I realised now that even though they could be irritating at times and downright frustrating at others, they were my family and I wasn't going to change them for the world. I placed a soft kiss on her lips and then a quick peck on the end of her nose. "Now, go beat up Emmett."

She giggled and ran off to join Rose and Alice in their game.

"Carlisle." I called and he turned to look at me. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

He looked conerned and walked over to me slowly, earning a worried glance from Esme. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I smiled at him. "Nothing's wrong." I sighed. "Actually, everything's great."

He smiled at me. "Well, that's good. I'm glad that you're feeling that way. It's a real improvement you know?" I nodded at him, looking down slightly. "What did you want to talk about, son?"

"Well, it's about Bella." His smile faltered slightly, not really understanding where I was going with this. "You know how she's practically part of the family now? Has been for a while." He nodded unsurely. He probably thought that I was going to ask her to marry me or something. "Well, I was thinking.....maybe.....having a crest made for her." His smile returned at full force.

"Edward, that's an excellent idea!" He placed a hand tenderly on my shoulder and I closed my eyes, getting used to the contact. "You okay?" I nodded and opened my eyes. He was still beaming at me. "Seriously Edward. That is a wonderful idea. Even though, she's not a Cullen by name, she is by nature, and she deserves a crest to state that fact." I swear that that was exactly what I was thinking a few minutes ago.

"Don't tell her though." I told him. He looked puzzled. "I want it to be a surprise. You know, I want to give it to her when she leaves here." His face fell slightly. I knew that this wasn't what he had been expecting. "Come on, Carlisle. You all think I'm stupid or something? I know that she's going to have to leave soon. I know that. I know that she's not going to be able to stay for the entire time she's here and I'm preparing myself mentally for when she leaves. So that when she does leave....." I took an intake of breath. ".....I can handle it."

His features softened at my words. "You know, I am very very proud of you Edward. You have changed so much in such a short amount of time." He squeezed my shoulder in a fatherly way. "I really am very proud of you." I could see tears in his eyes and I realised that they weren't tears of sadness. They were tears of pride. I wasn't sure how I felt about him crying tears of pride. I didn't want anyone to cry over me at all. "Can I?" He asked and he held his arms out, asking for a hug and for once I wasn't afraid.

I embraced my father properly for the first time then and there. I didn't feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable. _Maybe there is hope for me yet_, I thought as I squeezed Carlisle to me. We relaxed and parted at the same time and I saw that there were tears streaming down his face. He put his hand on my shoulder again and squeezed. "I'm so proud to call you my son." He whispered.

I turned my head to see the others walking and skipping up to us. The worrying thing is that it was Bella, Jasper and Emmett doing the skipping whilst Rose, Esme and Alice walked behind looking slightly more than embarrassed. I couldn't help but laugh at the spectacle approaching us from across the grounds.

Jasper and Emmett were each holding one of Bella's hands and they were skipping, quite gracefully I might add, towards the main building. There was no shame in their expressions. I was wondering what someone put in their water, and then I remembered that it was Emmett and Jasper. Bella on the other hand I would have to question later. Before you ask, it is actually quite disturbing watching your girlfriend skipping up the lawn hand in hand with your two brothers, especially when one of them looked like he should be in the wrestling ring. It was going to take me weeks to get that image out of my head. _I wonder if Derek's up to upping our sessions again._ I thought, embarrassed at my brothers' behaviour. _'Cos I'm certainly gonna need it._ Carlisle on the other hand thought it was absolutely hilarious. He was taking pictures and everything.

"Remember Carlisle." I turned to look at him, tearing my eyes from the oncoming spectacle. "Not a word to Bella. I want it to be a surprise." He tapped his nose, his way of saying that the secret is safe with him, as I knew it would be.

When they reached us, Bella stopped in front of me and grinned stupidly. I raised my eyebrow at her, silently asking what the hell that was just then and she shrugged her shoulders, still grinning. I smiled at her and wrapped my arms around her waist as she leant into my chest.

I knew that it was nearing time for lunch soon, so we would have to say goodbye to my family. Something that I didn't want to do. They said that they'd be back the next day. Still it hurt to have to say goodbye to them. I also warned that they were not to make the same kind of entrance as they did today. Emmett's face fell at that comment and everbody laughed at him, while I stood there and smirked triumphantly. I knew that he wouldn't do that again because then there would be the chance that he would be forbidden from coming to see me. Neither of us really wanted that, so he agreed to be quieter when he arrived the next day.

After we said goodbye to them, we made our way to my room. Getting in there we flopped down on the bed and relaxed.

"I had fun today," She smiled at me.

"You know what?" I replied. "I did too." She grinned from ear to ear when I said this. "Oh, by the way, what the hell was with the skipping earlier?"

She shrugged and giggled, covering her mouth with her hand. "I don't know. We saw the others walking up and we wanted to beat them, but Jazz, Em and I decided that running or walking quickly was too boring, so we decided to skip." She had a triumphant grin on her face.

"You do realise that Carlisle was taking pictures right?" I asked her raising an eyebrow and her face fell, making me chuckle.

"Was he really?" I nodded and she buried her face in my chest.

"Oh, silly Bella." I stroked her head and she looked up at me. To my surprise her cheeks weren't flushed.

"You know what? I don't care." She stated before kissing me lightly on the lips. "I really don't care. I had fun today, and if that's been captured in pictures then, who cares?" She grinned at me, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

_Oh, yeah,_ I thought. _She's definitely got the Cullen nature._

**So thats the next chapter.  
I thought I'd have another fluffy chapter as there might be a bit of angst coming up soon. Nice bit of fluff to even it out.  
Hopey you likey :D**

**The Cullen Crest - http://images1[dot]fanpop[dot]com/images/photos/1500000/Cullen-Family-Crest-s-twilight-series-1583367-180-250[dot]jpg**

**  
Please review. The more I get the more inspired I am to write and the more inspired I am to write, the faster the chapters go up :)  
Ciao!! xx**


	44. Test of Courage

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

True to their word, my family came back the next day. Emmett kept his promise and wasn't as loud as he was in announcing his arrival yesterday, but he still managed to cause a bit of a stir, mildly scaring Claire and Michael. I realised that they had never met Emmett before. I would have to inform them on all things Emmett later. They seemed extremely intimidated by his size. That is until he melted at Bella's request. If I didn't know that he only had brotherly feelings for her then I would be worried about what he was feeling and what he wanted from my girlfriend. But all I saw was the will to protect and a brotherly love come off of Emmett. I really didn't think I could deal with another bundle hug from my family. Although they may find it incredibly entertaining, I on the other hand, found it to be incredibly stressful.

I thought back to the hug that I had shared with Carlisle the day before. It hadn't been uncomfortable or stressful as I had feared that it would when he asked for it. It felt.....right, somehow. I don't know how to explain it, but it just did. It was the first proper hug that I had had with Carlisle, not counting the emotional embrace we'd had during the family session the week before.

That day Carlisle had told me that he had already gotten things in motion for Bella to receive her own Cullen Crest. I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face. I was happy that Bella would be able to wear the exclusive Cullen Crest. The first person outside of the family to do so since it was created, or so Carlisle had been told anyway. That's if she accepted it. I hoped she would. She had done so much for me, given up so much just for me and I wanted to be able to give her a little something back.

Carlisle had told me that the crest I wanted to give to Bella would be ready by the next weekend. I would be giving her a wristband to match mine, as Bella wasn't really fond of necklaces or other jewelry, I thought it as perfect. The only thing I wasn't looking forward to was the situation in which I was going to give it to her. I wasn't looking forward to having to say goodbye to her. I just hoped that giving her the crest would make it easier, as we would both know that we are in this completely and forever. I wanted her to know that even though I was in here without her, she was still a member of this family. And that would never change.

I had made the decision to have the tube removed. I needed to prove to myself that I _was _strong enough to handle food. I hoped that I was.

They had told me that I was having it taken out after dinner that night, so that I could start the routine off slowly in the morning. I was sat there in my room with Bella. She was sat there looking at me with a worried expression on her face, grasping my hand. I ran the other one through my hair, wondering desperately if I had made the right decision. I looked at Bella for reassurance and she looked at me letting me know that she was proud of me and backing me no matter what I chose. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair again. Bella took it in her free hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"It's going to be fine." She said softly. "If you weren't ready, you wouldn't have made the decision to go through with it now would you?"

"I guess not," I whispered and she smiled at me again. I looked down at my lap, still wondering whether or not I had chosen the right thing to do. She slid one finger under my chin and lifted my head to look at her. She pressed her lips to mine softly and I revelled in the sensation that it brought with it.

"I'm going to be right outside, okay?" She whispered. "If I could then I would stay in here with you, just to make sure that you're alright, but I don't think that'll be possible." I looked at her and sighed, knowing that she was right.

There was a knock at the door and I froze.

"Come in," Bella called softly, her eyes never leaving mine.

It was Jude again. She picked up Bella's tray and moved around to unhook the bag and diconnect me from the machine. As soon as she left, her presence was replaced by two of the same doctors that put the tube in. It seems that the one who shoved it up my nose in the first place was the one who would be taking it out as well.

"Hello Edward." He said in what was supposed to be a reassuring tone, it seemed.

I turned to look at Bella and she put a hand on my cheek. "Be brave." She whispered before kissing me softly and leaving the room. I felt just as alone as I had when they had been here to put the tube in the first time.

"Okay Edward," The first doctor said, walking up to my right side. "We're going to need you to lie as flat as you can okay?" I nodded as he removed the pillows from behind me. I shifted myself down the bed slightly and laid flat as I was told to do. I hated the feeling of not being in control of my actions. Of being told what to do. He gently removed the table from the side of my face and I immediately felt the tube move with the release that it brought. It made me grimace as I felt it move. "Alright, its okay. Now, this is going to be uncomfortable. I just need you to stay relaxed, okay?" I nodded.

I closed my eyes as he tilted my head back slightly, grasped the tube gently and began to remove it. I balled my hands into fists, grabbing the sheets underneath me as I felt the tube moving inside of me. I could feel it moving up my oesophagus as I tried to remain relaxed. It was easier said than done, but I forced myself against clenching every muscle in my body and concentrated it all on my fists, making them grab the sheets so tightly that I was afraid I was going to tear them. Even with this thought, I didn't let up. I couldn't. This feeling wasn't as bad as having the ventilator tube removed but it was still up there. It was not something that I wanted to repeat, even though this was the second time I was having it removed. You would have thought I would have learnt from the first time, but oh no, not me.

Feeling the tube inching its way out, made it real. I was really doing this. It had been my decision to keep the tube in. I had at some point decided that I had to try. Not just for Bella, but for myself. I knew that I wouldn't be able to get out of here without trying. And I wanted that more than anything. To be free again. To be able to do the things that I had not been able to do again. I wanted to be a teenager. _Huh,_ I thought dryly. _I guess those sessions with Derek are finally paying off._ He was pleased that I had made the decision to come off the feeding tube. I knew that he hadn't been able to watch his son make that decision, so it meant a lot to him that I was attemting this.

But I wasn't doing this for Derek. I was doing this for my family. For Bella. And for myself.

I had always prided myself on being strong when it came to food and resisting. But this would be the biggest test of my strength. Would I be able to _accept_ food? I had set myself the hardest goal I could think of, and I knew that it wasn't going to be easy reaching it.

I felt the tube leave my throat and I gulped, grateful for the feeling. This was the worst part. The feeling as the tube made its eay up the back of my mouth and through the passage that connected it to my nose. I tensed my fists even further and I could feel the muscles in my hands beginning to cramp. The other doctor, who was sat next to me placed a hand on one of mine and congratulated me on being brave. Come on, it wasn't like I was five and had just fallen over and had lived through a band-aid being placed on his knee. I was seventeen and having a feeding-tube removed, not a little kid.

As I felt the tube leave my nose, I unclenched my fists a little. I opened my eyes to see both of the doctors smiling at me. I sighed heavily, closing my eyes briefly again.

"Now, your throats going to feel a little sore for a day or two, but drink plenty of water and that should subside pretty soon." One of them said. I didn't register which one as I knew what was coming next. The next thing I would have to face was the next morning. Derek and Dr. Martin had already agreed that it would be best to continue meals in my room with Bella, as the extra eyes down in the meal room would probably send me back a couple of steps.

"Well done, Edward." One of them said. "Jennie will be up to talk to you soon. She thought that it would be best to talk to you tonight as opposed to tomorrow morning." I opened my eyes and nodded as I sat up. They placed the pillows back on the bed behind me and I sank back into them. They both smiled at me again and left the room closing the door behind them.

I closed my eyes again, enjoying the feeling of being able to breath through my nose again as I heard the door open. I looked over and saw Bella standing there with a huge grin on her face. She closed the door and jumped on the bed, moving over to sit on my lap, straddling me.

"I am so proud of you." She breathed, still grinning. I couldn't help but give a small smile back. She leaned down and kissed me softly. Though it wasn't one of our most passionate kisses it was intense and deep. She pulled away and moved off of my lap and lay down next to me. "How do you feel?" She asked, running a finger down my cheek where the tube had obstructed before.

I took a deep breath. "I don't know." I sighed, closing my eyes again. I opened them to see Bella still smiling but with a worried look in her eyes. "It feels good not to have it in anymore, but then I think about what it means." I looked down at our intertwined hands. "I just hope I'm ready." I whispered.

She removed her hand from mine and lifted my chin so I had to look at her. "You _are_ ready. By making the decision to have the tube removed, you proved that. Not only to us but to yourself. If you weren't ready you would have kept it in. You see?"

"I guess." I sighed, placing my arm around her waist, pulling her closer to me.

"Besides," She placed her hand on my cheek. "I'm glad its gone. Now I can see all of your beautiful face again." I laughed, shaking my head as she kissed my cheek. "What? Why are you shaking your head? You don't believe that you're beautiful?" I looked at her seriously and shook my head. "Well, then you're silly." She placed her arms around my waist as she said that.

"What do you mean?" I asked her, confused.

"You don't see yourself very clearly, Edward." She looked slightly glum as she said this. "You are gorgeous, kind, caring, loving, you care about your family _so_ much, and you have the most beautiful green eyes I have _ever _seen. You _are_ beautiful Edward Anthony Masen Cullen." She smiled, knowing how the use of my full name would exaggerate that statement. "The only reason that you think you're not is because your illness won't let you."

I sighed, knowing that she was right. Hell, she's always bloody right.

I pulled her closer to me, inhaling the scent of her favourite shampoo. "I love you, Bella." I sighed burying my head in her beautiful mahogany locks.

"I love you too, Edward." She nestled her head into my shoulder and we just lay there, content with being with one another.

There was a knock at the door, breaking us out of our little bubble and we both sighed audibly, detaching ourselves from one another. "Come in," I called resting my head back on the pillows, knowing what this was going to be about.

Jennie's head popped around the door and she smiled. "Hey, Edward." She called.

"I'll go." Bella said, about to get up, but Jennie, surprisingly held a hand up to stop her.

"It's okay, Bella, you don't have to go." She looked at me. "Unless you want her to go Edward." I shook my head, not ever wanting Bella to leave.

"Stay." I whispered and she leant over and kissed me on the cheek. I looked over at Jennie and saw the expression on her face that made me think she was holding back on a clearly audible "aww". I was glad that she did hold back as she composed herself.

"Now, Edward." She moved across to sit in the chair that Bella occupied most of the time. Also the place where Derek sat during our sessions. She opened up her notebook and skimmed down it, following where she was reading with her index finger. "Seeing as your stomach and your system has been used to fluids and liquids over the last few weeks I'm going to start you out on a diet of soups and oatmeals, okay?" I nodded, thankful that she wasn't throwing me in at the deep end straight away. "After a while on that we'll move up to soft foods, whislt encompassing and expanding your range. Like I said, in our first session, I'm going to try to rebuild your relationship with food and show you that it's not the enemy. I think that with a lot of work, we can do that. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, cos it's sure as hell not. But I'm willing to guide you every step of the way. And I think that Bella here is too." I looked at Bella and saw her nodding her head at me, smiling.

"Every step of the way." She whispered, and I believed her.

"I want you to rediscover the foods that you like and the foods that you don't like, okay?" She informed me and I turned back to her. "I want you to be able to put together your own tastes and distastes when it comes to food and I want you to become completely independent in your choices." I nodded and she smiled. "Okay, then." She stood up. "Breakfast will be at the usual time tomorrow after weigh-in. I'll send Jude up afterwards and then you can come meet me in my office to go over your preferences, okay?" I nodded and she smiled. "We're all very proud of you, you know, Edward." I smiled at her and she left.

"She's right." Bella whispered in my ear.

"About what?" I asked, looking at her confused.

"Everyone is very proud of you." She kissed me softly. Pulling back, she yawned and I chuckled.

"Time for bed I think." She nodded and rolled off of the bed grabbing her nightclothes and strolling into the bathroom to get changed. Alice had brought her some in that she wasn't too happy with, as they weren't really suitable for wearing anywhere else than in bed. Though I think that these particular nightclothes were those that weren't supposed to stay on for very long, if you catch my drift. What Alice had thought that we would be doing was confusing to say the least. Why Alice had thought that we would go there was beyond me. But then again she was Alice, so, it kind of speaks for itself.

When she reappeared, it was all I could do to take my eyes off her and grab mine to get changed. She may not feel entirely comfortable in them still, but I have to say, she looked gorgeous. I changed quickly, folding up my clothes and leaving them on the hamper to be washed and walked back out into the room. Bella was already curled up as I climbed into bed. She inched towards me and wrapped her arms around my waist, pulling me closer to her as I embraced her, kissing her forehead.

I sighed and buried my face in her shoulder, wondering what the next day would bring.

**BPOV**

I woke up the next day to find Edward gone, as usual. I wondered if there would be a day that I would wake up and he would still be next to me. Even though I knew that there was a possibility, those days were way off. Even though he had had the tube removed the day before, there was still a long road ahead of him.

I was happy to see that he finally seemed to be embracing the treatments and help that they were offering. Derek had told me that it was usually those who didn't put up a fuss when arriving that were the hardest to get through to. I didn't doubt him on that one.

I was so happy that Edward was progressing. After all these years, it seemed that he had finally worked up enough strength to fight back against his illness. I wanted him to fight back. I wanted him to be free. I know it may sound selfish but I wanted him to get out of here, so he could come back to school with me. I had never been the most popular person in the school. Somehow I felt like I had my clumsiness to thank for that, but I knew that that wasn't the real reason. I wasn't the prettiest girl. I was just Plain Jane as she was called. But when I met and got to know Edward he made me feel like I was worth more. I don't know what it was, but he just did. He had become the first friend that I had had since I moved from Pheonix that wasn't shallow or all about gossip. One that I felt like I could really open up to.

Of course then I had met his family, who were all as welcoming and loving as he was. Although he didn't see it, he really was a loving person, and I tried every way I could to get him to realise that. Many of my "friends" at school couldn't see why I cared for Edward as much as I did. I didn't really understand it either, but I knew that he was one of a kind. Someone I couldn't let get away. Someone I could love. And I did. I _do_ love him. More than I thought was possible. Everytime I saw him, it was like my heart skipped a beat, my brain would turn to mush and I would get butterflies in my stomach.

A lot of girls wanted him for his looks and he was handsome, I'll have to admit. He was becoming healthier as well, which only began to enhance his looks as his skin started to gain its natural colour, other than the slight washed out pale that the lack to minerals and nutrients gave it. His eyes were brighter as well, which only added to their entrancing quality. To be honest, when he gets released I could see him being a real Adonis. And that thought scared me a little. If he was going to be as good looking and as happy as I hoped he was, then he wouldn't have any reason to stick with me. He would have girls throwing themselves at him, left right and centre. I didn't want that to happen. Maybe I was being selfish but I didn't. He was _my_ Edward. And I wanted him to stay that way.

I was broken out of my thought train when I felt a weight on the bed. I looked up and saw Edward sitting there, with a small smile on his face. "What?" I asked indignantly, sitting up and resting my weight on my elbows.

"Nothing," he said, kissing my forehead. He sighed and looked down at his hands.

"You okay?" I asked him, worried.

"Yeah, I guess." He looked at me, a small trace of fear evident in his eyes. "I just don't know if I'm ready."

"Hey, didn't we have this discussion last night?" I reprimanded him. I didn't want him to think that he was weak. "You _can_ do this." I pointed to him trying to emphasise my point and he smiled at me, although it didn't reach his eyes.

There was a knock on the door. "Come in," I called, knowing that Edward probably wouldn't. He was afraid, I could sense it, and I was going to try to take away that fear. Right here, right now.

Jude walked in holding a two trays with breakfasts on them, rather than just the one tray and a bag. How she was able to balance two trays _and _open the door I had no idea. Hidden talents maybe. She placed the trays on the table, flashing Edward a reassuring smile and left, knowing that Edward would be uncomfortable enough without her hovering.

One of the trays had my usual breakfast on it, and the other was a bowl of oatmeal, just as Jennie had said that it would be. She was going to get Edward started off on liquids, moving up to the solids slowly.

I passed the oatmeal tray to Edward with a smile. He could do this, I know he could. Now he just had to believe it. I busied myself with my own breakfast, showing him that I wasn't watching him as I knew that would be extremely off-putting for him, but in my peripheral vision I saw him slowly eat a spoonful. I smiled to myself, pretending to bite my lip. He had had a few spoonfuls by the time I hadeaten my cereal. I finished buttering my toast and taking a bite, I looked at him.

"It's okay." I reassured him after swallowing my toast. "You don't have to have more than you're comfortable with. No one's expecting you to." As I said this he smiled at me. "I'm just proud that you've made this far. You're stronger than you think Edward." I smiled at him, and kissed him on the temple, not realising that I had crumbs still attached to my lips.

"Ew," He grinned, wiping them off with the back of his hand.

"Oops." I said, grinning. "Sorry."

He looked at me again as I took another bite of my toast. He leant back on his pillow and shut his eyes. I looked down and saw that he had eaten nearly half of the bowl, which was more than I thought he had. I couldn't help the feeling of pride and love that welled in my chest. I knew how hard that must have been for him. To eat without a fuss and something told me that he was feeling it now. To lighten the mood I leant over and kissed him on the cheek, fully aware of the crumbs on my lips. His eyes snapped open and I grinned at him.

"Bella!" He cried. "Stop doing doing that!"

I giggled. "What kissing you? Do you hate it that much." I pretended to be upset and his face contorted to a mask of horror, which made me laugh. "I'm messing with you silly!"

"Well don't." He said in mock anger. "You know I hate it when you do that." I nodded and grinned taking another bite of toast. "You didn't really think I wanted you to stop kissing me did you?"

"Of course not." I giggled. "I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't kiss you." I placed my tray on the table and knwing that he was probably finished I placed his next to it. Knowing that my lips were free of crumbs I leant over and kissed him passionately to emphasise my point. Moving across, without breaking the kiss, I sat on his lap, straddling him as I had done the day before. I flicked my tongue against his top lip and he opened his mouth slightly, granting me access, the worry over breakfast forgotten. I slipped my tongue into his mouth and found his. He tasted like oatmeal, a guarantee that he had in fact eaten it and not hidden it when I wasn't looking. I deepened the kiss, showing my happiness over his accomplishments that morning. We heard a knock at the door and parted, smiles playing on our faces. I moved off of him and lay down by his side.

"Come in," He called and he started to play with my hair. It was Jude. She came and took our trays and smiled at Edward when she saw that he had eaten some of it. He smiled back and she told him that she would be back up in an hour to take him to see Jennie.

After she left he got in the shower. I immediately missed his warm body next to me. I rolled over and inhaled the scent from his pillow. It carried his sweet scent, something that made me fall in love with him a little more every time I smelt it. Being honest, everthing about him made me fall for him a little more. Whether it be his smile, his smell, that glint in his eyes or the way he ran his hand through his hair when he was stressed. All of these little things made me happy and fall in love with him just that tiny little bit more, and if he'd let me, I would continue to for the rest of my life.

When he stepped out of the bathroom, he was fully dressed. His hair was still damp, and yet it still managed to stick out in many different directions. Emmett had called it "sex hair" and yet I knew that it wasn't because I knew that Edward was still a virgin, like me. I didn't point that out to Emmett though, because I wasn't sure on what he thought of the situation between Edward and I. I made it my mission to slyly ask him next time I saw him. When Edward wasn't around that is.

Hopping off the bed, I grabbed my clothes for the day and my towel. I kissed Edward on the cheek before hopping in the shower, and letting the water wash away my worries. For not at least. Picking up my favourite strawberry shampoo I inhaled its sweet scent as I massaged it into my scalp. Washing it out I did the same with the conditioner and turned off the shower. I got dressed and walked out into the room. I found Edward sitting in the chair that I normally sat in with his eyes closed, his mouth turned down slightly at the corners. I crept over to him and placed a kiss on his lips, causing him to jump slightly and smile. He hated it when I did that, but I found it funny.

I decided that I was going to let my hair dry naturally today, purely because I couldn't be bothered to blow dry it. I sat down on Edward's lap on the chair and leant my head on his shoulder. I was probably getting his shirt wet but he didn't seem to mind.

Jude came up a short while afterwards and Edward went with her to see Jennie. I on the other hand went down to see some people in the recreational area. I spotted Michael and Claire sitting with Diana, another one of the patients.

"Hey guys." I said, sitting down on the floor in front of where they were on the sofa.

"Hey Bells," Michael said smiling at me. I got a "hey" and a very polite "hello" from Diana. She wasn't being rude or anything, it was just how she was raised.

"So Bella," Diana turned to face me speaking with her thick British accent. "We heard that Edward had his feeding tube removed last night." I nodded, somewhat glad that it had been the first thing that she had asked me, or else it would have probably sat there like a giant pink elephant until someone brought it up. "How's he dealing with that?" I have to say that I loved Diana. She was one of the lovliest girls you could ever meet. She was sweet and kind, if not a little forward in her approach but at this time, it was welcome. She had been raised in England until she was fourteen, when her dad had gotten a better paying job in Seattle and uprooted the whole family with only a week's notice. That was when her eating problems had begun. At having just turned eighteen, she like Edward had missed out on a lot of fun teenage years, but then again a lot of the patients in here had.

"He was okay this morning." I nodded my head. "It was hard for him but he managed it. He managed to eat half a bowl of oatmeal, which I know was hard for him to do."

The three in front of me beamed. They knew how hard it was for Edward, because they had gone through the same process, though I don't think any of them had had as tough a time readjusting. I knew that Diana had been placed on a feeding tube when she had been first admitted but she had said herself that her ordeal with it hadn't been anywhere near as bad as Edward's had.

"That's great Bells." Claire said from her spot on the sofa grinning.

"It really is." Diana agreed.

"You know," Michael said knowingly, still grinning. "He wouldn't have been able to get this far without you, Bella." His tone was serious now. "I mean it, you're the reason that he's still here." The girls sat there next to him nodding. "Without you, I don't know what would have happened with him. He'd probably still be attached to the first feeding tube. He wouldn't have made this progress I can tell you that much."

"Yeah, right!" A disbelieving, sugary, nasal voice said behind me. "Anyone who thinks that's true, is just pathetic."

I stood up and turned around to find myself face to face with Tanya.

**Ooooo! Showdown time? Mehbeh, mehbeh not. Remember Bella won't do anything that will jeopardise her time here with Edward, so don't expect anything physical.  
Please review :D  
You know how I love reviews :D  
Ciao!! xx**


	45. Solving A Problem

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

_"You know," Michael said knowingly, still grinning. "He wouldn't have been able to get this far without you, Bella." His tone was serious now. "I mean it, you're the reason that he's still here." The girls sat there next to him nodding. "Without you, I don't know what would have happened with him. He'd probably still be attached to the first feeding tube. He wouldn't have made this progress I can tell you that much."_

_"Yeah, right!" A disbelieving, sugary, nasal voice said behind me. "Anyone who thinks that's true, is just pathetic."_

_I stood up and turned around to find myself face to face with Tanya._

**BPOV**

_Great,_ I thought sarcastically. _What the hell does she want?_

I folded my arms across my chest. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Like you don't know." She spat at me, a smug smile forming on her face.

"Ummm," I pretended to think for a minute. "Actually no I don't know. So if you could please ellaborate then it would be greatly appreciated." I smiled innocently at her, although at that particular point in time I would have liked to have the opportunity to jump on her and rip out her obviously fake blonde hair.

She scoffed at me. "I think it's obvious that _you're_ the one that needs Eddie. He's fine without you, and it's obvious that you're just here for the ride. You've somehow managed to worm your way in with the staff so that they'd let you stay, but I'll bet that little Eddie up there is getting pretty annoyed with you right now. So why don't you just pack your bags and leave. Let Eddie have a taste of a real woman." She smiled smugly at me. I was guessing that she was supposed to be the "real woman" in this scenario.

"Right, Tanya, first things first. Stop calling him "Eddie". His name is _Edward_ and you'd do well to remember it. Two, I am here until _Edward_ wants me to leave-"

"Which he won't." Michael chipped in, cutting me off.

"Right." Diana agreed with me and Claire sat there nodding, not taking her eyes off of Tanya.

"And you know why that is Tanya? Because he loves me. He loves me and I love him, so I'm not going anywhere. And number three," I looked her up and down. "Why you think that Edward would go near someone who was obviously the village bike before she came here is beyond me. Edward's got more taste than that." Tanya's face was a picture. It was a mix of anger because she hadn't gotten the rise out of me that she wanted and of shock because someone had dared talk to her like that. "I'm not going _anywhere_." I spat at her.

"Well, we'll see about that." She spat back.

"Tanya," Diana stood up next to me. "Just back off. Edward doesn't like you. He is _in love with Bella!_ So why don't you just get that through your thick tie dyed head and get lost. If you don't then you'll be sent back to the plastic surgeon to sort out the remodelling that I'm going to be doing on your nose. Edward is with Bella. He's not going to get with you, so _back the bloody hell off_!"

I had never seen Diana this angry as I watched her. She stood there, seeming to tremble with anger as she stared at Tanya.

"Bella is not going anywhere." She hissed and a smirk appeared on Tanya's face again.

"We'l see about that." She said smoothly as she walked out.

"What was that supposed to mean?" Claire asked, standing beside Diana watching Tanya leave.

"It means that she's going to do something so that they make Bella leave." Michael replied, standing next to me. I looked at him in shock. "But we're going to go to Dr. Martin first, right Diana?" She nodded. "We're going to tell her everything that's happened with Tanya. _Everything._ I mean I know from Shane that she tried hitting on him at weigh-in the other morning. Yesterday I think it was, it might have been the day before, but anyway, if we tell Dr. Martin what's happened before she can do anything, then she won't get away with it." I nodded at his plan and we went up to see Dr. Martin.

Reaching her office I knocked on the door quietly.

"Come in," She called and I opened the door slowly, the others close behind me. "Ah Bella. What do I owe the pleasure. Oh, what do we have here?" She asked, spotting the others behind me.

"Dr. Martin." I said, walking into the room. "We have a bit of a problem." She nodded for me to sit down in one of the chairs. Michael motioned for Diana to take the other one in front of the desk as Claire closed the door and stood behind my chair. "It's about the new girl. Tanya something, her name is."

"Tanya Denali, yes dear." She nodded for me to go on. "What seems to be the problem?"

"Well...." I hesitated, not really knowing what to say. "She's intent on bringing herself between Edward and myself. I think - well we think - that she's going to do something that will result in my being forced to leave, just so she can try to get close to Edward." I looked at the others who were all staring at Dr. Martin and nodding.

"Oh, well that is a problem isn't it?" She looked down at her papers. "What makes you think that?"

"Well," It was Diana who spoke up now. "We were all down in the recreational area, and we were talking about Edward and how great it is that he's come off of the tube. And Michael I think it was said something about how he needs Bella at the moment, you know for support, which he does. And then she came up behind us and said that anyone who thinks that is pathetic. She then proceeded to say that it was Bella that needed Edward and that she was just along for the ride and that she should leave so Edward would get a taste of a "real woman"." She used air quotes for the last two words, which I thought was amusing although I didn't let it show, considering the seriousness of the situation. "So then _I_ reminded her that it's Bella that Edward is in love with and that she's not going anywhere. Well, until you feel that Edward needs to learn to be on his own that is." She quickly added on the end.

"What did she say to that? Did she do something that implied that she was going to do something?" Dr Martin looked at the four of us.

"She just said "we'll see about that" and walked off." I said.

"Which is why we thought that we should come up here, to tell you directly what had happened, before she was able to pull something." Claire told her from her position behind me.

"Well, I'm glad you did." Dr. Martin pulled out a notebook. "Something like this could get very serious and cause a lot of damage. Especially to Edward." She started to flip through the notebook. "Especially since he's just been taken off the tube. How was he this morning, dear?" She looked at me suddenly, a small smile on her face.

"He was....okay, actually." I nodded, looking at her. "He managed to eat half a bowl of oatmeal, which is a good start. I could tell that it was hard for him though, which just makes me even more proud of him. Seeing as he actually managed to do it."

She smiled at me. "That's good. He _is_ making progress. It might take some time, but he _is_ getting there." She obviously found what she was looking for and picked up the phone that was on her desk. "Hello? Yes can you send Miss Denali up to my office when you're done please?" She paused, listening for and answer. "Thank you." She put the phone down and looked at the four of us. "Well it seems that you're right. Apparently someone has just destroyed her room, and your name was the first one to come up, Bella."

I frowned. Some part of me was hoping that she would be able to come up with something a little better than that, but then again, the few run ins that I've had with her haven't really supported that fact.

"Michael," Claire said, snapping his out of his train of thought. "Didn't you say that Shane said something about the other morning at weigh-in?"

"Yeah," He looked at Dr. Martin. "Shane said that when he and Edward were talking just before weigh-in," I heard Diana snort and mutter something about Shane talking at weigh-in, and I smiled. Dr. Martin did too. Apparently she knew about Shane at weigh-in. "Well, he said that Tanya saw Edward there, and sat down _real_ close to him, even though he was obviously uncomfortable with it. I mean, we all know how Edward is with contact and stuff," We all nodded. Everyone had been advised about Edward's aversion to physical contact, and that I was generally the only one he would touch. That he had to trust someone enough to touch them. "She just ignored the fact that he was moving away from her and stuff. Apparently Shane said that she was asking him to go for a walk with her around the grounds and stuff, and I think that that meant other things for Tanya. He also said that Edward looked really freaked out and stressed when he came out. He said that she was still leaning in real close. Edward wasn't happy. She still hasn't back off since then." Dr. Martin sat there and processed this information.

"And also, on Saturday, when Edward's family came to see him," I smiled at the memories of that day. "She kept trying to touch him, even though he was really starting to freak out. I thought he was going to have a panic attack then and there. She kept trying to get him away from me."

"What happened then?" Dr. Martin asked.

"Well...." I paused, wondering the best way to put it. "Emmett happened." She looked confused. "Emmett is Edward's big brother." She understood now. "She was trying to get Edward away from me, when Emmett announced his arrival. She seemed pretty pissed at that, and stormed off when Edward didn't introduce her to his family."

"I'd like for you four to stay in here if thats alright." We nodded.

A moment later there was a knocking on the door. "Come in," Dr. Martin called and Tanya strode in. Upon seeing us, a small smirk appeared on her face. "Come in, Tanya. Now, I think you know why you're here." I wondered why I suddenly felt like I was in the principal's office in middle school. Weird.

"Yes," She tried to sound upset.

"Well, would you like to tell us all why?" Dr. Martin said, looking at me, a small smile glinting in her eyes saying "this should be interesting". Despite what I had thought about her before I really like Dr. Martin.

"Well, I was down in the recreation room and I went back upstairs to find my room trashed." She looked accusingly at me.

"Oh really?" Dr. Martin feigned concern. "And who do you think would have done this?"

Tanya glared at me. "_She's_ the only one who's had a problem with me. Just because Eddie seems to like me more than he does her. She just needs to get over it." I bit my bottom lip to keep from laughing. "I don't know why she's here anyway."

"She's here because she is vital to Edward's recovery at the moment. Oh, and his name is Edward. I know for a personal fact that he hates to be called Eddie." I smiled. Scratch that I _really_ liked Dr. Martin. "And all of us here in this wing know for a fact that Edward is desperately in love with Bella. And I also know that it was _not_ Bella that "trashed" your room because she and her friends were actually up here talking to me, telling me what had happened today and on previous days, and saying that you were going to come up here and say exactly what you just said." Tanya's face fell.

"What?!" She almost shrieked. "You think I'm making this up?! Why would I trash my own room?! All of my things?! Why would _I_ do that?!"

"Oh, I don't know," Diana put her finger to her chin in a mock thinking pose. "Possibly to try to get rid of Bella so you could try and get in with a certain handsome, bronze-haired boy who _obviously_ isn't intrested?" She looked at Tanya. "Am I warm?"

"You think that I would need to go that far?" She asked. "I can get anyone I want!"

"Execpt Edward." I said, turning to face her.

"Okay," Dr. Martin said, holding up her hands to calm everyone down. I turned to look at her and found her staring at Tanya. "Now, Tanya. Edward and Bella are an item. It seems that you are unable to get used to that fact. Everyone else here thinks that it's wonderful, as do I. The fact that Edward has found someone that he feels he can share this with, its not something that's happened here before. And it shows that Edward loves Bella. It seems that you cannot accept that fact and have already tried to cause a stir. This means that I am going to have to move you to another wing. I can't have anything disrupting Edward's recovery right now. He's made some major improvements recently and I don't need anything sending him backwards."

"What!" Tanya shrieked. "You can't move me! How come _she_ gets to stay with him then? You said you don't want any disruptions, then shouldn't she leave?"

"No," Dr. Martin folded her hands on her desk in front of her. "Bella is vital to Edward's recovery at the moment. Having her leave would only send him back to where he was before and I will not let that happen. Now, Miss Denali, it seems that you are the only one causing a disruption, so you will be moving wings immediately." She opened up her notebook as if to say that the topic was closed.

Tanya stood there, open mouthed. "You can't make me move wings! I'm calling Daddy!" She threw open the door and stormed out.

I grinned at her reaction and the others started laughing.

"Now, now you four. It's not funny." She said this but I saw a small smile on her lips as she tried to bite back a laugh. "Now, Bella, Edward should be just about finished with his meeting with Jennie now."

I stood up, thanked Dr. Martin and we left.

"That was totally ace!" Claire couldn't help but squeal. We all laughed at her reaction as we walked down the halls. They had obviously decided to come with me to meet Edward after his meeting with Jennie.

As we approached the room he was in, the door opened and he walked out. He saw us coming and smiled at me as I bounded up to him, placing a kiss on his lips.

"Well, hi to you too." He said, smirking. I turned around to look out our friends and they were standing there smiling at us. "Hi, guys." They all said hi to him and we started walking back to the recreational room. "Tell me, was that Tanya I heard screaming like a banshee about having to "call Daddy" about something being so unfair?"

We all smirked and nodded. "Yeah," Michael said, smiling at me.

"Why do I feel out of the loop on something here?" He asked looking between the four of us. "What did you guys do?" He asked, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"Oh, nothing." I sighed. "Let's just say we won't have to worry about her anymore." I said and the others smirked knowingly.

"Really?" He sounded confused and suspicious at the same time. "Why?"

"Because we got her moved to another wing." I looked up at him and he grinned.

"Well thank god for that." He said stopping and pulling me into a kiss.

_Yes_, I thought, kissing him back with as much passion as I could muster. _Thank god for that._

**So for all you Tanya haters, there we go. She might make a small appearance in the next chapter, but that's as she's being taken to the other wing of the clinic.  
Sorry that I didn't murder her, as so many of you asked me to do, but honestly, there wasn't the place for a murder scene in the story so this works just as well.  
I'm not sure how many chapters this story will have left, but there are a few, so don't worry just yet. And I already have a lot of ideas formed for the sequel that you have all convinced me to do.  
Please review :D I'll love you all forever if you do.  
Ciao!! xx**


	46. Problem Solved!

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**Some of the reactions that I've been getting to the departure of Tanya are absolutely priceless! Each and every one of them is making me laugh, so much so that I'm getting weird looks off of the girls in my room. Haha! Yeah, they, um, think I'm working, when I'm clearly not haha! :D being honest I would rather write this than do my work at the moment, so that's what I'm doing :D**

**EPOV**

When I heard that Tanya was being moved I almost jumped for joy. It was all I could do not to.

"Well thank god for that," I said, stopping and pulling Bella into a deep kiss, showing her my joy that way. I was pleased when she reciprocated with as much force. _Thank fucking god for that!_ I thought, elated. At least Bella and I didn't have to deal with her anymore.

Breaking apart we saw our friends had stopped, Diana and Claire with happy smiles on their faces and Michael was smirking at me. Hell, I knew that I was lucky to have Bella. There was no way I was going to let some wannabe skank like Tanya try to ruin what I had with her. As we made our way to the recreation room, Bella wrapped her arm around my waist and I her shoulder. She leant her head on my shoulder and sighed. I smiled at the fact that there was now no one around to ruin our days.

We sat down on the sofa and I curled my feet up underneath myself and found Bella doing the same. Michael grabbed the deck of cards that was on the table and he, Claire and Diana sat on the floor in front of the sofa.

"Rummy?" He asked the girls and they nodded. "You two playing?" I shook my head and felt Bella doing the same. He dealt out the cards and they started the game. I watched one or two games and then gazed at Bella who was watching them intently. I felt that this was what it was supposed to be like when you're a regular teenager. Going round to each others houses, and just chilling with friends. I sighed, thinking about what I had lost out on through my teenagers. Bella looked up at me, smiling slightly and I kissed her softly on her forehead before she went back to watching the games.

I gazed at her lovingly, only being broken out of my trance when there was an argument between Michael and Diana about who had won. I smiled at their behaviour. They were such children at times. It felt good to be able to watch them act like normal teenagers, which was something none of us had really been able to do.

We were suddenly interrupted by a great shriek.

"Daddy!" It was Tanya. We turned around to see her running and jumping into the arms of someone I guessed was her father. As curious as we all were we all stood up and edged our way around so we could see what was going on. We saw him kiss her on the forehead and put her down slowly, as if afraid he would break her. We all saw Dr. Martin approach him with an angry look on her face.

"Ah, Dr. Martin." He said in an unfriendly, smug tone. "Would you care to tell me why my daughter is being moved to a different wing? It seems that she has done nothing wrong."

"I think we should go up to my office." She replied, glancing over in our direction. He followed her gaze and laughed.

"Oh, you're worried about how you'll look in front of your patients, is that it? Well, no I think that we should settle this here and now." He folded his arms over his chest, just as I had seen Tanya do before.

"Okay then. Tanya is being moved because she is causing one of my more......fragile patients a lot of discomfort." I wasn't sure how to take being called "fragile" but then again looking back on my behaviour up til now I guess I could see what she meant. I decided not to take any offense to it.

"I am not!" She cried looking at her father. I snorted and she turned to look at me. _Crap!_ I thought. "Eddie!" She cried and bounded over to me, grabbing my arm. I jerked away from her, violently, panicking. No one had ever grabbed me like that before and I felt my heart rate increase rapidly and I tried to get my breathing under control. I leant against the wall as my heart rate refused to slow. Bella looked at me worriedly silently asking if I was alright. "What's wrong Eddie?" Tanya asked in what was supposed to be a sweet voice.

"You idiot!" Bella said in a raised voice, placing her hand over my heart, checking its speed. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing hoping that if I could get that under control then my heart rate would slow down. "You _know_ he hates being touched!"

"Well, then, young lady, if he hates being touched then how come you're touching him right now?" I opened my eyes to see that her father had walked up behind and that they were both wearing the same smug smile.

"Because I'm his girlfriend!" She spat back, turning to look at me again. "Edward, are you okay?" I nodded, finally feeling my breathing level out.

"If you will, Mr. Denali. This is the patient I have told you about. He and Bella are in a serious relationship at the moment and Tanya insists on trying to break them up in one way or another." Dr. Martin explained walking up behind Tanya and her father. "He is highly adverse to anyone other than Bella touching him, as you have just seen and yet she insists on trying to do so. This is why she is being moved."

"That is _so_ not true!" Tanya said, turning to face her father. "Daddy, make them not move me."

"Actually, sir." Diana said, stepping forward, being polite as always. "It is true. Many of us have seen how Tanya behaves when she is around Edward. It is highly inappropriate, especially seeing as Bella is nearly always there. She seems to think that she can steal Edward away from Bella, for some reason or another. Being honest sir, all of us here care about each other greatly, and seriously dislike anything that could hinder our recovery process. We all feel that Tanya, if given the chance, could ruin Edward's chances at recovery."

Tanya's father turned to look at her. "Is this true, Tanya?"

"Of course not Daddy!" She glared at Diana. "She's lying!"

"Are you going to let her get away with it this time father? Like you always do?" A voice said from the door. There was another girl standing there. She had pale blonde, almost silver hair. She looked like Tanya, only her features were softer, less angular. Even though she was very pretty, she had nothing on my Bella.

"Shut up Irina!" Tanya spat.

"What?" She moved forward so she was standing in front of Tanya. "What's the matter, little sis? Just because you want something you can't have. I mean, look at him! I've only been here for, what, a minute and I can see that he's in love with this girl! Just look at the way he looks at her. It's obvious. Just because you can't have him, you have to go and throw a fit! Just because you have an eating disorder doesn't make you special Tanya! Look around, you are not the only one here with that problem." Tanya glared at her sister once more, huffed and stalked over to where her father and Dr. Martin were now talking. Irina turned to look at me and Bella. "I'm really sorry about her. Sometimes she doesn't know when to leave off. Though I must say, if you weren't attached," She pointed at me playfully. "Then I'd definitely try my luck."

I smiled at her. "Well then, I guess it's too bad for you that I am, then."

She nodded and smiled. "Yes, it is. And unlike my sister, I take note of that fact." She smiled at us again. "I really hope that she didn't cause too much trouble." Her face was apologetic, which annoyed me because it was Tanya that was supposed to be apologising, not her sister.

"You don't need to apologise for her....Irina.....is it?" She nodded. "Pretty name."

She chuckled. "You're cute." She smiled at Bella. "And from what I've seen, you're extremely lucky." She said, indicating towards Bella.

"I know." She smiled at me and kissed the bottom of my jaw. She turned back to Irina who was grinning. I saw Tanya's father turn around and start walking towards us.

"Excuse me, you're Edward right?" He said and I pushed myself up off of the wall.

"Yes sir." I said cautiously, not sure of where this enquiry could be going.

"Tell me, is what they're saying about my daughter true?" He looked at all of the others. "What has she really been like? I don't want to cause her any more trauma than she's already been through." At this Irina scoffed and rolled her eyes. I looked at her and smiled slightly. Now, Tanya's sister I could get on with.

"Actually sir, I find Tanya to be very overbearing." I said, in the politest voice I could muster. "She doesn't seem to listen when I tell her to leave me alone or that I've got a girlfriend. I don't like people touching me, and yet she seems to be convinced that she can. For some reason she believes that I'll leave Bella for her, which I can tell you, will not happen. It's kind of draining just being around her, sir."

"Okay. Thank you Edward." He turned around and walked back over to where Dr. Martin and Tanya were.

"You know, I think you would have been better off being blunt about it and telling him that she's a skank who won't leave you alone." Irina said, smiling.

My mouth fell open. Did she just call her own sister a skank? "Ummm, I'm sorry, did you just call your own sister a skank?" Bella asked and Irina shrugged.

"I know she is. Hell, _she_ knows she is." Irina laughed.

"NO DADDY!" We all turned to look at Tanya who was throwing a major strop at her father. He had obviously told her that he was agreeing with Dr. Martin and letting them move her. I had honestly thought that he would make them let her stay.

I saw Tanya turn around and stalk away, her father close behind. Irina turned back to us and rolled her eyes. "I guess I should go with them."

"You don't have to, if you don't want to." Claire told her and she smiled.

"Nah, _you_ we like." One of the others told her. I couldn't see who it was.

"Yeah," I shrugged. "We just can't your sister." She laughed and I smiled.

"Okay then." We all moved back into the recreational area, Irina following cautiously. Bella and I sat where we had been earlier, and Michael, Claire and Diana resumed their card game, reshuffling the cards and beginning a new game. Irina sat next to Bella, who had settled herself down to rest her head on my chest.

"So, Irina, you got any other siblings or did you have to put up with Tanya on your own?" Diana asked and we all laughed, including Irina.

"No, I have a brother and two other sisters. Carmen, Kate and Eleazar. But we just call him El." She explained and we nodded.

"That's a strange name." Bella pointed out. "Eleazar?" She pondered over the name, looked at me, and I shrugged looking back at Irina.

"I know," She said shrugging. "He's the oldest out of all of us. Apparently, my mum didn't want a normal name for him and she found his name in some novel or something and decided that it fit, so that's what she called him. Personally, I think that she's cursed him, but oh, well." She shrugged again. "What are you gonna do?" She looked at me and Bella. "I got the impression that you don't have an eating disorder Bella, at least from the way Tanya was talking about you earlier." Bella shook her head. "Then how come you're here?"

Bella looked up at me. "For Edward." She smiled and Irina grinned. "They thought that with having me here, it would help his recovery."

"And she really has," Michael chipped in, still concentrating on his game and yet listening to the conversation at the same time. He looked up at the three of us. "Seriously, I doubt Edward would have made the progress he has if Bells wasn't here."

"Michael," Diana scolded him.

"No, Di, he's right." I agreed. "I don't think I would have either." I kissed Bella softly on the top of her head and I felt her smile against my chest.

"That's so sweet." Irina beamed. "It's great that you can do that for someone Bella. Give up everything. I mean, you've given up the life that you had outside of here. I honestly don't know how you could do that."

"Easy," Bella whispered still smiling. "Edward _is _my life now."

"You're a lucky man Edward. Don't let her go." Irina said seriously, looking at me.

"No," I disagreed, shaking my head. "I'm the lucky one."

"Okay, lunch people," Jude called and everyone started to get up and follow her.

Bella held out her hand to her. "It was nice meeting you Irina." She smiled and took Bella's hand. "You're nothing like your sister, I can tell you that much."

"It was nice meeting you too Bella. And thanks." She chuckled as she dropped Bella's hand, learning fast not to offer hers to me. "Nice meeting you too Edward."

"You too Irina." I smiled at her and took Bella's hand, making our way back up to my room. I knew Irina was probably confused to see that we were going the same way as her, as Tanya's room was down the corridor from my own, but she didn't say anything. Something that I was thankful for. I didn't really feel comfortable explaining my situation to a complete stranger.

As we turned onto my corridor we saw Tanya's father attempting to pick her up and take her to where she would now be staying. She saw me and her eyes opened wide. She broke free of her father and ran down the corridor.

"Eddie! Eddie! You won't let them take me away will you, Eddie?!" She cried grabbing onto my shirt. I stumbled backwards trying to free myself of her grasp, but she clung on as I fell into the wall.

"Let him go you psycho!" I heard someone yell and I saw Irina yank her sister away from me as I slid down the wall, clutching at my chest.

My heart was going into overdrive at this point and Bella crouched in front of me, taking my face into her hands, making me jump.

"Edward, love are you okay?" She asked me, her voice thick with worry. I nodded slowly, trying to slow my breathing down. I closed my eyes and leant my head back on the wall. "Edward? Open your eyes love." She pulled my head up gently as I opened my eyes to look at her. She had tears welling up in her eyes and I realised what it must look like. She must have thought that I was having another heart attack. I ran my hand through her hair.

"I'm okay." I breathed, sounding more panicked than I would have liked. "I just need a minute." I looked to the side and saw that Irina was shoving Tanya into her father's grasp and turning back to us.

"It's okay, love. It's okay. I'm here." She placed a soft kiss on my forehead and I could feel my heart slow down slightly.

Irina crouched next to Bella and looked at me worried. "I'm so sorry about that. Is he okay?" She looked between Bella and I.

I nodded, unable to speak.

"Yeah, he'll be okay." I looked at Bella and she had a silent tear running down her cheek. I saw Irina looking at her, not believing her.

"Then why are you crying, hon?" She asked, placing one hand on the wall next to me and one on Bella's shoulder, in a reassuring way.

"Oh," She wiped the tear away. "I guess I was just afraid that's all...." She trailed off, not really giving an explanation.

"Of what?" Irina asked, looking between Bella and myself. Bella looked at me and I nodded, showing that it was okay for Bella to tell her what had happened.

"He, um, he had a heart attack not too long ago. As a result of someone attacking him like that." As she said this, more tears started to fall and I wiped them away with my thumb. "I guess when I saw him collapse like that I thought the worst."

"Oh, my god." Irina looked guilty and concerned. "I am so sorry." She turned to look at where her sister was being taken away, still kicking and screaming in protest. "I'm going to kill her!" She said with malice in her voice.

"It's okay." I told her. "I'm fine. I just need a minute." I smiled at her and she smiled back although it didn't reach her eyes.

We sat there for a minute or so and I felt my heart begin to slow down. My breathing had levelled out somewhat and I smiled at Bella.

"You okay to get up?" She asked and I nodded. She stood up and held out her hands for me to grasp onto. I took them and she pulled me up gently and we walked into my room.

"I really am sorry, you guys." Irina said, standing into the doorway.

"Don't worry about it," Bella reassured her, walking over and giving her a hug. "Hey, what's your number? I'd like to get to know you a bit better. Where do you live?"

"Um, we live in Port Angeles." She said, walking into the room slowly and taking the slip of paper and pen that Bella handed her and writing down her number.

"No way, that's where Michael's from." I said, smiling and she grinned at me.

"Small world huh?" She said, handing the paper back to Bella. It was seeing as there were people from all over the states here. Clinics and units like this one were few and far between so getting into one was hard, and getting into one close to home was even harder. "What about you guys?"

"We're from Forks." Bella told her, taking the paper and pen.

"No way!" Irina beamed at this news. "We will be able to get to know each other then." She looked out the door. "I guess I'd better get going. I'll talk to you guys soon, yeah?" We nodded. "It was great meeting you guys. Good luck with your recovery Edward."

"Thank you," I said as she walked out of the room and closed the door. "Now _her_ I like." I said looking down at Bella. "But why does she have to have such a pest for a sister?" Bella shrugged and we went and sat on my bed.

A moment later there was a knock on the door. "Come in," I called and Jude appeared holding two trays just like this morning. I inhaled deeply, preparing myself.

She set both of the trays down on the side next to Bella and left quietly.

Bella handed me one of the trays and I saw that it was a bowl of soup. _It's okay, Edward._ I told myself. _You did it this morning, you can do it again._ I looked at Bella, who smiled at me and busied herself with her own lunch, giving me the time I needed. She knew not to rush me and for that I was thankful. I inhaled again and this time I caught the scent of the soup. It didn't actually smell that bad. I picked up the spoon and dipped it into the soup, slowly taking a mouthful.

It wasn't the best feeling in the world, but the soup tasted nice actually. Tomato. Obviously they were starting me out with the easier flavours to get on with. It was easier to deal with than the oatmeal was. At least this didn't have any lumps in it. I braced myself for each mouthful and stopped when I couldn't handle anymore. I thought that I hadn't had that much as I put the spoon down, but I saw that I had had at least half a bowl of the soup. I looked at Bella and saw her beaming at me, so I guessed that I hadn't done that badly. She took the tray off of my lap and set it down with hers. She leant over and kissed me deeply just as she had this morning and I reciprocated.

We leant back on the pillows and just stared at each other, only breaking the silence that was there when Jude knocked on the door and retrieved our trays. She too smiled at me when she saw how much was left in the bowl.

"How do you feel?" Bella whispered.

I sighed. "Okay I guess." I whispered back and she kissed the end of my nose.

"You're doing so well you know." She smiled at me and I kissed her.

I wrapped my arms around her and breathed in her scent, knowing that with her here I would be able to do anything. Now all I had to do was prepare myself for when she had to leave.

**Yup, yup, yup, Tanya's gone.**

**Or as misskaterinab said in her lovely review Ding Dong the skank is gone! :P Seriously am loving the Tanya related reviews. They're seriously making me laugh. It's a shame I won't be getting those after this chapter. They make me giggle.  
Anyways, please review. You know how I love them :D  
Ciao!! xx**


	47. The Cullen Crest

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**The chapters might skip time quite quickly from now on, as a detailed chapter about each day at the clinic would get a bit boring and we really would be here for months. I'll try to keep it as fluid as possible though. If it doesn't run smoothly or make sense review and let me know, mkay? :D**

**EPOV**

The week after Tanya's eventful departure went quietly. That is until my family, minus Carlisle as he was on call this weekend decided that they were going to announce themselves on Saturday morning.

The great thing was that they got on with everyone. Being the beginning of December it was getting colder so we didn't really want to wander around outside, so the fact that my got on well with everyone was a good thing.

We spent most of their visit in the recreation room, until they decided that they wanted to see mine and Bella's room and practically dragged us up there. Sighing Bella and I obliged, gaining giggles from Claire and Diana, and a smirk from Michael. Bella gave him a look that told him he was going to get it, because she heard him whisper to Diana that it was him that suggested we show them our room. I say that it was our room, because thats what it was. Bella lived there as well, so it seemed fitting.

We sat around and talked for a while, all of us lounging around in my room. Emmett had occupied the chair that Bella normally sat in, Alice and Rosalie had made themselves at home on my bed alongside Bella and I and Jasper had sprawled himself out into a starfish position on the floor. I looked down at him and he grinned back, his eyes glancing to Emmett every so often. I was confused at him and when I looked at Emmett I saw a glint in his eye as he raised his eyebrows and glanced at Bella.

I was still confused and watched as he momentarily pulled out a small box and glanced at her again. A smile spread across my face as I realised that he had the crest that I had asked Carlisle to have made for Bella. I glanced at her and saw that she was in deep conversation with Rosalie and Alice, her back to Emmett. Alice flashed me a knowing smile, making it evident that Carlisle had told them what I had requested. She began, what I think was supposed to be abesntmindledly playing with the crest at her throat. To Bella it would seem absentminded anyway. She looked at me again and winked. I shook my head, smiling, looking back at Emmett, who was also grinning.

All too soon it was time for them to go, and as Bella was saying goodbye to the others Emmett slipped me the crest.

"Thanks," I said, pocketing it.

"For what it's worth," He told me grinning. "I think it's a great idea. I mean, she's a Cullen at heart right?"

I nodded, looking over at her. "She really is." I found myself wondering if she would ever be in name as well. I weighed up the options as they left. Would Bella and I ever really have a future. What would happen when I left here? Would she realise that she had done her job and gotten me healthy and go off with someone else? Or was she really in it for the long haul, and stick by me? I guessed that her reaction to the gift that was in my pocket would be the answer to that one. I couldn't help doubting myself though.

I was still on soups and liquids and Jennie had told me that I would be for a couple of weeks, while my stomach got used to digesting them again. I noticed that over time they became slightly thicker in consistency, "to improve my stomach" as Jennie told me.

I knew that soon they would be moving me onto solid food, and I wasn't really looking forward to that day.

Derek and I were making progress in our sessions and I was finding it easier to open up, but I knew that I was still holding back on some things. I don't know why, but I just had things that I didn't feel ready to share, which I knew was stupid, as I had already confessed the biggest thing in my life weeks ago. Something held me back though. That little niggling voice in my head was still there, holding me back.

I had just finished a session with Derek when I found Bella in the recreation room, looking a bit down. I sat down next to her and wrapped my arm around her shoulder and she nestled herself into my room.

"Are you okay love?" I asked her, running a hand through her hair.

"I'm fine." She replied in a tone that said, "I'm not fine but I don't want to talk about it here". I understood her meaning and stood up again. I took hold of her hand and I led her upstairs, glancing back every now and again, finding a confused expression on her face. Getting up to my room, I closed the door and pulled her into a hug.

"What's wrong, love?" I asked, running my hand through her hair again and placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"Nothing," She mumbled, rubbing her face into my chest.

"Bella, as amazing as you are, you are a terrible liar." I pointed out chuckling and I could feel her smile into my chest.

"I have to leave." She whispered and I froze.

"What?" I asked her as she lifted her head up to meet my gaze. "What do you mean?"

She pulled me down to sit on the bed and faced me. "While you were in with Derek, Dr. Martin wanted to speak to me in her office. She told me that she thinks that you're ready to try this on your own now." She said, tears welling in her eyes.

I looked down, taking in the news. I had been expecting this, after all I had been eating somewhat, I had been opening up to Derek more in our sessions. It seemed that I was getting better.

"When?" I asked, my voice no louder than a whisper.

"The end of the week." She smiled. I should have known that they would give us some time to say goodbye properly and wouldn't make her leave the same or the next day. I looked down at the bed again, feeling tears welling up in my eyes. "Hey." She placed a finger under my chin and lifted my head up gently. "You're going to be fine. You're ready for this. We both knew that this day was coming, right?" I nodded. "You can do this. You can get better, with or without me. And you know what, I'm going to be standing there when you walk out of those doors, ready to start a new life with you. One where we're both happy and free and our lives aren't ruled by food. Okay?" I nodded. "I'm going to wait for you Edward Cullen. Because I love you. More than words can ever say. Just because I'm not here, doesn't change that." I nodded. "Hey. You _will_ be starting senior year with me. You understand?"

I smiled at her and nodded, pulling her into an embrace. "Of course I will. I wouldn't have it any other way."

She smiled at me and I flopped down onto the bed, landing on my side, pulling her down with me. She giggled at me and kissed the end of my nose.

"You're gonna be fine," She whispered, kissing me softly. "You've got Claire and Michael and Diana, now as well as Derek to support you. They're all here for you."

"Yeah, but none of them compare to you." I buried my head in her hair and she giggled at the feeling of my breath on her neck.

"They're gonna make sure that you're okay for me." She said smiling. "And I'll call you everyday, and I'll be up every single weekend to see you. They're not getting rid of me that easily." I smiled at her. I knew that she wouldn't be easy to get rid of.

"Oh," I said, remembering the crest that was in my pocket. I had to make sure that I carried it everywhere with me, just in case Bella found it. "I've just remembered. I have something for you." I leant back and took it out of my pocket. "Here." I said handing her the small box.

"Edward!" She reprimanded me. "You know I don't like gifts."

I grinned at her. "I think you'll like this one." I said slyly and she narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously.

She looked down at the box as if it night explode and I laughed. She glared at me playfully and slowly removed the lid. I saw her eyes widen and light up when she saw what was inside it. She looked at me in disbelief before reverting her eyes back to the box. Sure enough, sitting snugly amongst a ball of cotton wool was a black leather wristband with the Cullen Crest bound neatly onto it.

"For me?" She asked, her eyes disbelieving.

"Well, who else is it gonna be for?" I asked in mock exasperation. "Of course it's for you." I wrapped an arm around her neck. "You remember I told you that I had to talk to Carlisle?" She looked at me in confusion. "When Alice and Rosalie were attacking Emmett." She smiled at the memory. "That's what I wanted to talk to him about."

She looked down at it again, tracing her fingers over the emblem that lay before her in the box. "When did you get it?"

"The last time my family were up. Emmett brought it up with him." She looked at me in shock.

"Wait! You've had it all this time and you decide to give it to me now?!" Her voice steadily increased in pitch as she ended the sentence.

I nodded. "I wanted to give it to you when you, you know....." I trailed off and she realised what I had had planned.

"Oh Edward," She flung her arms around me. "I love it! Thank you so much." She detached herself from me and I took the wristband out of the box and wrapped it around her wrist, tying it so that the when she laid her arm down the bright silver of the crest gleamed. "It's amazing, thank you so much Edward." She leant over and kissed me passionately.

"Well, you may not be a Cullen by name, but you are by nature." I whispered against her lips. "Everyone thinks so." I kissed her again and she recicprocated before pulling back slightly.

"They do?" She looked worriedly at me.

I nodded. "Yeah, they all consider you family. And as far as I'm concerned, anyone who doesn't can bugger off. Because you _are_ a Cullen. You even have a crest to prove it." She giggled and looked at it again, not really believing that it was there.

"I love you, Bella." I whispered, kissing her temple.

"I love you, too Edward." She whispered back, looking up at me and placing a soft, tender, lingering kiss on my lips.

She continued to gaze at the crest for a while as we lay there. I edged my way up the bed and she did the same. We sat there gazing at each other and I could see her fingering the crest as though it would disappear if she wasn't either looking at it or playing with it. I looked down at it and it looked right there. Sitting on her wrist as though it was made to be there. It seemed to belong there, gleaming up at me, telling me that she really _was_ a Cullen.

I smiled to myself, looking at it and it was a while before I realised that her breathing that evened out and that she was asleep. I brushed her hair out of her face and over her shoulder and I felt a small stab of pain as I realised that I only had a few days left with her. I felt tears come to my eyes as I thought of what it was going to be like without her. The room would seem empty without her.

I would be lying if I told you that it was going to be easy with the goal of getting out to see her again. Because it wasn't. It was going to be as hard as fuck getting out of here. Being able to spend as much time as I could with Bella. But something deep inside told me that I needed this. I needed to be separated from her for a while. To build up my own strength, so I could survive. _Thank fuck that Tanya's gone. _I thought dryly. It was a good thing she was gone. I don't think that I could have survived with her around.

I knew I had to do this. I had to survive. For my family. For Bella. And for myself.

I could do this.

I had do to this.

**Sorry the chapters so short. I would have made it longer but this seemed like the best place to end it.  
Please review.  
You know how much I love them, and you if you do.  
Ciao!! xx**


	48. Saying Goodbye

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

The week before Bella had to leave went all too quickly.

I knew that she was going to have to leave, and I thought that I was prepared for it. It turns out I was wrong.

I knew that if I dwelt on the fact that she was leaving then it could undo everything that I had achieved, so I was determined to enjoy the last few days I had with Bella as much as I could. The only time I spent away from her was when I was in session with either Derek or Jennie, or at weigh-in. The rest of the time, there was no way that you could get me away from her. You would need a crowbar or a wrecking ball to seperate us. It seemed that she felt the same way as whenever I came back from a session she would run up and embrace me, something that I wasn't complaining about.

She absolutely loved the crest. Just as I hoped she would. She told me time and time again that she didn't need it to feel like apart of the family, but for some reason it made her feel more accepted. How those two statements worked I didn't know, and knowing the way Bella's brain worked I didn't really want to find out. Although I loved her with all of my heart, Bella could be extremely confusing sometimes. But then again the way she thought was one of her most endearing qualities and I loved her even more for it. I would often find her sitting there, in her chair, playing with it, tracing it with her fingers, watching the reflection of the sunlight on the silver that lay there or just looking at it, always with a smile on her face.

When I awoke on the morning she had to leave it was to the same routine. Jude woke me up at 5:20AM just as she always did. I grabbed my blanket and trudged down for weigh-in, all the time my head chanting over and over again _She's leaving_, which certainly didn't help the feeling.

When I got down to weigh-in, Shane was falling asleep in his chair again. He hadn't been able to gain the amount of weight required for him to be released last week, if he was on track he would be released next week. I kinda felt bad for the guy. He had been working so hard, and yet he was still a pound or two away from being released. I didn't have a doubt that he would do it though. He wanted it so much, and finally I had a taste of what he did. The tiny amount of will to get better that I had been feeling over the last few weeks or so seemed to be growing. I knew what the fuel was. Seeing Bella and my family again. I hadn't really known how much of an impact that everything I had been doing over the last decade or so had had on them. It was kind of surreal thinking about the fact that my actions could have hurt other people other than myself. For that was the reason behind my doing it: so I didn't hurt other people. Ironic huh?

As I sat down, I elbowed Shane in the ribs, as per usual and his head snapped up, his eyes flying open. He looked and me and growled. Yes, he growled.

"I hate it when you do that." He mumbled, slouching back down in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest.

"I know, but it gets the job done." I mumbled back, my mind still on the fact that today was Bella's last day with me. She would be leaving after dinner, so I promised that I would spend all day with her. Derek had even cancelled our session today, just so I could. And for that alone I couldn't thank him enough.

"Whoooo, Edward." Shane called, waving a hand in front of my face. "Anybody in there?"

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I guess I zoned out."

"Thinking about Bella?" He asked, a glum look on his face. I nodded. "It sucks that she has to leave."

I nodded sourly and looked at him. Looking around I saw that almost everybody - who was awake or coherent that is - had a glum look on their face. Bella hadn't just helped me. She had touched the hearts of almost all the patients here, and they were all sad to see her leave. Derek assured me that she would be able to visit whenever she could. That she didn't really have any restrictions on visiting times, as she had helped me and affected everyone so much.

I heard the familiar "next" come from the room and we shuffled up, not saying anything as more and more incoherent teenagers made their way down to wait. I looked around and the mood was more sour than it was normally. Normally, there was just an exhausted feel to the air, but this morning, it was as though a black cloud was hanging over the clinic, waiting for the opportunity to release a downpour upon all of us. _Bella really has affected everyone here._ I thought. _They're all sad to see her go._

I heard the "next" come from the room and Shane disappeared from next to me. He was in there for about a minute or so and when he emerged he had a triumphant but yet sad smile on his face. I looked at him and saw that he was up. I smiled at him sadly and bumped his fist as per usual before hearing the "next" that meant that it was my turn to be weighed.

I stood up and walked into the room, closing the door behind me. Sharron turned around and looked at me with a sad smile. She must have also been touched by Bella in some way, or maybe it was the fact that Bella had helped me in so many ways that she was sad to see her go, fearful that I would go backwards a few steps. I vowed to myself that that wouldn't happen.

I discarded by blanket and stepped on the scales backwards, as was required. She looked at my weight, smiled at me and I stepped off of them. She motioned for me to stand on them again and she noted down my weight again, confirming it, smiling.

"Well, Edward." She said, her tone somewhat happy. "You're up again. Not much, but its an improvement. I just hope that this continues."

"It will," I promised her and she smiled at me. I was determined that my gaining enough would continue. Even if it meant that I had to relinquish control completely. I had to do it for Bella.

Walking out of the room, and back down the corridor, I realised that I would actually _have_ to relinquish all control if I wanted to get out of here to see Bella again. I knew that that would be the hardest thing for me, but on the other hand I knew that it was what I had to do. I could and I would do it, if it was to be reunited with my love.

Walking into my room, I saw that she was already awake and yet hadn't gotten dressed. When she saw me come in, she held out her arms in the way that a toddler would, asking for a hug from one of it parents. I dropped me blanket on the chair and crawled onto the bed, settling down in her arms. I could have stayed there forever, leaning my head on her chest, hearing her heartbeat beneath me, moving with the rise and fall of her chest, inhaling her sweet scent. Yes, I could have stayed there forever.

After eating breakfast we went down to the recreation room, where people came to talk to Bella. Michael, Claire and Diana seemed almost as glum as I did. She had touched them in more ways than she had the others around us and I could tell that they were going to miss her dearly.

The day passed all too quickly for me. And I felt that it had for her as well.

We sat in the recreation room until it was time for lunch when we went up to my room. I would be eating with the others after she left, which was another thing that scared me about her leaving. I didn't know if I would be ready to eat with the others, but then again this was another test that I was going to have to pass.

After lunch we walked through the grounds, bundling up tight seeing as it was now December, going outside without wearing about fifteen layers was out of the question. It may have been cold, but it was nice to get out of the stuffiness and closeness of the indoors and walk around the grounds with Bella. It really was beautiful out here. Even though it was gone two o'clock in the afternoon there was still frost from the previous night on the grass, left over from where the sun had not been able to reach it, in the building's shadow. Watching the reflections of the sunlight on the frost made the surrounding area seem almost magical. The frost seemed to transform into thousands of tiny diamonds littering the ground, and I felt like I was no longer at the clinic, but in some distant world where only Bella and I existed.

"What are you thinking?" She asked me quietly, looking up at me.

"Just about how beautiful the frost is." I replied honestly.

She looked to where I was looking and smiled. "Yes," She agreed. "I guess it is beautiful. Like diamonds."

"It's nowhere near as beautiful as you are though," I said, stopping and seeing as Bella had her hand intertwined with mine, she stopped too.

"No, Edward." She said, shaking her head and looking down. "I'm just plain Jane and I-"

I cut her off, placing a finger over her lips.

"You once said to me, "you don't see yourself clearly" didn't you?" She nodded, pressing her lips gently into my finger, giving it a small kiss. "Well, then, the same could be said for you. Wherever you got this idea that you are a "plain Jane" from, is completely ludicrous. You are _anything_ but plain. You are beautiful, gorgeous, kind, caring, loving, generous, you have touched the lives of so many people here and, you, Isabella Marie Swan, are the love of my life."

By the time I had finished she had silent tears flowing down her face. I wiped them away with my thumbs and placed a gentle kiss on each cheek before kissing her tenderly on her lips. She wrapped her arms around my neck as mine lowered to her waist, pressing her into me. It wasn't a passionate kiss, but it was full of tenderness and love and that was all I needed at the moment. It seemed that that was what she needed as well, otherwise she would have increased the intensity.

As we broke apart I found that she was crying again, and it was only when she wiped away tears that were on my cheek that I realised I was too.

I pulled her into an embrace and we just stood there, not really caring about the cold anymore, just content with it being the two of us, there in our own little world. "I don't want you to leave," I whispered and she nodded.

"I know," She said lovingly. "I don't want to leave either. But," she sniffed. "It's what you need. You need to know that you can survive and recover without me here. And....I'll be there, waiting for you when you come out. I promise." She pushed herself up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to mine in another tender kiss.

We resumed our walked, arms around each other's waists. We wandered around for hours, occassionally stopping just to hold each other out in the open. The cold wasn't really bothering either of us anymore, as we walked.

Much sooner than I would have liked, we were called in for dinner. We hadn't realised how late it had gotten as we slowly walked back indoors, and up to my room. As we got upstairs we saw that Jude had already left the food there on the side, probably not wanting to disturb us like she did everyday, knowing that we wanted this time to just be together, even if we were eating.

After we finished we just sat there and held each other not wanting this moment to end, and yet knowing that it would.

We heard a knock on the door and footsteps walk away. Bella and I looked at each other and sighed. I placed my lips gently on hers and she kissed me back slightly harder than I had kissed her. I pulled away, never wanting it to end, but knowing that there was no way we could put it off. We both stood up and she picked up her suitcase and we walked downstairs. We saw that everyone was standing there waiting for the chance to say goodbye to her.

It was heart-wrenching to see.

**BPOV**

I didn't want to leave, but I knew that my time at the clinic had come to and end. It was time for Edward to carry on his recovery on his own. He could do it. He was strong enough and I believed in him. I just needed him to believe that he was strong enough in himself.

Walking down into the foyer that joined onto the recreation room I saw that almost everyone was standing there waiting for us. I couldn't stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. Edward had said that I had touched everyone here, but I didn't want to believe him. Until now that is. Seeing the faces of all the patients, the people that I had befriended and love in their own right, standing there, with glum expressions and Diana and Claire with tears streaming down their faces was almost too much to bear.

I looked to Edward, who looked like he was holding back the tears as much as I was. I let go of Edward's hand and went to say goodbye to everybody. I was engulfed in people, hugs and tears. I gave everyone a quick hug and told them all that I was going to miss them. I found Claire, Diana and Michael, the three people, other than Edward that I was especially close to while in here. I walked up to Diana and embraced her. She held onto me so tight that I thought that she was never going to let go. Some part of me didn't want her to, because that way I wouldn't have to leave, and I could stay here with Edward and my new friends.

"I'm going to miss you so much Bells." She whispered in my ear. I could feel the wetness of her tears on my shoulder.

"I'm going to miss you too Di." I sniffled into her ear. "Just get better so that you can come see me." She nodded into my hair and I kissed her cheek softly.

We parted and I embraced Michael who I could tell was trying to hold back the tears. His watery eyes betrayed him as he hugged me. I told him the same thing that I told Diana. That he had to get better to come see me. He nodded and as he backed away from me I saw the tears streaming down his face.

"I don't want you to go Bells." He said taking hold of my hands.

"Believe me Michael, I don't want to go. But I have to." The tears were streaming down my face now, and I was suddenly glad that I wasn't wearing any make-up because it would surely be ruined now. I walked over to where Claire was sobbing her eyes out. Out of the three of them I had become closer to Claire.

"Oh Bells!" She flung herself into my arms as I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist. "Do you really have to go?" She sobbed into my shoulder.

"I don't want to." I sobbed back. "But I have to."

"But we need you here." Her sobs began to subside slightly, growing less violent. "Edward needs you here."

I shook my head. "He's strong enough now, he can do it without me here now." She shook her head violently and I pulled back from her slightly, looking her in the eyes. "You are all strong enough to do it without me here. You just need to make sure that you get better. Because I want to see you when you're all healthy and out of here. Promise me." She shook her head. "Promise me, Clarey."

I knew that she couldn't resist the nickname that I had given and she looked at me for a moment before nodding slightly, still sniffing. "I promise." She choked out.

"Good girl." I squeezed her to me again momentarily before I let her go and made my way through the people that were crowding around us.

I found him standing there on his own, tears streaming down his face and my heart broke. It reminded me of when I first met him. He was so alone back then. He felt like he couldn't trust anyone, so he was alone all of the time, even though he was surrounded by people that cared about him. Seeing him standing there reminded me greatly of seeing him that way. I couldn't stand to see him alone.

I half ran up to him and threw my arms around his neck as he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closely to him and burying his face in my shoulder. I could hear and feel him sobbing into my shoulder and I wanted to comfort him in any way that I could. The only thing was I was pretty uncontrollable with my emotions at the moment as well. It was all I could do not to break down in front of everyone.

I pulled back and looked at Edward. I had never seen him like this and I never wanted to again. He had tears streaming down his face and his eyes were not the vibrant beautiful green that reminded me of a gorgeous meadow that I had once found just outside of Forks, but they were a deep green, that reminded me of the forest canopy just after a torrential downpour. They were full of sadness and sorrow and I wanted nothing more than to take those feelings away.

I leant up and kissed the bottom of his jaw, right by his ear, one of the places he loved to be kissed and I heard him sigh.

"It's going to be okay." I whispered in his ear, trailing gentle and light kisses down his jawline, tasting his tears. "It's all going to be alright. You'll get better and you'll be back home before you know it. We'll be back together and starting senior year together. You promised me remember?" He nodded and me, smiling slightly. "You promised, and I want to spend the summer with you before we start so that only gives you until July to get better. But you're not going to need that long, are you? Because you're strong. You're so strong Edward. I know that a lot of the time you don't believe it, but you are. You are one of, no scratch that, you are the strongest person I have ever met, and I know that you can do this. I love you so much Edward, and I'm going to be waiting for you on those steps when you walk out of here, happy and healthy and stronger than you've ever been. Understand?" He nodded at me again.

"I love you so much Bella." He whispered. "I couldn't have done anything without you. If it wasn't for you then I would still be sitting at home, friendless, slowly killing myself with every passing day. But there was something about you Bella. It's because of you that I'm here. If it weren't for you then I would never have done-" He sobbed. "I would never have let go of some of the things that I have. I love you so much Bella."

"I love you too Edward." I breathed, wrapping my arms more securely around his neck and pulling his face down to meet mine in a passionate kiss. I knew that everyone was still standing there, watching us, but I didn't care. There was only him. He was all I knew in that moment. There was nothing else, or anyone else in the world and for that moment in time, the world stopped.

We broke apart and clung to each other as though one of us would disappear if we let go. Of course we were. For the next few months we were disappearing from each others lives. Only to see each other on weekends. I would manage. Just as Edward would. We had to let go of the dependency that we now had on each other. It was the only way that he was going to recover. I looked up at him and placed another lingering kiss on his lips. I let go of him and backed away from him slowly. He watched me go knowing that he couldn't follow me outside. I picked up my suitcase and looked at him again.

"I love you." He whispered although I heard him as clear as day.

"As I love you." I replied turning and walking out the door, before I could change my mind and fling myself back into his arms, and having to be dragged out of there kicking and screaming. I didn't look back as I loaded my suitcase into the trunk and got into the car that the clinic had provided to take me back to Forks, seeing as my truck was still at the Cullens' unless they had taken it back to my house, which was quite possible.

I sat in the back of the car, and only when we were moving did I look back. I didn't see him there, knowing that he wasn't able to leave the clinic unless it was to walk in the sealed off grounds behind the building. There was no way that he would be allowed to walk out of the front doors until he had been discharged. I turned back around and faced the front, tears streaming down the front.

"Hey, Edward'll be alright." The driver said softly, looking at me in the rearview mirror. Figures that even the drivers would know about the situation between Edward and I.

"I know he will." I whispered looking out the window as we passed through the huge black gates that sealed the clinic off from the rest of the world. I looked out the back window as we turned off into the road and watched the gates closing, sealing Edward away from me until he had recovered. "Goodbye, my love." I whispered so gently I could hardly hear myself.

I looked down at my wrist and saw the crest sat there gleaming in the beam of sunshine that shone through the window, occassionally broken my the branches of trees and buildings as we sped down the roads and away from Seattle towards Forks.

I traced the crest with one finger and smiled to myself. I _was_ a Cullen. I might not be by name, but I had been accepted enough into the family so much that I had been given an exclusive Cullen Crest. The emblem that had been reserved for members of the Cullen family for centuries. For once there was more than either just me and mom or me and dad. I had a huge family. One that loved me.

They would help both Edward and I through this period.

With them, we could do it.

I could survive being away from Edward during the week. I would see him at the weekends. I had once asked Edward to do something for me. But now I had to do this for Edward.

I could do it.

I had to do it.

For Edward.

**Awwww. This chapter really upset me and (I know I'm going to sound sad) I had to really stop myself from crying while writing it. It was one of the hardest chapters to write in the whole thing. I spent ages making changes and improvements to it, so I hope it turns out okay.  
I hope that the sadness that these two are feeling comes across in this chapter.  
Please review.  
Ciao!! xx**


	49. Back To Reality

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**BPOV**

I woke up the next day completely unprepared for what was going to happen.

Waking up, I wondered where I was and then I remembered that yesterday had in fact happened. I had had to leave Edward in Seattle. I remembered him standing there, looking so lost and alone. I remembered promising him that I would be there when he came out and I sure as hell would be. I knew that he would be strong enough to survive in there now, especially after all that he had opened up. Yes, he was still holding some things back, but that was understandable. I knew that Derek would be able to get him to open up eventually. And the more he did, the closer he would be to coming home. He wouldn't give up.

And neither would I.

Edward had to be strong in there and I had to be strong out here. I still had the Cullens'. And I had the Cullen Crest, which was at this point glittering on my right wrist. I smiled and thought of what Edward had said when he gave it to me. He had told me that everyone thought that I was a Cullen by nature if not by name. It made me feel accepted to know that they loved me and welcomed me enough to give me something that until now had been exclusive to their family.

I looked at the time and saw that it was 8:00AM. I had to start getting ready for school, so I climbed off of the bed that was now unfamiliar and cold and jumped in the shower. I let the hot water wash away all the worries that I had over the coming day. There was nothing that I couldn't withstand. I could face up to anything. Turning off the shower I stepped out and wrapped my towel around myself. I walked out into my bedroom and found that a set of clothes had already been left on my bed. There was a note left on the top.

_Charlie let me in.  
Don't argue, just wear them.  
I'll wait for you downstairs, you're riding with me today.  
Like Edward, I don't trust the truck._

_Alice xx_

I smiled to myself. She was trying to make it easier for me to make the transition back into normal life after being at the clinic for so long. I would have to give her a huge hug in thanks. I quickly got dressed and thanked whatever higher power it was that had made her decide against a make-over as Edward threatened she might do. I actually quite liked the outfit that she'd put together for me. Midnight blue skinny jeans with a light silver v-neck sweater with three quarter length arms and silver flats. She had obviously taken into account my clumsy streak. For today at least.

I grabbed my bag and made my way downstairs to get myself some breakfast and I found her sitting at the table reading a magazine. She looked up when I walked into the room and a huge grin spread across her face. She jumped up and gave me a huge hug which I returned gratefully.

"Thank you Alice." I whispered in her ear just before she broke away from me.

"What for?" She looked confused, which I think was a first for her. I swear sometimes that this girl knew everything.

"You know, trying to make this easier." I smiled at her and she grinned again. "You're really helping, but I miss him though."

"Oh, honey." Her face fell slightly, forming a concerned frown as she put her hand on my arm. "Of course you're going to miss him. It's only natural. I mean, you spent almost every minute for the last couple of months by his side. It's only natural to miss him honey." She smiled at me again and I couldn't help but smile back. "By the way, that crest looks good on you."

I looked down and smiled. "Thanks. You know, for getting it for me. It means a lot."

"Why are you thanking me?" She asked smiling. "It was all Edward's idea." She grinned at the same time I did. "Come on, eat up or we're going to be late." I looked down and noticed that there was a bowl of cereal in front of me. I hungrily wolfed it down and we were out the door in no time.

I climbed into Alice's Porsche, feeling a bit apprehensive about the car. I knew that it could go fast, and I had heard from Edward that the whole family felt the need for speed. Having a police chief for a father didn't really help to quell that feeling. I would hate for her to be pulled over by my father.

"Alice slow down!" I cried as I watched the needle go higher and higher as her speed increased.

"Don't worry about it Bells!" She said back. "Just relax. We'll be in school in no time."

She was right. We got to school in what felt like record time. She pulled in next to a silver Volvo that I recognised to be Edward's. I wondered if they felt slightly bad having to use Edward's car to get to and from school each day. I think that I probably would. But then again, if they didn't use it, then it would just be sat in the garage waiting for him to come home. I frowned slightly at that thought. When would he be home? Any time was too short for me.

We walked up to the rest of the family. They all grinned and laughed at something that Emmett had been doing as we approached. I looked at Jasper quizzically and he gave me a look that told me I didn't want to know. I trusted Jasper on that one. Sometimes, some of the things that Emmett did or came out with shouldn't be seen anywhere other than in an X-Rated film. I fought against my curiousity and let it go.

I said goodbye to the Cullens' as we had different homerooms and went to my locker.

"Hey Bells!" I heard a cocky voice call my name. I thought that I could handle anything, but I had been wrong. Why did he have to find me now? I looked around the door of my open locker to find Mike Newton standing there. "Long time, no see."

"Yeah, and it would be great if it was even longer." I retorted back, but that didn't seem to phase him at all.

"So, where's your _boyfriend_?" He sneered at the word boyfriend. "You know there were rumours that the two of you had eloped. Is that true?"

I slammed my locker shut and faced him. "You know, you need to stop listening to rumours Mike. And so what if we had? What would you have done about it huh?" I waved my arms in the air as I threw accusations at him.

"Nothing I guess." Mike snorted. "But you know, you can do so much better than him. So I was wondering...if you'd want to go out at some point? Tonight, maybe?"

I laughed. "You are unbelievable Mike. First, you attack my boyfriend, causing him to be rushed to hospital, then you spread rumours about him around the school and now you expect me to go out with you!" I laughed again at his absurdity. "When are you going to get it through your thick skull? I don't want to know! I'm with Edward. I love Edward! So just leave me alone!" I stormed away from him, only to hear him following me.

I stormed into my homeroom, silently thanking Alice for being so early, so no one had to witness my mood. Mike followed me, along with Tyler and Eric, both of who beamed at me and walked over to me. Mike sneered at me and gave me a look as if to say that he wasn't gving up. Hadn't I just had this dilemma with Edward and Tanya? Why are people so intent on splitting us up? Well, whatever it was, I wasn't going to leave Edward. Not for anything or anyone, especially Mike Newton.

"Hey, Bella!" Tyler said appearing in front of me with Eric.

"Where've you been Bells?" Eric asked also beaming at me.

"Um, I've been out of town." I replied. It wasn't a complete lie. Actually it was the truth. I had been out of town. I just wasn't about to divulge the reason why.

"How come?" They both asked in unison.

"Um, personal reasons." I replied, pretending to busy myself with something in my bag.

"So, um, how's Edward? We heard what happened, you know, the day he was taken into hospital." Tyler asked unsure of what to say.

"What did you hear?" I asked, glaring at Mike who was pretending to ignore me.

"That he collasped in the hall and Mike went to get help." Eric replied.

I threw my head back in laughter and the two of them looked at me perplexed. "That is _not_ what happened. You wanna know what really happened?" They nodded looking at each other. "What really happened is _he_," I pointed at Mike, "attacked Edward while he was on his way to class. So much so that he had to be taken to hospital and stay there for two weeks."

They looked shocked and stared at Mike who wasn't looking at us.

"We heard that he had a heart attack though." Eric asked quietly. "Did he?"

I nodded and their jaws dropped. "Edward has a weak heart." I said, going with the story that we had cooked up about the reason behind his heart attack, knowing that it would be spread around school. "Has had from birth. Mike attacking him caused it to go into overdrive, which caused him to have a heart attack. If I hadn't been around the corner at the time waiting for him at his locker, Edward would be dead right now."

"That's awful Bells," Eric gasped. Tyler was still glaring at Mike. It felt nice to have these two on my side. "We never thought that Mike would go that far. I mean, yeah, he was jealous of Edward. I mean, Mike wants you, Edward got you. He was bound to be jealous, but I'd never thought that Mike would attack Edward." He shook his head.

Just then the bell rang signalling the end of homeroom and I started to get up.

"I hope he's okay Bells." Tyler said before I walked out of the room.

"Yeah, me too." Eric said smiling.

"Thanks guys. I'll tell him you said that." I smiled at them and they grinned back, leaving the room and not waiting for Mike to follow them.

The classes I had up until lunch didn't interest me at all. I had gotten further in the classes that they held in the clinic than they were here, so everything was easy for me to comprehend and understand. I couldn't wait for lunch, when I would be able to sit with the Cullen's without the fear of being judged because I had been away for so long. The school knew that I had been with Edward for the last month or so, so they were linient. They didn't know all of the circumstances, but it didn't matter. They were proud that I had been able to help someone the way I had. I had also been allowed to keep my phone on during classes in case Edward needed to contact me for support should he need it. Something else that I was grateful for.

As I made my way to lunch, I was met with several stares and a lot of glances. Thankfully I had been able to avoid Jessica who would no doubt drill me for all the information she could get. Which wouldn't be that much as I wasn't going to tell her more than I had told Tyler and Eric. I met Alice and Rosalie in the corridor that led up to the cafeteria. I saw them smile as they saw me and I could feel a huge grin spreading across my face as I met up with them. We went to get our lunches, paid for them and went to meet the boys at the usual table. There was an empty seat there though, one that filled me with sadness. Edward's seat.

"So how's your first day back been so far, Bells?" Jasper asked, picking up his sandwich and devouring at least half of it in one bite. _And I thought Emmett was a pig_ I thought smiling at him as he chewed.

"It's been alright, I guess. Apart from a run in I had with Mike ealier." I told them and Emmett's face contorted.

"Newton's been hassling you already?" He growled at me. Yes, he actually growled and I nodded. "I'm gonna kill him."

"Don't worry about it Emmett. I can handle Mike. He just asked me out again, and I told him a flat out no while laughing in his face. Simple." I smiled widely at him as he grinned back.

"Good one Bells." Rosalie said smiling. "Definitely a Cullen at heart." She said softly and we all smiled. I looked down at the crest and looked at the others. They all had theirs proudly on show and now all we had to do was wait for the sixth and final crest to join our circle together.

_Soon Bella. _I thought. _Soon._

"Oh my god Bella!" I heard someone squeal. "I heard that you were back and I've been looking for you all day. Why didn't you come and find me?" It was Jessica and completely ignoring the Cullens' she sat down in what should be Edward's seat. I wanted to tell her to get up, to stop sitting on his seat but I refrained, knowing that that would make me look like somewhat of a psycho.

"Hi, Jess," I said quietly looking at the Cullens who were all grinning at me. I shot them all an evil glare, which only made them smile wider.

"So, where've you been?" She asked excitedly.

_Here we go_ I thought, taking a sip of my soda. "Out of town." I stated simply, glancing at Emmett who nodded slightly.

"Doing what? I mean, what for?" She wasn't going to let up.

"Personal reasons." I pretended to be entranced in opening my sandwich so I didn't have to look at her.

"Really? So.....how's Edward?" She asked in a not so subtle voice.

"Fine." I replied, shortly and she looked down at what I was doing, noticing the wristband on my right wrist.

"Hey, what's that?" She asked grabbing my wrist and examining the crest. "Is that new? Where'd you get it?"

"It's specially made." Jasper interrupted, sensing my discomfort. "You can only have one if you're a member of the Cullen family."

"But Bella's not a member of the Cullen family. She's a Swan." Jessica pointed out, thinking that she was right.

"On the contrary," Rosalie spoke up. "Over the last month and a half or so, Bella has shown that she has the spirit of a Cullen. It doesn't matter what you last name is. Or at least in Bella's case it doesn't. Her last name might be Swan, but she's a Cullen through and through." Rosalie winked at me and I grinned back. She was like the sister that I never had.

Jessica looked stumped and I laughed along with Emmett, Jasper and Alice while Rosalie looked smug at her answer.

"Whatever." Jessica snorted turning back to me. "So, how about you and Edward?"

"I would appreciate it if you kept your nose out of my personal life, Jess. My relationship with Edward has nothing to do with you. But I am going to answer two of the questions you are oh so itching to ask. And the answers are yes, Edward and I are still together and no we are not going to break up anytime soon." I smiled innocently at her, while she sat there stunned. "I'm not answering any more of your questions Jess, so if I were you I'd stop asking." She sat there for a few moments, her mouth open before she huffed and stalked off.

As soon as she left, Emmett's bellowing laughter could be heard throughout the cafeteria, announcing Jessica's humiliation.

"Definitely a Cullen." Jasper gasped between laughs and I grinned. I looked at Alice and Rosalie who were smirking and giggling. They all nodded and I felt like I finally had a place in the school. I had sat with people last year that I thought, and now knew, didn't get me. I wasn't entirely comfortable there, but because I hadn't wanted to sit on my own I stayed there. But now, I had found my place in the cafeteria. With the Cullens.

I knew that I could do this. I could survive the next few months or so, without Edward, because I had them. I had his family to help me through. And I would be able to last through the week until each weekend when I went to see him. It would make the time that I spent with him at the weekends all the more precious than before. I could do this because even though he was so far away at the moment, there was a part of him in my heart and on my wrist. I had the whole family on my wrist at the moment. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Edward. They were all sat there in that little emblem that signified the family that I was now apart of. I could do this because I was as strong as Edward.

I may not be by name but I am by nature.

I'm a Cullen.

**Bella's first day back at school.  
Did you like how she dealt with Mike and Jessica. I wanted her to realise that she could be stronger when it came to those two and I hope it came across. I also wanted to get across the fact that even though she may be physically so far from Edward, that he will always be there with her in her heart and within the crest.  
Please review and tell me what you think.  
****Next up is Edward's first day at the clinic without Bella.  
Ciao!! xx**


	50. Coping

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**EPOV**

Watching Bella go was one of the hardest things I've had to do. The way she just walked out without looking back. I knew it wasn't because she wanted to get out of this place and away from me as quickly as possible, but it was because if she had looked back she wouldn't have been able to leave. How did I know this? Because I would have done exactly the same and if Bella felt for me half as much as I felt for her, she would have been fighting the same urge.

After she left I just stood there, not caring that everyone was looking at me. I heard Dr. Martin shooing them all back into the recreation room to give me some peace and quiet and she quietly approached me.

"Edward?" She said quietly. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," I choked out. "Yeah, I'll be fine. I just need some time......alone." I looked at her and she smiled at me sympathetically. I turned around and walked slowly up to my room.

Walking in there and closing the door it seemed colder than it used to. Empty. Like there was something huge missing. Of course there was. Bella was missing. She wouldn't be coming back, save on the weekends when she could get up here without worrying about school. But only seeing her two days a week when I had come to love her being around all the time, that was going to be hard to get used to.

I lay down on my bed and rolled over, pressing my face into the pillow that Bella had used. I breathed in her scent that lingered there and sighed. It was the closest thing that I would have to the real thing until the weekend. I looked over at the pictures on my bedside table. There was another one on there that I hadn't noticed when I'd left the room. I lifted my head up and picked up the picture. Rolling onto my back I studied it carefully.

It was from the day that my family had come up and we'd gone out into the grounds. It was of Bella and I. We were sitting on the grass smiling and laughing, her hair blowing about in the wind. I remembered that it was when we had been watching Rose and Alice attacking Emmett. I smiled at the memory. Carlisle must have taken the picture without us realising, as our smiles were natural, not posed and we weren't facing the camera. I had my arm around Bella's waist and she was leaning on my shoulder laughing as we stared into the distance. Bella must have put it here before we left the room without my noticing.

Looking at the picture I couldn't help the single tear that ran down my cheek.

I placed the picture back in its place on my bedside table and got up picking up my bedclothes. Changing in the bathroom I looked at myself in the mirror. Even I could see the changes that had taken place across my body. I wasn't as thin as I had been. I didn't really know how to feel about that. I thought about what Bella thought. She thought that it was good that I was gaining weight, and that made me think that it was a good thing. But another part of me couldn't help feeling guilty and scared. I was losing the control that I had maintained over the years and that thought scared me. It wasn't so much the gaining, but the feeling weak at the thought of surrendering my control to people around me, as I had been doing for the last few weeks. But I'd had Bella to encourage me to do that. Could I continue to do that without her here?

Walking out into my bedroom, I looked at the picture again. Looking at it, I noticed how we were both happy. I saw a look on my own face that I thought I would never be able to see again. It was a look that I had only been able to see in pictures from before my parents died. I was happy. In that moment, I realised that I could do it with her here then I would work at being able to do it without her here. I couldn't let her down. Not now. Not after she'd sacrificed such a long period of her life to stay here with me. She'd given up her own life to help me with mine. Nothing other than my getting better could repay that debt.

I flopped back down on my bed and sighed, pulling my duvet up to my chin, thankful that people were leaving me alone. I wanted to sleep and I didn't want tomorrow to come. I knew that I would have to eat downstairs with everyone else from tomorrow onwards. I had only just gotten used to the idea of having to eat again, let alone having to eat in front of everyone else as well. I knew that Claire, Diana and Michael would be there for support. Who knew you could make such great friends in a place like this. And the fact that they lived so close to Forks was a plus. I thought that Michael, coming from Port Angeles was a coincidence, but Claire and Diana both coming from Seattle was more than that. I smiled to myself, thinking of the three of them. I was lucky to have them, even if I didn't have Bella. They would support me. Just as I would be there for them if they needed me. It was the least I could offer them.

I didn't know what time I got to sleep but the next thing I knew was being woken up by Jude shaking my shoulder lightly, calling my name.

I grumbled and turned over, rolling out of bed and sat up rubbing sleep out of my eyes. I stood up and grabbed the blanket off of the chair and wrapped it around my shoulders before walking out of the door and down the corridor.

Weigh-in was the same as it always was. Shane was falling asleep in his chair again. A sight that always made me smile. Hopefully he would be able to get out of this place when he was meant to this time. He deserved to get out of here. I sat down and elbowed him, smiling at the scowl that he sent me. The same scowl as every other morning.

"How you doing?" He asked. I knew what he meant. How was I doing now that Bella wasn't here.

I sighed, looking down at my lap. "I'm doing okay, I guess." I said looking at him. "It's going to take a while, but I think I can get used to her not being here."

"That's good to hear man," He smiled at me. I smiled back. It was hard not to smile when Shane was around. "We're all going to miss her you know?" I nodded and sighed again. She had really affected people here. More than I think she knew.

After I was called in to be weighed I made my way back up to my room, taking my time, not really wanting to go back to the room that still held her scent and reminded me of her in so many ways. Even though she hadn't left anything of hers here, it was like she was still here. I supposed that it would always feel that way. She had been here with me from practically the very beginning.

I showered and changed in time to hear a knock at my door. "Come in," I called. It was Jude again. She told me that breakfast was being served. I gathered up what strength I had and followed her down, ignoring the looks that I got from the other patients. I didn't even register whether they were looks of astonishment at the fact that I was actually eating down there, as opposed to in my room, or looks of pity and sympathy for having had to say goodbye to Bella.

I met Michael, Claire and Diana down there. They all looked at me and I saw not pity, sympathy or concern, but encouragement on all of their faces. I smiled at them and they all grinned back.

"Are you okay?" Diana asked, looking at me intently as we started to walk into the dining room.

I swallowed and nodded. "I think so." I sighed, looking at her with a small smile. She smiled back at me. I could tell that she wanted to put her arm around me, but didn't because she knew that I would probably freak out. I was grateful for that, and at the thought behind it.

"Don't worry," She whispered, leaning in slightly. "We're right here." She said this and Michael and Claire turned around smiling and nodding at me.

"Thanks you guys," I said as we walked through the doorway. "That means a lot."

"No problem man." Michael replied, grinning, sitting down. I sat down opposite him, beside Claire and Diana sat opposite her. I could feel people watching me and as I looked around I saw Derek standing there, seemingly staring into space. He looked at me and smiled reassuringly and nodded. I smiled back at him and looked back at Michael who was grinning at me.

The brought around the breakfasts, which thankfully for me turned out to be oatmeal anyway. In addition to being moved downstairs to eat they were laos moving me onto soft solids today, so the oatmeal was welcomed as a first meal down here. I looked at Michael and he seemed to be battling with himself as much as I was, although I think it was for a different reason.

He looked up and me and smiled sheepishly. "I hate oatmeal." He stated simply and I laughed. If there was anything overly complicated running through his mind, it never came out of his mouth, which was one of the reasons I felt bad that Michael was in here in the first place. Someone like him shouldn't have to deal with this kind of stuff.

"You can do it. It's alright." Claire whispered next to me, starting her own breakfast.

I inhaled and thought of being back in my room with Bella sat next to me. That it was just the two of us sitting there, and she was busying herself with her own breakfast. No one else there. Just us. This helped as it was what I was used to. I picked up the spoon still imagining that it was just the two of us sitting there and it seemed to work.

Surprising myself I even managed to finish the bowl, something I wouldn't have thought that I would be able to do, especially with Bella gone. I looked up at Michael and Diana. Michael was still grimacing at the awful taste that had been left in his mouth from the oatmeal and Diana was beaming at me, nodding her head. I smiled at her and watched Michael again. His face was a picture. Even_ I_ didn't think that it tasted that bad. And that was saying something.

The rule of having to stay in the recreation room after mealtimes was still in effect so we made our way through the adjoining doors and I sat and watched the other three argue over what game of cards to play. Diana and Claire wanted to play Rummy, but Michael, who at this point had the cards in his hands, wanted to play Go Fish! I thought it was funny. He was never going to win. Arguing with Diana and Claire was like arguing with Alice. It was just something that wasn't done, and if it was then you lost every time.

"Edward," Michael called and my head snapped up at the sound of my name. "You wanna play?" He held up the deck and pointed to it.

I felt my face scrunch up. "I dunno....."

"Come on!" Claire whined turning to look at me. She was pouting. "Pwease." I saw her lip start quivering. The only other ones who could use that against me and have it work were Alice and Bella.

"Don't do that, Claire!" I warned, pointing at her. I could see tears welling up in her eyes as her lip inched out even further, making it a real little girl pout. "Don't! Stop it! Alright, I'll play!" I gave up. There was no way that anyone could resist an expression like that, myself included.

"Yay!" Her pout and quivering lip disappeared, as did the tears in her eyes and she sat on her knees bouncing up and down clapping her hands. I swear this girl had been possessed by Alice. She was like her in every way. I slid off of the sofa and sat at the only unoccupied side of the table. Michael was dealing the cards, having given into the girls protests about wanting to play Rummy.

"Claire," I said, picking up the cards and leaning back on the sofa. "You haven't spent a load of time with my sister, Alice have you?" I looked at her out of the corner of my eye and I saw her face twist in thought.

"Alice?" She thought for a moment more, mulling over the name. "She the little one with black hair?"

I nodded. "The one that looks like a pixie." I looked at her properly and she started laughing.

"I guess she does look kinda like a pixie," She thought again. "No, not really. Why?" She picked up her own cards and looked at them.

"Oh, no reason." I started sorting out my cards, putting the ones I could use into some sort of order and grouping the useless ones up together. "You just really remind me of her sometimes."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" She asked, looking at me quizzically.

I pretended to think for a moment. "I'm not sure." I looked at her as her face fell. I laughed at her expression and she looked at me confused. "No, it's a good thing. She's just a bit hyper.....well, I say a bit hyper....." I saw them all looking at me confused. "Alright, imagine a toddler after eating about ten or so pixie sticks. How hyper that would make them." They all nodded, grinning. Obviously they'd each had experience with my particular example. "Well, times it by about ten and that's Alice." Their jaws dropped. "On a slow day." Their eyes widened at that and I couldn't help but laughing.

"You're joking, right?" Diana asked, staring at me wide-eyed. I shook my head. "There's no way that someone can be that hyper. Especially on a _slow_ day."

"Well then you haven't met Alice." I chuckled, amazed at how natural it felt around these three. Normally the only one that I would feel comfortable laughing and joking around would be Bella. I had a hard time doing that even around my family. So being able to around these three amazed me more than normal. I didn't think that I would be able to laugh properly without Bella here, but in these last few moments, I realised that I could.

Looking at the three of them as we played the game made me smile. They were the closest thing I had to a family in here, and I'll tell you now they bickered like brother and sisters. At the moment, Diana and Michael were disputing whether or not he had put some card down before she went or something like that anyway. I tuned out what they were actually saying and focused on their facial expressions. Even though it wasn't a real argument of sorts the faces that they made were still funny. I thought of how Bella and I would usually sit on the sofa that I was leaning on now and laugh at the three of them. The way her body used to shake gently against mine as she chuckled, or the sound of her laugh like music to my ears. The way her eyes would tear up with laughter if one of them did or said something stupid. The scent of her shampoo as her hair flicked as she tried to calm herself down.

I turned to face Claire, who was looking at me intently, a small smile playing on her face.

"Thinking about Bella." It came out as a statement rather than a question and I nodded. "Don't worry. She'll be back at the weekend, and.....with her on the outside, you have more of a goal to work towards now." She smiled at me and laid her hand on the floor, palm up, inviting me to take it if I felt comfortable enough to. I looked at her hand and slowly took it. My heart sped up slightly and I had to concentrate to keep my breathing under control, but the feeling of Claire's soft skin next to my fingers was reassuring. There wasn't the same small jolt of electricity that came when I took Bella's hand, or the tingling feeling that would run up and down my arm but it was comforting nevertheless. I looked at her and she beamed at me. She knew that it took a lot for me to be able to do that. She gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "She loves you, you know. You should hear the way she talks about you. There's love and adoration in every single syllable. And you're the same. You're a perfect pair." I snorted. _Perfect? Right, nice one Claire_. I thought miserably. Bella may be perfect, but I sure as hell am not. "No! You are! You and Bella have what everyone dreams about having. You love each other so much. I can tell it's hurting you to be away from her right now. But you're doing it. You're being strong. And she's going to be waiting for you to get out of here." She squeezed my hand again, in a reassuring way.

"Thanks, Claire." I sighed. "That means a lot. I guess, it's just.....I can't help but think, what if I'm just a charity case, you know? What if when I get out of here it's like "Right, job done. Let's move on to the next one." I don't know, I guess I just can't help thinking that. I mean, she's beautiful, smart, articulate, caring and kind. What the hell would she really see in someone like me. I'm broken. Damaged." I looked up at her and she was shaking her head.

"Bella's right." She smiled slightly. "You don't see yourself clearly." I felt my brow furrow at her words. "All the things that you described Bella as, you are as well. Every single one of those and more. You are not damaged or broken. And Bella does not think of you as a charity case. So don't you even dare think that, okay?!" She pointed a finger at me and I blinked at her, dumbly. She waved her finger in a way that I supposed was supposed to be intimidating, but when Claire did it, it was just cute. "She loves you. So much. You don't have to be an empath to feel the love that radiates off of the two of you. It's intoxicating. It's beautiful. She'll be there waiting for you to walk through those doors. Don't you worry about that."

"I guess so." I sighed, looking down at my hand that was still holding Claire's.

"Now," She said, causing me to look up again. "All you have to do is get better so you can get out of here to see her. You promise me that you will?" She pouted at me again and I smiled.

Just then, I completely went against everything I had previously known. I gently tugged on the hand that had hold of Claire's hand. She thought I was trying to let go so she loosened her grip but I only tightened mine and gently pulled her into a hug. I felt her freeze not sure of what to do, how to react to this out of character behaviour from me. A moment later she relaxed and I felt her arms wrap around me into a comforting hug.

"I promise, Clarey." I whispered using the nickname that she had been given. "I promise."

**For those of you wondering, _nothing_ is going to happen between Edward and Claire. Edward is irrevocably in love with Bella and Claire is going out with Quil. Their relationship doesn't go any further than that of close friends. Thought I'd clear that up before I get a load of reviews asking about it.  
Please review. Because I love them and my readers sooooooo much :D  
Ciao!! xx**


	51. Chatting with Charlie, Edward and Alice

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**I just want to say a _HUGE THANK YOU_ to _mymiss_ who has just offered to translate "Saving Edward" into French!! This makes me so happy to think that someone is willing to do that. Seriously, this makes me so happy to think that you guys are enjoying this story enough to do that. I'm sat here typing this with the biggest grin on my face. Thank you all so much for reading my story.**

**Unfortunately though, "Saving Edward" is coming to the end soon. I have this chapter, possibly one more before an epilogue, but I do have the first couple of chapters of the sequel all typed up and ready to post, so don't kill me.**

**BPOV**

Getting home after school, I felt surprisingly good. Today had gone better than I had thought it would. I thought that I would be miserable and unapproachable throughout school today, but the Cullens had made that feat impossible. I had even had the courage to stand up against Mike and Jessica. Something I would never have done before I met Edward or the Cullens. Maybe spending time with them was even more of a good thing than I thought it was.

Walking through the door, I hung up my jacket and dropped my bag on the floor by the door before taking off my shoes. Alice quickly followed suit. Seeing as she had taken me into school this morning, she undoubtedly had to bring me home, so I had invited her in for a little while. Until Charlie gets home at least.

"What do you wanna do?" I asked her, as she hung up her jacket.

"Oh, I don't know." I could tell there was something on her mind because she wasn't bouncing up and down wanting to play "Bella Barbie" as Rosalie had dubbed it.

"What's up?" I asked. She looked at me and I could tell that she was going to tell me that there was nothing wrong, but I raised an eyebrow at her, letting her know that I wasn't going to drop it. Hell, if I could get things out of her brother, who hadn't told anyone a secret or feeling in almost ten years then I could definitely make short work of a hyperactive pixie who rarely shut up.

"Okay," She looked down, knowing that she wasn't going to get anywhere. "It's Edward." This, I on some level had been expecting. "I mean, I'm just worried that he's not going to be okay in there, you know? I mean, you were kind of his support network while he was in there. Hell, since we moved to Forks. He depended on you and I don't know whether he'll be alright without you."

I walked over to Alice and embraced her, pulling her tiny body close to mine. "He'll be fine." I whispered. "He's made a lot of friends in there that will help him." I pulled away and looked her in the eye. "You're right. He did depend on me, and to some extent I depended on him too. And now that we're apart, we both need to learn to be able to live without each other." I saw her face fall slightly. "I love him so much, but we both need to do this. He needs this to learn not to depend on me. He needs to learn to depend on himself." I squeezed her shoulders reassuringly. "He'll be fine, Ali." She smiled at the nickname.

"I just.....I just don't know." She mumbled and I sighed.

"Okay," I had an idea. "How about we call him? Yeah?" Her eyes lit up. "We call him and talk about stuff and then you'll see that he's okay." I had to admit, I desperately wanted to talk to him as well, and I think Alice knew that. She may be an extremely hyperactive, shoppaholic pixie but she was extremely perceptive. I missed Edward like hell and to tell the truth I was just looking for an excuse to call him. She nodded and I walked over to the phone. I took out the card that I had been given before I left, in case I wanted to call him and dialled the number, setting the phone to speakerphone so we could both hear him.

"Seattle EDC," I heard the receptionist, Stephenie's voice call.

"Hello, may I speak with Edward Cullen please." I asked politely and Alice stifled a giggle as I glared at her.

"Who's may I ask is calling?" She sounded apprehensive.

"It's Bella." I replied, now grinning at Alice pointing and mouthing "wait for her reaction" at her.

"Oh, Bella!" I smiled at the phone. "Oh of course, I'll transfer you through onto the unit. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Steph. Just missing Edward a bit, so I decided to phone him." I looked up to see Alice grinning at me.

"Awww that's so sweet," I rolled my eyes at the phone, both wishing she could see me, and thanking the lord that she couldn't. "I'll transfer you through now."

A soft piano piece began to fill the room as we were being transferred onto the unit's switchboard.

"You got to know everyone there, didn't you?" Alice asked, grinning at me. I shrugged at her and she giggled. I playfully punched her in the arm and she pouted at me, pretending that it hurt. I rolled my eyes at her and turned my attention back to the phone.

"Hello, East Wing." I heard Jude's voice fill the room.

"Jude? It's Bella." I said smiling. If she was down there then there was a good chance that Edward was as well.

"Bella! Oh, how are you dear?" The way she spoke it sounded like she was an old friend that I hadn't spoken to in years, not a nurse in the clinic that my boyfriend was in.

"I'm good, Jude. You?" I may as well keep up with the pleasantries.

"Oh, I'm well dear." I could hear her smiling on the other end of the phone.

"Could I possibly speak to Edward." I asked her.

"Of course dear. He's just in the rec room at the moment," I couldn't help but smile. I knew how close the phones were to the recreation room. "I'll just transfer you through to the patients phones and go and get him."

"Jude! Could you not tell him that it's me calling." Alice looked at me in surprise. "I kinda want it to be a surprise, you know?"

"Of course dear." Jude replied before the soft piano melody filled the room again.

"A surprise?" Alice asked, raising an eyebrow at me. How she could not be related to Edward and yet be so much like him was beyond me. I suppose it's what happens when you spend so long living together. I shrugged and grinned, waiting for Edward to pick up the phone.

"Hello?" I heard his beautiful voice call out over the phone. He sounded a bit confused as to who would be calling him at the clinic but then again, if someone had called me without leaving a name then I would be too.

"Edward?" I said softly smiling at Alice.

"Bella?" I practically heard the smile spread across his face.

"Yeah, it's me love." I felt my smile widen. "Alice is here too."

"Hi Edward." She called in her usually chirpy voice.

"Hello Alice." I could hear the smile in his voice.

"So bro," Alice said, folding her arms on the table and laying her head on the top of them. "How are ya? Hows everything going?"

"I'm okay. Everything's going good. Missing you though."

"Really?" Alice brightened up. "Wait. Is that just Bella you're talking to or me as well?"

"Of course I miss you too, squirt." I heard him chuckle on the other end and I laughed as Alice's head shot up off of her folded arms as her back straightened indignantly.

"Hey!" She whined at the receiver. "It's not my fault. I can't help being small."

"I know. I know." He was laughing now. Such a beautiful sound.

"So love," I said, looking at Alice who had settled her head back on her arms now. "How's your day been? What you been doing?"

"Not much really. It was weird waking up without you here though." I nodded even though he couldn't see me. I had felt lonely waking up this morning in my own bed, without Edward there next to me. Well, he wasn't there with me when I woke up at the clinic, but the pillows were coated with his scent so it was easy to imagine that he was there if I closed my eyes. "Just been sitting around in the rec room with the others for a while. As I was leaving Di and Michael were starting to have another argument about some game they were playing."

"Oh god another one?" I moaned. Those two were always fighting. "I swear those two are like an old married couple."

He chuckled on the other end. "I'll tell them you said that."

My head shot up. "No! Don't. Please. I'd never hear the end of it from either of them if you did." He continued to laugh on the other end. "Please Edward, don't."

"Alright I won't." He promised, still chuckling. "So what about you? How was it......going back to school?"

"It was okay, I guess." I looked at Alice who was smiling. "You know, boring old school. Nothing really happened."

"Nothing happened?!" Alice cried. "Isabella Marie Swan, you little liar!"

"What? What happened?" Edward started to sound worried on the other end. I glared at Alice. I didn't want him to start getting worked up.

"Nothing bad." Alice chirped. "But we found out that Mike Newton, you remember him?" Edward grumbled a yes. Of course he would remember him. It was because of him attacking Edward in the corridor that he was in the clinic in the first place. "Well, we found out that he had been lying about what happened when you were taken into hospital and-"

"Wait, what?" Edward cut her off. "What did he say happened?"

"He had told people that he was walking to class and found you collapsed on the floor by the lockers and that he went to find help." I replied and I swear I could hear Edward's jaw hit the ground.

"He didn't!" He growled. He was angry now and I hated for him to be angry at anything.

"Don't worry, love, I sorted it. I told Eric and Tyler, you know, his best friends and possibly the biggest gossips in the school, besides Jessica, that he was lying and I told them what really happened."

"What _everything_?" He sounded worried. I slapped my forehead and realised that he must have thought that I told them where he was.

"Not _everything_." Alice spoke up, noticing my panic. "I mean, everyone knows you had a heart attack, but we've gone with the story that you just have a weak heart and have had from birth and Bella told the two of them that the stress from Mike attacking you caused the heart attack. I hope that's okay." Her face was wrinkled slightly from the worried expression on her face. An expression that I was sure my own face mirrored.

"Well, it's better than the truth I guess." He sounded somewhat relieved at the news. I breathed out a silent sigh of relief and saw Alice doing the same thing.

"And after that, at lunch Jessica was trying to get the scoop on you and Bella, so Bella basically told her where to go, in a not so polite fashion." Alice beamed when she said this and I couldn't help but smile.

"Jessica?" He pondered over the name, obviously trying to place a face to the name.

"You know, frizzy brown hair. Biggest gossip in school." I rung off some things that might jog his memory. Obviously I got nothing when he didn't reply. "Practically in love with Newton and follows him around like a puppy dog."

"Oh her!" He remembered her now and I grinned.

"Yeah her." Alice giggled. "You should have seen it, she was trying to get a load of information out of Bells about the two of you. You know, where you were and stuff. And then...she noticed the crest on Bella's wrist."

"Oh, really?" He sounded curious about this development and I giggled.

"Yup, and you could tell that she wanted one, cos she asked where Bella got it from, and Jasper told her that it was specially made and that you could only have one if you were a Cullen." I rolled my eyes. Alice had gone into storytelling mode. "And then, Jessica, who thought that she was being smart, pointed out that Bella's last name is Swan and not Cullen."

"What did you guys say to that?" Edward asked. He was obviously used to Alice in this mode.

"Sshhhh, I'm getting there." She flapped her hands at the phone so much I thought that if she continued the action she would take off. I couldn't help but laugh, which earned me a glare from Alice. "Well, then _Rose_ pointed out that Bella has been there for you and for us and that she might have the last name of Swan but at heart she is a Cullen."

"That she is." Edward chuckled and I felt my cheeks heat up. "So what did she do after that?"

"Well, she just huffed and turned back to Bella. Started questioning her about you guys' relationship. Bella just turned around and told her that it was none of her business. What was it you said? That you would answer two of the questions that you knew she wanted to ask?" She looked at me and I nodded. "And the answers were yes, you guys were still together and no, you weren't going to break up any time soon. It was so funny you should have seen her face. She was sat there in a complete state of shock, as though no one had dared to talk to her like that before." She and I were both giggling at the memory and Edward was laughing on the other end. I was sure he could picture it.

"Oh, love, you are definitely a Cullen." He breathed.

"You know, that's _exactly_ what Jazz said." I laughed. "Oh, its good to hear you laugh." I smiled at the receiver, wishing that it was actually him I was talking to.

"Well, if it wasn't for you then I wouldn't be." He admitted and I sighed. "I miss you."

"I miss you too love."

"I'm going to have to go soon." He sounded sad. I felt my mood dampen at that. I looked at the clock and saw that it was almost five. We had been on the phone for a while. I hoped Charlie wouldn't mind. I'd tell him I'd pay him back for it of course.

"Mealtime." I whispered and Alice nodded in understanding. "How's that going hun?"

"It's.....It's alright. It's not as hard as I thought it would be, you know." He sighed. "Di, Michael and Claire are a big help."

I smiled, grateful that he had friends in there who were able to help him out. "That's good to hear. How are they anyway?"

"They're alright. You know, no one's been the same since you left. You made a big impression here." I scoffed at that. "Hey! You did. People are really missing you and it's only been a day."

"Really?" I didn't really believe it.

"Yup." He popped the "p" and I smiled. He was becoming more and more confident with every passing day, which only increased my fear of that when he got out he might realise that I really am nothing and leave me. Something I don't think that I could bear if he did. I looked up at Alice who was looking at me increduluously. In the background on his end I heard someone calling out for dinner. "I have to go."

"I know." I sighed. "I miss you."

"I miss you too." He breathed. "Bye Alice. Miss you squirt."

"Miss you too, bro." She beamed. "Get better and come back to us, you hear?"

"Loud and clear. I will." He chuckled. "I love you, my Bella."

"As I love you, my Edward." I breathed. "Goodbye, my love."

"Goodbye." And he hung up.

I couldn't help feeling slightly empty as I pressed the "end" button on the phone. I looked up at Alice and smiled at her. She smiled back at me looking slightly sad as though she knew that there was something bothering me. Stupid perceptive pixie.

"Are you okay honey?" She asked, reaching out and placing a hand on my arm. "And don't lie to me. I'll know."

"I just can't help thinking that, he's getting healthier and healthier and more confident every day. I can't help thinking that, when he gets out of there, that he's going to see how much of a nobody I really am, and leave me." I felt a traitor tear roll down my cheek, but I didn't move to wipe it away.

"Oh, Bells." She moved around the table to give me a hug. "There's no way that that will every happen. Have you seent he way my brother looks at you? He's completely and totally devoted to you. He worships the ground you walk on Bella. He loves you so much that I can tell it hurts him when you're not there. As much as it hurts you to be away from him. There is no way on earth that he would ever leave you Bella Swan. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if you became Bella Cullen one day. Because I know that there's no way in Hell he's ever going to let you go." I luaghed slightly. I wouldn't go that far, but I wanted to believe that what she was saying was true.

I heard Charlie pull up outside the house and Alice released me from our hug.

"I'd better get going." She smiled and waved at me as she walked out of the door, getting her jacket and shoes on. She greeted Charlie as she passed him and he gave her a polite greeting in return.

"Hey Dad." I called, still sitting at the table.

"Hey Bells." He walked into the kitchen after hanging up his jacket and his gun. He sat down at the table in front of me and leant on it, crossing both arms in front of him. "I missed you, you know, Bells."

I looked up at him and smiled. "I missed you too, Dad."

He looked at my wrist and noticed the crest glittering there. I hadn't really spoken to him last night, so he hadn't had a chance to see it. But now, he gently took my hand and inspected the crest, fingering the "Cullen" written on it.

"Edward's?" He asked me and I shook my head. "Who's then?" He sounded confused.

"Mine." I replied and he now _looked_ confused. "The Cullens' wanted to thank me for what I've done over the last few months or so, and they all came to the decision to get me a crest made. They say that they feel like I'm part of the family." I looked at him and smiled.

"You've realy become attached to that family haven't you?" He asked me, looking back down at the crest on my arm.

"Yeah." I nodded. "They are the first people that I've met here, that aren't caught up in the small town ideals and gossip you know?" He cocked his head to the side, wondering what I meant. Honestly, I was surprised he was still here. Charlie had never really been one for talking or showing emotions, and yet here he was, sitting here, waiting for me to explain. "It's like, in school, everyone's so hooked up about who's going out with who or who's just broken up or whatever. But the Cullens'. They're different. They know that the world is made up of more than that, and its like I can really talk to them, you know?" He nodded.

"And Edward?" I wasn't sure on my Dad's opinion of my relationship with Edward. He, like everybody else probably thought that he was unstable and belonged in a mental institute. Although no one ever said that or would ever say that, I knew it was what they were all thinking.

"I love him, Dad." I said simply. "Completely and irrevocably."

"I know, Bells." He laid his hand on mine. "I know. You think I'm stupid? I've seen how you look at the boy, and how he looks at you. There's nothing else there but love. And.....if you're sure he's who you want-"

"I'm sure. I've never been so sure of anything in my whole life." I said, looking at him, panicked.

"You didn't let me finish." He raised a finger at me, not in a menacing or scolding way, but enough to make me quiet. "If he's who you want, then I'm fine with that. As long as he doesn't hurt you, and I get to kick his butt if he does."

"Dad." I sighed. "First: he _is_ who I want and nothing is going to change that. Second: he wouldn't leave me, and I wouldn't ever leave him. We mean too much to each other. And third: No you cannot "kick his butt"," I made air quotes as I said this. "Because his bones will always be weaker than they should be. That's what happens when you starve yourself for five years." I looked into his eyes and saw that they were full of sadness. Charlie was the only one in this town, other than the Cullens and myself who knew exactly what was going on with Edward. It seemed only fair seeing as I was staying with Edward at the clinic. He had a right to know where his daughter was. Edward didn't really have a problem with telling Charlie. I think that he would have had a problem if we hadn't told him to be honest. "So, you'll probably end up hospitalising him without meaning to. Now, I'd like to see you try to explain _that_ to Carlisle." I smiled and he chuckled once.

"I'm glad that you've found someone that you feel this way about Bells." He leant across the table and kissed me on the forehead. Something that I couldn't really recall him ever doing before. Watching my father leave the room I knew that everything was going to be okay. I was sure that when he came out of hospital, Edward would make a special effort to make sure Charlie knew how grateful he was for letting me stay with him at the clinic, because thats how Edward was. It would be perfect. I would have both my best guys around me.

Now all I had to do was wait.

**It's coming to a close but as I said up top I do have the prologue and first chapter of the sequel written and typed up. I just need a title now. Anyone got any ideas for a title for the sequel? If you do, PM me and I'll have a look through :D  
As always can you review please. You must know by now how much I love them.  
Ciao!! xx**


	52. Epilogue

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**_EPILOGUE_**

**BPOV**

In the weeks after I had left the clinic, it became easier to get on with life. I spoke to Edward daily on the phone, something that helped me get through the day. Sometimes it would be a private conversation and then others I would be at the Cullens and I would have him on speakerphone for the majority of the conversation, before talking to him for a few minutes on his own.

I spent more and more time at the Cullens than I did at my own house. This was something that I knew didn't bother Charlie as much as he was working a lot of the time, and I knew that he would prefer that I was over with the Cullens than sat in the house on my own all the time. I always made sure that I was there for dinnertime at least. Even though we would sit in silence most of the time, it was just nice for us to be together, father and daughter. I didn't want him to think that I was replacing him with the Cullens', as that is not what I was trying to do.

They kept me occupied most of the time, making sure that I wasn't able to dwell on the fact that Edward wasn't there. I still missed him like crazy, and I knew that I would all the time that he wasn't there, but they didn't allow me to wallow in the sadness that that fact could bring. Whether it was Alice and Rosalie taking me out shopping, under much duress I must add, or Emmett and Jasper challenging me to the lastest video game that they had just purchased they made sure that my time was filled. This I was thankful for because I knew that if they weren't there then I could have easily slipped into some form of depression, and that wasn't what I needed to be like when Edward was discharged.

I always felt a bit conflicted when I got off of the phone with Edward. Even if we hadn't been talking about much, or if it was a group conversation with all of us involved it felt like I was saying goodbye to a part of me whenever I hung up the phone. There were a couple of instances when on the phone to him that the attention was turned away from the conversation and onto Jasper and Emmett arguing about something completely stupid. Whatever it was, it always made us all laugh and I could hear Edward chuckling on the other end as he listened to the events taking place on this end. One time, it actually ended in physical fight between Emmett and Jasper. I don't really remember what it was about. All I remember about it was Esme shouting at them from the kitchen. "Don't break anything!" She'd shouted, obviously aware of what her sons could do. "That includes each other!" I had laughed out loud at this. Edward had asked what was going on so I'd told him what Esme had shouted and he laughed. Such an amazing sound to hear. I knew that it had been years since he had laughed properly so I revelled in the sound whenever I could.

"Sounds about right." Was what he had responded with whilst chuckling. Alice, Rose and I laughed, nodding to each other while watching the boys scuffle on the floor. At that moment, Carlisle had walked in and seperated them, grabbing an ear in each hand. I would have to remember that one. I noted it down in my head: Stop Emmett and Jasper fighting, grab their ears. He had stayed and talked with Edward for a moment and then gone to find Esme.

Other than that, I was just happy to hear Edward's voice. I could listen to him forever if it was possible. There was no sound more relaxing to me than the soft, velvety tones of his voice.

I had met up with Irina once or twice over the passing weeks and I found that she was the exact polar opposite of her sister. Something for which I was thankful. She was sweet and kind. She and her boyfriend, Felix, had been going out for a year and a half and it didn't surprise me when she told me that Tanya had tried more than once to try to steal him from her. It was obvious that Irina and Felix were in love. The way her eyes glazed over when she mentioned him. We had gone to dinner in Port Angeles and she had come to the Cullens' with me. They accepted her almost immediately when I told them that she was completely different to her sister. They had obviously thought that being Tanya's sister they would be the same, something that I knew I probably would have thought given the circumstances. But they'd put her family ties aside and welcomed her just as they had me. I wasn't pleased to hear that Tanya was on course to be released soon, although I thought that it was probably because she was such a hard case to get on with that the clinic were just trying to get rid of her. I shared this and everyone laughed, including Irina. She said that that was probably closer to the truth than what the clinic was saying.

I could feel a real friendship forming with Irina and before we'd parted the last time we met up, I'd said that when Edward was out of the hospital, the four of us, being Irina and myself and Felix and Edward would have to double date at some point. She'd agreed enthusiastically. We made plans to meet up again and I bid her farewell. I still found it amazing that two girls who were completely different could come from the same family. But then again, I guess anything's possible.

School had become the monotonous passing of the day that I remembered. The only time when anything interesting happened was at lunch when I was sat with the Cullens. More than once, Mike had ambushed me as I was coming out of the lunch line with my food, tried to coerce me into sitting with them again or asked me out. It felt like this was going to become the routine it had once been. His excuse was that Edward wasn't around and what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. One time I had stood there and shouted at him, right in front of everyone in the cafeteria. To my surprise I didn't care when everyone stopped what they were doing at stared at me. All I cared about was showing Mike up to be the lowlife scumball that he was. But even that hadn't stopped him from trying to get me to go out with him. Though he hadn't quite worked up the courage to approach me when I was either sat at the Cullens' table or walking with one of them, even Rose and Alice. It seemed that he was intimidated and scared of them all.

Jessica still tried to get me to spill about Edward, but I still gave her the same answer as I had on my first day back. I told her that it was none of her business what was happening with me and Edward. She still hadn't stopped asking though and something told me that she was going to carry on asking until he came back. My only worry about when he came back was that she was going to ask him continuously about it, and I wondered whether he would be able to handle the constant pestering.

The only time I had any time to miss Edward was in Biology. I wasn't designated another lab partner and every class I would sit there and be acutely aware of the empty seat next to me. It made me long for him even more. _Just a little longer,_ I would tell myself every class. _Just a little longer and he'll be back. You just have to be patient._ It seemed to work. Until the next class that is, when I would have to start my mental pep talk over again.

I missed Edward terribly, but I managed to make up with my visits to the clinic at the weekends and I was so happy to see that he was slowly gaining health and confidence. Of course there were some things that were irreversible. His heart would never properly recover from the heart attack he had suffered and his bones would still be weaker than they would normally but as long as he was careful then he would avoid any further damage to them.

He had also been started on a slow and gentle muscle building programme, which meant that all the weight that he was gaining wouldn't just be stored as fat but would be converted into muscle. Something that I couldn't wait to see when he got home. He was progressing so much and I was so happy for him, but I couldn't stop the nagging feeling that was at the back of my mind. The one that told me that when he was out of the hospital, he would realise that I was nothing and leave me for someone else. Even though so many people had told me that there was no way that would happen, it was a feeling and thought that I couldn't help.

He would be out soon, at least I hoped that he would. And until then I would wait for him.

I couldn't wait until he was home.

**EPOV**

After Bella left the clinic I wondered if I would be strong enough to carry on with my treatment. I wondered if I could work up the courage enough to eat like I had been with Bella. With her around, everything seemed to be okay, like if I had her around, everything would be okay, that I didn't really have to worry about anything. Without her there, I didn't know if I could keep up that state of mind.

Without Claire, Diana and Michael ther, I probably would have gone back to how I wasa, but they made me realise that I had a lot to carry on for. That there was so much for me to continue believing in the treatment for. So much to keep working for.

After the inital physical contact with Claire, I realised that they were there for me. They helped me through those first few meals, where I thought that I wouldn't be able to get through, as even though I was learning to get used to eating again - something that I'd never thought would be possible, and because of Bella I was able to do that - but eating in front of other people - people other than Bella - was something that did scare me. But with Diana, Michael and Claire there, I felt a bit better. They made me believe that I could do it.

Over the weeks after Bella left, I felt myself growing slightly stronger and more confident in myself. Derek seemed pleased with my progress over the weeks. He said that he was proud of the fact that I had been able to keep up the same frame of mind after Bella had left. I knew that it meant more to Derek than it did to the other members of staff here because of what his son had been through. He hadn't been able to watch his son get better as he had me and I could see that he wished his son had had the same support network that I now had. This was another, less pressing, reason for me to improve in my time here. To show Derek that it was possible for me to get better. I think on some level, for him, it was like watching his son get better, at a distance of course, through me. I wanted to show Derek that, as with me and my parents, it wasn't his fault what happened to his son.

I had made myself determined to get better, so I could get out of the clinic so I could see Bella and my family.

I wondered how they were doing on a daily basis. I spent a lot of the time on the phone to Bella. She would phone at the same time every day and I couldn't wait for that phone call, just to hear her beautiful voice. If I closed my eyes it was as if I was actually sitting in the same room with her, and we weren't seperated by four hours of driving and visiting times. Some of the time it was just Bella on her own and when it was just her I knew that she was at her own house as it was quiet. When she was at my house, even though it may be only her talking to me there was always some sort of ruccus going on.

Other times it would be my whole family talking to me. They would obviously put me on speakerphone and all try talking to me at the same time, trying to tell me what had happened to them since I spoke to them last. It was nice to hear, if not a bit confusing at times, what with all the voices talking about completely different things, but it was nice to hear them all in the same room. Even hearing Jasper and Emmett arguing about something that was completely irrelevant to the current topic, or something that was so completely ridiculous, that you couldn't help but laugh at them and their stupidity. I had even heard them get into a physical fight once. I had heard Bella, Alice and Rose laughing at them and when I had asked Bella what was so funny she had told me what Esme had said. I couldn't help but laugh at this and Bella giggled at my response of "Sounds about right." She obviously thought the same thing.

When I wasn't talking to Bella or in session with Derek, I spent most of my time with Claire, Michael and Diana. They had become precious friends to me and I was sad to hear that Michael would be discharged soon. Even though I was over the moon for him, it felt like our little group was being broken up. He promised that he would come and visit whenever he could and I told him to contact Bella like he promised he would. All I'd gotten in response was a look that said "Well, duh!" which caused me to laugh.

Jennie, the nutritionist had also placed me on a toning and muscle building programme, so that all the weight I gained wouldn't just be used and stored as fat. She kept it easy enough to begin with so that I could gradually build up my muscles and yet not overexert myself to the point of exhaustion. She told me that as the weeks progressed she would increase the intensity slightly, so that I could increase my stamina and muscle strength. I was grateful to her for this because she had provided me with another outlet for my stress. One that didn't include my harming myself. It was also something that I could continue after I was discharged, something that I probably would continue after being discharged as it worked to mellow me out if I was missing Bella.

_Soon,_ I thought to myself. _You'll see her soon. Keep this up and the sooner you'll see her_.

Thinking this made me relax because I wanted nothing more than to be able to go back home and see Bella whenever I wanted. Thinking back on my old behaviour I wondered how I could act that way. Hurting the people around me with my actions. I didn't know. Hell, maybe it was just the anti-depressants that I was on causing me to think that way, but hey, I wasn't complaining. I realised now that that sort of behaviour would hurt Bella, and I never wanted to hurt Bella. That was something that I could never do.

I knew that everyday that I continued to eat, and progress with Derek in sessions, the closer I was to getting home. It wasn't by much each day, but that was the only thing that I was clinging onto. I knew that the friends that I had made would be leaving before me. They had gotten here before me and were well into their recoveries by the time I had arrived and I would miss them sorely. They were the people that kept me going in here.

I hadn't really made that much progress with physical contact after my hug with Claire, but I don't think that anyone was really expecting me to get over that any time soon. A little at a time, they would always say. Derek told me not to worry about it and that that particular problem was a bridge that would have to be crossed when we got to it. He suspected that it was a problem that would be with me always. That there would always be some sort of resistance to human contact but he also told me that a lot of people suffered from that kind of fear and that it was completely normal. That made me feel slightly better, knowing that I wasn't a freak.

I knew that I could do this. I could get better. I had set myself the goal in my head, and I knew for a fact that when I set myself a goal I got there, even if it was a long road, I got there. I was a bit of a perfectionist, as I learned a fair amount of people with eating disorders are. This was my one goal. And I was sure as hell going to get there.

I couldn't wait until I was home.

**_FIN_**

**So that's the end of "Saving Edward" peeps. So sorry.  
But to ease the passing of this story, I will tell you that the prologue and first chapter of the sequel to Saving Edward, "Alive Again" are up at this very moment in time.  
Please review because I love all of you.  
My final Ciao!! xx**


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